Springtime in Texas is beautiful with all the wild flowers in bloom. I found this beautiful Irish blessing…
“May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that’s always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.”
I also want to invite you to this event Virtual JOY Summit: INHALE LIFE, EXHALE JOY.
I walk along the city streets…
And my memories escape from the corners of my mind…
Have you ever had the chance to retrace steps from your past without people from your present?
By this I mean, without your spouse or children or dog or siblings?
Perhaps to walk your alma mater?
To visit the place where you had your first job?
Visit the place where you had your first meltdown as a younger version of yourself?
I highly recommend it.
Recently I had the great fortune to spend some extended time in NYC.
After getting all my work done that was on my schedule, I found myself with ONE free afternoon and night.
No one to meet, no work to do and no schedule to keep.
So I took the subway to the station where I used to catch my train to go home to queens. The station looked worn and old and familiar.
I exited and found myself staring at the doors of Bloomingdales.
In my distant past, I felt like I did NOT belong in that store.
Only rich, well heeled people should go in there was my thinking.
Now mind you, I have been back to shop many times, but THIS time I was walking in the shadow of my 21 year old self who was so very scared and believed in scarcity of everything. Scarcity of LOVE, scarcity of MONEY, scarcity of a decent JOB that would afford her a place of her own.
Nothing came easy to my 21 year old self, except studies. I could study with the best of them.
I held on to that belief and I knew that if I just kept working my minimum wage job and taking 18 to 20 credits per semester that ONE day, I would land on my feet.
I had to hold that belief for dear life because it would have been so very easy to give up and just settle for an ordinary life. I so desperately did not want an ordinary life.
I felt that I wanted my life to mean something more than all the models that I had seen.
I would see co workers who made as little money as I did and they could live in NYC because they had parents who paid their rent.
I was so very jealous.
Why was life so hard for me?
So last week, as I walked in the shadow of that 21 year old, I reached back to almost 35 years ago and told my younger self Thankyou!
Thank you for never giving up.
Thank you for not succumbing to the fake promises of bright lights and fleeting loves.
I visited the place where I saw my first French movie and where I had felt so sophisticated because I had never seen a movie in a different language. This time I purchased a ticket as a well seasoned global citizen and settled into the familiar padded seats and I saw another French movie and smiled to myself. Catherine Deneuve is still so very beautiful, and I could tell from her face that lots of time has passed. She has aged well and so have I.
I accept my aged face so much more easily than I ever could accept my young face.
I no longer look for flaws, now I am so grateful for what looks back at me.
I hear tell of people who go to high school ten unions and they see their old flames and break up their families chasing the past. This is NOT what I am saying to do.
I am saying to go back to the school without any body. Just you and your younger shadow and tell that young teenager that he or she did a great job of getting you into adulthood.
I firmly believe that our present will be solidly grounded if we can make peace with our past and shed the shame that comes with painful memories.
Let us be proud of who we are a d prouder still that we have come a long way baby!
It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.
The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.
It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.
We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!
Are VICTIMS promotable?
What is the definition of VICTIM?
What is YOUR definition of victim?
Victims feel that things are being done to them!
There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.
What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?
In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.
Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!
Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
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And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.
Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.
Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?
During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.
Check with your life coach if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome to others when experiencing JOY:
Dizziness from being giddy; dry mouth from too much whistling or singing.
Other side effects include: excitement, exuberance, rejoicing, glee, elation, ecstasy, bliss, exhilaration, rapture, jubilation or felicity, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness, restlessness, stomach pain from too much laughing (which could lead to loss of bladder control), and restful nights of sleep.
Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur from JOY:
Severe reactions include: bursting into song, jumping, dancing, skipping, hugging others, change in sexual ability or desire, irregular heartbeat, sore throat from laughing or singing, new or improving mental or mood problems (eg, relaxation, agitation, lack of delusions, happiness, being in the moment, calmness, friendliness).
This is not a complete list of all side effects that may occur. If you have questions about side effects, contact your inner health care provider. Call your life coach for advice about side effects. Or register here.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_KPTPcWU3U[/youtube]
Life is a water bottle with mud in it, can you wait the mud to settle? Check out the video…
As a kid growing up, I remember us having a boat, an airplane (I thought all kids flew somewhere for pancakes on Sunday), a couple cars, a nice house…. and yet I never saw joy in my father’s face. As an adult I vowed to myself I would not make those same mistakes in acquiring material goods knowing they would not make me happy. But lo and behold as I stand here today, I see that I did not escape the trap.
