All posts by Indrani Goradia

When the invisible is finally seen… It can never again be hidden.

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womans eye via wallpapaerswideTry to think of something important, significant and poignant that you know now, but to which you used to be ignorant.

For me, it is the fragility of teenagers.

There was a time, before I had children, that I did not know the in credibility of teenage-hood.
I used to think that they were just younger versions of adults, that it was just a chronological thing for them.

I did not know that their brains were barely baked, or that their executive functioning skills were sorely lacking, or that they had the capacity to think of others.

Let me make a side note here. There ARE some teenagers who are incredibly mature and make ALL the “right” decisions….the kind of decisions that make adults proud and secure in their parenting skills. Yes, there are many of these beings.

If you know one of those beings… run, do not walk and hug them. Give the permission to make mistakes and to break some rules.

Give them permission to be one of the “other” kinds of teenagers.

Now that I know a few more things about the way teenagers behave, and that as parents, we should not take it personally, I can never not know.

This knowing, gives me the gift of compassion for teenagers and their witless parents.
The kind of witless parent I used to be.

In the words of Mark Nepo, ” …what has become visible and true will not become invisible again.”
Mark Nepo tells us that honoring ourselves means that “we will not pretend to be ignorant to what we know to be true…”

When we allow our knowing to inform our living, we live in honor of spirit of all things. We especially live in honor of ourselves.

Can we be patient enough to hold honor for all the “future KNOWINGS” that we will receive in the exact right time?

That is indeed a hard task.

Try to think of something you desperately want to know now…something that is bothering you in a deep and confusing way.

Can you give yourself the gift of patience and time to allow the knowing to appear to you?

If the answer is “no way,” then you have chosen a path very fraught with brambles and sticker bushes and cacti.

Yes, you will be caught on the many branches in the way as you barge thru the unknown.

If, however, the answer is a soft “maybe,” then you stand a chance of less pain and less regret. You will allow yourself to step over the brambles and sticker bushes. You will be more discerning with your steps.

If your answer is a resounding “yes,” then you, my friend, will be still enough to see the different path, the one clear from the brambles and sticker bushes and cacti.

I do not know which decision you will make but know this, YOU can always start again and make a different decision.

Remember to learn from the hasty decisions though, lest you trip yourself up again.

Wait…wait for the path to be clear. Wait for the clearer path to show itself.

Wait.

It may be the best thing you have ever done for yourself.
Love and light,
Indrani

Respect for women trumps an order to gang rape a girl!

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Recently in the news, an elder Tribesman ORDERED a girl to be gang raped!
This took place in a remote village in India.
Sorry to have opened this blog so abruptly. There is no other way to speak this horror other than to just spit it out.

The elder took part in the rape.

The whole village watched and stood by as a young girl was tied and ravaged because she dared to choose her own husband.

My mind has been racing since I read this….my head aching with all the elements that I do not understand.

I have so many questions:
How cruel has this man been in the past?
How many people had he already raped?
How much has he abused his wife?
How many rapes had the other rapists previously committed?

You see, from where I stand an elder does not “all of a sudden” decide to become a rapist.
And sane men do not just blindly follow an order to gang rape a young girl.

It is VERY likely that the elder has been a bully for quite a while AND he has gotten away with it.

No one in the village reported him for his cruelty and lack of basic humanity and so he grew in power and pride and found himself in a powerful position where he could “make” a group of men gang rape a young girl.

Did those men have a choice? YES, they did. They could have all said NO… this will not happen.

It was heart breaking to read that the village women blamed the girl for the horrific acts of the elder and the other rapists.

My heart wants to know how many other rapes and violence against women has been happening in this village that has up until now, gone unnoticed. How many women have been suffering in silence? Perhaps this instance of horrific acts will help to pry open a little more the plight of women and girls. Just like the gang rape on the bus in New Delhi where the victim died and the furor against these practices started. Perhaps this instance will further that fight.

I can only hope.

What is our takeaway here?

A bully needs to be reported at the first infraction lest he be voted in an elder at a later date. In this country, report the abusers lest they become our political leaders!

