Why did they not use it?

The female member of the team could not reconcile shaving her head because she had spent $500.00 on hair extensions.

I have been thinking about that choice quite extensively.

Here we have a woman who is an amazing athlete. She has survived for 10 episodes and has undertaken and conquered tasks that she could not have even imagined doing just a few years ago.

BUT how does she see herself?

She sees herself as the woman with a big nose and a need hair for extensions to look pretty.

As the whole world looks on and admires her, she sees nothing more than a big nose and her need for hair extensions.

What kind of message did she have to internalize for her to reflect so microscopically on her gifts? What kind of words had she been exposed to that caused her to digest all the marketing that we women are bombarded with?

I am getting old and much of that marketing no longer applies to me, except that they keep trying to get me to look younger.

I see the younger generation and I cringe at all the unlearning they must do to have a healthy acceptance of self.

I see the toddlers playing with dolls that have more boobs than an Amazon woman, and wonder when they will want their breasts enlarged.

I see all the beautiful celebrities who have undergone plastic surgery only to emerge looking like someone else.

I do not know what we can do as a strong feminine presence to stop this delusion of “what a woman should look like” but I do know that as thinking parents we must start pointing out these atrocities to our kids.

It is easy to think that they’ll figure it out, but will they figure it out before the scars of “not being good enough” make an indelible mark?

I am not saying that I have the answers.
What I do have is lots of trepidation about why, as a society, we are still so focused on outer appearances.

To that Amazing Race contestant, I say:
“honey, you are strong, beautiful and brave. Those things have NOTHING to do with your nose or your hair extensions.”

Oh, and by the way, that guy you are racing with showed the most love and acceptance any one could show under those circumstances. He accepted your decision without any negative comments. He is the poster boy for “support your partner, no matter what.”

Love and light,

Indrani

The visual is quite glaring, no flip-overs. What’s done is DONE! My take on this is what’s done is not necessarily GONE!
How can that be?

Yes, time passes, but the memories and lessons last as long as they serve me.

Here is the thing that gets many of us into tons of trouble…

I can make sad memories last FOREVER. I turn them every which way from Sunday. I ponder about things I could’ve done, should’ve done or would do if I am ever in that same situation again.

What I am really doing is wasting the sands that are flowing through the hourglass right now. Instead, if I try to learn what I did well and promise myself that I WILL NOT repeat what I did that brought sadness then I am most surely using those grains of sand to the best possible end.

I have hourglasses strewn throughout my home and office and I often just flip them over to remind myself that those grains of sand really do represent my moments here on earth…moments that are precious and perfect.

Go out and find yourself a beautiful hourglass and keep it in view. When you feel yourself wasting time or fretting about things that cannot be changed, like the weather or a cranky family member, flip the hourglass. This can work one of two ways:

1.) Fret for as long as there is sand left on the top and make it a best fretting you have ever done…then be done!

Or

2.) Use it to remind yourself that the grains represent precious time and start being grateful for all the good in your life.

Time is precious…
You are precious…
Life is precious…

Happy hunting for your hourglass!

Love and light
Indrani

Celebrate your Wild Thing today for us all to see and applaud.

It was quite difficult to name this, as I KNEW what I wanted to say but I was not sure how to title it so that it made sense.

Was I frustrated in the “not knowing” of what the title would be?

No, I was actually amused that I could have such a deep “KNOWING” of what something is, yet not be able to name it.

This sitting with “not knowing” is the very essence of yoga for your soul and spirit. It requires no physical movement, although doing physical asana (poses) will help to soften the experience and sweeten the “not knowing”.

The willingness to stay with a confused mind and not label the fog in any way, but to KNOW that this fog will burn away IF you don’t try to push it away, is very comforting.

A few things you can say to yourself would be:

This too shall pass.

I have been here before and I survived.

This place is familiar and it does not have to be scary.

I find myself in “not knowing” again, an old familiar place.

Hello old friend called “foggy mind”. What sweetness do you hold today?

I have been reading The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra and I think that this book will help you to sit in “not knowing”.

I could write lots more here, in an attempt to make you more comfortable with not knowing, but in the end it will only be MY experience of it. I invite you to have your own experience.

Love and light
Indrani

How many of us refuse to tune into our inner GPS to find the way to Peace and Joy? The answer is LOTS of us.

While it is easy to just put an address into your device and get directions, you still must do a few things:

-You must keep the device charged so you can use it.
-You have to learn how to input the address and where to find the app that gives the directions.
-You have to have the presence of mind to closely follow the directions and make the turns that it suggests or you will not get to where you want to go.

This is also true of our internal GPS. Yes, we all have one.
The inner GPS is called intuition. Your intuition will give you hints of Yes and No when you are turning in a direction that is not aligned with the work you were sent here to do. Your work may or may not coincide with the job you have. If it does, you will feel joyful and fulfilled even if there are many struggles in your life. If, however, your job makes you depleted and sad, then your work that you are meant to do is far from what you do daily.

