As events unfolded weeks ago with the Ray Rice video and then his being fired and indefinitely suspended from the NFL and THEN the social media message that his abused wife wrote, I wondered if neuroscience might be able to save us from this scourge of women seemingly unable to protect themselves from their abusers.
The video (here) clearly shows Janay Rice being knocked unconscious and Ray Rice dropping her body like a sack of rice outside the elevators. He does not bend down to check if she is dead, he does not cradle her in his arms to show remorse.
He does nothing to show us that this was a big mistake and he is so sorry.
Then Janay Rice sends out a social media blurb blaming the rest of the world.
WE are the ones to blame.
WE made her blameless husband lose his millions in salary and endorsements.
WE are at fault.
We may be asking ourselves where the disconnect is, but the sad truth is that is no disconnect.
Abused women VERY often protect the abuser and return to the den of abuse.
They have all kinds of reasons:
- They still love him.
- They have no where to go.
- The children “need” a father.
- No one will ever love them.
- He didn’t really mean it.
It goes on and on.
I have heard law enforcement officers say they are sick and tired of being called to an altercation only to see the woman recant her charges and bail out the man she just had thrown in jail the night before.
This is why I am wondering if brain mapping and neuroscience can help us to find the answers.
Perhaps neuroscientists can hook up some abused women and see which areas of the brain lights up and try to explain to these women the flaw in their thinking.
I know, I am grasping at straws.
I am grasping at straws because here we HAVE the incident ON FILM and still Janay Rice is making excuses for the behavior of her then fiancé.
She actually married him AFTER this incident. She KNEW he was an abuser and still she chose to be his wife.
She could have gone public with therapy and they could have created a scenario where remorse and forgiveness played a big role.
They could have become ROLE models to the millions of couples who are in this situation.
She is not unique. She has made decisions that millions of abused women before her have made. She choose to try to erase the incident and to move on with life.
I do believe that she is doing the best she can. I do believe she loves him and KNOWS that he has goodness and decency. He is not a monster. He has chosen some monstrous behaviors.
She needs to understand how to do better and that’s where I am hoping that neuro scans can help.
Yep, me with the neuro scans again….because I just really need to believe that we can find a way to help women make healthier choices.
When pigs fly right?
I am hoping that we do not have to wait that long.
Love and light,