Monthly Archives: November 2012

Gracefully accept….

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In the more formidable challenges of my life, I have solely relied on myself.  I trust myself to get through it, to tough it out, to push myself beyond my limits without the help of others.

I always think I can do it…I don’t need anyone and I don’t want to trust anyone.

While climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, trust in strangers became inevitable.  Not only trust but receiving help gracefully.  Grace is not necessarily my strong suit.

Starting on day two of the climb, the effects of altitude sickness crept in.  I was not aware of it.
One of the guides offered to take my back pack.  My response was “hell no!” If I decided to climb I damn well was going to carry my own back pack!
I was asked again, and my response was the same.

Finally as the day wore on I agreed to allow someone to carry my pack.

The help was not offered to belittle me; it was offered to help me.  The guides wanted to do everything they could to help me summit, which in this case they saw days prior to the summit attempt that I would need help now…which would help me later.

It was only after that day, resting in my tent did I realize this.  And every day after I let the guides carry my pack.  Not only that, my water was in my pack so at every stop I teased them by calling them “Papi” (daddy) and “chupi chupi” (which is Spanish for “to suck”), meaning to suck on my water hose.

There were times where I was so tired at the end of the day that I would fall into my tent and someone would even come and take my boots off for me.  The help in something as simple as unlacing my boots was accepted with gratitude.

It actually got me to thinking about other aspects of my life and when I have turned help away.  Now I will second guess the offer and see if perhaps the help can be graciously accepted and help me to achieve my goals easier rather than struggle on my own.

Sometimes I feel like a pilgrim….

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Sometimes, I feel like a pilgrim…. far from home, in a strange land and surrounded by strangers.
I do.
I sometimes look around me and wonder who I am, what brought me here and often, why it’s still so hard to make sense of the tensions swirling.
Sometimes I feel like I should be home, free of all challenges.
I mean, after all, have I NOT gone through enough over the past 5 decades?

Then, it occurs to me…
HEY, INDRANI… You got this all upside down!
The negatives happened and yes, you have the scars to prove it. BUT the positives happened too!
Why are you NOT counting those?
Ahhhh, so you (voice in my head) want me to PRETEND that the negatives didn’t hurt?
You want me to forget the pain?

No, says the sweet voice, I am just asking you to replay the positive tapes as often as you replay the negative ones…then maybe you will create new neuro-pathways for magic to happen.

Say what?

What are neuro-pathways? How can they create magic?
It’s quite simple really…what you focus your attention on will begin to fill the spaces of your mind and the mind will eventually allow less and less psychic power and energy to flow toward the negative memories.
Yes, it can happen.
It happened to me!

One of my favorite books, The Happiness Advantage puts it like this, it’s like “getting stuck in a positive Tetris effect”.
The author says, “Just as it takes days of concentrated practice of a video game, training your brain to notice more opportunities takes practice focusing in the positive. The best way to kick-start this is to start making a daily list of good things in your job, your career and your life….write down three good things that happened that day, and your brain will be forced to scan the last 24 hours for potential positives…in just five minutes a day, this trains the brain to become more skilled at noticing and focusing on possibilities for personal and professional growth and seizing opportunities to act on them.”

You don’t have to take my word for it. Read the book The Happiness Advantage and absorb the wisdom for yourself.

So instead of this negativity thing that some of us have going on…let’s try a positivity thing.
Why?
Why not?
If you are going to fill your brains with the past, why not have it be the positive past?
Give it a try, you have nothing to lose but stress and more stress.
This could be the best gift you can give yourself, the gift of the positive bias in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!

Love and light
Indrani

Betwixt and between…child and adult

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Betwixt and between…child and adult.

Different cultures have many different rites of passage. These rites indicate to the youth that a threshold has been crossed.
One of the biggest moments in American culture is turning 21 years of age. You can legally consume alcohol, gain entry into bars and clubs and generally speaking, you think of yourself as an adult.

What’s really happening here is that you are learning to be an adult.
It means that you will make decisions, take actions and make comments as you think an adult would. Sometimes you will be spot on and other times you will fall on your face, but you will learn from the experience.

Unless…. you are shamed by the decision and the consequences. A glaring example is when a young woman gets pregnant before marriage and she is either enveloped by the family and helped or shamed as a nasty person, even a whore!
The people around you will, in large part, determine your experience and your memory of the event. What happens when an adult child says something to a parent that ticks the parent off? The parent can choose many ways to respond and all of them will be teaching moments for both the parent and the adult child.

