All posts by Indrani Goradia

Betwixt and between…child and adult

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Betwixt and between…child and adult.

Different cultures have many different rites of passage. These rites indicate to the youth that a threshold has been crossed.
One of the biggest moments in American culture is turning 21 years of age. You can legally consume alcohol, gain entry into bars and clubs and generally speaking, you think of yourself as an adult.

What’s really happening here is that you are learning to be an adult.
It means that you will make decisions, take actions and make comments as you think an adult would. Sometimes you will be spot on and other times you will fall on your face, but you will learn from the experience.

Unless…. you are shamed by the decision and the consequences. A glaring example is when a young woman gets pregnant before marriage and she is either enveloped by the family and helped or shamed as a nasty person, even a whore!
The people around you will, in large part, determine your experience and your memory of the event. What happens when an adult child says something to a parent that ticks the parent off? The parent can choose many ways to respond and all of them will be teaching moments for both the parent and the adult child.

The parent can choose to view the comment with humor and reply appropriately.
The parent can choose to ask the adult child what they mean and listen to the explanation.
The parent can choose to believe that they know exactly what the adult child means and take actions that makes them feel in control.

The parent is the teacher here and has an incredible opportunity to help the adult child with future interactions. They have a chance to have open dialogue with each other, but ONLY if they both think it is worth their while, and they have to put their HURT aside.

If the parent does not take the lead, the adult child will not have an opportunity to gain from the experience.

The parent must choose unconditional love and take conscious action with the underlying thought of making the relationship stronger…because a weakened relationship is good for no one.

Thoughts?

Love & light,

Indrani

Follow the leader….

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Follow the leader….

I have always liked to be the leader, to be the big dog, to set the example.  I have been this way for my entire life.

During my climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro I had to learn to accept that I could not be the leader.  Altitude sickness affected my climb from the start.  I was forced by my physical abilities to be at the end of the line.  I could not set the pace.  I could not inspire others to follow.  I could only trail behind others… which is an unusual position for me to be in.

As I followed, it was my ego that hurt more than my oxygen-starved body.
I wanted to say:
– I can carry my own back pack.
– I can step up to the challenge.
– I can do it myself.

But I could not.

I was forced to follow.

I accepted my back-of-the-pack position.  I watched and I learned.

I watched the guides.  Where were they stepping?  They stepped where they knew the footing was firm. I learned and stepped where they did. I moved easier.
How fast were they hiking?  They knew the trick was “pole, pole”, slowly, slowly.  I learned to move slowly and deliberately.
It was not my job to encourage the team…it was their job and I accepted their encouragement for myself.

Too many times I think people with “type A” personalities put themselves into leadership positions out of habit… when in fact, if us “A’s” could step back and follow more often we could learn a lot from those in front.

Now that I am off of the mountain and not in such an extreme environment, it will be interesting to see if I can step back and let someone else lead and try to learn from their example.

Can you think of situations when you should have followed?
And, next time do you have the courage to let someone else lead?

Words make a difference…choose wisely

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Do you remember the childhood poem,
“sticks and stones can hurt my bones
But WORDS will never hurt me”?

That is DEAD WRONG!

All we need to do is look at the number of teen suicides caused by verbal bullying to know that words can not only hurt but they can KILL the spirit.

Verbal abuse is very real and unfortunately it lives at the highest levels of society.
Todd Aiken, with his attack on women and “legitimate rape” is but ONE instance of very hurtful words. Can you imagine all the women who were raped by family or “friends” and women who were date rape victims, how badly those words must have hurt?
It is hard enough to resolve life after rape, now they have to wonder about life after “is my rape legitimate” thoughts?

The words we ALLOW to fall out of our mouths can break our connection with people we love and people we say we respect.

One of my favorite quotes from the Buddha refers to our speech. He summons us to check our spoken word against these four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?
4. Is it an improvement over silence?

When we speak wisely and with compassion we extend to all humanity the respect that they deserve.
When we speak with empathy we show our humanity to the world.
When we choose to disrespect then pretend that we did not mean to offend, it is disgusting.

Let us speak with dignity and respect for ALL mankind and that certainly includes women.

Love and light
Indrani

Will YOU vote for YOU?

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Ok, so you are sick of the message to vote! I get it!
So am I.
This vote that I am asking you to cast is NOT for a politician…no, not at all.
I am asking you to sit back and think of the last few promises you made to yourself.

For instance, to:
Be healthier
Be less judgmental
Learn something new
Do some in depth self awareness
Be less angry
Stop screaming
Stop hitting
and the list goes on…
What has your track record been when it comes to keeping those promises?
Can YOU be trusted to stick to your OWN agenda?
No?
Why?
Your agenda not only benefits you to be stronger in body and spirit but it will shore up all the folks around you who see you holding your course.
It will encourage the younger people in your life to create a healthier agenda for themselves and to follow your lead.

The election for Pres. is over. Whether you are happy or sad, it is now crying over spilled milk.
BUT, the process of you VOTING for YOU, with your every action and breathe STILL CONTINUES.
Please do not pull your energy out of this race. This is the race for your own life, the life you say you want.
VOTE for you to live that life…no one else will!

Love and light
Indrani

Personal best, no shame in that….

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I recently climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa.  The route I traveled took 6 days.  Each day took me higher and higher, over the vistas, and above the clouds.
Each day the goal to the summit became harder and harder with each breathe that I took…the air, thinner and thinner.

