JOY is yours for the taking…grab some here.
Pass this on to someone you love!
JOY is yours for the taking!
All posts by Indrani Goradia
A Thousand Words…What the movie taught me.
I was recently on a flight and saw the movie A Thousand Words, it was funny and introspective at the same time.
I did not expect introspection from Eddie Murphy.
The premise of the movie (spoiler alert) is that Eddie Murphy’s character has 1000 words left and when he reached this quota, he will die.
There is an outer manifestation of this which is a tree in his back yard that loses a leaf with every word he speaks.
He loses three words (and three leaves) if he says “I love you.”
This becomes very problematic not only at work, but with his wife, to whom he cannot express his love because he does not want to die.
If he writes a word, the leaves also fall.
Ok, so it’s a movie and it all works out in the end!
BUT, what if it could be true?
Do you know how many words you have left?
This of course presupposes that you know how many years you have and you know how many words you will speak each day.
A daunting mathematical problem!
How many years do I have left?
I know not.
I have this moment.
What I choose to say in this moment can be uplifting or off putting.
It can be humorous or humorless.
It can be stated without judgment or it can be accusatory.
I can whisper or shout.
I have a plethora of choices.
How do I decide?
I have to KNOW who I am and how I want to show up in the world.
I have to know ME!
I have to be true to me.
I have to fight the lethargy that comes with everyday living and the urge to be “fed up” with knowing myself. I have to be ON.
That takes at first a conscious decision to be true to me, then it becomes like breathing.
It becomes a living testament to the William Shakespeare quote “to thine own self be true.”
I must live, To MY own self be true.
I recently had someone forward me a text that they received from another person.
This person just sent the text. They did not say what they wanted me to do with it.
I had to wonder, what should I do here? Should I ignore it, therefore ignore the person who sent it to me?
Should I comment?
I chose to comment, but with humor.
Why? Because I have chosen to try and find the lesson or the humor in my experiences.
How did the recipient take it? I do not know!
What did I accomplish?
Only being true to “MY OWN SELF.”
It’s a long and winding road, indeed.
Love & light,
Indrani
What kind of plant are you?
What kind of plant are you?
Recently someone pointed out to me that I am like a cactus. It was said in reference that I have been devoid of love, like a cactus has be devoid of water.
I let the comment pass but I began to draw similarities between myself and a cactus.
If I were a cactus I would be a saguaro.
Saguaro cacti stand tall through the blazing sun and yet, are able to endure the snowy cold…just as I was raised to stand tall and to endure the elements.
Be tough no matter what; be stoic.
Saguaros, at least in photos, seem to be isolated and remote. I tend to isolate myself.
Cacti have thorns…so even if you want to get close the prickles are enough to ensure that no one gets too close. I may not have thorns but I definitely keep people at bay.
Like any cactus they can survive dry spells and live through a drought. As it was pointed out to me, I have survived through a love drought.
When a cactus does encounter water…the roots dig in and grasp at the vital water. I have found when love has been present in my life, I hone in on it almost obsessively, trying to absorb as much as possible.
With water, the cactus blooms. With love, I radiate, blossom, and am beautiful to see.
An extreme plant. An extreme person.
If you were a plant…what kind of plant would you be?
Wishing for the Sound of Silence…
Sing the following words to the tune of the Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel…
“Hello story my old friend
I’ve come to fondle you again
Because your lies have me trapped in
The same old paths that are in my brain
And the stories, never give me any peace, any peace,
Wishing for the sounds of silence”
Ok, so I am not a real lyricist…. but I do pretend to be one once in a while.
My teacher and mentor Dr. Martha Beck, tells us that we all have a tendency to ‘story fondle.’ You know, telling the same dramatic story over and over again and looking for people to agree and to commiserate. If someone challenges our story, we tend to become defensive and lash out or sulk in a corner.
How DARE they not believe us?
Who do they think they are?
What right do they have to say that my truth may in fact be just a story?
Ask yourself this, have you told many someones the same story over and over?
Why do you feel compelled to repeat old stories?
Ask yourself, “Do these stories bring me joy?”
I know whereof I speak, I have used this technique, and it only kept me stuck.
I got tired of being stuck.
The only way I could free myself was to consciously not tell the story. Not ever.
I did vent in therapy where I could get some insight, but other than that I started to create new themes.
It is not easy to step out of the story.
The stories are familiar, and on a strange level…even comforting.