The parent can choose to view the comment with humor and reply appropriately.
The parent can choose to ask the adult child what they mean and listen to the explanation.
The parent can choose to believe that they know exactly what the adult child means and take actions that makes them feel in control.

The parent is the teacher here and has an incredible opportunity to help the adult child with future interactions. They have a chance to have open dialogue with each other, but ONLY if they both think it is worth their while, and they have to put their HURT aside.

If the parent does not take the lead, the adult child will not have an opportunity to gain from the experience.

The parent must choose unconditional love and take conscious action with the underlying thought of making the relationship stronger…because a weakened relationship is good for no one.

Thoughts?

Love & light,

Indrani

Follow the leader….

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Follow the leader….

I have always liked to be the leader, to be the big dog, to set the example.  I have been this way for my entire life.

During my climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro I had to learn to accept that I could not be the leader.  Altitude sickness affected my climb from the start.  I was forced by my physical abilities to be at the end of the line.  I could not set the pace.  I could not inspire others to follow.  I could only trail behind others… which is an unusual position for me to be in.

As I followed, it was my ego that hurt more than my oxygen-starved body.
I wanted to say:
– I can carry my own back pack.
– I can step up to the challenge.
– I can do it myself.

But I could not.

I was forced to follow.

I accepted my back-of-the-pack position.  I watched and I learned.

I watched the guides.  Where were they stepping?  They stepped where they knew the footing was firm. I learned and stepped where they did. I moved easier.
How fast were they hiking?  They knew the trick was “pole, pole”, slowly, slowly.  I learned to move slowly and deliberately.
It was not my job to encourage the team…it was their job and I accepted their encouragement for myself.

Too many times I think people with “type A” personalities put themselves into leadership positions out of habit… when in fact, if us “A’s” could step back and follow more often we could learn a lot from those in front.

Now that I am off of the mountain and not in such an extreme environment, it will be interesting to see if I can step back and let someone else lead and try to learn from their example.

Can you think of situations when you should have followed?
And, next time do you have the courage to let someone else lead?

Words make a difference…choose wisely

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Do you remember the childhood poem,
“sticks and stones can hurt my bones
But WORDS will never hurt me”?

That is DEAD WRONG!

All we need to do is look at the number of teen suicides caused by verbal bullying to know that words can not only hurt but they can KILL the spirit.

Verbal abuse is very real and unfortunately it lives at the highest levels of society.
Todd Aiken, with his attack on women and “legitimate rape” is but ONE instance of very hurtful words. Can you imagine all the women who were raped by family or “friends” and women who were date rape victims, how badly those words must have hurt?
It is hard enough to resolve life after rape, now they have to wonder about life after “is my rape legitimate” thoughts?

The words we ALLOW to fall out of our mouths can break our connection with people we love and people we say we respect.

One of my favorite quotes from the Buddha refers to our speech. He summons us to check our spoken word against these four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?
4. Is it an improvement over silence?

When we speak wisely and with compassion we extend to all humanity the respect that they deserve.
When we speak with empathy we show our humanity to the world.
When we choose to disrespect then pretend that we did not mean to offend, it is disgusting.

Let us speak with dignity and respect for ALL mankind and that certainly includes women.

Love and light
Indrani

Will YOU vote for YOU?

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Ok, so you are sick of the message to vote! I get it!
So am I.
This vote that I am asking you to cast is NOT for a politician…no, not at all.
I am asking you to sit back and think of the last few promises you made to yourself.

For instance, to:
Be healthier
Be less judgmental
Learn something new
Do some in depth self awareness
Be less angry
Stop screaming
Stop hitting
and the list goes on…
What has your track record been when it comes to keeping those promises?
Can YOU be trusted to stick to your OWN agenda?
No?
Why?
Your agenda not only benefits you to be stronger in body and spirit but it will shore up all the folks around you who see you holding your course.
It will encourage the younger people in your life to create a healthier agenda for themselves and to follow your lead.

The election for Pres. is over. Whether you are happy or sad, it is now crying over spilled milk.
BUT, the process of you VOTING for YOU, with your every action and breathe STILL CONTINUES.
Please do not pull your energy out of this race. This is the race for your own life, the life you say you want.
VOTE for you to live that life…no one else will!

Love and light
Indrani