Tag Archives: Gratitude

Once upon a time….

tiara via iheartitThose four words have been the beginning of many fairy tales for centuries. Ok, maybe not centuries but a long, long time.

Cinderella, Snow White, Thumbelina, Belle and so many others… all princesses that we read or watch movies about. The birds fly around them and animals come out of the forest to be in their presence.  There are butterflies, zebras and moon beams.  And, of course, there is usually a prince.

These are considered stories of fantasy.  But is it really fantasy?  Can we not be the princess in our own fairy tale?

I recently stopped and noticed how these things that seem to only happen to storybook princesses actually happen in my life.  I stopped to see the moon, and think that it is shining just for me.  Perhaps not, but something made me stop and savor in the moon beams as if it was for my eyes only.  Look around, birds flitting about, bees in the flowers, the shiny outlines of the sun behind the clouds, a rainbow all for you to see.  Look at the people in your life who are dutiful coachman to you, as the mice were to Cinderella.  Could we all be princesses if we take the time to notice the magic that happens every day and think, “Wow, is this just for me?”  Could we all be princesses if we would say to ourselves, “I am worthy, I am loved?”

And like any good tale, there will always be poison apples, wicked witches and trolls under a bridge. These people and things bring gifts to us in the form of a lesson.   Scared of lions, tigers or bears? Dig down and you will find courage.  Evil step sisters full of greed and selfishness teach us about grace.  The ugly beast gives us the opportunity to love unconditionally and look at the heart of another.

Try it!  Take time today to look, I mean really look. Be aware of the simplest of things in your day to day life and think that the fairy god mothers, genies, and wizards put these things in your path just for you.  You are a princess, beautiful and loved in your own light.   I think you will be amazed at the wonderful magic that surrounds each of us every day.

Now if you will excuse me I have to go out and feed my unicorn….

Neuroplacticity…your path to freedom!

 

neuroplasticity via mimlearning.comHave you heard of the science of Neuroplacticity? This marvel of science is defined as the brain’s natural ability to form new connections in order to compensate for injury or changes in one’s environment.

I think of it as creating new maps inside our head.

Do you remember when you learned how to ride a bike? How many years ago was that?

I bet you can still get on a bike now and remember how to ride. Your brain has a map of that process and without much thought you are flying down the street!

Everything we have ever done and learned has made “impressions” in our brain and those lessons are imprinted. The more we practice something the better we get.

This works really well if what we are practicing will give us a return of a happy and joy filled life.
It does not work so well when the things we do repeatedly causes us stress and pain.

Recently, I met a very gifted woman who has had worldwide success with her artwork.
I was at a health spa in Southern India and I first saw her screaming at the desk attendant that “after all these bloody years, why
couldn’t she just have a bloody electric kettle to make her bloody coffee?”

I immediately extended my hand and said, “Hi, it sounds like you are having a heck of a time getting your coffee.”

She quickly apologized for the loud voice and said she was just being a bitch.
I stuck around and we chatted. Within 10 minutes I had her whole life history and all the stuff that had gone wrong.
I thought she was having a really bad day.

I saw her again at dinner and we sat together, and again she repeated all the woes of her life.

We said goodnight and I was happy that her bad day was over.

The next day, we saw each other for all three meals and the stories were the exact same! This was not an “I’m having a bed day thing” this was a “my life sucks” thing.

She was consistent!

On the 3rd day, I challenged her to only say what she was grateful for and to her credit, she switched gears…for five minutes and then BAM, she was right back in the story of “woe is me”.

I felt like I wanted to run and hide.
This woman had complained about her lot and lack for so long that she created a sheath of myelin so thick around lack that she literally could not manage to stay positive for more than 5 minutes.

I can come up with at least 20 things that I see as great and awesome in her life.
I also think she is an awesome woman…but not when she is complaining as though it is her profession.
If she wants to change this negative behavior she has to create NEW neuro-pathways in her brain. She has to invoke the magic of neuroplacticity and start laying down new sheaths of myelin.

