Getting out of your way is not a 10 year plan…it is a NOW plan.
It is a DECIDE and IMPLEMENT plan.
Most of all, it is a promise you make to YOURSELF to move ahead with your dreams and take a risk.
I learned how to swim competitively to complete an Olympic Distance Triathlon. I took a risk and came in dead last but I FINISHED and I will always be a triathlete.
Take a risk.
Get out of your way.
Go dream a big dream.
Love and light,
Indrani
No, that is not a typo.
What happens in our own minds when we feel someone has wronged us?
We immediately sentence them, don’t we? We KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are GUILTY of whatever we are thinking.
There is NO jury that can convince us otherwise.
There is NO ONE who can talk us out of the litany of offenses and the amount of times that they have wronged us. We are the JUDGE and the JURY.
We begin to “build a case” in our minds and we have long running mental tirades with ourselves. We become more and more convinced that they not only committed the crime but they premeditated it and all because they hate us. Yes, we begin to write such far out scripts that soon we don’t even remember what their latest offense was…only that WE WERE ABSOLUTELY OFFENDED!
So let me suggest a way for you to move through this.
When you are:
Pissed off
Ticked off
Frustrated
Very Angry
Ready to Explode
Exploding
Ask yourself this question. WHO must do WHAT to make you feel better?
Fill in the sentence below:
________________________ (insert offender) must do ____________________________ (insert action they must do) so that I can stop being _________________________ (insert emotion). When ____________________ does ____________________ then I will feel___________________________.
Really take your time with these sentences. Read and reread to be sure it accuses the right person and be sure you have determined precisely what they must do to atone for their behaviors/words etc.
Now take a marker and cross out THEIR name and insert the pronoun “I”.
Really? Really? YES, really!
You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Please be aware that this exercise does NOT apply to abuse of any sort.
If you are experiencing any form of abuse PLEASE GET HELP IMMEDIATELY.
If this is NOT about abuse, then these exercises will help you to focus on WHO is in charge of YOUR emotions.
Remember, no one can make you feel anything without your permission.
Love and light
Indrani
What happens to ME when I get sick from doing too much for YOU?
What happens to YOU when I can no longer hold you in my heart with love and respect because I am tired of your pain?
What happens to MY PAIN when I cannot find a way to see through your pain and into your soul?
What happens to all of us when we begin to shut down our hearts and rely on formulaic “fixes”?
These are very important questions if you are in the healing worlds of:
Mothering
Fathering
Sistering
Brothering
Coaching
Counseling
Ministering
Wife-ing
Husband-ing
You must have a place to go that is safe…a place where you will NOT be judged for being tired of caring or care taking.
A place where it’s okay to say “I am tired, I am sick AND tired.”
You are human. Humans get tired.
Fatigue does not last forever. When you are fatigued you need rest. You need physical rest, mental rest and emotional rest.
Allowing yourself to rest will give you a chance to be clear. Clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.
Here are a few things that may help on a weekly or monthly basis:
A massage- There are many massage schools that charge very little so their students can practice.
A support group- find one where members have issues in common with yours. You will see that you are not alone. If you have an addiction, then try a 12 step group.
Read this blog by Kay Walten to see how much healing she is receiving from the 12 step group she stumbled into.
A yoga or meditation class- Many studios offer scholarship money for needy students. Ask and you probably will receive.
Plan a Gratitude party for your friends- Tell them who is coming and ask them to write an anonymous note to each person and focus on that person’s greatness. Ask each person to bring a small dish to share. Do not overindulge in alcohol, it dulls the senses.
Beware of compassion fatigue. It makes the sanest among us crazy…and when the brain is crazy you are not your best self.
Love and light,
Indrani
A few weeks ago, I was watching the 10th episode of the Amazing Race where the fast forward called for the contestants
to shave their heads. The team who pulled this coveted gem chose not to use the fast-forward, which would have brought them to the top of the line.
Why did they not use it?
The female member of the team could not reconcile shaving her head because she had spent $500.00 on hair extensions.
I have been thinking about that choice quite extensively.
Here we have a woman who is an amazing athlete. She has survived for 10 episodes and has undertaken and conquered tasks that she could not have even imagined doing just a few years ago.
BUT how does she see herself?
She sees herself as the woman with a big nose and a need hair for extensions to look pretty.
As the whole world looks on and admires her, she sees nothing more than a big nose and her need for hair extensions.
What kind of message did she have to internalize for her to reflect so microscopically on her gifts? What kind of words had she been exposed to that caused her to digest all the marketing that we women are bombarded with?
I am getting old and much of that marketing no longer applies to me, except that they keep trying to get me to look younger.
I see the younger generation and I cringe at all the unlearning they must do to have a healthy acceptance of self.
I see the toddlers playing with dolls that have more boobs than an Amazon woman, and wonder when they will want their breasts enlarged.
I see all the beautiful celebrities who have undergone plastic surgery only to emerge looking like someone else.
I do not know what we can do as a strong feminine presence to stop this delusion of “what a woman should look like” but I do know that as thinking parents we must start pointing out these atrocities to our kids.
It is easy to think that they’ll figure it out, but will they figure it out before the scars of “not being good enough” make an indelible mark?
I am not saying that I have the answers.
What I do have is lots of trepidation about why, as a society, we are still so focused on outer appearances.
