What happens to us when we feel disappointed? We know that we feel let down or ignored or invisible, and a host of many other feelings….but WHY?
What causes me to feel so let down?
Something quite disappointing happened to me a few weeks ago and in the midst of a tsunami of feelings, I kept asking myself….
What is my lesson here?
I have to admit that I am sometimes sick of the lessons. Just when I think everything is fine, WHAM…another damn lesson!
Disappointment is usually a surprise. If it is not a surprise and you are expecting to be disappointed, that is a habitual way of living. If we are in relationships where we are usually disappointed, then that is more about the choices we are making, as opposed to what the other people are doing.
Let me break it down like this.
Let’s say that I make frequent lunch dates with Jackie and she is ALWAYS late and I am always disappointed. Why do I continue to make lunch dates with Jackie?
Maybe I need to ask Jackie if lunchtime is bad for her and decide on a better time.
Maybe Jackie really likes me and really wants to meet with me, but is afraid to suggest another time because she thinks I am super busy.
It is incumbent upon me to have a real conversation with Jackie so we can set up better times to meet.
If, however, Jackie laughs and tells me she is always late, then we have another issue.
I have had people tell me that they are always late and they laugh it off. I usually say that I find it rude and selfish for people to think that being late is “just the way it is.”
Disappointment is part of life and it is up to us to handle the everyday disappointments with finesse and humanity. We have to be able to forgive and get on with what’s important. If the disappointments keep piling on and they are from the same people, then you have to have a “powwow” to find out the root cause.
If you do nothing, nothing will change.
We are in charge of our lives and we teach people how to treat us.
Have you ever embarked on a training regimen where you were required to stop every so often to take your pulse?
Why do you think the trainer or teacher makes you do this?
Well…it’s a heart health thing, right?
There are ranges of the pulse that are healthy and ranges that are not. When your pulse is too high it can be unsafe to continue whatever you are doing and you must STOP and rest…maybe even sit down for a while until the pulse levels off.
I believe that we also have an energetic pulse. The energetic pulse takes its cue from our surroundings and how we feel about what is going on around us. If I walk into a room and everyone is silent, they may be mad at each other or they may be in silent meditation. One feels different from the other. One environment feels cold and charged and the other feels calm and peaceful. If you grew up within a religion that teaches “meditation is a way to let the devil in” then you may be afraid to be in that space even though it is peaceful. On the other hand, if you grew up with chaos and screaming and ‘The Silent Treatment’ was always being doled out, it may feel familiar and comfortable and you may not even care about the coldness in the room.
Each one of us brings our own interpretation to every event we encounter. Our interpretations have been informed by our past experiences, and they in turn, inform our assessments of the situation.
We must learn to take our energy pulse and ask ourselves what we are feeling, where we are feeling and how these feelings are playing a role in the situation.
Let me give you a simple example:
I walk into a room and someone is there. They are reading and they look up and nod their head.
I can interpret that many ways.
I can feel ignored that they did not say hi.
I can feel good that they nodded and recognized me.
I can be upset that they did not jump off the sofa and embrace me.
I can be grateful that they are giving me space to calm down after a long day.
All of the above are possibilities. How I decide what to feel is based on my past experience.
If I grew up with extroverts who were always hugging and chattering then the silence would seem odd to me and I might be upset. If I grew up with introverts, then I may feel quite comfortable and have no issue with it.
If we begin to take our own pulses and investigate what the energy means, we may be able to come to more peaceful interpretations of the circumstances we find ourselves in. We may just give ourselves a break and that could be really great for our hearts.
What do these words mean to you?
Are you missing a person? Many people? Certain things?
Here’s a little exercise to try.
Remember the last time you were lonely or lonesome.
Really get back into the memory and allow yourself to feel it in your body.
Now describe the feelings with some adjectives.
Now remember a time when you were deliciously excited.
Feel it all over and describe it with some adjectives.
Compare the two sets of adjectives.
Notice which set describes YOU most of the time.
If it’s the lonely set, why? What actions can you take to make a little shift.
If it’s the other set, how can you give yourself permission to be
present to feelings that seem foreign?
All feelings are good. The trick is to have a balanced set and be
happy with all the feelings that alight on your door.
Love and light,
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