“Tis the season,” so it is said. For some, it’s a season of joy. For others, a season of sorrow. And yet for others, it’s a season of chaos and the feelings of the “unknown.” At Indrani’s Light, we teach a workshop series called, “Live A Brighter Life.” One of the modules focuses on self-care. We talk about daily routines and ways to practice self-care that can be accomplished at a moment’s notice. One of those ways is using the outdoors as an outlet and release of negative energy, or absorb the beauty of nature to fill your spirit up with happiness and joy. Whatever your need is in the moment, nature is calling your name!
Our Director of Relationships & Executive Administrator, Stacie Kenton, wrote an amazing blog this month to get us through the end of the year. It can many times be a stressful time for us, and we need a reminder to take care of ourselves.
In her personal blog, “Savor the Season,” Stacie gives us 4 tips to connect with nature:
Take it outside
Take full advantage of sunny days
Savor the season’s pleasures
Be present
We encourage you to GO HERE and enjoy Stacie’s full blog. As Stacie says here …. “I hope you choose to live in this winter and not just through it.”
Here is Indrani’s “Day 13” personal “call to action” video message to you, as we continue to support the UN Women’s “Orange the World” campaign to end violence against women and girls.
Today, Indrani wants to speak directly to those of you experiencing violence in your homes. You can decide to end violence within your four walls. #my4walls#brightlife#16days
Please share this video on social media! You can find our Facebook page at “Indrani’s Light.” You can access all #16days of personal video messages from Indrani.
Let’s END violence against women and girls together!
“ORANGE THE WORLD”
Follow us on Twitter @indranis_light #orangetheworld #16days
The unusual topic of conversation seems to follow me. At business meetings, dinner parties, and coffee dates, people keep talking to me about their childhood abuse. It makes sense: my story of abuse motivates my work, and I don’t stop talking about my mission to end violence in every home {TEDTalk}. Because I share my vulnerable story, people open up to me; some tell of severe cases, others of the occasional slap or scream. It must be human nature to diffuse pain and suffering because most say that they deserved the abuse.
Let me tell you this… I did not deserve it.
I did not deserve to be beaten because the baby pooped in his diaper and smeared it on the wall. The baby was one years old and I was five. I was told to watch the baby, and I was watching the baby. Regardless, I did not deserve to be hit. Nothing a child does merits physical pain and emotional suffering – even if it’s to “teach a lesson.”
This is but one incident of parental anger and rage that was not right. My life of violence was a big deal to me as a child, but it became even bigger when it reared its ugly head after I became a mother. In my TEDxTalk , I describe how I had to fight the beast inside me for the sake of my own innocent child. I believed, and still do, that “if we do not claim our abuse, we will repeat it.” It was a big deal to my son that I never beat him. It was a big deal to me that I saved a new generation from violence.
We all have a Moral Imperative to end violence in the world, the majority of which is done towards women and children. November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and we must all use our voices to make the issue of Gender-Based Violence a big deal. I will be using my voice in my home country, Trinidad, during the 16 days of Gender Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, to ensure that the issue of violence is not ignored as part of my work with Maverick Collective and Population Services International (PSI). I am Trinidadian and am proud to be. I am, however, not proud that violence is so pervasive and normalized. Many Trinidadians are of the opinion that violence is needed to “discipline.” This is not so.
There is much research that shows children who receive violence suffer not only in the present moment but also long into the future. According to the Centers of Disease Control abused children are plagued with a long list of repercussions from depression and suicides, to inability to maintain healthy intimate relationships, to becoming abusers themselves. So if childhood abuse is so common in Trinidad, no wonder 1 in 3 Trinidadians have experienced physical violence from their most recent intimate partner, according to a PSI-Caribbean study.
Reports of crimes related to sexual assault and domestic violence increased by nearly 50% between 2013 and 2014 according to the UN in the Universal Periodic Review of Trinidad and Tobago. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Abuse doesn’t have to keep happening to children. Relationships don’t have to be plagued with violence. It starts with you. Determine your Adverse Childhood Experiences Score to understand how your childhood may have affected your physical and emotional growth. If violence happened to you, it is a big deal. But you also have the power to end it, in your own home, starting today.
