All posts by Indrani Goradia

Ms. Know-It-All…..

images via lizaellenI was at a well known treatment center a few weeks ago and on the last day of my event I decided to eat breakfast on the lawn.

I usually ate in the cafe but on this particular day the weather was glorious and I wanted to savor the fresh air.
I sat at a table that was already occupied by two young women.
I immediately started to engage with them as is my way and we were having a sweet conversation.
Another woman joined us, and the party began.

Within 5 minutes, the new woman had chased away one of the original people and was expounding on how I should fix my life.

THIS woman KNEW that:
1. I was hanging around negative people.
2. I was deliberately choosing to hang around negative people.
3. I was clearly not making the right choices in friends.

Mmmmmm…. I wanted to:
1. Snap at her.
2. Throw my OJ at her.
3. Dig out my inner bitch and have at it.

Instead, I chose to turn my body away from her and engage with the other woman at the table.
Ms. Know-It-All then turned her attention to the woman I was talking to and proceeded to tell her how to fix her life.
This woman was just the most “knowledgeable” person I had met in quite a while.
She then told me to contact her and that she could help with my foundation.
I almost choked.
I smiled at her, and said “Have a good day” and went to class.

I congratulated myself for not losing my cool and for having the courage to be graceful about leaving the table.

Have you ever met people like this?
Some of these people are in our families and it’s not so easy to leave them behind.
There are, however, lots of people we continually choose to be around who are always “in our business.”
They know everything about everything. They are experts at philosophy, history, psychology, social skills etc. You name it, they have the answer!

I don’t know about you, but I am not in the market for any more Know-It-Alls in my life. I have had my fill of them. They were irritating then, and they are irritating now!

The difference in me is now I have the courage to leave and not CARE what they think of me.
I do not care if that woman thinks that she is JUST the thing I need to make my foundation reach one million people.
I will take my time, surround myself with people I admire and respect and LIKE, and I will reach the right amount of people in exactly the right time.
There is a KNOW-IT-ALL lurking around every corner, waiting for us to show the slightest interest in the wealth of knowledge and then…
They latch ON!

It is harder to extricate yourself from their clutches than it is to just leave them alone the first time you meet them.
I hope you meet some of these people soon and you can begin to practice the strength of believing in yourself.
These individuals give us the opportunity to stand firmly in our knowledge and allow them to expound to someone else.
If you meet one of these individuals at a party I recommend faking a bad stomach and getting the hell outta there.

I don’t know about you, but I believe that life is too short to waste precious time on people who just LOVE to hear the sound of their own voice.

Love & light,

Indrani

Sister Rosetta Tharpe….thank you!

rosetta sharpe via prwebShe was married off at 19 to a preacher who just wanted her to make him money. He used her in his churches and he treated her badly in the privacy in their home.

She found the courage to leave the marriage and she and her Mom made their way to NYC. She soon found a way to make a life for herself and her Mom by singing in the many clubs.

By 25, she was one of the most popular musicians of the day. She established herself in less than 5 years in a male dominated industry.

What can we learn from Ms. Rosetta Tharpe?

We can learn the following:

If you are being abused…leave and take someone you love.

When you need to support yourself, find ways to use your divine gifts and use them often.

If tradition tells you NOT to do something, defy it and do it anyway. Trust your talent.

The young African American performers of today have much to thank Ms. Rosetta Tharpe for and are standing on her shoulders.

All of us are standing on the shoulders of Ms. Rosetta Tharpe….let us make her proud of how far we have come as women.

Let us use our skills and stand on our own feet.

Let us trust ourselves and live with life and love in our hearts.

Let us not allow the traditional mores to rule our lives. Let the mores guide us instead.

Let us use our lives to make the world as we want it to be.

Sing your songs, in prose, poetry, with or without instruments, in blogs and in pod casts and do it with flair. We need your voices.

 

In 2008, January 11th was declared Sister Rosetta Tharpe Day in Pennsylvania.

She would never have guessed that such an honor would be awarded after her death….she was too busy just living and using her talents.

If we all use our gifts, what honors may be awarded posthumously? How may we make future generations proud?

Simple…

Sing.

Dance.

Live.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Cultivate LOVE…..

plant love via interactioninstitute.orgWhat is the meaning of Cultivation?

The dictionary says it is the process of trying to acquire or develop a quality or skill.

When you read the title “Cultivate Love”, what did you think?

