All posts by Indrani Goradia

The Alchemy of Friendship

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cafe4 via linayforma

A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to spend about 5 days with a friend. Just us two! We worked side by side, we checked in with each other, we had meals together and we walked around NY together. It was easy, fun, light and sweet!

It had been so long that I had felt such peace of mind with someone that it made my knees weak, my heart smile and my life expansive.

As I age I have been fortunate enough to meet some like-minded people with whom I can connect on a soul level and speak about the deeper issues of life.
Their love of and for me changes me in a positive and powerful way.
My love and acceptance of them changes me in much the same way.
We are social beings!
We run in packs!
We need our posses!

We cannot allow ourselves to be isolated from our fellow humans and we cannot fool ourselves into thinking that we a solitary creatures.
When you feel you are being disconnected from yourself it may be because you have been disconnected from others.
To see your goodness reflected in the eyes of a friend affirms your self-worth. It makes small moments LARGE. It makes little things BIG and it fills you with warmth and contentment.
If you have isolated yourself over the course of a few weeks, months or a lifetime, it is time for reinsertion.
Find like- minded people and form a group that meets regularly.
Your family can do without you a few nights a week!
If you don’t have a family, better yet, make a new family of like-minded people.
Get your gang together.
Have coffee and cake.

Last year I was in Sweden and they have a thing they call Fika.
It is when friends get together for coffee and cake!
Imagine….it is so ingrained that there is a word that means “Celebrate friendship.”
Go have a Fika with a new friend.

Love and light,
Indrani

My Emotional Palette…I make great vignettes!

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excited_woman via bestofyoutoday.comWhen I was growing up in Trinidad, I was repeatedly told that I was “too emotional”. I have struggled with that label for most of my adult life and certainly felt the weight of non-acceptance the whole of my childhood. Heck, why would I expect others to accept me as an adult when I was not even ready to accept my OWN self. It has ONLY been in the past 10 years that I have begun to fully embrace who and what I am.

Who am I?

I am an emotional creature.
I am a creature with MANY different emotions.
I love my emotions…they serve to protect me.

What am I?

I am a woman who is PROUD to paint with her emotions.

I paint pictures and vignettes that work for me.
I am a woman whose emotional palette is too vast to be contained in any one closet of feelings.

I need several and they are all different styles and designs.
I am all in!

Wow, Indrani, you sound kind of boastful and egotistical and kind of scary!

Ummmm, yes it may sound like that and look like that, AND that too is OK with MOI!
You see, those perceptions belong to others, not me!
I am finally ok with ME and I am also ok with you not really liking me.

I sure hope that you like YOU though!
I have given myself permission to shriek in delight, to guffaw out loud and to cry when I want to.

I can feel frustration and disappointment and NOT turn it into anger.

I can feel somber or elated or frightened or thigh slapping loud, AND they are all ok!

I can be quiet when I choose, talk a mile a minute when the mood strikes and love others as much as I now love myself.

I can do all these things without requiring permission from anyone.
I have finally given myself permission to inhabit all the colors of my emotional palette.

Have you given yourself permission to use all of your emotions?

Love and light,
Indrani

A BOTHERSOME GROWTH…

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hand-on-shoulder-via istockIt was the size of a small marble for more than 10 years, the lipoma on my shoulder.
I used to feel it right under my skin over my right shoulder, and I hoped it would go away.
Then it started growing and I STILL hoped it would go away.
Until it grew to a size that I no longer had to feel for it, I could see it. It was really there.
Today, I finally had the courage to remove it. I had to give in, to trust in the expertise of the surgeon and the anesthesiologist and I had to ask for help!
Also, I have to accept a scar in an obvious place on my shoulder.
So BIG DEAL!!! This really is NOT a big deal.

However, I have such growths in my mental body and in my emotional body. I have ignored them and I have hoped they would go away. They’ve grown so large that they have become my blind spots. They feed my prejudices. They become the elephant in the room. They drag toxic energy wherever I go.

What would it take to rid myself of these elephants and these blind spots?

It takes making a decision.
It takes awareness.
It takes mindfulness.
It takes courage.

The best thing about the “lipomas” of my mind is that I won’t need to be put to sleep and I won’t have any physical pain when I remove them. The pain happens only if leave them IN my mind and heart.

Will you do the necessary mental surgery to get rid of the mental and emotional lipomas?
Take the first step, admit them.
Love and light,
Indrani

A message in a bottle….

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dallas nagata white.2011.message in a bottle.ed via hapahaleTwenty years ago, my mode of communication to call up and down the coast of the Mexican Caribbean was a marine radio. There were no phones. I drove to people’s houses if I wanted to talk to them and we had conversations because we had not seen each other in days, weeks or sometimes months. I left notes on the door if no one was home. Once a month, I made a collect call to the good ol’ US of A to let my parents know I was still alive.

