All posts by Indrani Goradia

The definition of divorce is….

featured, homepage, , , , , , , ,

Emotional divorce as defined by me is:
Disengaging one’s energy from being entangled with the energy of another.
A shorter way to put this is:
Their business is none of yours!
Yes, I know it sounds crass and abrupt and even a little bitchy.

Bear with me a while and read the following story:
I just met a delightful woman walking her equally delightful dogs and we stopped to chat. I started to tell her about the joy event (if you missed it, send me an email and we will send you a taste of what you missed). Anyway, the conversation quickly turned to her feeling really taken advantage of by a very close family member. This person insists on smoking in her house, even though she has been repeatedly told not to. She engages in harmful drug behaviors and has people scrambling to always save her from herself. She even intentionally ruins the good fortunes of others with every trick at her disposal.
This person is an excellent teacher…. Do you have any such teachers in your life?

For example…
People who constantly borrow money?
People who continually dump their emotional bilge all over you?
People who are always complaining about their job but won’t make any changes?
People who must have all the attention on themselves because their life is the only thing worthwhile?

WHAT EXACTLY DO these people teach us? What could we possible learn from emotionally draining situations such as this?
Well the answer to this question is both simple and complicated.
The simple answer is this: They are here to teach us to mind our own business and live our own lives.
The complicated answer is this: What kind of life do you want and do you have the courage to step completely into it?

Let’s take the complicated answer first.

Take some time to answer these questions.

What would your LIFE look like if this person were NOT in your life?

How would you live differently?

What actions would you not have to take?
How would your emotional state of health look like?
Would you be happier if you did not have to constantly care take the emotional abuser?
Do you know what emotional abuse is?
Are there others in your life that you take emotional abuse from?
What wonderful projects would you invest the emotional energy that you are saving?

Now, the simple answer….
All the above answers are YOUR business.
All the above answers are the WAY YOU WANT to LIVE your own life.
NOW DO IT!
There is no time to waste.
Life is shorter than you think.
If not now, when?
If you won’t take responsibility for your happiness who will or more importantly who should?

Love and light, Indrani.

Joy goes on even if a loved one does not.

featured, homepage, , ,

A friend of mine recently lost his wife to a 14 year battle with cancer. Through those years he demonstrated joy, love, caring, passion, devotion, dedication…. the list goes on. He seemed to be super human in his caring and compassion for his wife. He made her every day a celebration.

Since her passing he has been working on getting life back together. A life without doctors, chemotherapy and the stress of the impending end. The furniture of their house and his life has now been moved around for the next chapter, for the future.

Some people say he is not grieving enough.

Are there time limits? Grieving rules written somewhere? Whose to say how long anyone should grieve?

His wife would want him to live life without her with as much joy as he did with her by his side.

Belief BUSTERS

featured, homepage, , , , , , , ,

Ok so I really kinda want you to conjure up an image of Ghost Busters here and see them running around The New York Public Library chasing down old ghosts and sucking them into their canister.

Would it not be a hoot if we could find a way to suck out OLD burdensome beliefs that suck the life out of US and either replace it with a great new one or just leave space until we find one we like?

Here’s an example… This past weekend I had the great fortune to be the EMEE at Wealthy Thought Leader in Vancouver. Andrea Lee, took a heck of a chance on me. I was an unknown entity. This event was Andrea’s baby. She has nurtured it over the course of many months and she had a lot to lose if she choose the wrong woman for the job.

When she asked, I immediately said yes and then I allowed it to recede to the back of my mind until the week before. THEN I started to get worried.

All kind of “what ifs” entered my mind…
What if I don’t know what to say?
What if I look like a fool?
What if I look too fat? yep…even that!!!
What if the people don’t like the way I do it?
What if the simulcasters say I am doing a sucky job?
And the list went on and on… And on

On Thursday morning, I began and I KNEW I was holding back and Andrea felt it also. She asked if I was ok and I said yes but I was NOT!
She said that my energy was different and I admitted that I was AFRAID of coming off too bold or brazen and that I was worried that people would think I was trying to eclipse her. She laughed and said… eclipse Away!
So Thursday afternoon I showed up as ME and I never looked back… Except those nibbling “what ifs” were always lurking!
I am so grateful that everyone was supportive and that I did not have to fight negativity.

