All posts by Indrani Goradia

What is your conviction?

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What is your conviction?

I was recently at a gathering of open-minded folk that was organized by Chris Guilabeau called the World Domination Summit. If you have not heard about this gathering of people who want to change the world for the better…you are missing out. At some point during the weekend I heard someone from the stage say, “What’s your conviction?”

What an intriguing question!
What is CONVICTION?
To be convicted of something is to have EVIDENCE that the something is TRUE.
In the case of a convict, they have been convicted of something that is against the law of the land. Sometimes the law of the land does not make sense, like having separate entrances for coloreds and whites. We saw how ridiculous this looked in the movie The Help, when one of the white women instituted residential “colored only” bathrooms. This piece, however, is not about those kinds of convictions.

I am referring to convictions of belief, convictions of spirit and moral convictions.

At this stage of my life, what is my conviction?
Well, I have many. I have strong convictions that children should NOT be beaten!
I have strong convictions that any form of domestic violence is unacceptable.
I think that men and women deserve equal pay for the same work.
Like I said…I have many convictions.

Why are convictions necessary?
Why should you have strong convictions about the issues that are dear to you?

Have you ever seen the TV show with John Quinones called What Would You Do? That is a show about convictions. Some people speak right up when they see an injustice, like someone stealing from the blind or a child being mistreated. Others just observe. The observers are not bad people, not at all. Their conviction about staying out of other people’s business is just stronger than their conviction to get involved.

What do you feel strongly about?
What would you go out of your way to fix?
Who would you stand up to?
What causes get you heated enough to say something out loud?

These are not unnecessary questions.
These questions determine HOW we show up in the world.
It is not enough to do lip service to something that you hold dear…you must back your words with strong convictions to take necessary actions.
Martin Luther King, Jr. took action.
Mahatma Gandhi took action.
Every time someone stands up to a bully, they take action.
Every time an abused woman leaves her abuser, she takes action.

We do not have to have celebrity status to take a stand or to follow through with our convictions. We just have to believe!

What do you believe?
How will you show the world what your convictions are?
One of my strongest convictions is that women should NOT be abused. That is why I do this work.

What work will you do to take a stand for your beliefs?

Love and light,
Indrani

The ROUND TRIP that took 500 years!

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The ROUND TRIP that took 500 years!

In fourteen hundred and ninety two,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue…
And all hell broke loose

Hell? Yep! HELL!

Indigenous peoples were summarily killed off by exotic diseases, bayonets or gunfire…at least from their points of view!

There are many off shoots of the original Columbus story…may I present my own?

Hundreds of years ago my innocent ancestors were shoved aboard British Cargo ships and taken to the West Indies, which Columbus had earlier discovered.
My ancestors were packed like sardines into the hulls of the cargo ships along with other precious human cargo from the African continent.
The Indians and the Africans were transported to the faraway islands to be slaves and indentured laborers.
They did not have to have any actual currency…they only paid with their lives!
If they survived the torturous journey they got to disembark IN chains!
They were then immediately put to work in the sugar cane fields and that is how hundreds of years later a baby girl called Indrani Nathu came to be born in Trinidad and Tobago!
My great, great, great, great grandfather was unceremoniously transported to the newly discovered West Indies…a ONEWAY passage into a life of Hell.
He left all that he had ever known and would never be able to see his parents or siblings again… just think of this for one minute.
Imagine someone coming into your city and taking one of your sons and you never see him again. He is alive…just unavailable to you!
All alone on the other side of the world and probably not speaking a word of English, he made a life for himself. He found someone to marry and his offspring belonged to his Master.
In 1953, I was born into an East Indian family, now completely living a West Indian life.
I never thought about my ancestors, I lived my life and accepted all that had happened without giving thought to their hardships.
BUT now, I am going BACK to a city that I have never been to…except through my ancestral blood line.
I am completing the ROUND TRIP for my ancestors who were so sadly stripped from all that they knew.
I am heading to Chennai, India to teach my workshops on Domestic Violence.
I feel so honored to be completing this journey for my family. I only wish I knew where to find my people so I could tell them that their beloved sons survived and married and eventually thrived.
In the absence of knowing exactly which families I came from, I will honor all the people I meet and treat them all as family knowing that some elements of my DNA probably lives within them.