Three years later, I stood huddled around a CRT screen at a “caseta” (a room with public phones) watching the internet immerge and I remember how amazed I was at how the green characters on the screen almost suddenly appeared on another computer as an “email”. This new thing called the internet made electronic messaging, information and business all happen for me. I learned to write web pages to give information to people about this area I loved, the Riviera Maya. It started as a hand full of web pages and daily emails, driving to Tulum each day to connect to a blessed phone line.

At lightning speed, a few web pages turned into hundreds and I spent my days answering people’s questions and connecting with them. A world of communication that spanned the globe allowed all of us to touch one another.

Communication now is a status update on Facebook, 140 characters on twitter, text messages by phone, no need to hear a voice or be heard. We send out messages that many can see, but is anyone listening?

My profession is communications, yet I can sometimes feel alone in this connected world as perhaps others do. The geek in me loves the speed, ease and technology of communication. However, what I am trying to do now, when I do connect with someone (especially if it is face to face) is to be present and look at them in the eyes and smile from my heart.

I have used the electronic gadgets as my shield to protect myself from allowing people to get too close.

Yet ironically, I want nothing more than to be able to be authentic, open and truly be me around others.

My question to you….are the messages that you’re sending just part of the millions of other messages floating around in an electronic sea in hopes of making a connection with someone?

Hello friend, I honor your internal war….

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woman-meditating via meditationindarlington.orgEmerson,
“Whenever you meet anyone, remember they are going through a great war”.

If we could only keep this statement in mind when we rush to judge people.

We interact, draw conclusions and we act as if those conclusions were actual fact.
We create arguments around the made up facts.
We play judge and jury based on these fictional arguments.
We, unfortunately, even forget that we have our own internal war.
What could happen if we stepped out of concluding about others behaviors and stepped into the humanity that surrounds us all?
What could happen if we thought the best of people instead of the worst?
What could happen if….
The “what could happen” list is endless.

Here is the best what could happen question….

What could happen if you decided to be the best YOU and leave everything else on the table?

What a sweet world that would be.
Do we dare IMAGINE?

John Lennon had it right alright, “IMAGINE”!
Please, let’s imagine.

 

Love and light,
Indrani

Deep down, we all want to run around naked…

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We cover our bodies to hide our imperfections.feet_earthing via wakeup-world.com

We use make-up to cover our blemishes.

There are so many products out there to cover up our flaws.

But regardless of what we look like on the outside, deep down don’t you just want to run around naked? Naked in that you do not have to cover up who you really are?  Don’t you wish you could let your flaws….the mole, the freckles, your imperfect smile, just be out there for everyone to see?  Wouldn’t it be great to be able to show our open wounds, our vulnerabilities, the scars from the miles traveled?  Imagine the freedom to be trusting enough to allow others see the tears on our face, the awkward jig we do around the room when we are happy and to hear us sing out of tune when our hearts are full of joy.

We have become obsessed with covering up our bodies, our emotions and our thoughts.
I say quit your grinnin’ and drop your linen!

Expose your body, your feelings, your soul….if not to others, then to yourself.
You’ll be amazed.

What would you do?

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Answer me, oh my love, just what sin have I been guilty of?blame-on-women via spirit21.co.uk
Won’t you tell me where I’ve lost your love?
Please answer me sweetheart….so goes the first verse of an old song by Nat King Cole.
I grew up with this song….I can hear my father crooning the words along with the radio and I remember thinking that my Dad was such a great singer.

These words popped into my head, quite suddenly, as I was pondering how to start writing about a violent interaction I recently witnessed at Union Station in NYC.

I was walking along, happy that my legs were carrying me and that my eyes were still amazed at the sights around me.

Then my ears heard loud shouting and screaming. The voice belonged to a man and I began to look around to see if I could possibly be in the line of fire.

Then I saw her, SHE was in the line of fire, not me. She was pushed up against a fence, his face was pushed up fiercely against her face, and she was cowering and trying to squirm away.

THEN he drew his head back as if he were cocking a gun and he let the SPIT fly from his mouth right into her face.

She was stunned!
She tried to wipe it off, but his face was once again smashed up against hers and she could barely get her fingers between the faces to wipe off the spit bullets.

I am barely 5 foot 1 inch tall….man, did I wish I were a six footer and young so that I would have felt strong enough to pull him off of her.
I thought, “This is definitely NOT What Would You Do, and there is no John Quinones to come out and allay my fears for this girl.”
I felt helpless.