Speak up for your rights and keep speaking up….speak loudly and often and never shut up.
And MEN…
If someone tells you to rape someone say in a loud voice,
I AM NOT A RAPIST…and then report them to the authorities.

Please let us bring back humanity to the human race.

Love and light and compassion to all women who have suffered rape,
Indrani

When losing our path really means finding our way….

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Light steps“If we can see our way through the uncertainty of feeling lost, unexpected callings often present themselves. One stirring example is the story of Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, (1954-2006), who began her carrier as an accomplished Viola player. While on tour in Europe, her viola was stolen. Though she could have replaced it, the theft threw her into a state of feeling lost and uncertain. She stopped playing for a while and then began to work with the only instrument she had left, her voice. Though she had sung before, she devoted herself to the instrument within her, and in two years, became the luminous mezzo-soprano she was meant to be. “

This was taken from the book Seven Thousand ways to Listen by Mark Nepo.

Can you imagine what her parents told her when she refused to replace the viola?
Do you imagine they said, “Oh well honey, just SING!”
I think they probably said the opposite.

If you have ever had a child who has given up a sport or an activity that you thought they were good at and said something to them, it was most likely something negative.

I believe that it’s a Neil Diamond song that has lyrics that say,  “and being lost feels like coming home.”
Yes, BUT only if we surrender to the LOSTness of feeling loss and feeling lost.
When this happens, we cannot command the stars or the planets to make things the way they were.
A parent who loses a child cannot imagine a world without them. Yet, they often have other children who love and need them and have to find a new path to future joy.

Only time can show the way to weave life and light into the numbing darkness.

It is the acceptance of the dark time, however, and the ability to stay present with our emotions and not push them away that makes room for light when the time is right.

We cannot “will” the time to be right.

Over the course of our life, we all experience loss. This is a fact of life…loss happens and will continue to happen.

We can probably count the things we have lost and can still feel the pangs of pain.
We are less adept at counting out the things we have found.
We are woefully inadequate at sustaining the buoyant feelings of joy at the levels we can sustain the pangs of pain.

Brene Brown tells us that rehearsing for tragedy does not make us any more able to handle it when it arrives… and arrive it will.

It is the nature of all things.

The only thing that can help us with deep loss are the overwhelming joy stores we build up while we can.
This simply means that we must try to squeeze the joy out of all situations, whenever we can.
We cannot allow joy to be lost to the ether because we are too scared to feel it.

Feeling joy is not something we are taught to do. We are also hard wired to look for the “lions and tigers and bears” so we can run away and live another day.
We often react as if we live in the same fearful jungle that our forefathers lived in.
Our jungles are now often just in our heads and we create many of the lions and tigers and bears.

As we dive into this New Year, I encourage you to make a list of THINGS YOU FOUND that made you joyful.

If you keep a gratitude journal, go back through the entries and make your list. Perhaps you want to share some of the memories with your family and friends. Why not have a Joy-fest! Kind of like the opposite of a pity party.

Take time out to celebrate the things well won and well earned.

Happy memory trails to you, until we meet again.
Love and light,
Indrani

Who is YOUR tribe?

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group via istockphotoTribe.  There have been a lot of articles in the past year about finding your tribe or being part of a tribe.   I thought about it and pondered as to who my tribe really is.  So I put it out there on Facebook and asked:  

 What tips do you have in finding a tribe?  

And 13 people offered up tips and insights.  All of which are interesting….

Crystal: Acceptance, kindness, respect, honesty, non-judgment, unconditional love….or at least the attempt.

Jeanine:  Remember in Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle, he talked about a “karats?” a loose-knit group of roughly 16 people you associate with your entire life? I always liked that idea.

Russell: If you meditate every day you will eventually find yourself in a wonderful tribe without having sought. Don’t limit yourself to your own imagination.

Me:  What makes up our tribe? Our FB friends, the people we work with, our family? Are we members of many tribes at the same time all in a quest to have a sense of belonging?

Brenda: You’ll have to explain the tribe you’re seeking. I’m finding my tribe is showing up the more I have personal growth.