Take just a few moments now to meditate on the words, CULTIVATE LOVE.

This is very much an action phrase, it implies activity and intention.

How can you cultivate SELF love?

Here are a few ways to increase the bounty of your SELF love:

1. Reduce self-judgment. Tell yourself you REALLY are doing the best you can.
2. Have a designated STOPPER…someone who will say “Hey, STOP that negative self-talk.” This means you have to have a conversation with a trusted person and tell them your game plan. In my own life, I am a STOPPER for many even though they don’t know it. I hear their negative self talk and I remind them of something that is great about them.
3. Plant a small, living plant and take excellent care of it. Research the right amount of sun and water it needs and devote yourself to its care. Be a good steward of a living thing.
4. Stand for a few breaths in the mirror every morning and tell yourself a few good things about you.
5. Look at my video called “What’s right with you?”.

Try these easy steps for a few days, then for a few more. Keep a journal of your thoughts around Cultivating Self Love and if you feel inclined, we would love for you to share your experience by leaving a comment below.

Love and light,
Indrani

Two WRONGS don’t make a RIGHT….

Parents-Yelling-At-Teen via mothernews.comThis was a saying that I used to hear while growing up in Trinidad, in The West Indies.

It was usually lobbed at me from a very angry parent, (read rageful) and it was usually because someone hit me and I hit them back.

I never understood why I should not defend myself.

Recently I visited my childhood home and as someone was telling a story about a child making a mistake, the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right” popped into my head.

The storyteller was relaying that a teenager had taken a dish into their kitchen and showed that the dish was still dirty.

A family member of the teenager then said, “Get the HELL out of the kitchen and put the damn cup down!”

The teller of the story was chuckling, gleefully, because the teenager had been “put in their place.”

In a flash, I was filled with anger and disgust and said, “Was it really necessary to curse and embarrass the teenager?”

The story teller was not at all pleased with the way their story landed on my psyche.

The storyteller did not see that yelling at children and publicly embarrassing them was not the way to teach.

It constantly amazes me that “mature” people still think screaming at children is the way to their hearts and minds.

Children need love, care, feeding and watering.

Parents, if you are still screaming, embarrassing and denigrating your children, please take as long as you need to look at your destructive behaviors.

You are destroying the next generation.

Please sign up for some parenting classes and I do not mean any of the “spare the rod, spoil the child” kind of classes.

I mean the class that shows you, the parent, that children are gifts from a divine source and that they are given to us to cherish and protect.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

 

Hanging on to the buoys

image via newsdayWhen I was 49, I decided to learn to swim and to participate in an Olympic Distance Triathlon.
Yes, you read that right…learn to swim!
Even though I had grown up on an island, what I used to do in the ocean was not swimming. It was simply not drowning.

So on the day of the triathlon, I looked out over the lake at Disney World and I counted the buoys that marked the swim course.

The idea is to swim as close to the buoys as possible and use them as a guide to swim the distance of one mile.

My strategy was VERY different.

Since I had only learned to swim properly six months prior, I could not swim one mile in a single go.
I had practiced “buoy to buoy” so to speak.
I had also heard that swimmers were so eager to finish first that they kicked you in the face, kicked off your goggles and pretty much ignored that you we also trying to finish a race.

I remember the night before I left for Disney World I had a neighbor who had done many triathlons and I asked him for advice.
He said, with a smile, “So when’s the Tri?”
I smiled right back and said, “In two days.”
He shot up from his relaxed seated position and said, “WHAT?”
He seemed to think I had waited too long to ask for help.
So I asked him for just one piece of advice.
He said, “Be careful of the other swimmers. Wear two swim caps and sandwich your goggles between them, you may hold on to them longer. Swim away from the buoys and this will lessen the chance that you’ll get kicked in the face.”
I said, “Ok, see you in a week.”
He looked at me like I had lost my mind.
Well, I took his advice and I wore two caps, I sandwiched my goggles and I swam WAY away from the buoys (even as an amateur I know that this may have doubled my swim distance).

I was NOT kicked in the face.

I added my own bits of advice.
I swam buoy to buoy!
The WHOLE way!
Want to know what else I did?
I imagined that a childhood friend was standing on each of those buoys and they were TAUNTING me like they usually did.
I imagined them saying things like, “Indrani, you’ll never make it to the next buoy!”
I imagined myself cursing them and saying, “Watch me!”
I did this for about seven buoys.
The last two buoys were different.
All of a sudden all of my childhood tormentors were piled together on the last remaining buoys and they were screaming things like,
“You GO!”
“Don’t you DARE give up!”
“We BELIEVE in you!”
I even caught myself laughing out loud as I clung to the final buoy.