You know every word, where to place charged emphasis and where to shed a tear.
We are academy award winners in our own plays.
Do you need a different way?
Are you tired of being angry and sad?
Yes?
Change the stories.
Make them comedic monologues instead of dramas.
Put on a costume and tell the story from that character’s point of view.
Tell the story with a fake accent and crack yourself up.
Do anything.
Do something different.
If you don’t, who will?
Love and light,
Indrani
The SCALE said…
The SCALE said…you are a failure.
The month of June 2012 had been magical both personally and professionally.
I embarked on a great training regimen of biking, pilates, dance and fast walking.
I began to have a renewed awareness of what went into my mouth. I tried to reduce “eating meditations” and instead, focused on “chewing meditations.” I chewed slower and tried to be aware of the flavors and the textures of the food while being grateful for strong teeth that facilitated healthy chewing. I put down the knife and fork between bites, to savor the food in my mouth and not have the other bite hovering.
I increased my community service by joining some boards. My Live a Brighter Life training program had officially launched and my beautiful, sleek new training manuals were in hand. My family was healthy and my kids were happy.
Then…. I returned from one of my weekends in Atlanta and I stepped on the scale!
Immediately all if the above disappeared from my mind because I had not lost any weight.
I heard that old familiar voice in my head, “Ummm…..so you are still fat and you think you’re doing so much exercise. When you’re speaking in front of groups of people they probably think you’re too fat to know anything.”
I was amazed at how quickly I began to criticize myself and how eager I was to believe the lies.
So I stopped and thought about how GOOD I am.
I had to remind myself that my work is making a needed difference in the lives of women who are suffering from DV.
I had to remind myself that my energy levels are up and that my body is working well and supporting me in my work.
I had to remind myself that I am doing my best at this moment and I will continue to do my best.
I had to remind myself that a few numbers on a scale does NOT define me.
I define me.
I wanted to tell you this little story because I know that this has probably happened to you as well.
When you hear those familiar voices putting you down…STOP them!
Begin a list of all the good things that you are doing.
Write them down and read them over and over and BELIEVE them.
If you don’t pull yourself out of that darkness, no one will.
Love and light,
Indrani
What will people miss about you?
What will people miss about you?
I invite you to make a complete list of all you do for others.
Do you sometimes feel useless?
Worthless?
Feel like your work has no use in the world?
Make an in-depth list and be sure to put things like:
Picking up socks
Cleaning toilets
Buying extra toilet paper
Yes, it can be funny what your jobs actually are and how crucial those jobs are to the smooth running of your world.
After you make a list, take a look at it. Are you pleased with the way the list looks?
No? Then change it.
Put things on the list that you want to do.
Find ways to make those things happen.
We have very short windows of opportunity….make today’s window count.
Love and light,
Indrani
He tells her she’s pretty…
He tells her she’s pretty.
He says “call me Daddy.”
He knows she is too young for him to be “chatting her up.”
He knows that she just had a fight with her Mother for being too mouthy.
How does he know?
She told him.
He told her that her Mother is a bitch and she is too pretty to listen to that bitch.
He buys her a purse that’s pink. Pink is her favorite color.
How did he know?
She told him.
He buys her a cold beer. She has never had beer.
How did he know?
She told him her Mother wouldn’t let her have any.
He smiled, knowingly and said, “A pretty woman like you should do whatever you want to do.”
He said, “Ever been in a fancy car like mine?”
She said no, and looked up adoringly to him.
He had hooked another one.
He waited for her to finish her drink…he had lots of time.
He had her whole life to hurry her up. He could wait for a few more minutes.
They drove across state lines.
She was raped that night.
He had lots of time to hurry her up now. She belonged to him. She was another one in the stable.
Do you want to know more about the sex trade?
Go to OWN and search for Lisa Ling’s report on sex trafficking.
If you know a young girl, please reach out to her and make sure you educate her about the horrors that are out there.
Be safe,
Indrani
The story of Tatty…
I first heard about Tatty from a dear friend. Tatty was in an abusive marriage for 11 years.
She was not allowed to work and her husband was an alcoholic. She faced his wrath nightly.
My friend, Jackie, told me that from time to time Tatty would call her in the middle of the night and beg for help. Jackie could hear him screaming and the children crying in the background. Jackie would sometimes go over to try to ease the situation, until I advised her that she should not go and should instead call the police. I advised Jackie that she had to take care of herself and her own family.