Another Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end. Indrani’s Light Foundation, along with hundreds of other organizations around the country promoted DVAM through social media, public events, emails, fundraisers, and other creative ideas. I did some research about whether or not the month of October has been effective for domestic violence prevention organizations. The first DVAM formed in 1987, and evolved from the “Day of Unity,” which was held in 1987 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Although there is no hard data about whether or not DVAM has had a direct impact on the decrease of domestic violence, we CAN inform you that the rate of domestic violence has dropped 63% since 1994. (*Bureau of Justice Statistics) Although this is a promising statistic, the sobering fact is that, in the next five minutes it may take you to read this blog, 100 people will have been abused by an intimate partner in the United States. And this statistic DOES NOT include the number of mental and emotional abuse victims.
Just imagine for a moment, what the actual number of victims there are, who are suffering from physical, mental, and emotional abuse on the planet right now? There are hundreds of thousands of women, men, and children in crisis right this very minute, and I am wondering if we are making a difference. We blog, post informative and educational posts, produce videos to impact people, send out emails every week, and speak on stages about domestic violence prevention. But are we doing enough? Can we do more?
At Indrani’s Light, we are a small team who is passionate and determined to support Indrani Goradia’s mission to END violence against women and girls globally. We are currently focusing on domestic violence in the United States, and work every day to build interest, and recruit people to help us teach our Live A Brighter Life curriculum in their communities to educate the public. We formed the “Caregiver Project,” in which our trainers travel to women’s shelters and teach our curriculum to the shelter staff, and prevent them from burning out of this very emotionally charged career.
One day I asked Indrani how she stays focused on her mission, and how she keeps from getting discouraged when people do not seem to get involved in helping women and girls. This is what Indrani said …“A future free of gender violence starts with a single daily action from you.”(This is the first thing you will read on our website) She went on to explain that she helps one woman at a time, and so should I. We ARE making a difference because we are TAKING ACTION. We may need to work hard to recruit just one ILF Trainer, but that trainer will be worth every minute of effort. Indrani told me we are doing this work for our children, our grandchildren, and their children. This mission will not be accomplished overnight, but we will do our damnedest to be the part of history who changed the world, and made violence against women and girls a distant memory.
As I sit here ready to post, yet another, repetitive recruitment post on Facebook ….. I wonder if I’ll get 10 or 20 “likes,” or one comment. What I KNOW is if I post a cute dog or cat video on Facebook, I will get 28,000 views, 25 shares, 300 likes, and about 10 comments. What are we battling with when it comes to awareness and education about human rights? Have we burned the public out on the dark side of the world in which they need to close their eyes and ignore the pandemic of abuse? I know there are people out there who feel called to help victims of domestic violence, but how do we reach them? How can we get them to TAKE ACTION?
I will end this blog by asking a single question:
ARE YOU OUT THERE?
If you are ready to help one woman or child from being abused again, please click on this link and join us for our next Live A Brighter Life Class.
With Love & Light,
Amy Jaffe
Director of Education & Training | Indrani’s Light Foundation
Indrani Goradia has just returned from India after continuing her global mission to end violence against women and girls. She visited a different city on this trip, and brought back some lessons from her experience there. Indrani was able to teach our Live A Brighter Life classes to groups of women and men, who did a phenomenal job in participating and learning about boundaries, saying “No,” guilt and shame, and most importantly, self-care.
This trip to India was special. Indrani wants to share her experience, and some of the feedback she received from the men, in particular. The lessons Indrani learned from India brought her back home with an urgency to “Break the Silence.”
As we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness month here in the United States, we need to make real change, and stop domestic violence globally. We MUST talk openly about the issue, not just on Facebook, or YouTube, or when standing in front of big audiences.
We need to break the silence and talk with each other, openly and honestly. Daily.
If you want to join Indrani for this LIVE CALL on Thursday, October 20th, 2016 at 10am PT | 1pm ET, all you need to do is use the following information (no email address or option required):
Conference Dial-In Number:
(605) 562-3140 Participant Access Code:
694881# Canadian Caller Instructions:
Dial: (559)546-1400
Then proceed with regular conference line numbers above.
