I had the very pleasant task a few weeks ago of having a meeting with some amazing people.
All of them believed in me and my dream of ending gender-based violence and they were all focused on how to help me.
I have known most of them for most of my life and a few of them not that long, but we all seemed to gel and the conversation was lively and productive.
No one got their feelings hurt or had a hissy fit or stormed out of the room.
It was as great as great could be.
We did not push our agenda; rather we were all looking at the big picture and how to get me to that point with my work.
One of the attendees really stood out.
His voice was soft and caring but packed a punch when he did choose to speak.
He had the unique ability to assimilate information and repurpose it in a calm and peaceful manner.
That being said, he was not afraid to be outspoken and call a “rhetorical” question, when he heard it.
The day after the meeting, I was replaying how the evening went and I realized something.
This person, who stood out, did so because he was extremely comfortable with his intellect. He was NOT afraid to say what he did not understand, to claim what he did and to cast aside want was not important to the conversation.
He never got caught up with the many side issues that were thrown out; rather he called them as unnecessary and brought the players back to the fore.
The way I began to think of his performance was like a warrior not needing to unsheathe his very sharp sword.
Everyone could see the sword, we all knew that he was a slayer of previous dragons and yet, he did not wield it about. Rather, he never even pointed to it. He allowed his calm and quiet to speak louder than the sword we all recognized.
He never made anyone feel like they had to defend their weapons or flash them around.
I was delighted that I got to see such skills in action.
We were all tired by the end of the night and yet, we all kept the respect for each other on our sleeves, in good public view.
Perhaps I can learn to keep my weapons sheathed so that my super powers don’t kill, even when they are only intended to help.
Let’s learn to sheath our swords called:
Smarter than you
Be the center of attention
Let’s unsheathed the swords called:
Help, I need somebody,Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.
We all know this Beatles tune… but can you say help when you need it?
I have learned that this is what the 12 step program is all about, changing your mind and opening up the doors. For many of us we have lived a life never needing anybody’s help in any way. Now our egos, our shame seem to create a rift between us and the help we need. People who are OCD, control freaks, people pleasers, codependents, abused, abusers, alcoholics, addicts: we all have trouble asking for help.
Our independence seems to have vanished in the haze, and we fool ourselves into thinking if we just buck up we can work through the issues, but does this really make us hum a happy tune?
It is amazing, the comfort in sharing and listening during a support group gathering. Here is a band of people you don’t know, who have seen through the haze and asked for help and who have the strength to offer another person sitting right next to them through their challenges. They listen with a kindly tuned ear and a melodic, compassionate heart. They help lighten the tune of our dissonant chords of life.
And as a people pleaser myself I can say with confidence that trying to be the conductor who orchestrates lives to bring out everyone’s happiness is usually at my own expense. My song not being heard makes for an unbalanced symphony of life.
We are not alone with our instrument of life and when we share together in support it is a comforting melody.
People in support groups can be your band to help you find the music of inner peace and happiness.
You do not need to be one of the fab four to ask for help.
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