Jackie has four lovely children and they need her to be alive.
Over the years, I would ask about Tatty and offer Jackie some more tips on how to help her. I made it clear that it was Tatty who needed to stand up and seek help. Tatty made several attempts to flee, but the husband would apologize and she would go back. About four months ago, Jackie told me that Tatty called again at 3am.
Jackie told her to call the police.
This time, Tatty did call the police.
I advised Jackie to tell Tatty to leave the city and find shelter far away from her abuser.
Fast Forward to today, Jackie tells me:
1. Tatty has the first job of her life.
2. Tatty now feels useful not useless as she had been told.
3. Tatty’s abuser calls every day, screaming at her to come back and says it’s the last time he will call.
4. Tatty is strong enough to say ok, I am NOT coming back.
5. Tatty says that she has never been happier and that all the kids are in school and are happy too!
What an amazing woman Tatty is! What courage! What strength! She is WOMAN; hear her roar in defense of her kids and herself.
If you are being abused, you can take some advice from Tatty.
What did she do?
She reached out for help, left the city and went hours away from her abuser.
She made sure that she had a police record of the abuse.
She made sure that her kids were settled in their new school.
She got a job that she likes.
Tatty is a restaurant worker and is happy at her place of employment.
She goes to work knowing that she is free and peaceful and that her kids are safe.
Tatty finally raised her voice and roared NO MORE ABUSE!
You can take some small steps to help yourself but be sure your abuser is NOT aware of what you are doing. Call your local shelter for tips on how to get away safely.
Millions of women are abused yearly, and thousands escape to safety.
Know that there is a large support network out there for you, whatever your choice may be.
Take care of yourself and reach out for help.
Love and light
Indrani
WORDS MATTER, CHOOSE YOURS CAREFULLY…
WORDS MATTER, CHOOSE YOURS CAREFULLY…
Click here to learn more about how psychological abuse can scar children for life: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/children-carry-invisible-scars-psychological-abuse/story?id=16872337#.UBfZJ477li4
Choices, roles and other mysteries…
These days the word “choice” has a bad rap. It can only mean that we are on one side of a heated debate about women’s health. This blog is NOT about that choice, so please don’t feel like you must run for cover, find a picket sign, or shout “You go girl”!
This piece is about the choices we make every day that mold the life we eventually live. This is about all those little unconscious choices, like the 6th piece of cheesecake or the 4th affair or the decision to drive from Houston to Florida in order to shoot the girlfriend of your lover. Remember the female astronaut who was married and having an affair but was pissed off that her single lover had another girlfriend? I have to believe that her brain was offline…that is the only possible way that a woman who was brilliant enough to be one of the few to have gone into space could be cloudy enough to do what she did.
So, it is settled, smart people make stupid decisions!
I know that YOU are smart, so how can we make you immune to stupid mistakes?
I use the word ‘immune’ quite loosely, because I do not believe we can be completely immune to stupid mistakes.
We can, however, remember what is truly valuable to us so that we have a better chance of surviving the attack of “what was I thinking?”
My definition of personal values is a daily dose of remembering who we are at the core of our being and promising ourselves to stay true to that vision of who we are.
What kind of person do you wish to be known as?
Do you want to be the type of person who sneaks around having affairs and lying to your family?
Do you want to be the type of person who beats your spouse behind closed doors?
Staying present to your core values and your knowledge of what is right or wrong is one of the better ways to not stray from being a good and decent person.
It means that you hold true to your core beliefs in every decision you make.
You do not scream at others while saying you hate it when people scream at you.
It means that you weigh your responses before you fly off the handle and then ask for forgiveness.
It means that you respect others as you would expect to be respected.
The mystery of why we humans act more like animals than the rational beings we are is quite beyond me.
Why do we abuse woman and children?
Why do clergy sexually abuse little children?
Why are there so many instances of domestic violence and why do we make excuses for such behaviors?
Our choices and the roles we choose for our lives should not be made in a vacuum. It should not be a mystery as to why we continue to make the same insane mistakes. It should not cause us to scratch our heads in disbelief and not know why we do what we do.
Let’s make choices for ourselves that will allow us to enjoy the mystery of life that surrounds us. The mysteries of nature, the mysteries of love and the mysteries of the love we feel when we see children smile. Let’s make informed choices so that we can be surrounded by sweet mysteries…not by insane mysteries of uninformed decisions that are made when brains are offline.
Love & light,
Indrani