Beulah: My tribe is almost completely made up of women…sisters, all whether by birth or fortune. I couldn’t survive without them.

Sherri: Those who connect to your soul…the deepest part of you. You know them. Just let it happen. I’m doing just that myself. It is amazing who is in your tribe led by the higher power. You will find them without looking. The ones who speak to your soul. Your tribe. Tribes are connected at the soul. No matter what their outer thoughts. Thoughts are only judgments good or bad. The soul will find the souls that are connected with you. There are no prerequisites of how the body and mind of the soul lives. Those are human conditions of the mind, just my opinion and that in itself is a judgment as are all thoughts.

Gary: Your tribe is the circle of friends that are close to you…the circle can be small or large; it doesn’t matter about the size. What matters is that your hearts and souls connect.

Stacy: Members of my tribe must eat and drink similar to me. A basic common need we have in share. Also an openness to share differences and withhold judgment.

Greg:  Listen, and pray, and watch. If you ask for your Tribe to find you, they will!

Happy:  Okay, my personal thoughts on this. I think we live many lives. In these lives a core of people always shows up, in different people that we are in contact with, i.e., my mom and I were together many different times. Once I was the mom, once we were friends….at one time we were twin sisters…I believe my tribe are these people. People you are drawn to, I feel that I have recently met several kindred souls on FB…it is a very good way to bring people together, if it’s used as that tool. And when we finish our lessons here on Earth, we all transcend and we are joined Beyond. The same thing, I feel about people who you immediately dislike. These people have done harm to you in the past, and you meet them again, to learn, to forgive, and move on. This is what I think your tribe is… You already know many of them. They are the people you love most deeply, and unconditionally.

Brenda:  My tribe is almost everyone and everything. In some way they make the circle complete. My son’s teachers, my employees, my animals, my family, my neighbors, my community, complete strangers, FB friends, nature and so on. It is all different levels of my tribe… but it is a tribe for me.

Jeanie: my thoughts … our tribe needs to be open and flexible everyday … yes, our closest loved ones will always be in our inner circle, but we are all imperfect people and will disappoint each other from time to time and won’t be there for the other when and how we need it at times. We need to forgive others, forgive ourselves, try to remain humble and accepting and realize what to hold onto and let go of each and every day. A stranger can be part of your tribe, even if for a moment, because in that moment – they are exactly what you need. When we struggle, it can be a very good and important time in our lives even if it’s painful ~ that’s when we grow the most.

Margarita: Decency and a good heart is the price of admission to my tribe. Anyone with that is in.

 

I would love to know your thoughts on tribes. Anything to share?

Striking a match… it’s important to know which end is which

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downloadThe other night, I was trying to light a candle and was furiously striking the match but nothing was happening. Lamenting at how matches are so poorly made these days, I carried the candle into a lit room to try to find some different matches ONLY to realize that I was not striking the flint end if the match!

Man…did I feel dumb. I had to take back all the horrible things I was thinking about the match box manufacturer.

This, of course, had me thinking about other ways I had been wasting my energy and not putting my talents and gifts to best use.

Like the time I’ve wasted wondering why I did not get a gig that I wanted or whether my talents were good enough.

Every time a missed opportunities happened it was because I was barking up the wrong tree…not striking the proper end of the match.

I was not following my own unique gifts and purposes.

Every time I missed “a chance” I was given the space to dig deeper for my truer purpose.

One really good example of this happened about 9 years ago. I was working alongside some people who had invited me to be with them at an O Event where O Magazine was putting on a conference. I was supposed to get a behind the scenes pass to help my mentor who was presenting from the stage. I had to buy my own tickets and pay for my own hotel room but I would have the opportunity to talk to others about my coaching.

ONE day before I was supposed to be in Boston for the event, I got a call from one of my “colleagues” (the one who invited me in the first place) and she says, “I’m not sure how you thought you were invited. We never said that.”

I was devastated but I went anyway since it was my own money on the line.
I nursed my feelings of displacement and tried not to show anger when I saw my “colleagues”.

I am grateful now that those people showed me their true colors.
It forced me to figure out my own path and to strike out on my own.

