Does this sound familiar: you are rushing to leave for work, helping your partner find their keys, packing lunches into backpacks, trying to put dinner in the crockpot, trying to remember your keys, then finally making it out the door. Once you arrive at work you have a meeting with your supervisor, are asked to get something from the supply room (which leads to three more people wanting something), then one of the residents asks you to talk about a big challenge they are facing.
How are you going to do all of this at once, and make everyone happy?
The short answer: you can’t.
The long answer: listen to this episode of the Caring for the Caregivers podcast and learn some important tools you can use to control the overwhelm of trying to help everyone at once.
00:00 Intro 01:16 Scenario 02:36 Indrani – Make a list, and learn to grow your self-empathy bucket 13:52 Discussion 17:42 Amy – using your values to say a positive “No” 28:13 Jeremie – applying these lessons to your organization (and to puppies!) 35:26 Discussion 38:05 Summary and conclusion
We have all been there, someone asks for something and we are swamped BUT we say YES because of:
Yes, this list can be endless. It does NOT matter why you say YES when you want to say NO, because the effects on you are the same.
You feel taken advantage of or angry and explode at those you love or you become more powerless and it feeds your “things will always be like this” way of thinking.
By the way, the anger and explosive thing, usually happens to someone who had nothing to do with the reason you are angry. The person who gets all of your fallout is usually someone who you feel safe with and who has accepted your explosions in the past. Please note that exploding on people is a form of abuse. (Read my post on Domestic Violence here).
Being unable to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial to saying a soft and positive NO.
Yes, I said a Positive NO.
One of my very favorite books is by William Ury “The Power of a Positive NO”. I recommend you order it NOW. It has changed my life and my relationships.
If you are unable to identify how YOU wish to spend your own time, there is a LONG LINE of folks who have GREAT ideas for what you SHOULD do with your time.
Spend a few moments NOW and make a list of people who constantly steal your time, even though you have tried to stop them it continues to happen.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do these people have in common? e.g. family, co workers, perceived power over you, people you adore and love…
How do I feel when these people ask for MORE of my time? Do you feel angry, happy that you can “please them”, afraid when you hear their voice?
How do I hold my posture when I am interacting with these people? Am I standing tall? Do I haunch my shoulders? Does my stomach or my head hurt?
Understanding WHAT you do when you are approached by a TIME THIEF is crucial to understanding how to set and maintain a boundary. See other posts on the Art of saying No.
Have Fun saying NO!
Love and light,
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