All posts by Indrani Goradia

Lessons from Olga…..

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She wouldn’t accept my offer of a bracelet.
She wouldn’t let me make a crown for her.
She refused to come closer.
She was one of the 200 or so students in one of the orphanages that my clown group visited.

There I was sitting on a step, making crowns from pipe cleaners.  The kids were lined up for their crowns….girls, boys, small, big, some young and some older.

I am not sure when she decided to come closer, but there she was and ready for a crown.
I crafted her crown carefully and with an extra dose of gratitude for trusting that I would not harm her.

When the pipe cleaners were finished, I started making beaded bracelets for everyone. I made hers first and she carefully selected her beads from the small baggies that sat precipitously on my lap. As the kids realized that something new was being given, they quickly swarmed and began demanding their bracelet. She became my helper and as kids requested the color of beads, “rojo, verde, azul, blanco”. She quietly and efficiently fished the correct bead from the baggie and gave it to me to thread on the multi-colored string.

I hugged her and said, “Adios” and thanked her for her help. She smiled and her eyes twinkled.

The magic of this connection was that she did not know if she cared to connect or even if she trusted me. I did not base my success that morning on whether or not she would accept my gifts. I was there, loving and giving without thought as to what her role should or ought to be.

Should she be grateful that I had come all the way from America to visit that orphanage?
Should she care that I had spent money on these pipe cleaners and the baggie of beads?
No!
Her only job was to be herself.
My job was to be loving and present and joyful.
We both did our jobs well.

Now if only I can remember to practice this giving of myself in a pure and unattached way. A way that says, I am here for you, if you’d like to come closer.
A way that allows me to KNOW that chasing you or begging you or demanding of you to be a certain way is just unacceptable.
A way that tells me you are responsible for whom and what you accept from me.
A way that shows me to stay true to me and allow you to stay true to you and hope that in our separate trueness we can still share love, peace and harmony.

Thanks Olga, for these big lessons.
I will hold your smile in my heart forever.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be free.

Love and light,
Indrani

Who are you having a conversation with?

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Think about who you have to listen to each day and have a conversation with, or communicate with daily:listen to yourself via dailyworth

  •         Spouse
  •         Kids
  •         Your boss
  •         Employees
  •         Friends
  •         The people sitting next to you
  •         The check out person at the store

The list can go on and on….

With all of phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face conversations that go on during the course of a day we could be listening to 10’s and for some 100’s of people a day.

Let’s imagine a conversation with our best friend.

ME: Hi! How ya doing?  How’s your day?
FRIEND: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really? I am sorry to hear that. Why?
FRIEND: Yes. I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh, are you getting enough sleep?  Eating well?  Are you sick?
FRIEND: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: What can I do to help? Why don’t you turn the phone off and take a nap. Your work/laundry/cleaning/ will still be there when you wake up.  But you’ll feel better.   Oh, I know, finish up what you have to get done and call it a day. Take a bath and just start fresh tomorrow.

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Notice that nowhere in the list of people we listen to everyday, who we talk with, do we take the time to have a quiet conversation with ourselves.  Let’s take that same conversation and switch roles of our best friend with ourselves, our bodies.

ME: Hi how ya doing?  How’s your day?
MYSELF: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really why?  Come on shake it off, it’s a work day you know…
MYSELF: I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh you had four, almost five hours sleep. It’s almost the weekend, toughen up.  Maybe a Starbucks or a Coke will pick you up…the day will be over soon.
MYSELF: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: Listen, just push through the day, let’s get our work/laundry/cleaning done and cross it off the list.  We’ll try to go to bed early. Hey the weekend is coming and maybe we can take a nap then.  Snap to it!

The first conversation with our friends is a kind, warm and compassionate conversation. The second is cold, uncaring and demanding.
Why is it that we are the hardest on ourselves?

Take some time to listen to your heart, mind and body.  Show it the same warmth, caring and compassion as you would your best friend or even your child.

We should always take time to have a conversation with ourselves and listen closely to what we need.

Is your EXCUSE bigger than your JOY?

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I was chatting with a dear friend a while back and I heard myself say that sometimes people’s excuses are bigger than their Joy.depression via Jeffrey BlacklerAlamy

Wow, I thought, that’s good…

What do I mean by that simple sentence?
I mean that some people like to wallow on the “poor me” side of the street. The pity party gets to be an all-nighter, then an all-dayer and maybe even an all- weeker.

When this happens JOY has no place to live and thrive.