There is a quick fix for this. Yes, a quick fix.

Your intuition wants to steer you into the work you are meant to do and it can if you begin to feel grateful for all the things that you have, even the challenges. Being able to stay present in the midst of challenge and being grateful for the lesson in the challenge is the quickest way to JOY. I promise you, this really does work.

Every night before bed, I write at least 5 things that I am grateful for and I go to bed with gratitude in my head and heart. The ”S” in the GPS is for self-care. That means that you put yourself at the TOP of each list you have, and you must be sure you do something for yourself each day. It can be as simple as allowing the answering machine to get the phone calls for a short time while you do a special something. It can be reading a good book, taking a bath, sitting in silence, listening to your favorite music, chatting with a treasured friend, etc. These snippets of self care do not have to look like taking a whole weekend off to go to the spa, although that’s good too!

Waiting for the “right” moment for self-care is a great way to put off self-care. It is a good way to fool yourself into thinking that you have made yourself a priority.

If you are a subscriber to my newsletter, you have received my 5 minutes to Happiness tool that allows you to quickly tap into your positive traits. If you are brave enough to align your behaviors with your positive traits you will have found a quick way to follow your inner GPS.

You can get 5 minutes to Happiness here.

Give this a try for 7 days. I would love to hear how it works for you!

Love and light
Indrani

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

We have all been there, someone asks for something and we are swamped BUT we say YES because of:

1. Guilt
2. Fear
3. Powerlessness
4. Cultural norms

Yes, this list can be endless. It does NOT matter why you say YES when you want to say NO, because the effects on you are the same.

You feel taken advantage of or angry and explode at those you love or you become more powerless and it feeds your “things will always be like this” way of thinking.

By the way, the anger and explosive thing, usually happens to someone who had nothing to do with the reason you are angry. The person who gets all of your fallout is usually someone who you feel safe with and who has accepted your explosions in the past. Please note that exploding on people is a form of abuse. (Read my post on Domestic Violence here).

Being unable to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial to saying a soft and positive NO.

Yes, I said a Positive NO.

One of my very favorite books is by William Ury “The Power of a Positive NO”. I recommend you order it NOW. It has changed my life and my relationships.

If you are unable to identify how YOU wish to spend your own time, there is a LONG LINE of folks who have GREAT ideas for what you SHOULD do with your time.

Spend a few moments NOW and make a list of people who constantly steal your time, even though you have tried to stop them it continues to happen.

1

2

3

4

5

6

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What do these people have in common?  e.g. family, co workers, perceived power over you, people you adore and love…
2. How do I feel when these people ask for MORE of my time? Do you feel angry, happy that you can “please them”, afraid when you hear their voice?
3. How do I hold my posture when I am interacting with these people? Am I standing tall? Do I haunch my shoulders? Does my stomach or my head hurt?

Understanding WHAT you do when you are approached by a TIME THIEF is crucial to understanding how to set and maintain a boundary. See other posts on the Art of saying No.

Have Fun saying NO!

Love and light,

Indrani

I remember saying that it was an illusion and that people who said they were happy were liars. I also said that if people can find a little happiness, it would be fleeting and can never last.

Fast forward 30 years and I have completely and irrevocably changed my mind. As a matter of fact, it feels more like I have healed my mind and in the process healed my spirit.

Over the past few years I have been steeping myself in the study of and the living of Joy. Last year, I even went as far as to do a virtual joy event called Unpasteurized Joy. It was a series of conversations with many different folk from the very famous, like Dr Patch Adams, to the absolutely non-famous, like yours truly. I asked every person to speak of joy and how their work contributes to joy in our world.

Focusing so intently on joy over that past few years has allowed me to stay focused on the good in my life, even as challenges continue to flow in and through, and I am able to keep negativity at bay.

Recently, I heard from a colleague of mine who had surgery and she told me that while she was in recovery she listened to all 26 joy recordings. She said that it really helped her. Thanks Catherine, for sharing this lovely bit of information. It warmed my heart.

My challenge to you is to keep upping your JOY Q by finding the joy all around and by speaking joy as often as you can.

What are some ways that you can increase your JOY Q?

1. Stay focused on the positive aspects of your own wonderful self.
Sign up at www.indranislight.org for a tool called Five minutes to
Happiness for a way to get to your finest values.

2. Take time each day for using your eyes to see the beauty in all those who you
meet. Look for something that you can admire in each person.

3. Find the courage to forgive someone. One of my dear friends found
her courage this weekend to forgive someone who really hurt her a few
years ago. The very next day, the woman she forgave gave her some
wonderful compliments on face book.

4. Write a letter to yourself and forgive yourself for any grievance
that you feel you have committed.

5. Spend a few moments in nature everyday to notice how much intricate beauty
surrounds us.

Up your JOY Q.
We must if we want to save our world.

Love and light,
Indrani