Tag Archives: Nina Brown

Caring for the Caregivers: Take Care of Yourself FIRST, Then Take Care of Your Family – Episode #3

As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.

Episode Time Codes

01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario
02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies”
06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries
14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No
20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries.
25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries
29:15 Summary of the three tools

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

BOOK: Coping with infuriating, mean, critical people: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern – Nina Brown

Brighter Life Bit #6: Which of the four boundary types do you have?

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 61 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

What types of personal boundaries are there? Nina Brown identifies four types of boundaries:

Soft: when your boundary merges with other people’s boundaries and is not clearly defined by YOU.

Rigid: when your boundary is unwavering, closed or walled off so no one can get close physically or emotionally.

Spongey: a combo of soft and rigid. You are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out. Your boundary changes in different situations.

Flexible: You have control over what to let in and what to keep out. Your boundary takes care of you and keeps you safe, but you can alter the boundary consciously if you feel the situation is right.

With these boundaries in mind ask yourself: Where are you with each of your boundaries? Soft, rigid, spongey, or flexible?

As you answer this question do not say “I should know better”, instead say “I did such a good job there with my ______ boundary, I wonder if the next time I meet this person what would using a flexible boundary look like”

By reflecting on your soft, rigid, and spongey boundaries you can begin the loving process of shifting them toward healthier flexible boundaries, always remembering to be compassionate with yourself.

What is one boundary that you would like to transform into a flexible boundary? Share your thoughts in the comments below.