As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.
01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario 02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies” 06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries 14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No 20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries. 25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries 29:15 Summary of the three tools
Building and maintaining positive relationships in your life, while working long hours at work and then taking care of family at home, is a huge challenge. In this episode learn the six tools (plus one bonus tool) that Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie use everyday with the important people in their lives.
01:00 Introduction 02:35 Indrani shares the definition of a boundary and how to use this definition with people in your life. 05:40 Amy shares how to use empathy when listening. 09:48 Jeremie shares how to use 10 minute breaks to change roles in your life and be more present. 16:25 Indrani discusses how to identify when you are being triggered. 21:40 Amy explains the difference between being self-FULL and being selfish 26:47 Bonus tool: “What story am I making up about this?” 28:00 Jeremie asks the question: “Is what I am about to say or do going to improve this relationship?” 31:10 Summary of all six tools and the bonus tool
As you listen to the “Caring for the Caregivers Podcast” you might be wondering: What is Indrani’s Light Foundation? Exactly who are Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie? Why are they creating this podcast? You can find the answer to all of these questions and more in Episode 0!
01:45 Who is Indrani? Why is this work important to Indrani?
03:55 Who is Amy? Why is this work important to Amy?
06:30 Who is Jeremie? Why is this work important to Jeremie?
08:40 Indrani’s Light Foundation Mission Statement and history
12:15 The Caregiver Project
15:55 The Caregiver Podcast
20:50 Final thoughts
Another Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end. Indrani’s Light Foundation, along with hundreds of other organizations around the country promoted DVAM through social media, public events, emails, fundraisers, and other creative ideas. I did some research about whether or not the month of October has been effective for domestic violence prevention organizations. The first DVAM formed in 1987, and evolved from the “Day of Unity,” which was held in 1987 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Although there is no hard data about whether or not DVAM has had a direct impact on the decrease of domestic violence, we CAN inform you that the rate of domestic violence has dropped 63% since 1994. (*Bureau of Justice Statistics) Although this is a promising statistic, the sobering fact is that, in the next five minutes it may take you to read this blog, 100 people will have been abused by an intimate partner in the United States. And this statistic DOES NOT include the number of mental and emotional abuse victims.
Just imagine for a moment, what the actual number of victims there are, who are suffering from physical, mental, and emotional abuse on the planet right now? There are hundreds of thousands of women, men, and children in crisis right this very minute, and I am wondering if we are making a difference. We blog, post informative and educational posts, produce videos to impact people, send out emails every week, and speak on stages about domestic violence prevention. But are we doing enough? Can we do more?
At Indrani’s Light, we are a small team who is passionate and determined to support Indrani Goradia’s mission to END violence against women and girls globally. We are currently focusing on domestic violence in the United States, and work every day to build interest, and recruit people to help us teach our Live A Brighter Life curriculum in their communities to educate the public. We formed the “Caregiver Project,” in which our trainers travel to women’s shelters and teach our curriculum to the shelter staff, and prevent them from burning out of this very emotionally charged career.
One day I asked Indrani how she stays focused on her mission, and how she keeps from getting discouraged when people do not seem to get involved in helping women and girls. This is what Indrani said …“A future free of gender violence starts with a single daily action from you.”(This is the first thing you will read on our website) She went on to explain that she helps one woman at a time, and so should I. We ARE making a difference because we are TAKING ACTION. We may need to work hard to recruit just one ILF Trainer, but that trainer will be worth every minute of effort. Indrani told me we are doing this work for our children, our grandchildren, and their children. This mission will not be accomplished overnight, but we will do our damnedest to be the part of history who changed the world, and made violence against women and girls a distant memory.
As I sit here ready to post, yet another, repetitive recruitment post on Facebook ….. I wonder if I’ll get 10 or 20 “likes,” or one comment. What I KNOW is if I post a cute dog or cat video on Facebook, I will get 28,000 views, 25 shares, 300 likes, and about 10 comments. What are we battling with when it comes to awareness and education about human rights? Have we burned the public out on the dark side of the world in which they need to close their eyes and ignore the pandemic of abuse? I know there are people out there who feel called to help victims of domestic violence, but how do we reach them? How can we get them to TAKE ACTION?
I will end this blog by asking a single question:
ARE YOU OUT THERE?
If you are ready to help one woman or child from being abused again, please click on this link and join us for our next Live A Brighter Life Class.