If you would like to receive a reminder about the call, and hear even more from Indrani, you can sign up for the call here:
We could also use your support in spreading the word about this live call with Indrani. You can use the following text on Facebook, twitter, or your social media platform of choice to get your friends and family involved in stopping the silence.
Facebook Post | Stop the Silence: Join me on October 20th at 10am Pacific Time to listen to Indrani Goradia speak about the newest lessons she has learned about ending domestic violence globally http://bit.ly/2ewKDPf
For twitter | Stop the Silence: October 20th Indrani Goradia shares what she has learned about ending domestic violence globally http://bit.ly/2ewKDPf
Indrani would love to share some of her meditations with you. Her desire is to assist you in beginning a meditation practice, if you do not have one. If you have a meditation practice, these weekly meditations will help you to work on living a brighter life.
Today’s 12-minute meditation is about sitting with someone who is very wise. Is this person Nelson Mandela? Mother Teresa? Buddha? Jesus? Maybe it’s a close friend whom you admire, and consider them very wise. Indrani will help you breathe in the wisdom this wise person has to offer you. You can breathe in compassion, forgiveness, future thinking, or maybe a big dream of changing the world. You will come to see that the wisdom from this person does not just belong to them …. it belongs to YOU.
Indrani would love to share some of her meditations with you, so keep an eye on the ILF blog for our ongoing meditation series, which begins with today’s meditation. Her desire is to assist the members of the Indrani’s Light Foundation family a way to begin a meditation practice, if you do not have one at this time. If you have a meditation practice, these weekly meditations will help you to work on living a brighter life.
Today’s meditation is called, “Being Present.” This is a meditation that will enable you to be present with whatever comes up. Are you experiencing feelings that are stopping you in your tracks?
Indrani wants you to just NOTICE and be aware of your emotions and behavior, without judgment. This can help you be PROactive in your life, and not REactive. This is only a 3-minute meditation to get you present with your current emotions….. try it. It’s only 3 minutes.
I own a great little tool. It is a hammer AND a bottle opener. I don’t know why I bought it, except to say it was an unexpected combination. One day, I had a visitor who wanted a bottle opener.
I yelled from the bedroom, “Look for the hammer!” He yelled back, “I said a bottle opener!” I yelled back, “Look for the hammer in the drawer with the knives!”
This exchange went back and forth until I came out of the bedroom and made him LOOK into the drawer and he said, “OHH!!” He then tried to start a conversation about how stupid it was to put a bottle opener and a hammer together. I did not engage. I went back to what ever I had been doing.
Why am I telling you this story?
We all have problems to solve. My friend’s problem was HOW to get the beer out of a bottle that did not have a twist off cap. It was a significant problem for him.
You probably have a significant problem you are trying to solve today, and you may not give yourself permission to look for a tool in an unlikely place. Perhaps a piece of your solution will come from a poem, or a book, or a coach, or a therapist. Perhaps a piece of the solution is meditation combined with exercise combined with rock climbing. Maybe the solution is a hobby, like quilting, and you will decide to enter your quilt into a competition because you are competitive. Perhaps you will decide to learn to swim at age 50 and do an Olympic Distance Triathlon, like I did.
My point is that solutions come from a variety of places and people. Try not to discount anything until you have given it a try. There will be lots of people who will tell you HOW to solve your problem because it’s the way they solved a similar problem.
Maybe you will be irritated with them and lash out.
Try to tell them that you would like them to NOT advise you for the next three weeks while you ponder solutions for yourself. Put YOU at the center of your solution and listen to the whisper you get about certain solutions you might try.
Remember when I said, “Look for the hammer,” it made NO sense to my friend until he saw the hammer attached to the bottle opener.
What kind of strange gadget might be the right tool for you?
Written by Amy Dier – Director of Education & Training | Indrani’s Light Foundation
Indrani recently wrote a blog about the phrase that many of us use too often ….. “Same ol’ same ol’, nothing ever changes!” When I was in law enforcement for 20 years, this was a very common statement I heard over and over again. I worked with many government agency employees, and many were my friends. They, too, used this phrase to describe their discord, and lack of enthusiasm around their jobs.