JOY is pushed out for days and weeks and months and maybe even years.
There is always a reason why, the negative aspects should be the main focus. There is always a reason why YOUR problems are SO different, SO unique and SO difficult that finding a way out is impossible. It is much easier to keep making excuses.

You see, when you can come up with loads of excuses, you at least FEEL like you are doing something. You ARE expending brain power and psychic energy. Unfortunately it is only to create more excuses and better excuses. You are exhausted from creating the excuses.

You are too exhausted to find the positive aspects of your life.
Yes, your excuses are bigger than your JOY.

Guess what?
This is easy to fix.
Are you tired of being sad and unhappy and creating more excuses?
I invite you to step back from the precipice of, “My life is so awful” and step into “What positive things DO I still have in life?”
Those positives can be as simple as:
-Two legs that work.
-Two eyes that work.
-Someone who loves you, like a child or a parent.
-A beloved pet.
-Your ability to read good books.

Yes. It. Can. Be. That. Simple!
It is really ONLY up to you. Only you can decide if your JOY will be the antidotes for negativity.
Won’t you try it?
What do you have to lose?
Love and light,
Indrani

What am I angry about…?

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You’ve probably had situations like this…Frustrated Woman
You can’t put together a sentence.
You have something to say but the words don’t come across.
There is sound from your voice but no one seems to be hearing you.

I recently wondered what I needed to do to be understood because my words were not coming across to others.
I so desperately wanted to be heard. I wanted to jump out of my skin I so wanted to be heard.
It was frustrating.

Then I became angry.

I am angry because they are not hearing me.
I am angry that my message is not being understood by them.
I am angry because I am not getting the response I want from them.

What I realized is that my anger is not so much about them but about me.

I am afraid to be 100% honest about what I need which makes me angry……angry because I don’t feel safe enough in a relationship to be honest.
I am afraid of offending someone which makes me angry….angry at myself for being afraid of the truth.
I am afraid of losing their friendship which makes me angry…..angry because if they are my true friend then, damn it, I should be able to be truthful.
I am afraid of losing their love which makes me angry…..angry that I may not be lovable enough that they will still love me even if I tell them what I need.

And if I did offend, lose their love or lose their friendship then perhaps they are not someone I should be speaking to.

So the next time you are talking with someone and they don’t seem to be hearing you, ask yourself:

Who am I really angry at?
If you are angry at yourself, ask yourself why?

Once you answer the “why” the other answers become clearer.

May I have some change for the bus?

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It happened so quickly.change via leadchangegroup

I did not feel like walking down the subway steps to take the train and the bus stop was right there. I also did not want to waste money on a taxi.

I walked into the yogurt shop and said, “Do you have change for the bus?”
I then saw the smile fade from his face.

At first I was confused…but then I realized what he was thinking.
So I quickly said, “Oh, do you think I am begging for bus fare?”
He nodded his head and I said, “No, I would like to trade you dollars for quarters.”

He was visibly relieved.
I knew I had a blog post.
What a gift to have seen on his face what he was thinking.

Here are some of the possible thoughts:
Oh no, not another pan handler!
Lady, get outta here!
I don’t have time for this!

It really made me realize that we humans open our mouth and speak…but we have NO CLUE what the listener hears.
THIS time, I was able to SEE it plain and simple.
I was able to address his concern and speak different words so he understood what I was saying.
I traded the dollars for quarters and left the shop.

The next time you say something and someone responds in a way that you don’t understand, take a step back and look for signs that something is already awry. It may be that the conversation just began but there is already miscommunication and nothing good can happen there.

It is best to try to get to the heart as soon as possible.

It is best to try to get back on track as soon as possible.

Is it easy?
No!
There is no formula to fix it, but a simple “What did you understand from what I said?” may help.

Know what I can’t shake though?
The fact that there are thousands of folks out there who really need bus fare but they are faced with more rejection than they can handle.
But that’s another post isn’t it?
Love and light,
Indrani

I want a new drug….

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Huey Lewis and the News sang that back in the 80’s.
needles via themiamihurrican.com
I want a new drug.
I have let certain people in my life be my drug of choice. I took people into my life that affected me like a narcotic.

Shoot up with one person and if they were happy, then I felt euphoric.
Shoot me up with another person and if they were sad, I felt sadness.
A fix of an angry person and I became paranoid and riddled with anxiety.

Once I realized that these people had this narcotic-type affect on me and what was happening to me when I was around them, I knew I had to stop.

