You can listen to the original teaching at 61 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
What types of personal boundaries are there? Nina Brown identifies four types of boundaries:
Soft: when your boundary merges with other people’s boundaries and is not clearly defined by YOU.
Rigid: when your boundary is unwavering, closed or walled off so no one can get close physically or emotionally.
Spongey: a combo of soft and rigid. You are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out. Your boundary changes in different situations.
Flexible: You have control over what to let in and what to keep out. Your boundary takes care of you and keeps you safe, but you can alter the boundary consciously if you feel the situation is right.
With these boundaries in mind ask yourself: Where are you with each of your boundaries? Soft, rigid, spongey, or flexible?
As you answer this question do not say “I should know better”, instead say “I did such a good job there with my ______ boundary, I wonder if the next time I meet this person what would using a flexible boundary look like”
By reflecting on your soft, rigid, and spongey boundaries you can begin the loving process of shifting them toward healthier flexible boundaries, always remembering to be compassionate with yourself.
What is one boundary that you would like to transform into a flexible boundary? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
You can listen to the original teaching at 52 minutes and 33 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here
Continuously broken personal boundaries will have wide ranging effects on your entire life, and those you love. “Go to the movies” and watch some of your own footage to see if any of these broken boundary symptoms are showing up for you:
Feelings of guilt, depression, and humiliation
Feeling confused, unsafe, or fearful
A loss of confidence and ability to trust intuition
Starting to question your values and beliefs
Physical exhaustion and constantly getting sick
Boundary related stress, over time, will also have an effect on everyone around you as they witness your stress and the physical and spiritual toll this stress causes.
Write down the boundaries that are being crossed, and the different ways that these crossed boundaries are effecting the loved ones in your life, then share some of your responses in the comments below.
The Live a Brighter Life curriculum is filled with so much rich content, Team ILF decided it would be a great idea to start sharing smaller, digestible, “bits” of the curriculum with all of you.
Let’s get started right now with a little activity from the first LABL class. You can listen to Indrani teaching this exercise by downloading or listening to the LABL Class One recording and fast forwarding to the 10 minute and 55 second mark. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Take a moment right now and do the following:
Write your name, date, and time on a piece of paper, in a word document, or in a journal.
Write three positive adjectives that describe you in this moment.
Pick a time of day.
For the next seven days (or longer, of course) at the time you picked, return to your paper, document, or journal, and write the three positive adjectives that describe you.
At the end of the seven days (or end of each week if you continue doing this) review your adjectives for the week, then write. Write whatever comes up for you after reading those adjectives.
We tend to focus on the negatives in our life and beat ourselves up far too much. This exercise helps stop our “internal abuser” and start to focus on our positive traits.
Now, share the first three positive adjectives you wrote down and any thoughts on this exercise in the comments section here. We would love to read your responses!
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Your support will be used towards covering the costs of the free one-day or two-day, in-person training the ILF Team provides to the advocates at domestic violence organizations across the United States. Your support has already paid for training in Texas, Oregon, Washington, California, Pennsylvania, Alabama, and Illinois.