With Love & Light,
Director of Education & Training | Indrani’s Light Foundation
Indrani Goradia has just returned from India after continuing her global mission to end violence against women and girls. She visited a different city on this trip, and brought back some lessons from her experience there. Indrani was able to teach our Live A Brighter Life classes to groups of women and men, who did a phenomenal job in participating and learning about boundaries, saying “No,” guilt and shame, and most importantly, self-care.
This trip to India was special. Indrani wants to share her experience, and some of the feedback she received from the men, in particular. The lessons Indrani learned from India brought her back home with an urgency to “Break the Silence.”
As we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness month here in the United States, we need to make real change, and stop domestic violence globally. We MUST talk openly about the issue, not just on Facebook, or YouTube, or when standing in front of big audiences.
We need to break the silence and talk with each other, openly and honestly. Daily.
If you want to join Indrani for this LIVE CALL on Thursday, October 20th, 2016 at 10am PT | 1pm ET, all you need to do is use the following information (no email address or option required):
Conference Dial-In Number:
(605) 562-3140 Participant Access Code:
694881# Canadian Caller Instructions:
Then proceed with regular conference line numbers above.
If you would like to receive a reminder about the call, and hear even more from Indrani, you can sign up for the call here:
We could also use your support in spreading the word about this live call with Indrani. You can use the following text on Facebook, twitter, or your social media platform of choice to get your friends and family involved in stopping the silence.
Facebook Post | Stop the Silence: Join me on October 20th at 10am Pacific Time to listen to Indrani Goradia speak about the newest lessons she has learned about ending domestic violence globally http://bit.ly/2ewKDPf
For twitter | Stop the Silence: October 20th Indrani Goradia shares what she has learned about ending domestic violence globally http://bit.ly/2ewKDPf
Indrani would love to share some of her meditations with you. Her desire is to assist you in beginning a meditation practice, if you do not have one. If you have a meditation practice, these weekly meditations will help you to work on living a brighter life.
Today’s 12-minute meditation is about sitting with someone who is very wise. Is this person Nelson Mandela? Mother Teresa? Buddha? Jesus? Maybe it’s a close friend whom you admire, and consider them very wise. Indrani will help you breathe in the wisdom this wise person has to offer you. You can breathe in compassion, forgiveness, future thinking, or maybe a big dream of changing the world. You will come to see that the wisdom from this person does not just belong to them …. it belongs to YOU.
There is a viral video going around the last few days (April 15, 2016) about a 5-year-old in Jasper County, Georgia being paddled by the principle who says very confidently, “I’m gonna do it ONE time unless you wiggle around.” WATCH THE STORY HERE
In other words, stand like a man and take your beatings. I am not going to talk about the mom, just about the rule that makes beatings legal. I am reminded of an instance about 23 years ago when one of my kids was little and I went to pick them up at school. The teacher met me at the door with a “parenting” book that extolled the virtues of beating with excerpts from the bible. I wished I had kept it. I threw it away. I understood that my child had acted up and the teacher wanted me to beat my child at home.
See my TEDxTalk on what I think of beating children:
I went to the school and asked them to see their “rules” on beating children. They proudly produced the pages that explained their corporal punishment guidelines and, of course, with the parents’ permission. It was assumed that if I brought my child to this school, I would give cart blanch to all their rules.
They had another thing coming.
I looked each one in the eye and made sure they understood that I DO NOT give permission for ANYONE to lay a FINGER on my child. I told them I would not hesitate to sue them. I promptly found another school.
Many parents do not have the resources to change school, or even the parenting skills to help their child, or even the confidence to stand up to “authority.” My heart breaks for the children being schooled under archaic laws, and the parents trying their best without real parenting tools. There are many free resources these days and I hope that people try to find answers in this world of Internet resources.
Help yourself to help your child.
Love and light,
(P.S. I would love to hear your thoughts or stories about this issue of spanking in our schools. What say you?)
Recently I had an experience that made me lose my ground. It shut down ALL my chakras.
I felt the air sucked out of me. I felt like I had NO physical self. I was but a swirl of energy. Someone asked, “What are you thinking?” I said, “I am only feeling.” They did not know what else to ask. I felt like the wet towel on the floor. This feeling used to be very familiar. I worked hard to learn new behaviors, and worked harder to cement those behaviors.
Here is what I wished someone had said …. “Indrani, can you hear me? Shake your head if you can.” (I had no language. I only had preverbal behaviors like crying and flailing). I would have shook my head.
