As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.
01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario 02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies” 06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries 14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No 20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries. 25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries 29:15 Summary of the three tools
Building and maintaining positive relationships in your life, while working long hours at work and then taking care of family at home, is a huge challenge. In this episode learn the six tools (plus one bonus tool) that Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie use everyday with the important people in their lives.
01:00 Introduction 02:35 Indrani shares the definition of a boundary and how to use this definition with people in your life. 05:40 Amy shares how to use empathy when listening. 09:48 Jeremie shares how to use 10 minute breaks to change roles in your life and be more present. 16:25 Indrani discusses how to identify when you are being triggered. 21:40 Amy explains the difference between being self-FULL and being selfish 26:47 Bonus tool: “What story am I making up about this?” 28:00 Jeremie asks the question: “Is what I am about to say or do going to improve this relationship?” 31:10 Summary of all six tools and the bonus tool
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Photo Credit: Flickr/Shiv
Recently, on a learning journey to Trinidad, the Island of my birth, I was in a deep conversation with a dear family member and he said that he was not the “need to know” type.
I was not surprised. I had always known this person and had seen over the years a certain acceptance of many things and a certain trust that things would work themselves out.
I instantly had a flood of memories of all the times I had wished I was not the “I need to know ” type. I wished I could be the “let sleeping dogs lie” type. It seemed to me that type had a life that was stress free. They seemed to be more accepting of things as they were.
I remember this family member just “doing what he was told” without question.
But I also remember that most of those things were not to his benefit. I began to remember that him not asking “why” made his life extremely stressful. He was swindled out of time, energy and money that he did not have.
He was always doing the bidding of others, doing the work for others and taking the blame for others.
He never seemed to be able to connect with the “why me” part of the question.
In other words, this person was NEVER able to say NO!
He was a man without boundaries.
It is very curious to me now, having grown up in this environment, that I dedicate myself to not just having boundaries and being able to say a positive No, but that I teach about boundaries and being able to deliver a perfectly placed NO.
Every time I return to Trinidad, I uncover another little piece of the “raisin d’être ” of Indrani.
I discover another deeper layer of what makes me tick and why I do what I do.
As I love this family member and am flooded with all the memories of all of his sacrifice, pain and torment that he had suffered, I give him thanks. From the time that he was a small boy who was tremendously abused, to being the 10-12 year old who was yanked out of school so that he could go to work washing busses to help feed the whole family to the menial jobs he had to accept because of his lack of education, I give him thanks and praise for NEVER giving up on me. For never giving up on all of his children.
I will forever be in his debt.
He is my FATHER.
With deep love and respect for my 86 year old father who now has Alzheimer’s, I remain your devoted eldest daughter.
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The ‘Live a Brighter Life’ Online Program is a free offering to benefit all our lives and to pave the way for future trainers of the work. The six sessions of LABL will be mandatory for participants wishing to enter ILF Train-the-Trainer program.
I was recently assaulted and although it was “unintentional”, intentional or unintentional, the psychological injury is the same.
As I wallow in shame, doubt, distrust and unworthiness…I look for the lessons I can take from the experience to put into good use.
I have learned to stand up for my boundaries and to find strength in knowing I am worthy. I can use this knowledge to help others who may not have found their strength to stand for their boundaries or appreciate their own worthiness.
We are all worthy of love and respect, no matter what.
I can say that….
if you are battling abuse, regardless of the form
if you are battling rejection
if you are battling shame, doubt, and distrust
if you are wondering if you can ever stand back up again
The answer is yes.
It sometimes just takes a little time…
~Guest blogger- who would like to remain anonymous
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