How does one create new pathways?

The first step is to KNOW that you want something different than what you have.

Want to learn a new language?
Which one?
What method?

Get the point?
You have to have a plan around the new thing you want to learn.

If she wants to be more positive, it is a matter of practicing. She could set aside 10 minutes daily to write down all of the positives in her life or enlist a friend to help her see the power of the positive once daily.

When I suggested that she start or end her day with a list of gratitude items, she told he she can’t do that. I asked if she knew how to write?
She then said it would be too much work.

The next step for creating a new pathway is to believe that the work is worth the result you wish to achieve.
If you do not believe that you have the power to create change or that you are worthy of the effort, you will not change.
You must ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you want it? Really want it?
2. Are you are willing to take small steps to making the new habit?
3. Do you believe that you are worth the new life you say you want?

I have been accused of singular focus when I decide to do something. I decided to do a triathlon, so I had to learn to swim competitively. I went to swim class every day for 3 months. I never even considered that I could not complete the triathlon. I created new neuro-pathways in my brain.

These days when I decide to do something new, I just start small and stay the course.

I was recently diagnosed with diabetes and I promised my doctor that I would turn my numbers around. I completely gave up bread and cakes and sweets and within 4 months my numbers were better.

We have the power to make significant changes in our lives, if only we accept the challenge to do something differently.

How could my love of bread and cake be more important than my love of my legs and my eyesight?
Diabetes steals eyesight and amputations in diabetics are common when the patient is out of control.
Who would I blame if these things were to happen?

What changes would you like to make this year?
How can you help yourself to keep those steps small and manageable?
The journey of one thousand steps really does start with the first.
Enjoy the journey, each step of it and have faith that the destination will be glorious because you have taken charge of your own destiny.

Love and light,
Indrani

Lessons from Olga…..

She wouldn’t accept my offer of a bracelet.
She wouldn’t let me make a crown for her.
She refused to come closer.
She was one of the 200 or so students in one of the orphanages that my clown group visited.

There I was sitting on a step, making crowns from pipe cleaners.  The kids were lined up for their crowns….girls, boys, small, big, some young and some older.

I am not sure when she decided to come closer, but there she was and ready for a crown.
I crafted her crown carefully and with an extra dose of gratitude for trusting that I would not harm her.

When the pipe cleaners were finished, I started making beaded bracelets for everyone. I made hers first and she carefully selected her beads from the small baggies that sat precipitously on my lap. As the kids realized that something new was being given, they quickly swarmed and began demanding their bracelet. She became my helper and as kids requested the color of beads, “rojo, verde, azul, blanco”. She quietly and efficiently fished the correct bead from the baggie and gave it to me to thread on the multi-colored string.

I hugged her and said, “Adios” and thanked her for her help. She smiled and her eyes twinkled.

The magic of this connection was that she did not know if she cared to connect or even if she trusted me. I did not base my success that morning on whether or not she would accept my gifts. I was there, loving and giving without thought as to what her role should or ought to be.

Should she be grateful that I had come all the way from America to visit that orphanage?
Should she care that I had spent money on these pipe cleaners and the baggie of beads?
No!
Her only job was to be herself.
My job was to be loving and present and joyful.
We both did our jobs well.

Now if only I can remember to practice this giving of myself in a pure and unattached way. A way that says, I am here for you, if you’d like to come closer.
A way that allows me to KNOW that chasing you or begging you or demanding of you to be a certain way is just unacceptable.
A way that tells me you are responsible for whom and what you accept from me.
A way that shows me to stay true to me and allow you to stay true to you and hope that in our separate trueness we can still share love, peace and harmony.

Thanks Olga, for these big lessons.
I will hold your smile in my heart forever.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be free.

Love and light,
Indrani

Is your EXCUSE bigger than your JOY?