After a few more well chosen words, he huffed and puffed away.

She finished wiping her face and pushed the baby stroller in front of her. The innocent was still asleep.
I hurried along side of her and begged her to let me help.

I offered to walk with her, to take her somewhere, asked what could do to help.

She kept shaking her head from side to side, saying a shame-filled, non-verbal NO as her tears began to flow.

I cannot stop thinking about her.

Where is she? Did he kill her? Is the baby safe? Did she finally decide to leave him?

SHE is not the only one in such horrendous situations. SHE is EVERYWHERE!
Are you one of those women?
Are you being tormented by someone who used to love you?
Is he telling you that he still loves you and that this is entirely your fault?
Do you believe those lies?

Have you lost your will to fight anymore?
Do you feel worthless?
Do you sit and wonder what you can do to win back his love?

I encourage you to put your last pieces of energy into learning to love yourself.

Even if you feel that you are not worthy of love, try to find a friendly ear to talk to so that you can get some of those dark feelings out.

No one should have to live with violence, whether it is sexual, verbal or physical!

Some people have told me that my definition of abuse is too broad, I disagree.
I believe an abusive action is ANYTHING that makes you feel unsafe and fearful.
If people cannot control their anger and blame you for THEIR explosion, that is pure BS!
We are all PERSONALLY responsible for self regulation!
They are responsible for their inappropriate behaviors and you are responsible for your safety and happiness.

If you cannot even think what to do next, please call a shelter close to you. There are many support groups ready to help you find some answers.
Please do not seek help from your friends who accept abuse themselves.
Do not let anyone tell you “it’s not so bad.”

Seek help from qualified people.
Often it is better to go outside the family to get objective advice.
Telling the abuser’s mother that you are scared of her son will do you little good, she is HIS mother. You need to find objective support.

Be safe.

Love and light,
Indrani

All WE need is SELF LOVE….

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self love via thebalancedlifeonlineI will respect myself without your permission.

I will respect my work.

I will seek counsel from trusted advisors.

My work will be my life message.

My life will reflect my beliefs and values.

My values will be visible to ME at all times.

I will respect myself at equal or higher levels than I respect any others.

I expect equal levels of respect from all I meet.

I will not make excuses for my activism.

I will support myself with all of my resources.

I am whole and I am unique.

When faced with your doubt I will not accept it as my own.

When faced with my own doubt I will meet it with love, not fear.

My work is grounded in love.

My love fuels my drive.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Words matter…..

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Coming out of Zumba today, a woman my age looks at me and says, “One day I am going to be able to move like that 25 year old teacher.”

I say, “One day I will not be able to move as well as I do today.”

She looks at me and says, “Oh God, I need to appreciate what I can do today!”

Positive Psych in the house!

 

Please watch the video below. How would you describe yourself? Feel free to post your response in the comment section below.

Do you see yourself as other see you?

Are you your own worst critic?

Dove

De-friending fear…

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Oh how Facebook has reduced us to junior high feelings all over again.

online drama via living.msnThose feelings weren’t that great the first time around. Now they are possibly worse because, on top of the same old teenage insecurities floating to the surface we have that feeling that OMG, really, I am a grown adult and am so emotionally involved in who is my friend or not on Facebook.

REALLY? Grow up!

The inner monologue goes something like this:
Will you be my friend?
Did you like my post?
Why did not you like my photo?
Why didn’t you comment on my post on your wall?
How come you didn’t Facebook me?

The inner voice is louder now: “What’s wrong with me that you do not want to be my friend or like the shit I post?”

Any of these statements ring true to you?

I shake my head in wonder of myself.
I recently had to de-friend someone who I thought was my friend but who did not act like my friend.

My finger hovered over the button to click as I planned on de-friending that person.
Oh the shame to de-friend….
The shame that I did not want to be their friend.
The shame that I was being mean or I was acting like a bitch.
The shame I would hurt their feelings.
The shame that as much as they wanted to be my friend…..I did not want them to be mine.
But the shame is that other person did not respect me, my rules, terms, conditions or non-conditions (as the case may be) of being MY friend.

Why should we feel shame de-friending someone who is not being a friend.

I click “de-friend”. I did it.

Oh the guilt. I have been de-friended and I know what it feels like to be de-friended. It’s like HEY I thought we were friends what the HELL is wrong with you to de-friend me? What did I do wrong?
Oh the guilt, will they call, text or email me asking me why? What will I say?
The guilt if I made someone feel less of a person because I did not want to be their friend.

It is amazing how this thing called Facebook can evoke these and so many emotions.
There is my Facebook friending insecurities rant.

Now I have one less friend….so friend me, I have a spot to fill!