This journey has come full circle…and it does feel like coming home.
Love and light,
Indrani

What does it take to make you to stop?

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What does it take to make you to stop?

Recently, I was walking in Nice, France, the acclaimed French Riviera.  It was all I imagined…the fantasy of open air markets with fresh flowers, fruits and vegetables and artists on the sidewalks painting. This beautiful place was once home of the famous artist, Henry Matisse.  Shops and galleries lined the streets…the surrounding architecture a remembrance of eras gone by.  Tourist were snapping photos, locals were buying their baguettes…the scene was so easy to be swept up in.  As I walked the cobblestone sidewalks, some homeless people sat on the curb dressed in drab colors that blended into the tones of the walkway barely noticeable against the colors of the city around them.

In negotiating the crowds of people, the sights and sounds it is easy for a passer-by to overlook, or avoid the destitute people looking forlorn.  Suddenly I noticed a little boy on the sidewalk and next to him a young girl which I had to stop and look twice to determine if this girl was his mother or his sister.  They had a dirty paper cup in front of them.  These urchins were not begging outwardly.  I was following a friend through the streets and he did not see them.  I walked past the children but I had to stop.  I shouted to my friend to wait for me.  I slipped my hand into my purse and pulled out a ten-dollar bill.  I walked back, knelt down and handed it to the eldest child.  I held her hands as I gave her the money, I stroked her hair to let her know someone cared and to give her a sign that there was compassion in the world for her.  She muttered to me in French.  As I touched her, I felt so connected with this person as our two different worlds collided. I vividly remember the softness and warmth of her small hands and the fineness of her hair.  I wanted to kiss her forehead.  All of this occurred in mere moments.

I continued to where I was going and wondered how so many people could not see these children who were aged not by years but by experience.

I ask you, what does it take to get you to stop and reach out to someone?  Now I am not talking about walking around handing out money to every impoverished person.  Every day there are people in our lives that need a sign of compassion and caring.  A smile is free to give and can make all the difference in someone’s day.

Take a look at the stop signs you are missing…they are signals where you can take that moment to make a difference in someone’s day, even their life. And you will see…it will make a difference in yours as well.

Life is either an Amazing Race…or it’s not!

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Life is either an Amazing Race…or it’s not!
I’m taking a few liberties with the word Race…I really mean an Amazing Journey.
I feel quite guilty for saying this however, because I KNOW that for some in our society, the daily grind leaves precious little time for the concept of amazing.

I recently met a woman who receives some income from disability.  It was just enough to provide shelter over her head but not enough to eat. I mean she had NO money left for food and forget about medicines!

As we walked to the closest McDonalds to get her a hot breakfast, she told me a piece if her story. She had been divorced for 25 years but had always managed to feed and take care of her kids. When they left home she decided to move to Portland because that was her “dream.”

I was absolutely caught off guard by the concept of being hungry in Portland, an actual dream.

No, being hungry was not a part if the initial plan…but to live in Portland was. She loved the scenery and the weather and she loved how free she felt. I think she would say her life has been closer to the amazing end of the spectrum than not.

Each of us has our own definitions of amazing and how that translates in our life. My definition, definitely involves frequent travel and doing good work to help others. It cannot be by accident that I can now travel and work at various women’s organizations.

I also did not stumble upon this formula of travel +good work = my Amazing Journey. I can trace the trajectory of certain decisions that most definitely brought me here. After college, I chose to buy a $99.00 air ticket on People’s Air to fly to London, which really meant that I literally stood in line overnight to get that ticket. Not having any money for hotels, I stayed at camp sites and I ate apples and cheese for almost 2 months. To have a bread basket with soft butter and a glass of cold water would have been akin to a 5 star experience for me.

What I am really saying is this…our choices determine the Amazingness in our lives. I could have stayed at both my minimum wage jobs in NYC and not traveled and that would have given me another point of view as well.