I can see now that I was striking the wrong end of the match. As hard as I tried to make that opportunity work for me, there was NO FLINT to engage. There was just a lot of nothing. I could not make something from nothing.

I was forced to “make my own flint” and follow my own path.

So the next time you see a missed opportunity, ask yourself if there was any flint there in the first place.
Perhaps you are being asked to look elsewhere, to use your talents elsewhere and to strike out on your own in another place.

Love and light,
Indrani

Behind the nose of a clown….

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beda

Ah…behind the nose of a clown. A clown can be anything.

Behind the nose of a clown, a clown can pour out compassion at a safe distance from others.

Behind the make-up of a clown, a clown’s inner feelings and personality are hidden.

Behind the costume of a clown, the body and physical attributes of that person disappears.

Being a clown, as we have all been, allowed us to do one thing….show love and compassion, nothing else.

What mask or costume do you hide behind as you go through your day?

My challenge to you in 2014….be your kindest, most caring, compassionate, loving self without a mask or costume.

Can you make people smile and connect with another person in “nakedness” of who YOU truly are?

Who is your OPRAH?

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excited via glitterinmycoffee.tumblrWhen Oprah had her daily blockbuster talk show, I know people who had written books or had a specific platform for doing something that longed for Oprah’s people to call. They longed to be spotlighted so that their books could sell, their work could be showcased or that they could be famous.

In some instances though, a call from a behemoth like an Oprah could shut down an operation. If you were not geared up to accept millions of orders, field thousands of callers or to be thrust into the limelight, it could derail your work and your life.

Then perhaps, you were the type who wrote a lot of lies, as in A Million Little Pieces and were exposed and had to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

A call from someone like an Oprah may NOT be the next best step for you.

Recently, I got a call from a non-governmental organization called PSI.org and I am now partnering with them to eradicate Gender Based Violence.

The time was right for this call. This organization was my Oprah.

This organization can help me to spread my work and help me to shore up my own talents so that I increase my skills to do better work.

My point here is to be really specific of how your next best step with your work can be served.

It probably IS NOT the Oprahs of this world or the CNNs of the world. It is probably someone placed a little closer to you and who can enable you to take a next best and stronger step.

If, however, the Oprahs of the world call, you may have to have the courage to say no, or not yet or give me a few more years.

Only you can decide what your next best step is and it is most likely a simple step…not a leap.

Be patient, do your great work and plan your next best steps.

 

Love and light,
Indrani

What could better personal boundaries do for you?

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What do you suppose BETTER PERSONAL boundaries can do for you?

Andrea J. Lee and I are leading a series of six classes next week and we begin with SETTING BOUNDARIES.

These classes are FREE and they are great life enhancing tools.

Click the following link to register now for Six Live Sessions & Accompanying Recordings:

http://www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com/

Please feel free to share this link with anyone who might be interested in this free training.

The ‘Live a Brighter Life’ Online Program is a free offering to benefit all our lives and to pave the way for future trainers of the work. The six sessions of LABL will be mandatory for participants wishing to enter ILF Train-the-Trainer program.

Sunny with a chance of blessings….

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dancing in the sun via debtdoctorscanada.comHappy 2014.

Perhaps if we hold this phrase in our hearts we will find the sun and feels its warmth, all while seeing the blessings all around.

Let’s plan for the best in 2014 and learn from the not so best.
Let’s show up everyday.

May your 2014 be all that you want.

 

Love and light,
Indrani

Who has touched your life today?

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cp_family_kind_gestures_to_show_someone_you_care_articleToo often I think we miss the acts of kindness that happen in our daily lives.

I stopped to take an inventory of how many occurrences of warm-heartedness I received yesterday.  I could think of at least 15 times when someone said, did, offered, their kindness and fellowship to me.  Wow.  I can’t help but wonder if during the times that I feel sorry for myself, alone, worthless, that I am missing these simple caring gestures.  We live in a world that is based on “what’s in it for me” and if we stop and think about it…..A LOT!

If we take an inventory of everything we will see that we receive so much in life. But often times we are unaware or too busy and we ignore or dismiss the great things that happen to us every single day.