At that buoy, a young man in a canoe, came up and asked if I was tired and asked if I needed to hold onto his life float.
I told him I was tired and I was worried that I was swimming in zigzags so I was really using more energy than I needed to use.
He told me that if he saw me zigzagging he would slap the water with his paddle, I would hear it and look up and see how to correct my course.
He then said, “Ma’am, please don’t give up. All of us out here on the lake want you to finish. We are all rooting for you.”
I laughed at him and said, “I am from Trinidad, I turned 50 two days ago, I learned to swim six months ago and I am like the Jamaican Bobsled Team… I will never give up!”
He laughed and said, “Ok, see you on the beach.”

Dear readers, I finished dead LAST! But I finished.

Love and light,

Indrani

Tears are NOT toxic… they are a cry for help!

girl crying via allvoicec.com
A few weeks ago I was on an Amtrak train from Philly to NYC and I overheard a woman talking on her phone. The sound of her voice vacillated between that of a small child and the groan of a wounded animal.

At first I ignored the sound….I mean it WAS NOT my business, right?

I continued my reading but my heart kept breaking for her. The sounds were getting louder and I could hear her pleading with the listener to “say you love me” was escalating and making her sob even more.

I decided that I would offer her an ear but what would I say? How should I intervene?

I approached her and said, “You can tell me to go to hell or it’s none of my business, and that’s ok but I overheard some of your conversation and you sound so sad. How can I help?”

She looked up and tears immediately started flowing and she said, “Yes, I am so sad.”

She moved her purse and I perched on the edge of the chair and we spoke for 30 minutes or so. I did not SOLVE any of her problems, nor was it my intent. I intended to remind her of her beauty and divinity and every time I spoke I held that intention.

She said that she wanted a man to love her.

I said that indeed the love of another was sweet and did she love herself?

I recommended a few books that saved my life and as I was leaving I told her what I saw in her. I listed all the sweet things I saw and I said, “My hope and prayer for you is that you see what I see.”

I got off at my stop.
We did not exchange cards or numbers and I did not try to get her as a coaching client.
I wanted no material gain from that encounter.
I was filled with spiritual gain.
I went home and wrote a FB post about the encounter and got this response from the post from a dear friend.

“I also needed to share- I was so touched by your FB status today and how you approached the woman on the train. Two weeks ago, I was that woman crying her eyes out on Amtrak from NYC to Boston…as I was every week on that train the summer two years ago that my mom was dying. A friendly face and kind ear would have made a world of difference. You gave that woman a tremendous gift, and it warms my heart to think of how you and your goodness light up the world.”

Dear reader, please remember that tears are NOT toxic and if someone is crying in public, they could probably use a kind face and a soft voice to remind them that things will be different tomorrow. We cannot say “get better” but we can say “be different.”

Let us BE an active part of this HUMAN family.

Love and light
Indrani

The FULL COURT PRESS… You CAN stand up to them!

Do you know what the phrase “full court press” means?

My novice understanding of basketball tells me it’s when the opposing team exports most of its players to guard your players the whole length of the court. Especially the greatest players on your team like the one who scores a lot or the one who is the 3 point expert…the player most like a young Michael Jordan. I think that Michael Jordan was the recipient of many a “full court press”.

When faced with the wrath of the opposing team, one must use all of one’s wiles and wits. One must pull every trick out of the hat…make any move, even if it seems counter intuitive. It’s either make a move (a swift move), find someone to pass the ball to or just go for the shot anyway, before the ref blows the whistle that you’ve held the ball too long.

Ok, big deal, why should you care about the theory of the full court press?

So glad you asked!

Let’s use our eagle eyes to zoom out from the basketball court and soar way above our lives and take some close looks at the predicaments that we have gotten ourselves into.

When you were a kid and another kid hurt you, did you want, even long for, your parents to come to your rescue? If the answer is yes, then you longed for the full court family press to save you because you could not save yourself. You wanted your team to surround you and help you to navigate the challenge at hand.

Did your parents ever go to your school to stand with you against an unfair accusation by a teacher? If so, you were the recipient of the Full Court Press. You see the full court press does not always work the way you want it to. You may not get the teacher to admit that they were wrong BUT you will have seen that your family came to your aid and that may be all that you needed. You were NOT being blamed by your people, only by the opposing team. Your people had your back!