To that Amazing Race contestant, I say:
“honey, you are strong, beautiful and brave. Those things have NOTHING to do with your nose or your hair extensions.”
Oh, and by the way, that guy you are racing with showed the most love and acceptance any one could show under those circumstances. He accepted your decision without any negative comments. He is the poster boy for “support your partner, no matter what.”
Love and light,
Indrani
One of my favorite songs is called BREATHE by Anna Nalick. One of the lines in this wonderful song is “life’s like an hour glass glued to the
table”.
The visual is quite glaring, no flip-overs. What’s done is DONE! My take on this is what’s done is not necessarily GONE!
How can that be?
Yes, time passes, but the memories and lessons last as long as they serve me.
Here is the thing that gets many of us into tons of trouble…
I can make sad memories last FOREVER. I turn them every which way from Sunday. I ponder about things I could’ve done, should’ve done or would do if I am ever in that same situation again.
What I am really doing is wasting the sands that are flowing through the hourglass right now. Instead, if I try to learn what I did well and promise myself that I WILL NOT repeat what I did that brought sadness then I am most surely using those grains of sand to the best possible end.
I have hourglasses strewn throughout my home and office and I often just flip them over to remind myself that those grains of sand really do represent my moments here on earth…moments that are precious and perfect.
Go out and find yourself a beautiful hourglass and keep it in view. When you feel yourself wasting time or fretting about things that cannot be changed, like the weather or a cranky family member, flip the hourglass. This can work one of two ways:
1.) Fret for as long as there is sand left on the top and make it a best fretting you have ever done…then be done!
Or
2.) Use it to remind yourself that the grains represent precious time and start being grateful for all the good in your life.
Time is precious…
You are precious…
Life is precious…
Happy hunting for your hourglass!
Love and light
Indrani
“Live your life”….spoken by Maurice Sendak last September during a Radio interview. Great words of wisdom from an incredible author and artist who brought us Where the Wild Things Are (an essential ingredient in most of our childhoods) as well as many other beautifully written and illustrated children’s books. Maurice died today at the age of 83… but the Wild Things will forever live on.
Celebrate your Wild Thing today for us all to see and applaud.
I hope the title of this post made you slightly curious.
It was quite difficult to name this, as I KNEW what I wanted to say but I was not sure how to title it so that it made sense.
Was I frustrated in the “not knowing” of what the title would be?
No, I was actually amused that I could have such a deep “KNOWING” of what something is, yet not be able to name it.
This sitting with “not knowing” is the very essence of yoga for your soul and spirit. It requires no physical movement, although doing physical asana (poses) will help to soften the experience and sweeten the “not knowing”.
The willingness to stay with a confused mind and not label the fog in any way, but to KNOW that this fog will burn away IF you don’t try to push it away, is very comforting.
A few things you can say to yourself would be:
This too shall pass.
I have been here before and I survived.
This place is familiar and it does not have to be scary.
I find myself in “not knowing” again, an old familiar place.
Hello old friend called “foggy mind”. What sweetness do you hold today?
I have been reading The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra and I think that this book will help you to sit in “not knowing”.
I could write lots more here, in an attempt to make you more comfortable with not knowing, but in the end it will only be MY experience of it. I invite you to have your own experience.
Love and light
Indrani
How many of us now depend on devices that help us to navigate our way to a new destination?
The answer is lots of us.
How many of us refuse to tune into our inner GPS to find the way to Peace and Joy? The answer is LOTS of us.
While it is easy to just put an address into your device and get directions, you still must do a few things:
-You must keep the device charged so you can use it.
-You have to learn how to input the address and where to find the app that gives the directions.
-You have to have the presence of mind to closely follow the directions and make the turns that it suggests or you will not get to where you want to go.
This is also true of our internal GPS. Yes, we all have one.
The inner GPS is called intuition. Your intuition will give you hints of Yes and No when you are turning in a direction that is not aligned with the work you were sent here to do. Your work may or may not coincide with the job you have. If it does, you will feel joyful and fulfilled even if there are many struggles in your life. If, however, your job makes you depleted and sad, then your work that you are meant to do is far from what you do daily.
There is a quick fix for this. Yes, a quick fix.
Your intuition wants to steer you into the work you are meant to do and it can if you begin to feel grateful for all the things that you have, even the challenges. Being able to stay present in the midst of challenge and being grateful for the lesson in the challenge is the quickest way to JOY. I promise you, this really does work.
Every night before bed, I write at least 5 things that I am grateful for and I go to bed with gratitude in my head and heart. The “S” in the GPS is for self-care. That means that you put yourself at the TOP of each list you have, and you must be sure you do something for yourself each day. It can be as simple as allowing the answering machine to get the phone calls for a short time while you do a special something. It can be reading a good book, taking a bath, sitting in silence, listening to your favorite music, chatting with a treasured friend, etc. These snippets of self care do not have to look like taking a whole weekend off to go to the spa, although that’s good too!
Waiting for the “right” moment for self-care is a great way to put off self-care. It is a good way to fool yourself into thinking that you have made yourself a priority.
If you are a subscriber to my newsletter, you have received my 5 minutes to Happiness tool that allows you to quickly tap into your positive traits. If you are brave enough to align your behaviors with your positive traits you will have found a quick way to follow your inner GPS.
You can get 5 minutes to Happiness here.
Give this a try for 7 days. I would love to hear how it works for you!
Love and light
Indrani