“Damaged people damage people.” Marianne Williamson
Does this sentence make sense to you?
Have you ever been in a room full of negative people and try as you may, they soon coat you with their negativity?
What is it about human nature that we tend to stick around toxic people in hopes of changing them?
You know if you are that type. I know that I used to be. The worse someone treated me, the longer I stuck around and the more emotional energy I invested in the relationship as if that would get me an A+ from some imagined professor. I would make excuses for them and tell my other friends things like, “Oh, if you ONLY knew the real so and so.” My friends would say, “If only YOU would see the real person, then you could get out.”
It is quite a pity that I had to get so old before I realized that I was wasting my time and energy with certain types of individuals. I wish I could bottle the knowledge gained from experience and give it away freely to younger women.
Unfortunately, that is not possible.
What I can do is compile a list of questions that you can ask yourself to get clarity about whether to stick around those certain individuals…here goes:
Do they make you feel better about yourself? I have a new favorite TV show called Nashville. There is a young couple on the show and he has
begun to mistreat her and accuses her of sidelining him. She tries to explain and she keeps trying to show him how much she loves him, BUT
it is not working. I want to scream at the TV and say LEAVE!
Do you feel like this person has a clear sense of what they want from their life? Is their path clear to them? If the person wants you to switch your life around so that they can be more comfortable, then this may be a sign that there is trouble in paradise.
Which begs the question, was there ever a paradise? Was there ever a time when you felt really supported and comforted? If not, why expect it now?
If yes, and something has changed, then find the courage to open up the conversation about what has changed AND do not accept blame heaped upon you.
Navigating the ups and downs of life is not easy and NEVER will be.
The easy thing to do is to accept the situation, lie and tell yourself that there is nothing you can do and THEN DO NOTHING!
Yes, doing nothing about people who make you feel like the scum of the earth is easy in the SHORT run!
In the LONG run, it is the best way to lose yourself to lies and pain.
The LONG run is what needs to be addressed, by being courageous enough to take action in the PRESENT, the shorter run.
This really is the only way!
Love and light,