Recently, on a learning journey to Trinidad, the Island of my birth, I was in a deep conversation with a dear family member and he said that he was not the “need to know” type.
I was not surprised. I had always known this person and had seen over the years a certain acceptance of many things and a certain trust that things would work themselves out.
I instantly had a flood of memories of all the times I had wished I was not the “I need to know ” type. I wished I could be the “let sleeping dogs lie” type. It seemed to me that type had a life that was stress free. They seemed to be more accepting of things as they were.
I remember this family member just “doing what he was told” without question.
But I also remember that most of those things were not to his benefit. I began to remember that him not asking “why” made his life extremely stressful. He was swindled out of time, energy and money that he did not have.
He was always doing the bidding of others, doing the work for others and taking the blame for others.
He never seemed to be able to connect with the “why me” part of the question.
In other words, this person was NEVER able to say NO!
He was a man without boundaries.
It is very curious to me now, having grown up in this environment, that I dedicate myself to not just having boundaries and being able to say a positive No, but that I teach about boundaries and being able to deliver a perfectly placed NO.
Every time I return to Trinidad, I uncover another little piece of the “raisin d’être ” of Indrani.
I discover another deeper layer of what makes me tick and why I do what I do.
As I love this family member and am flooded with all the memories of all of his sacrifice, pain and torment that he had suffered, I give him thanks. From the time that he was a small boy who was tremendously abused, to being the 10-12 year old who was yanked out of school so that he could go to work washing busses to help feed the whole family to the menial jobs he had to accept because of his lack of education, I give him thanks and praise for NEVER giving up on me. For never giving up on all of his children.
I will forever be in his debt.
He is my FATHER.
With deep love and respect for my 86 year old father who now has Alzheimer’s, I remain your devoted eldest daughter.
Love and light,