You put a lot of passion, love, and effort into supporting your clients at work, and your family at home. It can be challenging (and very emotional) when the people you are helping don’t say “thank you” or show any gratitude for the support and energy you give them. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share three more tools (in addition to the tools shared in Episode #5) you can use to change your perspective when someone doesn’t show you appreciation.
01:08 Introduction 02:33 Scenario 03:15 Indrani – Bring self-compassion into the formula 06:36 Discussion about self-compassion 14:55 Amy – Practice Critical Awareness 20:46 Discussion about using Critical Awareness 25:48 Jeremie – Find an “Appreciation Buddy” 28:13 Jeremie – Think about a “Future State” 30:24 Conclusion
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There is a movement afoot where people want to uncover where their food is sourced.
Photo Credit: Flickr/chailey
We have seen an increase in artisan cheese makers, organic farms, grass fed beef and free range chicken. We are balking at farm raised fish and grabbing up the fresh Alaskan Salmon as soon as it drives into your stores.
We fuss about GMO foods and antibiotics injected into our meats and pesticides on our farm produce.
We try as much as we can to ingest the foods that are good for us. We know that messing with the food that nature produces may not be the best thing for our natural bodies.
We run internet campaigns against the large international corporations when they hide what they are doing with our food. We start neighborhood campaigns to help the local farmer, and we are proud when we make even a small dent in the way people think about the food they eat.
We have even seen a fast food chain like McDonalds put apple slices into a kids meal as they hope we forget that the meat in the burger may not be all meat.
I remember when they started advertising their chicken nuggets as 100% all chicken! I wondered what the heck was in the nuggets before.
Yet…we do not take one tenth of this investigative energy to put into the emotions that we take at face value and swallow as if we do not have a choice.
I was recently speaking to a dear friend who is an amazing foodie who prides himself on only cooking and ingesting the very best that he can source. He collects his own seaweed and mushrooms and can smell the difference in fresh seafood and insists on free range chicken and grass fed beef. He only buys the freshest produce and will go without before he ingests foods not good for his system.
He is the epitome of a healthy man!
Except that he accepts the thoughts he often thinks about being not “good enough “or “being selfish” as gospel truth.
He thinks about past childhood pain and imagines that somehow he had something to do with it. He thinks he may have been ” bad” so that his caretakers had good reason to ignore him, give him the silent treatment or just brow beat him back into the mold they made for him.
He thinks that he could have “made them” love and accept him as he longed to be loved and accepted.
He is wrong.
Children are given to us so that the adults in their lives can show them how to love. They learn how to love themselves by the way they are unconditionally loved by their caretakers.
If the caretakers withhold love and support until some action is extracted then the child gets a skewed view of how to be in the world. The disease of people pleasing begins to take root.
I would love to see the day when we feel an emotion that causes us pain and immediately begin to hunt for the source of the pain. I would love to see more people “sourcing the beginning” of their pain.
If, for instance, I choose to stay home and not attend a family function, and if I am told that I am selfish, instead of accepting that diagnosis I should be able to bring up the thousands of examples where I did what was asked and realize that the choice to say NO to a few things is MY right.
It does not make me selfish.
It makes me human.
As I take the time to reflect on life from this side of 60, I send so much compassion to my younger self who was ready to browbeat herself about transgressions that were freely lavished on her. I wish she knew that she was a good child, a good young girl, a good young woman and a good wife and mother. She wasted so much precious life energy berating herself for “crimes against the family” that she should not have accepted.
I send compassion to young and old everywhere and hope that they will find the self compassion to begin to question all the emotions that are imposed upon them by blaming voices and people who have no business judging others.
I ask you to hold yourself with loving compassion today. Even if only for a few moments.
Think about who you have to listen to each day and have a conversation with, or communicate with daily:
The people sitting next to you
The check out person at the store
The list can go on and on….
With all of phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face conversations that go on during the course of a day we could be listening to 10’s and for some 100’s of people a day.
Let’s imagine a conversation with our best friend.
ME: Hi! How ya doing? How’s your day?
FRIEND: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.
ME: Oh really? I am sorry to hear that. Why? FRIEND: Yes. I am really dragging, I am a little down.
ME: Oh, are you getting enough sleep? Eating well? Are you sick? FRIEND: No, I did not get enough sleep. I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….
ME: What can I do to help? Why don’t you turn the phone off and take a nap. Your work/laundry/cleaning/ will still be there when you wake up. But you’ll feel better. Oh, I know, finish up what you have to get done and call it a day. Take a bath and just start fresh tomorrow.
Does this conversation sound familiar?
Notice that nowhere in the list of people we listen to everyday, who we talk with, do we take the time to have a quiet conversation with ourselves. Let’s take that same conversation and switch roles of our best friend with ourselves, our bodies.
ME: Hi how ya doing? How’s your day? MYSELF: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.
ME: Oh really why? Come on shake it off, it’s a work day you know… MYSELF: I am really dragging, I am a little down.
ME: Oh you had four, almost five hours sleep. It’s almost the weekend, toughen up. Maybe a Starbucks or a Coke will pick you up…the day will be over soon. MYSELF: No, I did not get enough sleep. I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….
ME: Listen, just push through the day, let’s get our work/laundry/cleaning done and cross it off the list. We’ll try to go to bed early. Hey the weekend is coming and maybe we can take a nap then. Snap to it!
The first conversation with our friends is a kind, warm and compassionate conversation. The second is cold, uncaring and demanding.
Why is it that we are the hardest on ourselves?
Take some time to listen to your heart, mind and body. Show it the same warmth, caring and compassion as you would your best friend or even your child.
We should always take time to have a conversation with ourselves and listen closely to what we need.
Can you take a break from doing everything for everyone?
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