Quitting cold turkey is hard.

Withdrawal sets in and the cravings begin.

I found myself using again.  Just a little time with this person, a text, an email, a short call….I can handle it.  It won’t hurt. I have it under control. It won’t affect me. Then I’m back on the streets again….hanging out with people who had such a bad effect on me.

When I was clean from these people, I felt lighter and truly happier. I found myself a little sad that I could not spend time with them, but certainly a healthier person for it.

Those people who so wanted me to take them into my life are still out there and I am aware of the negative affects they have on me.
I see text messages and voice mails and those old feelings of “I can just do a little bit, maybe this trip will be different, I can control myself,” creep up my spine.

I quickly delete messages and emails, anything that could entice me. It’s like flushing drugs down the toilet to prevent from taking them.

I am addicted to leading a happy, purposeful life and choose not to be an emotional slave to those around me.
It’s not always easy but it is worth the effort.
My new drug in life is me.

Are you addicted to certain people? What effect do they have on you?

Can you break free?

Habitual habits…..

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“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” J. Drydenold dirt via olddirt.wordpress

I am taking a class in Positive Psychology and my teacher, Tal, just allowed the wonderful quote above to escape!

I say escape because I felt that this quote freed me from something, but what?

As I write this, I do not know the answer to this question….and that’s okay. Actually it is more than ok. It is ok because NOW I KNOW that I will be actively searching my own life and behaviors to unearth what habits are “making me”.

I will use brushes that gently move the dirt and sand from an investigated habit, because using heavy machinery will only expose huge lumps of habits and not allow me to actually SEE what they are.

In plain language, I will not herald pompous proclamations that I will drastically change. I will whisper the change to myself and allow my mind, heart and intuition to guide me to the next place of excavation.
Let me give you a real life example.

In the past few weeks, I experienced a huge disappointment with someone close to me. I was not in a place where I could easily amend the situation. I was in a foreign country and did not have access to all that I needed to address what was happening. The only things I had were my heart, my mind, my intuition and my habits.

I now realize that I chose to investigate how I had habitually dealt with huge disappointments.

In the past, I would scream and yell, allow nasty words to escape from my mouth and make huge proclamations of what I would do in the future if this EVER happened again. I would let off steam that would quickly dissipate, but it left behind bad will and very hurt feelings. This time, I knew at some level that I did not want to act like this screaming heebeegeebee.

But what should I do? How should I act?

I tried for 24 hours to push it away…in other words, use heavy machinery and dredge the hurt out of me.

It did not work.
The next 24 hours, I saw the habit rear its ugly head and it wanted to charge full bore into the perpetrator…it wanted to destroy!

I witnessed all this happening in my body and I was shocked at the internal war that was going on. The habit did not want to give up…it was as though it had a mind of its own.

I cried a lot about it and in between the bouts of tears I kept asking, what is my lesson here?
What is my lesson here?
I did not receive any God-like voice telling me the lesson. I so very much wanted a definitive lesson that would allow my pain to dissipate.
My pain did not disappear.
I had to rise above my pain, rise above my tears, and find a solution while in the jaws of the disappointment.
It took me about 6 hours to arrive at a solution that I could live with, that would sustain my humanity and also allow the perpetrator to sustain theirs.

Some of the questions I had to answer while in pain were:

What are you here for?
Who are you here for?
Is this situation a deal breaker for your being here?
Do you respect all the players in this scenario?
Do you believe that people can make mistakes?
Will harping of someone’s faults help you to find a solution here?

As I allowed the answers to these and other questions to float into my consciousness, I felt the tears drying up and I began to focus on how to make the best of a really bad situation. I also reminded myself that no one died and no one had a brain tumor.

So I rose above the monster disappointment and I managed to participate at the event. I was not 100% myself, but I also had not allowed the habit of flying off the handle to derail me entirely.

How will you KNOW when the HABIT monster rears its massive head?
You will know because you will want to strike out, strike at and annihilate the person you are blaming.
That is when you have to RUN in the opposite direction. That is when you have to force yourself to step off of the bulldozer and pick up the littlest paint brush and take your time to uncover the layers of dirt and grime that have accumulated over the years.

This is when you have to be the best human you can be, all the while allowing your human emotions.
It takes patience and practice, but you have the time!
Time will be your friend if you let it!

 

Love & light,

Indrani

I used to feel like Sisyphus….