The night of the summit attempt in sub-zero temperatures, I donned all my warm clothes in managed anticipation.  I knew for each step I took I would lag behind the team as my body craved the needed oxygen.
Hike ten minutes, rest 3 minutes, hike ten minutes.  I gasped for each breathe.  I leaned on my climbing poles, audibly struggling to fill my lungs with air.  Each step closer to the summit made me aware that I was one step closer to my limits, as my lungs screamed and my muscles burned.  I did not want to believe that the summit was unobtainable…one foot in front of the other, slowly, slowly.

A single tear ran down my face….a sign of the struggle.

With the team waiting for me at a resting point, I sat on a cold rock, breathing hard, and asked my guides if they thought I could make it. They would not tell me no, but allowed me to make my own decision.
I had hiked over 26 miles, I was at 17,500 feet.  The summit was only 1,800 feet more but that was 4-5 hours away, and then a long stint back down.
Crying I said I had to go back.  I had pushed myself to the acceptable limit without jeopardizing my well being.  I decided to turn and descend.  A moment of elation in making a decision turned to thoughts of failure after coming so far.

I had posted on Facebook that I did not make it.
The response was cheers, encouragement and others pride in me.  I had not failed.
I did my personal best.  It may have not been the summit, it may have not been as good as others but it was my best that I possessed.
I gave it my all, my best, everything I could without risking my life…and those around me.

No shame in that.

OCCUPY your LIFE….

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We have all heard about the OCCUPY movement.
If you have not, it is easy to get information from Google.
In a nutshell, it is a protest against the “1%” by the “99%” and the fight is for more equality.

Occupy, for us means what Willie Shakespeare advised us so many years ago… “To thine own self be true.”
So many of us do not know what it means to be true to self.
So many of us look to others to find who we are.

Remember the movie The Runaway Bride with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts?
In that movie, Richard’s character tells Julia’s character that she does not even know what kind of eggs she likes. It seems that her favorite egg dish is determined by the man she currently loves. She gets really pissed off, but in the end she makes eggs all different ways and decides for herself.

This is what we must do. We must act as scientists and experiment. We must play both roles and we have to be an independent observer also.

How do we do this?
We have to be careful to not allow others to define who we are.
We have to be careful to not get caught in a pigeon hole set by others.

What can this look like?
People can try to tell us that we are not allowed to do something or that women can’t do certain things.
There was a time in the US when women were not allowed to vote!
Can you imagine that there was a time when men thought women were too feeble to vote?

I like to wonder what we will challenge today to help future generations of women.

Occupy Your Life. Now Is The Time.
Take the time, invest in self discovery and begin to lay all of your talents on the line.

Really…there is no time to lose.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Clothes make the man….

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The quotation, “clothes make the man,”  by Mark Twain came to mind today.

I was thinking about this as I rustled through my closet looking for something to wear to work.   Since my clowning expedition, my day to day “normal” clothes look boring compared to the bright colors, blooming silk flowers, embellished hats, bows, polka dots and striped socks I wore while parading through Guatemala.

Do I want to wear this pair of pants? Then what shirt matches–tight pants and loose top, or loose pants and tight top? Flat shoes, heels, open toes, or not?
We have learned that how we dress says a lot about us.
Clothes can say I am a doctor, lawyer, farmer, banker, tribal chief, etc.
Not only do our clothes tell a story to the people around us, it tells us something as well.

Put on a nice suit or business dress and the mirror speaks to you of success and confidence, when deep down perhaps we feel less than that.
Slap on a sexy outfit and thoughts of attractiveness, beauty and love, maybe even power fill your head.

What you wear can tell you: You are successful, attractive, sexy, lovable, comfy, practical, etc.

Look it the mirror.  What is your reflection telling you?  And what does your appearance tell others?

And most importantly does your reflection reflect the truth of who you are?

What is your Raison d’être?

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What is your Raison d’être?
What is your reason for being?
What is your purpose?
What great thing you are here to accomplish?

When I say GREAT thing, I do not mean BIG thing. I mean any-sized thing.
I am on an amazing journey with a lovely group of women who are eager to do the foundation work. One of the women said,

“I’m learning that I don’t always have to save the world in a hard and heavy way. A simple gesture like nail polish and aromatherapy can make a huge difference.  Sometimes simple is more powerful.  A good reminder that fun is good!!  I guess that’s how it has impacted me personally….reminding me to play and have fun and not to take it all so
seriously.”

Those words are prophetic and wise.

Will you take the time you need to find your Raison d’être?

The world needs you to step up and into YOU!

Love & light,

Indrani

Have you lost your way?

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Have you lost your way?

I was recently in Paris at the airport.  There was only a short amount of time between my flights, and my stress weighed heavily on me.  I got lost three different times between terminals as the clock ticked away.  The signs that told me where to go were in front of me, but as I skimmed over them looking for big arrows that said “Terminal E2,” I missed the smaller details in my narrowed perception, which were meant to give me the direction of where to go.

If I would have managed my stress better I would have seen those smaller signs, and I would have found my way a little easier.

How many times in life has stress narrowed your perception where the signs, although right in front of us, go undetected?

Next time stress creeps up your spine, stop and breathe and look for all the signs of life. They are there, and once you see them your path will be illuminated. Otherwise, the most obvious of signs will go unseen.  And you too will be lost.