Monthly Archives: May 2011

Stop and take time to hear the silence

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Blaring music, TV’s spouting out news 24/7, ipods, cell phones, people talking with really nothing to say… its as if the world is coming down around us, suffocating our ability to hear the truth and peace that lies within us.

Silence allows expansion, to hear the breath, become aware of the rise and fall of the body with the breath. Quiet yourself to feel the pulsing of the blood moving through your body which is an incredible creation in and of itself. Become aware of physical tensions, breath through it and see if you can let it go. Once you are beyond physical body in the silence, you can start sensing the energy of the world outside of your body.

The silences brings awareness, to ourselves, and that we are part of something much bigger than the noise around us.

Silence is golden. Stop and take time to hear the silence.

Vulnerability is not a bottomless pit…

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Rather it is a very shallow pool of very cold water…. Means you are in discomfort for only a short while. If you stay with the feeling of being vulnerable long enough, your body temp begins to warm up your surroundings.  Pretty  soon you are back to your normal level of courage BUT you have grown from the challenge,  instead of pushing the feeling away and always living under the thought

“OH  NO what if this happens again, what will I do?”

If it happens again, you will know what to do because you did not run from the lesson the last time around.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say someone asks you a question about an element of your work or expertise and you do not know the answer.

You can BS your way thru and you can make up some good theory and say “PHEW that’s over ”

OR

You can say…

” Let me get back to you about this because I do not have that answer at the tip of my fingers…” and show that even YOU an expert in your field can admit to not have all the answers.

If I choose the BS route and avoid the vulnerable feeling THEN I have to remember exactly what BS I used the next time this same thing comes up or I run the risk of not only being vulnerable but being inauthentic and flaky.

Showing vulnerability in one area does not make you devoid of smarts in all other areas.  If you have thoughts like, what if I admit to not knowing, will they think I am ignorant in all other areas? They will not UNLESS you first broadcast that kind of energy.

Nothing erodes self confidence quicker than inauthenticity.

How would you take one step into your vulnerability?

You really have to KNOW what vulnerability feels like to you.

Where in your body do you feel the stirrings or the bashing over the head of vulnerability?

Being aware of what your body does in the midst of feeling vulnerable is the very first step towards making vulnerability your friend.

You have to become aware of your own self and your own reactions.This takes a little time to do some SELF research.

S…specificity…with the feelings awhile. Take notes about the feelings, keep a vulnerability journal, but write in it as a court reporter would, be a CSI of your own body.

E…examine…what your body is doing. As you journal, be very specific with all the physical feelings that you are experiencing and try not to judge them. Try not to call any of the feelings STUPID or try not to say “I Should Know Better”.

L…letting the feelings be investigated with real curiosity. Bring infinite curiosity to your physical feelings. Unpack them as eagerly and as slowly as you would open a gift from Tiffanys.

F…firm up your resolve to NOT run away from the moment. Just like you would not think of throwing that lovely piece of jewelry from Tiffanys into the discard pile, do not discard the intense level of KNOWING that you are feeling.

Then stand in your authentic vulnerability instead of the inauthenticity of feeling invulnerable to the trials and tribulations of this very human existence.

If you can befriend vulnerability, the world is your oyster and the pearls are the incidents that you used to stump your toe upon.

May Flowers

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Springtime in Texas is beautiful with all the wild flowers in bloom. I found this beautiful Irish blessing…

“May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that’s always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.”

I also want to invite you to this event Virtual JOY Summit: INHALE LIFE, EXHALE JOY.

I walk along the city streets…

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I walk along the city streets…

And my memories escape from the corners of my mind…

Have you ever had the chance to retrace steps from your past without people from your present?
By this I mean, without your spouse or children or dog or siblings?
Perhaps to walk your alma mater?
To visit the place where you had your first job?
Visit the place where you had your first meltdown as a younger version of yourself?

I highly recommend it.
Recently I had the great fortune to spend some extended time in NYC.
After getting all my work done that was on my schedule, I found myself with ONE free afternoon and night.
No one to meet, no work to do and no schedule to keep.

So I took the subway to the station where I used to catch my train to go home to queens. The station looked worn and old and familiar.
I exited and found myself staring at the doors of Bloomingdales.
In my distant past, I felt like I did NOT belong in that store.
Only rich, well heeled people should go in there was my thinking.
Now mind you, I have been back to shop many times, but THIS time I was walking in the shadow of my 21 year old self who was so very scared and believed in scarcity of everything. Scarcity of LOVE, scarcity of MONEY, scarcity of a decent JOB that would afford her a place of her own.
Nothing came easy to my 21 year old self, except studies. I could study with the best of them.
I held on to that belief and I knew that if I just kept working my minimum wage job and taking 18 to 20 credits per semester that ONE day, I would land on my feet.

I had to hold that belief for dear life because it would have been so very easy to give up and just settle for an ordinary life. I so desperately did not want an ordinary life.
I felt that I wanted my life to mean something more than all the models that I had seen.
I would see co workers who made as little money as I did and they could live in NYC because they had parents who paid their rent.
I was so very jealous.
Why was life so hard for me?

So last week, as I walked in the shadow of that 21 year old, I reached back to almost 35 years ago and told my younger self  Thankyou!
Thank you for never giving up.
Thank you for not succumbing to the fake promises of bright lights and fleeting loves.

I visited the place where I saw my first French movie and where I had felt so sophisticated because I had never seen a movie in a different language. This time I purchased a ticket as a well seasoned global citizen and settled into the familiar padded seats and I saw another French movie and smiled to myself. Catherine Deneuve is still so very beautiful, and I could tell from her face that lots of time has passed. She has aged well and so have I.
I accept my aged face so much more easily than I ever could accept my young face.
I no longer look for flaws, now I am so grateful for what looks back at me.

I hear tell of people who go to high school ten unions and they see their old flames and break up their families chasing the past. This is NOT what I am saying to do.
I am saying to go back to the school without any body. Just you and your younger shadow and tell that young teenager that he or she did a great job of getting you into adulthood.
I firmly believe that our present will be solidly grounded if we can make peace with our past and shed the shame that comes with painful memories.
Let us be proud of who we are a d prouder still that we have come a long way baby!

It is not you, it’s me

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It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.

The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.

It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.

We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!

Are VICTIMS promotable?

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Are VICTIMS promotable?

What is the definition of VICTIM?

What is YOUR definition of victim?

Victims feel that things are being done to them!

There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.

What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?

In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.

Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!

Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
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And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.

Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.

Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?

During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.

WARNING!!! SIDE EFFECTS OF JOY.

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Check with your life coach if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome to others when experiencing JOY:

Dizziness from being giddy; dry mouth from too much whistling or singing.

Other side effects include: excitement, exuberance, rejoicing, glee, elation, ecstasy, bliss, exhilaration, rapture, jubilation or felicity, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness, restlessness, stomach pain from too much laughing (which could lead to loss of bladder control), and restful nights of sleep.

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur from JOY:

Severe reactions include: bursting into song, jumping, dancing, skipping, hugging others, change in sexual ability or desire, irregular heartbeat, sore throat from laughing or singing, new or improving mental or mood problems (eg, relaxation, agitation, lack of delusions, happiness, being in the moment, calmness, friendliness).

This is not a complete list of all side effects that may occur. If you have questions about side effects, contact your inner health care provider. Call your life coach for advice about side effects.  Or register here.