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You know Sisyphus, the legendary King of Corinth. He was doomed to rolling a heavy rock up a hill. The hell of this task was that as he neared the top of the hill the rockGirls can do anything! rolled down again!

Over and over and OVER!!!

What kinds of Sisyphean tasks do you do over and over? You haven’t even been cursed, like Sisyphus, and you can most likely list many!

Maybe we curse ourselves.

We pick up the same stupid argument and we KNOW where it will end.
Yet, we don’t seem to want to take a different route.

Maybe we feel we don’t know how to take up a different task.
Over the next week, notice what “tasks” you are taking up and ask yourself if you have done them before.

Remember that a Sisyphean task is DOOMED to being repeated. It is the kind of task that has no natural end.

Good luck with the noticing.

Love and light
Indrani

Silence like a cancer grows…..

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This line is borrowed from a very popular Simon and Garfunkel song.woman silenced via ivillage.com
It starts off with, “Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again…”

This is the song of abuse.

Abuse is cyclical. Life is “good” and then there is an event, some supposed affront….then comes the violence, whether physical, verbal or both.

The cycle can be tracked. You can plot it on a calendar, just like a woman’s cycle.
The span of time between events can vary, but the “affront” will always be followed by violence. The abuser will always have VERY good reasons, why they were left without recourse, but to strike out.

It will be words like, “Look what you made me do.” Or “You always do this and I have no choice.”

One of the saddest and most telling stories I recently heard while in India was about a woman who had been set on fire by her husband. While in the rickshaw going to the hospital, the man fell at her feet crying that he was sorry but it was her fault for whatever she had done. He begged her not to tell the police that he had done it.

Guess what?

She lied to the hospital and to the police and she said it was an accident. She took the entire brunt of the incident, the physical torture, the emotional torture and the blame. She thought that he would “love” her more, since she showed how strong she was.

What she did not realize was that he cannot love.

If he was capable of love he would never have burned her.
He was only concerned with NOT being caught and put in jail.
This story is gruesome, and it is sad and you may be tempted to say “ah, my story is nothing like this.”
Be careful of dismissing this too quickly, as it holds many lessons for us.
It tells us to be aware of the cycles.
It tells us to have faith and courage in OUR TRUTH.
It tells us to be strong in our convictions.
Most of all, it tells us to allow the authorities to do their jobs.

What secrets are you holding?
What wrongs are you accepting blame for that were not your fault?
Who are you letting off the hook by making YET another excuse for their poor behavior?
Silence like a cancer grows.
Remove the cancers.
Speak up.
Speak out.
Speak.

Love and light,
Indrani

Seek a Jedi Master…..

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Young Luke Skywalker tells Yoda he seeks a Jedi Master to teach him exceptional devotion, balance of “the Force” and extraordinary combat skills.Yoda himself was a Jedi Master, although he may have not appeared to be a formidable warrior.

Yoda via starwars.wikia.comwikiYoda

I have tried, like so many others, to figure it all out on my own but I KNOW that, out there, there are teachers, guides and leaders who can teach us the skills and techniques on how to live a more enriched life.

I don’t know about you but I am a seeker.  I seek answers. I seek what is unknown to me.  I seek out Jedi Masters, and like Luke, some of the masters that I meet may not appear to be masters as I would have imagined.

This may not resonate with you but I have always known deep down that I have a greater purpose than just being here and doing the day-to-day thing.  As I have looked for my Jedi Masters, I have realized that the day-to-day living, depending on the steps I take each day, can lead me on a path to that purpose….resulting in a more fulfilling life and a more abundant life.

I have read many books, listened to many lectures and had many conversations with Jedi Masters and this is what I have learned;

  1. The problems we face in life are not unique.  Sure, we would like to think that we are the only person experiencing a certain life circumstance, but more than likely, there are others out there facing the same challenge.
  2. We are not alone.  Nothing we are going through says “you have to do this alone”. There are people who can walk with us and teach us.
  3. The situation is not forever.  It does not matter if you are going through a bad marriage, a bankruptcy, a child with an addiction….ALL of these situations and others are temporary.   You will get through it and you have the power to choose how you come out on the other side.  We can be the hero in our own story going through insurmountable odds and come out the other side a victor.

 

Consider yourself a Jedi student.

Find a master. You might find a coach, a therapist or a life group. It might be online, taught by webinar or by seminar.

Most importantly….practice. Luke Skywalker had the tools, the teachings and a light saber in hand but without practice he would have never been able to combat his enemies.

May the force be with you.