I was lucky…. What happens if YOU are following your passions… Like Lela Lee and have to fight your whole family system? That is HARD and energy sucking. It is easy to give up. It is easy to just do what you are being told to do. It is easy to turn down the dimmer switch.

Please don’t
Please allow yourself to feel discomfort and fear and insecurity.
Only by feeling all of these will you be able to find the courage to pursue and hone the skill set that will fuel your dreams.

Every hurtful comment you hear or mistake you make will strengthen your resolve to make your LIFE your OWN.

If not NOW… When?
Please give yourself a chance to shine. Only you can take that step and I GIVE YOU the PERMISSION.
Like Jesh De Rox says:
“Do not say something to yourself that you would not say to a new born!”

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

Man’s best friend is my best teacher.

homepage, , , ,

I recently got a chihuahua.

This little dog with a giant personality has become one of my best teachers ever. Each morning she runs around chasing her tail, delivering morning kisses. It is another great day to be a dog! Reminding me it is another great day to be a person!

She grins with that doggie smile not stressing over the issues of the day before. The puddle on the floor and the scolding is forgotten, its another new day. Reminding me that my mistakes of yesterday are passed and I should let go of them and be happy to move on.

She gives me constant looks as she tries to comprehend my words. Reminding me to listen try to be understanding to others.

She brings me back to moment at hand as she paws my leg. Reminding me to be here, now.

She is so happy and excited when I walk through the door after I have been gone. No judgement of where I have been, what I have done. Reminding me I should look at others with love in my heart and non judgement.

She stretches in downward facing dog, and upward facing dog, reminding me I better do some yoga.

How wonderful to get all of these lessons daily, in exchange for food, water and love.

Stop and take time to hear the silence

featured, homepage, ,

Blaring music, TV’s spouting out news 24/7, ipods, cell phones, people talking with really nothing to say… its as if the world is coming down around us, suffocating our ability to hear the truth and peace that lies within us.

Silence allows expansion, to hear the breath, become aware of the rise and fall of the body with the breath. Quiet yourself to feel the pulsing of the blood moving through your body which is an incredible creation in and of itself. Become aware of physical tensions, breath through it and see if you can let it go. Once you are beyond physical body in the silence, you can start sensing the energy of the world outside of your body.

The silences brings awareness, to ourselves, and that we are part of something much bigger than the noise around us.

Silence is golden. Stop and take time to hear the silence.

Vulnerability is not a bottomless pit…

featured, homepage, ,

Rather it is a very shallow pool of very cold water…. Means you are in discomfort for only a short while. If you stay with the feeling of being vulnerable long enough, your body temp begins to warm up your surroundings.  Pretty  soon you are back to your normal level of courage BUT you have grown from the challenge,  instead of pushing the feeling away and always living under the thought

“OH  NO what if this happens again, what will I do?”

If it happens again, you will know what to do because you did not run from the lesson the last time around.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say someone asks you a question about an element of your work or expertise and you do not know the answer.

You can BS your way thru and you can make up some good theory and say “PHEW that’s over ”

OR

You can say…

” Let me get back to you about this because I do not have that answer at the tip of my fingers…” and show that even YOU an expert in your field can admit to not have all the answers.

If I choose the BS route and avoid the vulnerable feeling THEN I have to remember exactly what BS I used the next time this same thing comes up or I run the risk of not only being vulnerable but being inauthentic and flaky.

Showing vulnerability in one area does not make you devoid of smarts in all other areas.  If you have thoughts like, what if I admit to not knowing, will they think I am ignorant in all other areas? They will not UNLESS you first broadcast that kind of energy.

Nothing erodes self confidence quicker than inauthenticity.

How would you take one step into your vulnerability?

You really have to KNOW what vulnerability feels like to you.

Where in your body do you feel the stirrings or the bashing over the head of vulnerability?

Being aware of what your body does in the midst of feeling vulnerable is the very first step towards making vulnerability your friend.

You have to become aware of your own self and your own reactions.This takes a little time to do some SELF research.

S…specificity…with the feelings awhile. Take notes about the feelings, keep a vulnerability journal, but write in it as a court reporter would, be a CSI of your own body.