The full court press can work in the exact opposite way.

Take for example, your spouse hits you, so bad that you had to go to the hospital. The doctor BY LAW must report alleged domestic violence. The police begin to question you and you finally break down and all the secrets come tumbling out. The secrets of many years can no longer be held in.

Be aware that the Full Court Family Press is about to be UNLEASHED on you. The press will probably be from the side of the battering spouse, maybe even the battered spouse side may jump in.

You may be pressed and pressured with words like;

He didn’t mean it.

What did you do to upset him?

What kind of mother are you to put your children’s father in jail?

What kind of wife are you to not know how to make your family happy?

What will the rest of the family say?

What will the priest/imam/rabbi/guru/scientologist say?

When you start being barraged by the Full court press, whose only goal is to get you to go back to being abused in silence, you MUST find someone on the outside that you can “send the ball” to.

This will be someone who wants to help you live a life of JOY.

This will be someone who understands your pain.

This will be someone who has your back.

The Full Court Press to repress your rights to a peaceful life may NEVER go away.

They may vow to make your life miserable and spread rumors about you throughout the town/village/Internet.

You cannot control their actions. You can only control your own actions.

So suit up and look around. Identify those on YOUR team and give them a heads up that you may be calling on them.

Gather your team slowly and purposefully. Don’t accept people who make you feel bad even when things are good. These people may not be able to hold your pain and be a part of your full court.

I hope this got you thinking about who is REALLY on your team.

You deserve a wonderful team.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Dancing with Wild Abandon

WomanDancingonPorch via chatelaine.comI had seen her many times during the past few months. She is small and cute and always smiling.

For some reason, she always hugged me as soon as she saw me and we exchanged pleasantries.

When she danced in Zumba her hair flew, her hips spoke volumes and her arms were as expressive as the rest of the Latin lovelies in the class. She used her hair as another appendage and her golden locks flew every which way.

I always admired her ability to move fluidly and effortlessly, as I stomped about and pretended to be effortless also.

A few days ago, she lingered a little longer and I asked what she did when she was not in Zumba. She said she had two little ones, ages 2 and 5 and she takes care of them. I was surprised since she seemed to be 16 years old!

We talked a few more minutes and she asked, “You work in shelters?”

I replied, “Yes, I do.”

Without erasing her smile she said, “I was in a shelter in 2011.”

I am not easily surprised and I usually am not in “work” mode when at Zumba.

I paused and said, “The same man or another man?”

She said, “The same man.”

She continued, “He is not so bad these days.”

Then she said, “That is why I dance, to forget.”

She walked away with a sweet “Bye.”

I looked at her as she left, wanting to run to her and say I will always be here for you.

I could not, she did not ask me for my help.

I took comfort in knowing that she felt comfortable enough to speak her truth and that she has found a way to forget and deal with her pain.

Cardio for her heart…Zumba now holds a whole new meaning for me.

 

Love and Light,

Indrani

Neuroplacticity…your path to freedom!

 

neuroplasticity via mimlearning.comHave you heard of the science of Neuroplacticity? This marvel of science is defined as the brain’s natural ability to form new connections in order to compensate for injury or changes in one’s environment.

I think of it as creating new maps inside our head.

Do you remember when you learned how to ride a bike? How many years ago was that?

I bet you can still get on a bike now and remember how to ride. Your brain has a map of that process and without much thought you are flying down the street!

Everything we have ever done and learned has made “impressions” in our brain and those lessons are imprinted. The more we practice something the better we get.

This works really well if what we are practicing will give us a return of a happy and joy filled life.
It does not work so well when the things we do repeatedly causes us stress and pain.

Recently, I met a very gifted woman who has had worldwide success with her artwork.
I was at a health spa in Southern India and I first saw her screaming at the desk attendant that “after all these bloody years, why
couldn’t she just have a bloody electric kettle to make her bloody coffee?”

I immediately extended my hand and said, “Hi, it sounds like you are having a heck of a time getting your coffee.”

She quickly apologized for the loud voice and said she was just being a bitch.
I stuck around and we chatted. Within 10 minutes I had her whole life history and all the stuff that had gone wrong.
I thought she was having a really bad day.

I saw her again at dinner and we sat together, and again she repeated all the woes of her life.