Then I wished they would have said … “Can you feel your toes, feet, legs, hips, belly, chest, arms, head?” In other words, I wished they had done the body scan on me since my brain was off line, and I could not have thought of this tool myself.
Then I wished they had said …. “Indrani, breathe with me. Look at me. Hold my hands.” I wished they had grounded me. But they did not. They did not know how.
So I collapsed in a heap on the floor.
My spine crumbled life a crushed egg.
I could not hold my weight.
The sonic boom I was not expecting, happened. The energy demolished me. It took me many days to recover from the daze.
Now I know. Now I understand that old behaviors that were not useful then are still not useful now.
Now I know. I will hold on to this knowledge.
Do you have someone to help you with energy surges? I hope you do. It will save your life.
I do not recall exactly when I discovered Rum Raisin Ice Cream. I think it was when I was living in New Jersey as a new bride and my husband brought it home from the store. I believe he said, “Taste this,” and he fed me a spoon of this nectar and I must have screamed and yelped, because he looked scared! (My brand of extroversion tends to be loud. I am often over the top in my enthusiasm and I tend to scare people).
So all these years of “sweet married life” later, my hubby will bring me rum raisin ice cream and I still squeal! Often times if we happen upon an ice cream store, he will ask for it on my behalf, while I am reading the favors on the wall.
I LOVE rum raisin ice cream. I also love RUM CAKE! I grew up on rum cake in Trinidad and whenever I think of the glorious cakes my mom used to make, I smile. My brother makes a great rum cake and this is what he gives me for Christmas every year.
Imagine MY absolute delight when I walked into “Neuhaus Company” the other day and saw that they had RUM CAKE ICE CREAM! (Yep! I squealed, in the store, on Madison Avenue, in Manhattan!). My extroversion is always ready to show its enthusiasm.
I was thinking… “Maybe it has raisins it in also!” So I asked for a taste. The sweet young man took a plastic spoon, smiled at me, reached into the appropriate bin and scooped out a HUGE taste. He ceremoniously reached over the tall counter and gave me the spoon. My eyes never left the bulging scoop of ice team balancing precariously on the edge of the tiny spoon. I carefully took it from his fingers and put it in my mouth as I closed my eyes….
And I ran to the trash and spat it out!
It was awful.
I did not like Rum Cake Ice cream at all!
I did not like it on a spoon. I would not like it on the moon.
I cannot tell you how much I disliked that ice cream.
I thanked the young man and bought some chocolates, which I loved, and ate one to get the taste of the rum Cake ice cream out of my mouth. Then as I walked down Madison into the cold and blustery day, I knew I had the makings of a blog post.
So here goes …..
Let us suppose that you meet a great looking guy and he is everything you wished for, and he seems to feel the same way about you. He made you feel safe, secure, protected, loved and cherished. You were all warm and fuzzy inside as you pondered a life with this man.
Then one day, as you two are having a lovely day, out of the clear BLUE …. He hits you, or verbally berates you, and you are stunned!
You look at him and he seems the same, his features are the same, his voice sounds the same but the flavor of human coming out of his mouth is horrible, distasteful and nasty, and you need to escape.
Let’s say you DO leave. You were strong enough to leave. A few days pass and he calls to apologize and gives some very sound reason for his nasty behavior, and you go back to him.
That is like me going back to the trash and picking up that nasty rum cake ice cream and eating it because I have told myself that I like rum cake, AND I love rum raisin ice cream ….. So I SHOULD love RUM CAKE ice cream. I force myself to swallow that distasteful ice cream because of some strange reasoning that I make up in my head.
Let me be clear. I know that a person is more important than ice cream. I also know that YOU are too special and lovely to accept nasty behaviors from ANY person. If you were abused as a child and you think that love looks like abuse, think again.
WATCH my TEDxTalk here:
As an adult you have the power to set boundaries that you could not set as a child.
Set your boundaries. They will protect you. When you have clear and clean boundaries, you will know in a flash what is and is not good for you. Try it.
Love and light.
(P.S. Did you like my TEDxTalk? Please share it with your friends and family. Let’s start spreading the word to live in peace within our four walls at home. http://bit.ly/1SMK1NZ)
Donate to Indrani’s Light Foundation
Your donation will be used towards eradicating gender violence, training community leaders and sharing behaviour-change tools with people who are ready to leave violence behind and create a brighter, more peaceful world.