Now that I’m the Director of Education and Training for Indrani’s Light Foundation, I have been given an opportunity to lead our Caregiver Project, where we reach out and train the staff, volunteers, and administrators of women’s shelters and organizations. These are the “Caregivers” who work with the women and children who are in need of shelter, counseling, medical and psychological help. Many of these caregivers are burning out, and quitting their jobs at the shelters because of the every day stress of working in this kind of environment. Not only is it emotionally hard to work with the women and children, it can also be stressful to work at a shelter with internal personnel issues, which is commonplace.
When I reach out to the shelter caregivers and ask them their biggest source of stress, they tell me when changes are made to improve their work environment, it only lasts for a little while, and then everything goes back to the “same ol’ same ol’.” There are feelings of abandonment, or lack of trust. There are shelter administrators who are under an incredible amount of stress to keep their shelter open based on funding, and not be able to pay their staff what they really deserve.
So Indrani wants our training and follow up calls to the caregivers to include a way to challenge the staff to change the language of “same ol’ same ol’.
So here is what Indrani wants the caregivers to do:
“If you are in a work environment and you feel and think that nothing ever changes, I challenge you to live with your values and have the courage to be the one to change in any given situation. The next time you hear someone say, “Same ol’ same ol’, do the opposite of roll your eyes. Be curious and say, “What do you mean?” Try to engage the negative person to see if you can change the energy in the situation. Do not succumb to the negative, step away when you feel like you are losing your own positivity. You take control of YOU, and take YOU out of the negative equation. Give it s try and see if same old same old can become same situation different me!” Click here to read the full blog
If you are a caregiver, or a leader of caregivers, or work in an environment where it seems as though nothing ever changes, we challenge you to be brave, step up your game, and take control of YOU! Step away from the negative and BE the change.
If this blog resonates with you, please comment below. We’d love to know if this has encouraged you to make a difference at your workplace, and BE the change. If you’d like to know more about our Caregiver Project, click HERE.
Have you ever said these words? Have you ever heard these words said to you? I am willing to bet that you can answer “yes” to at least one of the above questions.
Now, think back for a moment to one of the times when you thought, “Nothing ever changes.” Was it a happy moment? Was it a moment of uplift and hope? Or was it a moment of sadness and despair? Was it a moment when things were going wrong and you felt the feeling of hopelessness, and nothing would ever change? Then the moment or event passed and something changed.
Maybe the experience came back, or maybe it is a recurring event in your life as in an illness, or the illness of someone else. Maybe it’s a break up or a devastating divorce. I say “devastating divorce” because some divorces are not devastating, and it’s actually the best thing the couple ever did. I know of some of those!
The thing I want to point out is this there is NO moment in time when the phrase “Nothing ever changes” is accurate. It is NEVER a fact that “nothing ever changes.” I don’t like to use the word “never,” and in this instance the word is accurate.
Things are always changing. Things are always in flux.
Let’s bring the thought that “nothing ever changes,” down to the lowest common denominator. The thing that this feeling has in common every single time, is US. It is the “ME” that is always present in every situation where I can exclaim that nothing ever changes ….. that it’s the “same ol’ same ol’.”
When I have moments like these (and I do), every single day, I try to ask myself a few questions. I ask myself if “I” have changed. I ask myself to look around and see at least one thing that has changed with the experience around me. Perhaps I can see that the venue has changed, or my clothing has changed, or that there are different players in the scenario.
Now, here is the tricky part, if the players have changed and IF I am still irritated and feel like nothing ever changes, COULD the problem be ME? Now you ask, “Hold on a minute Indrani, you want us to blame ourselves when crap happens? Is it not enough that “crap” just seems to follow us around?”
No, I am not trying to lay blame. I am asking you to investigate the situation to see if YOUR reactions and/or behaviors have anything to do with the recurring outcome of the experience.