We said goodnight and I was happy that her bad day was over.

The next day, we saw each other for all three meals and the stories were the exact same! This was not an “I’m having a bed day thing” this was a “my life sucks” thing.

She was consistent!

On the 3rd day, I challenged her to only say what she was grateful for and to her credit, she switched gears…for five minutes and then BAM, she was right back in the story of “woe is me”.

I felt like I wanted to run and hide.
This woman had complained about her lot and lack for so long that she created a sheath of myelin so thick around lack that she literally could not manage to stay positive for more than 5 minutes.

I can come up with at least 20 things that I see as great and awesome in her life.
I also think she is an awesome woman…but not when she is complaining as though it is her profession.
If she wants to change this negative behavior she has to create NEW neuro-pathways in her brain. She has to invoke the magic of neuroplacticity and start laying down new sheaths of myelin.

How does one create new pathways?

The first step is to KNOW that you want something different than what you have.

Want to learn a new language?
Which one?
What method?

Get the point?
You have to have a plan around the new thing you want to learn.

If she wants to be more positive, it is a matter of practicing. She could set aside 10 minutes daily to write down all of the positives in her life or enlist a friend to help her see the power of the positive once daily.

When I suggested that she start or end her day with a list of gratitude items, she told he she can’t do that. I asked if she knew how to write?
She then said it would be too much work.

The next step for creating a new pathway is to believe that the work is worth the result you wish to achieve.
If you do not believe that you have the power to create change or that you are worthy of the effort, you will not change.
You must ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you want it? Really want it?
2. Are you are willing to take small steps to making the new habit?
3. Do you believe that you are worth the new life you say you want?

I have been accused of singular focus when I decide to do something. I decided to do a triathlon, so I had to learn to swim competitively. I went to swim class every day for 3 months. I never even considered that I could not complete the triathlon. I created new neuro-pathways in my brain.

These days when I decide to do something new, I just start small and stay the course.

I was recently diagnosed with diabetes and I promised my doctor that I would turn my numbers around. I completely gave up bread and cakes and sweets and within 4 months my numbers were better.

We have the power to make significant changes in our lives, if only we accept the challenge to do something differently.

How could my love of bread and cake be more important than my love of my legs and my eyesight?
Diabetes steals eyesight and amputations in diabetics are common when the patient is out of control.
Who would I blame if these things were to happen?

What changes would you like to make this year?
How can you help yourself to keep those steps small and manageable?
The journey of one thousand steps really does start with the first.
Enjoy the journey, each step of it and have faith that the destination will be glorious because you have taken charge of your own destiny.

Love and light,
Indrani

Mercenaries of the heart….

Warrior Woman SilhouetteWhat is your weapon of choice? Sarcasm, bitterness, coldness…maybe even anger?  Sometimes it feels like you against the world, right? Oh I know….I wage my own battles.
My favorite shield and swords are stubbornness, detachment and narrow-mindedness.  Yes these weapons keep my feelings, heart and my soul safe.

Hiding in foxholes is part of my warfare, arms at the ready waiting to lunge at my adversary.  I stand guard to protect myself.

Are you a fearless warrior?
Fearless front-linesmen we can be, fighting for the safety of our hearts, the invisible war of words and feelings between foes and ourselves.

And as we pick and choose our battles, in the end we may have escaped fresh wounds of the heart and soul but we are callused with the scars from cuts and abrasions of past skirmishes.

We wear our scars like badges of courage.

We retreat back to our castles, the doors swing down allowing us to cross over the moat we have built to keep others out.
The cold stone walls run high….too high for the marauded invaders to scale.

Here we are safe. Here we can be at peace.  But within our walls do we have comfort?  Do we have warmth?
I ask myself if my castle walls have really turned into prison walls.
Am I now my own prisoner of war?

I am disconnected and isolated.

This world war is over.

And the bigger question now is do I have the courage to take the walls down?
Do I have the courage to drop my weapons of the crusade and walk out in peace?
Like the strength that kept me going in the heat of battle, can I find that strength to reach out and connect with the world around me?
Can I drop decorations of a brave soldier and strip off my chain mail suit and see myself naked in my authenticity, see my genuine needs and honor the needs and feelings now that there are no more dragons to slay?
I don’t know, but I will try.  For if not, I remain behind the walls I have built.

I ask you to look the conflicts you have.
Can you lay down your weapons, walk out from behind the walls around you to step out and stand in your own truth?