E…examine…what your body is doing. As you journal, be very specific with all the physical feelings that you are experiencing and try not to judge them. Try not to call any of the feelings STUPID or try not to say “I Should Know Better”.

L…letting the feelings be investigated with real curiosity. Bring infinite curiosity to your physical feelings. Unpack them as eagerly and as slowly as you would open a gift from Tiffanys.

F…firm up your resolve to NOT run away from the moment. Just like you would not think of throwing that lovely piece of jewelry from Tiffanys into the discard pile, do not discard the intense level of KNOWING that you are feeling.

Then stand in your authentic vulnerability instead of the inauthenticity of feeling invulnerable to the trials and tribulations of this very human existence.

If you can befriend vulnerability, the world is your oyster and the pearls are the incidents that you used to stump your toe upon.

May Flowers

homepage, life, , ,

Springtime in Texas is beautiful with all the wild flowers in bloom. I found this beautiful Irish blessing…

“May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that’s always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.”

I also want to invite you to this event Virtual JOY Summit: INHALE LIFE, EXHALE JOY.

I walk along the city streets…

homepage, life, , , , , , , , , ,

I walk along the city streets…

And my memories escape from the corners of my mind…

Have you ever had the chance to retrace steps from your past without people from your present?
By this I mean, without your spouse or children or dog or siblings?
Perhaps to walk your alma mater?
To visit the place where you had your first job?
Visit the place where you had your first meltdown as a younger version of yourself?

I highly recommend it.
Recently I had the great fortune to spend some extended time in NYC.
After getting all my work done that was on my schedule, I found myself with ONE free afternoon and night.
No one to meet, no work to do and no schedule to keep.

So I took the subway to the station where I used to catch my train to go home to queens. The station looked worn and old and familiar.
I exited and found myself staring at the doors of Bloomingdales.
In my distant past, I felt like I did NOT belong in that store.
Only rich, well heeled people should go in there was my thinking.
Now mind you, I have been back to shop many times, but THIS time I was walking in the shadow of my 21 year old self who was so very scared and believed in scarcity of everything. Scarcity of LOVE, scarcity of MONEY, scarcity of a decent JOB that would afford her a place of her own.
Nothing came easy to my 21 year old self, except studies. I could study with the best of them.
I held on to that belief and I knew that if I just kept working my minimum wage job and taking 18 to 20 credits per semester that ONE day, I would land on my feet.

I had to hold that belief for dear life because it would have been so very easy to give up and just settle for an ordinary life. I so desperately did not want an ordinary life.
I felt that I wanted my life to mean something more than all the models that I had seen.
I would see co workers who made as little money as I did and they could live in NYC because they had parents who paid their rent.
I was so very jealous.
Why was life so hard for me?

So last week, as I walked in the shadow of that 21 year old, I reached back to almost 35 years ago and told my younger self  Thankyou!
Thank you for never giving up.
Thank you for not succumbing to the fake promises of bright lights and fleeting loves.

I visited the place where I saw my first French movie and where I had felt so sophisticated because I had never seen a movie in a different language. This time I purchased a ticket as a well seasoned global citizen and settled into the familiar padded seats and I saw another French movie and smiled to myself. Catherine Deneuve is still so very beautiful, and I could tell from her face that lots of time has passed. She has aged well and so have I.
I accept my aged face so much more easily than I ever could accept my young face.
I no longer look for flaws, now I am so grateful for what looks back at me.

I hear tell of people who go to high school ten unions and they see their old flames and break up their families chasing the past. This is NOT what I am saying to do.
I am saying to go back to the school without any body. Just you and your younger shadow and tell that young teenager that he or she did a great job of getting you into adulthood.
I firmly believe that our present will be solidly grounded if we can make peace with our past and shed the shame that comes with painful memories.
Let us be proud of who we are a d prouder still that we have come a long way baby!

It is not you, it’s me

featured, homepage, life, women, , , ,

It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.

The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.

It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.

We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!

Are VICTIMS promotable?

homepage, , , , , , ,

Are VICTIMS promotable?

What is the definition of VICTIM?

What is YOUR definition of victim?

Victims feel that things are being done to them!

There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.

What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?

In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.

Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!

Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
1
2
3
4
5
And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.

Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.

Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?

During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.