What is the definition of VICTIM?
What is YOUR definition of victim?
Victims feel that things are being done to them!
There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.
What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?
In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.
Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!
Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.
Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.
Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?
During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.