Let’s take a simple example:
Let’s say I am driving, it’s a lovely day and I left the house being very happy. Suddenly, someone cuts in front of me and I start screaming at them. (Mind you, they can’t hear me because they are not in my car). In my car, however, are my young children. I’m taking them to school, and they were happy, too. But now they are scared and hate it when I scream, and on top of it I am cursing! I drop them off at school and I am still fuming at the “horrible driver,” and I forget to kiss the kids goodbye. At the end of the day, I pick up the kids and the teacher is waiting for me. The oldest has detention because someone cut in front of him in the lunch line and he cursed at the kid.
See the connection here?
Now, I ask the kid, “Why are you always in trouble? Why is it always the same ol’ same ol’?”
I have to accept responsibility for what I did in the car, and accept that it set the kid off on a bad morning. So, if I always scream and curse at bad drivers, then I have a responsibility to change my behaviors and model behavior change for my child. I have to be present to my part in the whole outcome of the day.
Author, Amy Cuddy, defines “Presence” as, “The state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express true thoughts, feelings, values and potential.” In her book, “Presence,” she tells us in easily understood language that being present in any situation allows us to be empowered within the situation. I may not be able to affect my desired outcome, but I will be able to think and act in accordance with my values. She tells us “it is NOT a permanent transcendent mode of being. It comes and goes. It is a moment to moment phenomenon.”
In the above instance with the cursing in the car, if I am HONEST with myself (honesty is one of my values), then I will tell the teacher that I lost my cool in the car and was cursing that morning, and I think I set my kid up on the wrong foot. If I am not honest, I tell the teacher that I do not know where the kid learns these words and it’s the father’s fault. Even though I have honesty as a strong value, I can still choose to lie and not live by my value system.
If you want to know your top 5 values, go to www.viasurvey.org and do a short survey and get your top values for free. Knowing them is one thing, but trying to live by them is quite another. Living intentionally and with our values is the foundation of our daily, even moment by moment practice. It requires us to be honest with ourselves when we mess up and requires us to have the courage to step back onto the values path the very next moment.
If you are in a work environment and you feel and think that nothing ever changes, I challenge you to live with your values and have the courage to be the one to change in any given situation. The next time you hear someone say, “Same ol’ same ol’, do the opposite of rolling your eyes. Be curious and say, “What do you mean?” Try to engage the negative person to see if you can change the energy in the situation. Do not succumb to the negative, step away when you feel like you are losing your own positivity.
You take control of YOU, and take YOU out of the negative equation. Give it a try and see if same ol’ same ol’ can become “same situation, different me!”
Love and light,
Indrani
(P.S. The referenced book by author, Amy Cuddy, is called, Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges)
Donate to Indrani’s Light Foundation
Your donation will be used towards eradicating gender violence, training community leaders and sharing behaviour-change tools with people who are ready to leave violence behind and create a brighter, more peaceful world.
Our Director of Relationships & Executive Administrator, Stacie Kenton, wrote an amazing blog this month to get us through the end of the year. It can many times be a stressful time for us, and we need a reminder to take care of ourselves.
The unusual topic of conversation seems to follow me. At business meetings, dinner parties, and coffee dates, people keep talking to me about their childhood abuse. It makes sense: my story of abuse motivates my work, and I don’t stop talking about my mission to end violence in every home {
Another Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end. Indrani’s Light Foundation, along with hundreds of other organizations around the country promoted DVAM through social media, public events, emails, fundraisers, and other creative ideas. I did some research about whether or not the month of October has been effective for domestic violence prevention organizations. The first DVAM formed in 1987, and evolved from the “Day of Unity,” which was held in 1987 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Indrani Goradia has just returned from India after continuing her global mission to end violence against women and girls. She visited a different city on this trip, and brought back some lessons from her experience there. Indrani was able to teach our Live A Brighter Life classes to groups of women and men, who did a phenomenal job in participating and learning about boundaries, saying “No,” guilt and shame, and most importantly, self-care.
Conference Dial-In Number:
Indrani would love to share some of her meditations with you. Her desire is to assist you in beginning a meditation practice, if you do not have one. If you have a meditation practice, these weekly meditations will help you to work on living a brighter life.