 

I was chatting with a dear friend a while back and I heard myself say that sometimes people’s excuses are bigger than their Joy.depression via Jeffrey BlacklerAlamy

Wow, I thought, that’s good…

What do I mean by that simple sentence?
I mean that some people like to wallow on the “poor me” side of the street. The pity party gets to be an all-nighter, then an all-dayer and maybe even an all- weeker.

When this happens JOY has no place to live and thrive.

JOY is pushed out for days and weeks and months and maybe even years.
There is always a reason why, the negative aspects should be the main focus. There is always a reason why YOUR problems are SO different, SO unique and SO difficult that finding a way out is impossible. It is much easier to keep making excuses.

You see, when you can come up with loads of excuses, you at least FEEL like you are doing something. You ARE expending brain power and psychic energy. Unfortunately it is only to create more excuses and better excuses. You are exhausted from creating the excuses.

You are too exhausted to find the positive aspects of your life.
Yes, your excuses are bigger than your JOY.

Guess what?
This is easy to fix.
Are you tired of being sad and unhappy and creating more excuses?
I invite you to step back from the precipice of, “My life is so awful” and step into “What positive things DO I still have in life?”
Those positives can be as simple as:
-Two legs that work.
-Two eyes that work.
-Someone who loves you, like a child or a parent.
-A beloved pet.
-Your ability to read good books.

Yes. It. Can. Be. That. Simple!
It is really ONLY up to you. Only you can decide if your JOY will be the antidotes for negativity.
Won’t you try it?
What do you have to lose?
Love and light,
Indrani

Expired Skill Sets…

 

The definition of SKILL is the learned power of doing something competently: a developed aptitude or ability.hourglass2 via blog.163.com

My definition of skill is “something I have practiced.”

During my tenure here on earth, I have practiced many skill sets that served me in the past but do not serve me here in the present.

For example, as a young child being beaten by my caretakers, I cowered and cried for mercy. However, I don’t need to cower and cry these days.

When I lived in NYC as a young woman, sarcasm came in handy with cheeky men and hateful coworkers. No need for sarcasm anymore…although I still use it from time to time, sorry to say.

While on vacation recently, I found myself in a bit of a bind when the outfit I brought for a wedding was suddenly not the thing to wear. I had to allow myself the luxury of the emotions that I felt and at the same time had to call upon new skill sets, like forgiveness and letting go, to help me navigate the incident.

I came through and I chalked it up to just another life lesson. One of the most important skills I used there was the skill of GRATITUDE. I made a mental list of all the things that had gone right and made a determined effort not to allow a few negatives to outweigh all of the positives.

One of the things I used to do was to allow negative life events to have more “weight” than positive life events. I now give every event the same score. Even if I feel like weighing one more than the next, I still do not trust myself to give a realistic score, so everything gets a score of one. At the end of the day, if I have more positives than negatives, I am good!

I am still trying to figure out which things need to be weighed heavier than others and which things are deal breakers. This is a good start for me, for in the past everything was a deal breaker and I was always ready to flee from a tense situation. Now I can call upon new skill sets to deal with the issues at hand and not infest the present with the hurts of the past.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from a therapist is this….
“Indrani, this is not a court of law, stop your case building.”
Ouch.
So I have been trying to unlearn that very skill…Case Building. Now I look for the things I am grateful for and hope that there is more on the plus side than not.

Skills I no longer need:
1. Temper tantrums.
2. Sarcasm. (Well, I might need this one sometimes.)
3. Case building. No more dredging up all the old hurts and bringing it into the present moment.
4. Feeling worthless.
5. Minding other people’s business.
6. Giving my power away.

I can go on and on…I hope you get the picture.
A skill is something you have learned to do. If you can learn it, you can unlearn it.
Sometimes, unlearning is just what you need to have a more peaceful life.

I wrote a blog long ago about expiration dates on beliefs…you can read it here:
http://indranislight.org/2009/11/out-dated-beliefs/

I hope you take a few ideas from these two posts to apply new skills and let go of expired ones.

Love and light,
Indrani