If Amazingness in life is what you are after…look at your daily choices.
Are you in a rut? Do you eat the same food day in and day out?
Do you drive to work the same way every day?
Do you have the same morning routine when you go to work?

What could happen if you choose to ride the bus instead of drive and see how that change affects your day?
What could happen if you invited people in the office to a picnic and you supply the red table cloth and some good fruit and cheese?
What would it look like to take a few dance classes just because you are curious and not try to impress anyone?

Small changes=BIG Amazingness!

Will you give this a try? Life is nothing but a journey, it’s up to you to make it Amazing or not!

Love & light,

Indrani

Gracefully accept….

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In the more formidable challenges of my life, I have solely relied on myself.  I trust myself to get through it, to tough it out, to push myself beyond my limits without the help of others.

I always think I can do it…I don’t need anyone and I don’t want to trust anyone.

While climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, trust in strangers became inevitable.  Not only trust but receiving help gracefully.  Grace is not necessarily my strong suit.

Starting on day two of the climb, the effects of altitude sickness crept in.  I was not aware of it.
One of the guides offered to take my back pack.  My response was “hell no!” If I decided to climb I damn well was going to carry my own back pack!
I was asked again, and my response was the same.

Finally as the day wore on I agreed to allow someone to carry my pack.

The help was not offered to belittle me; it was offered to help me.  The guides wanted to do everything they could to help me summit, which in this case they saw days prior to the summit attempt that I would need help now…which would help me later.

It was only after that day, resting in my tent did I realize this.  And every day after I let the guides carry my pack.  Not only that, my water was in my pack so at every stop I teased them by calling them “Papi” (daddy) and “chupi chupi” (which is Spanish for “to suck”), meaning to suck on my water hose.

There were times where I was so tired at the end of the day that I would fall into my tent and someone would even come and take my boots off for me.  The help in something as simple as unlacing my boots was accepted with gratitude.

It actually got me to thinking about other aspects of my life and when I have turned help away.  Now I will second guess the offer and see if perhaps the help can be graciously accepted and help me to achieve my goals easier rather than struggle on my own.

Sometimes I feel like a pilgrim….

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Sometimes, I feel like a pilgrim…. far from home, in a strange land and surrounded by strangers.
I do.
I sometimes look around me and wonder who I am, what brought me here and often, why it’s still so hard to make sense of the tensions swirling.
Sometimes I feel like I should be home, free of all challenges.
I mean, after all, have I NOT gone through enough over the past 5 decades?

Then, it occurs to me…
HEY, INDRANI… You got this all upside down!
The negatives happened and yes, you have the scars to prove it. BUT the positives happened too!
Why are you NOT counting those?
Ahhhh, so you (voice in my head) want me to PRETEND that the negatives didn’t hurt?
You want me to forget the pain?

No, says the sweet voice, I am just asking you to replay the positive tapes as often as you replay the negative ones…then maybe you will create new neuro-pathways for magic to happen.

Say what?

What are neuro-pathways? How can they create magic?
It’s quite simple really…what you focus your attention on will begin to fill the spaces of your mind and the mind will eventually allow less and less psychic power and energy to flow toward the negative memories.
Yes, it can happen.
It happened to me!

One of my favorite books, The Happiness Advantage puts it like this, it’s like “getting stuck in a positive Tetris effect”.
The author says, “Just as it takes days of concentrated practice of a video game, training your brain to notice more opportunities takes practice focusing in the positive. The best way to kick-start this is to start making a daily list of good things in your job, your career and your life….write down three good things that happened that day, and your brain will be forced to scan the last 24 hours for potential positives…in just five minutes a day, this trains the brain to become more skilled at noticing and focusing on possibilities for personal and professional growth and seizing opportunities to act on them.”

You don’t have to take my word for it. Read the book The Happiness Advantage and absorb the wisdom for yourself.

So instead of this negativity thing that some of us have going on…let’s try a positivity thing.
Why?
Why not?
If you are going to fill your brains with the past, why not have it be the positive past?
Give it a try, you have nothing to lose but stress and more stress.
This could be the best gift you can give yourself, the gift of the positive bias in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!

Love and light
Indrani