00:00 Introduction. 00:43 Scenario. 02:05 Amy – Guilt and shame triggers. 07:28 Discussion about Guilt and shame triggers. 13:16 Indrani – Working from your strengths. 19:50 Discussion about Working from your strengths. 24:40 Jeremie – What happens when you don’t set boundaries. 29:30 Discussion about What happens when you don’t set boundaries. 34:05 Conclusion
If you should see a sign above a beautiful doorway in a lovely building that reads Department of Emotions, you may be curious.
You may enter cautiously, with glee or maybe with anxiety. Let’s assume that you do enter and begin to look around.
Within this department, you may find floor upon floor of beautiful offices with open doors and nicely dressed people working away.
These employees have the job of dispensing emotions to the whole world. They actually love their jobs.
The way they do it is that they get telegraphic requests and they dispatch emotions at the speed of light.
You want Joy? Done.
Gratitude? Yes, lots being dispensed these days.
You look around some more and realize that some employees are sitting still, making no movement with no work to do.
You look at their titles and there seems to be a theme….Bliss, Ecstasy, Passion and you wonder why.
Then you wander some more and see some employees over-burdened, just dragging and stressed and you glance at their titles.
You see another theme…
You ask them why they are so exhausted and they don’t even have time to look up or answer you.
One of the other employees, the one called Ecstasy, tells you that some emotions are overused and the guys dispensing them cannot catch a break. No time for rest or sleep. No one seems to be taking breaks from fits of anger, rants full if rage or blinding hatred.
Then you begin to realize that you too have overused some emotions and woefully underused others.
You cannot remember the last time you telegraphed for Bliss or Passion and forget about Ecstasy.
I know that this blog is way out there. I hope that it gives you pause to consider which emotions you over use and which others you ignore.
I encourage you to use less anger and rage and use more of joy, bliss and passion.
Find something to be passionate about…a hobby or a cause.
Find Joy in the everyday stuff, even little things like the gift of sight or the ability to still climb stairs.
I believe it was Albert Einstein who said we can behave as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle.
Let’s live the miracles that are all around us.
Love and light,
I was recently in Paris at the airport. There was only a short amount of time between my flights, and my stress weighed heavily on me. I got lost three different times between terminals as the clock ticked away. The signs that told me where to go were in front of me, but as I skimmed over them looking for big arrows that said “Terminal E2,” I missed the smaller details in my narrowed perception, which were meant to give me the direction of where to go.
If I would have managed my stress better I would have seen those smaller signs, and I would have found my way a little easier.
How many times in life has stress narrowed your perception where the signs, although right in front of us, go undetected?
Next time stress creeps up your spine, stop and breathe and look for all the signs of life. They are there, and once you see them your path will be illuminated. Otherwise, the most obvious of signs will go unseen. And you too will be lost.
Yesterday I had the chance to “fix” a problem for someone.
This person called me and they were sad and crying. I am a good fixer.
I am a really good fixer.
Then, I took a few moments to ponder if this was something that I really wanted to deal with.
I decided to not do it.
Why would I not do it?
The answer is so very simple.
I did not have the emotional bandwidth.
I could not sustain what needed to be done for them with everything that needed to be done for me.
I was already experiencing stress just from hearing the request and I knew if I did not pay attention to what was happening with me internally, I would make decisions that I would regret.
This skill did not come easily. I have been NOT paying attention to my own self for the majority of my life. Whenever I met someone who was able to decline “fixing” others I was amazed. I felt like I would never get to the point where I would be able to stand firm in a decision that was good for me.
But I was wrong.
The book that saved me from a fate of “chronic people pleasing” is The Power of a Positive NO by William Ury. I encourage you all to read this book. Inhale it slowly and digest every word.
I will give you one of the tips that Ury presents in the book. He says that people fail to say NO in the following ways:
We accommodate because of fear of reprisals if we say no.
We avoid the person all together so that we do not have to deal with the issue.
When avoiding does not work we feel trapped and acquiesce but with
anger. We end up shouting and blaming the other person saying “you made me do it.”
No one can make you do anything.
The words that people speak can be hurtful and you can feel abandoned because those involved did not see your point of view…but that still cannot MAKE you do anything.
We end up doing things because we cannot stand the “pressure” and we give in.
Building up resilience to “pressure” is what we need to do so that we will be firm in our resolve to stay in our own business and mind our own life.
Sitting in the midst of the pressure from outsiders can feel like you are going to cave in, but you will not. Your body is strong and will not collapse. It is your resolve that collapses. Allow yourself to feel the pressure and share the painful experience with a trusted friend or therapist. That is exactly what needs to happen in order to build
up resilience. It takes time. Only YOU can do it. No one can “give” you the strength to sit with the discomfort. It is a decision you have to make in order to save your own sanity.
What do you get if you crossed, Paula Deen, Martha Stewart and June Cleaver… a migraine for all us mere mortal women!
I was recently strolling thru an airport and came upon a bookstore. So of course I wasted a nice chunk of change on magazines.
They were all Christmas magazines and each had copious tips for me as to how to create that ever so special holiday.
I began to make a list and it was appalling how many things I HAD to do to make my family, friends and the community at large happy.
The list is far too long so I will just give you some highlights…
Make cookies from scratch, cut outs that must be iced and drop cookies, because as we all know people like variety!
Do extra special community deeds, because as we all know, all the volunteer stuff we do is NOT enough to make us feel worthwhile.
Put a special ornament on all the cabinet knobs, because we all know, every room must be festive.
Make all your own floral arrangements and get only the freshest buds, because as we all know, people will know that I am a slouch if I buy them from the grocery store.
Group glass containers together and place candles in them, because as we all know, electric lights are too harsh for the holidays.
Write a special note in all my holiday cards, because as we all know, it is extremely tacky to just say “Happy Holidays”.
Decorate the tree, preferable trees, in its own special theme, because as we all know, a hodge podge of ornaments from years of life well lived, just looks too damn dull.
Have scents of cinnamon and oranges wafting all thru the house, because as we all know, our houses stink the whole rest of the year.
Decorate every room with fresh sprigs (from our gardens) especially the guest rooms, because as we all know we want those pesky guests to feel so comfy, they’ll stay an extra month.
I can go on, but I have a lot to do in the next few weeks, as you can clearly see.
So I’ll be sure to start tomorrow because it’s too dark to get sprigs and such and I don’t have all the ingredients for the 13 kinds of cookies I intend to make.
Wait, I can’t start tomorrow… I have a massage scheduled and that tea I must go to, and oh yea I gotta go the work. Hmmm, ok the day after tomorrow then. Wait…
Donate to Indrani’s Light Foundation
Your donation will be used towards eradicating gender violence, training community leaders and sharing behaviour-change tools with people who are ready to leave violence behind and create a brighter, more peaceful world.