And what a trap it is. The stuff we buy to try to fulfill a void, fulfill the ego, to fulfill what society tells us we should do/be/have. When in actuality what we are seeking does not require financing, an American Express, or a drive to the mall. It may take time to find joy which is in all of us, but it is free.
It is the joy within us that can fill us until we are overflowing. Instead of being weighed down by possessions, with joy we are as light as a feather dancing on the breeze.
You would have to be living under a very big rock if you did not know that Japan had a very big tsunami that destroyed at least 4 nuclear reactors and that the spent energy rods that are supposed to always be kept under water and cooled are exposed and heating up. While these rods are no longer useful in terms of creating energy, they are still very much alive and can wreck havoc on the atmosphere by giving up the radiation that they inherently contain.
A very simplistic explanation is this, if you burn coal and the embers are left burning, the embers can start a fire if it came into contact with something flammable. YES I know how simplistic this is, please bear with me.
The potential for damage by the exposed rods is HUGE. I do not think that we can even come close to wrapping our brain around how devastating this can be for all forms of life. Think 3 headed snakes and 2 headed cows if you must, but know that those examples are pale in comparison by what can truly happen. Genetic mutation of apocalyptical proportions.
What does this have to do with Life Coaching?
Glad you asked… Think RAGE!
RAGE is dangerous! RAGE creates havoc and RAGE changes families in ways that people cannot fathom. The effects of RAGE may not be at the genetic mutation level, but the toxicities of rage can get into our cells and change us for a very long time.
If you do not know why we act the way we act and do not see that Familial Rage may be the culprit, then we pass on these destructive behaviors to our children and every one says “Oh well, that’s just the way so and so behaves”.
I say… BS!
When you are in the path of RAGE it’s all you can do to keep your sanity. You have to strive to not get swept up and into the path of the destruction.
You have to find ways to COOL down the person who is raging. Family members begin to tip toe around the raging bull and everyone begins to change their actions so as not to set of so and so.
We feel a need to cool them down as surely as we know we need to keep those spent fuel rods cooled. We KNOW that something horrible will be unleashed into our atmosphere if the heat continues to rise.
I have a solution for RAGE.
It is not an easy solution.
When you are in the presence of RAGE… L E A V E… Get up and be very deliberate in your leaving.
Do not say a single word!
Allow your actions to speak for themselves.
If you can be consistent with this for a few times you might make the raging bull-headed person stop and think… And if their rage continues then you have to decide if it’s worth being around that person.
The rageful person leaks toxicity not only into their own system but also into the energy fields of those around them.
People who witness the raging events, shake their heads in disbelief as the family members shrink down (hang their heads) in shame and pretend that it’s the first time this has happened.
If the whole family would get up and leave the RAGER to rage at themselves then maybe something can change.
RAGE ONLY works if there is someone to rage at, so if people would get some guts and leave, then maybe a change can occur.
I tell you what, trying to keep the rager COOLED and unheated is an exhausting and thankless job and no one should have to do it.
Life is short, why must we waste another minute of it in the face of anyone’s rage and toxic anger?
What do you think?
Have you seen the recent television ad with Abe Lincoln and his wife? She asks him if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat. Honest Abe timidly with his hands indicates “a little”, and she storms off.
Is honest Abe really being honest or is he being truthful?
Truth is, as true or actual state of a matter.
Honesty is being honourable in principles, intentions and actions. One can be truthful in what they say, but not honest in their intent.
For example:
“Do these jeans make me look fat?”
“No, the jeans don’t make you look fat!”
(The responder is telling the truth, it’s not the jeans that make the wearer look fat. But if they were being honest they would have replied, “No, the jeans don’t make you look fat – it’s just you that’s fat!”)
So good ole Honest Abe, was not being so honest, he was being truthful.
are starving to death… Mame from Auntie Mame
Here is my take on this famous quote~
Life is full of JOYFUL moments and most people are too worried about what people will say or think to take the risk to grab the JOY.
View the video below…
[youtube width=”280″ height=”178″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJjZMIMJLA[/youtube]
This shows a flash mob that I was brave enough to organize. My dear friends Patty and Bindya jumped on the band wagon and we were all willing to look foolish while creating JOY for our community.
Who will you depend on to take a risk with you so that you can grab some joy?
Who can you depend on to NOT dismiss your dream for JOY?
These are worthwhile questions to think about…
Take a moment to think about your JOY TEAM. Check out our next iamjoy event…
Love and Light.