Last night I sacrificed something I really wanted to do that was good for me, so I could go and have dinner with an angry, frustrated person.
I wanted to make him less angry by doing what he wanted to do.
At first I had said no, but he walked off with anger seeping from him as he was going to take his motorcycle in the rain during a storm.
So I went to dinner him (we had no electricity due to storms so dining in was not much of an option).
Dinner was tense but tolerable.
I ate too much and I tried to order something healthy but found myself just munching away to pass the uncomfortable time.
After dinner I was filled with self-loathing…for having caved into the compulsion to make someone happy and for falling into the same steps.
My body felt gross.
So to rebel towards how I had been manipulated I made myself vomit…so I would feel better physically.
I felt in control.
And then I ate some ice cream.
How messed up is that?!