We all have people like this in our lives. They just seem to get under our skin. They know just what to say and when to say it and before you know it you are upset, crying or yelling and it feels like they have won….again.
This used to happen to me all the time. It used to feel like I walked into the trap and stayed in the trap even as I saw they were springing it on me….again!
The one BIG mistake that I used to make was this… I used to think that the people who did this to me cared about me.
When I began to realize that these people only liked to hear themselves talk, it was easier for me to untangle myself from their traps. I began to really listen to their words, the ACTUAL words, and I began to ASK them what they meant?
When a family member says, “Well that’s just how you are.”
I now say, “What exactly do you mean?”
I noticed that the speaker would do a double take and would begin to trip over their words.
They began to say things like, “Oh, nothing really.” Or “Well I was just making a joke.”
Then I could say, “What was the joke?” Or “Was the joke at MY expense?”
I chose to react in this way until I felt that I broke the other person of their behaviors with me.
I chose to uninstall the buttons that used to be pushed all the time.
I must tell you, it takes time and patience but it was well worth my time an attention.
It was worth the time investment because it showed that I respected myself and that I expected others to respect me as well.
Just to reiterate my strategy:
I. I would ask for clarity.
2. I would ask for further clarity.
3. I would then pin point the “dig” and ask for even more clarity.
Please note that I was NOT concerned on who would like me, or who would judge me. I only focused on standing up for myself.
Love and light,
Indrani (Reminding you to stand up for yourself in the face of verbal bullies.)
The definition of a miracle is a surprising and welcomed event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is considered to be divine; a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment .
I think that miracles happen every day. I know there was a time that I thought miracles only happened to “worthy” people like Joan of Arc.
I was wrong.
We are born worthy. We remain worthy. We are worthy at this very moment.
If we are indeed worthy, then why are miracles not showing up?
Do you know what kind of miracle you want?
How will you recognize it when it shows up?
This morning, I pulled a lateral muscle while packing my suitcase. I recognized the twinge and asked for the miracle that the pain be manageable for my flight. I have not felt the pain for about 75 minutes.
I asked for that miracle. I recognized it.
I believe the first step in manifesting the miracles we want is to KNOW what we want.
To KNOW with clarity and certainty is the only way to move ahead.
Begin the “knowing.”
Want to hear about another story that’s just like a dog trying to
catch his tail?
It goes like this:
Person A says, “You said you hated me!”
Person B says “I meant when you make fun of me. You make me feel stupid!”
Person A “If you say you hate me, you must mean it or you are stupid!”
Person B “God, if only you would just listen, but you always jump down my throat!”
I am sure you have been here at some time or another.
This fight is not going anywhere good. Someone will get hurt…either
emotionally, physically or both.
What is this fight about?
It could be about frustration or desperation or lack of any emotion.
I know people who never speak when things are “good” so the only time
they communicate is when they are angry.
If this is you…
You are going nowhere fast.
Someone is looking to place blame and someone is looking to be rescued.
Both brains are in screech mode and what’s more, both adults have left the room.
The people screaming at each other are two tantrum-throwing 5 year olds.
You need to find a way to “tap out” like wrestlers.
If this is a diagnosis of your relationship, get some help. Get some
clarity for yourself.
Go to a minister or a therapist or a VERY trusted friend.
You need a neutral person.
BTW, when you do decide to get help, remember to work on YOU!
You are the only person you can change.
Yep, that sucks, but that’s a fact.
Change the face in the mirror.
Donate to Indrani’s Light Foundation
Your donation will be used towards eradicating gender violence, training community leaders and sharing behaviour-change tools with people who are ready to leave violence behind and create a brighter, more peaceful world.