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HAPPY DIWALI… The festival of Light

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This past weekend was the Hindu festival of Diwali. I have a dear friend who knows much about her roots (unlike me!) and I asked her to send me the true meaning of this wonderful festival ( see below).

As I was re educating myself with the True meaning of Diwali, I had many moments of awareness. Diwali is the celebration of inner light but it is the outer light that we see. We light lamps, candles, even strings of Christmas lights to show that we are inviting light into our homes and hearts. I remember as a child growing up in Trinidad, I would fill clay pots with oil and roll cotton into wicks and place them all along the edges of the garden. It was magical.

Then in later years when I went to India and saw strings of Christmas lights I was disappointed that the original clay pots were not being used.  I was told that the fire hazard was too great. OK, that makes sense.

Thank you to Bindya for the wonderful description below.

The name Diwali is itself a contraction of the word “Deepavali” (Sanskrit: दीपावली Dīpāvalī), which translates into row of lamps. Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps (diyas) filled with oil to signify the triumph of good over evil. During Diwali, all the celebrants wear new clothes and share sweets and snacks with family members and friends.

While Deepavali is popularly known as the “festival of lights”, the most significant spiritual meaning is “the awareness of the inner light”. Central to Hindu philosophy is the assertion that there is something beyond the physical body and mind which is pure, infinite, and eternal, called the Atman. The celebration of Deepavali as the “victory of good over evil”, refers to the light of higher knowledge dispelling all ignorance, the ignorance that masks one’s true nature, not as the body, but as the unchanging, infinite, immanent and transcendent reality. With this awakening comes compassion and the awareness of the oneness of all things (higher knowledge). This brings Ananda (joy or peace). Just as we celebrate the birth of our physical being, Deepavali is the celebration of this Inner Light.

While the story behind Deepavali and the manner of celebration varies from region to region (festive fireworks, worship, lights, sharing of sweets), the essence is the same – to rejoice in the Inner Light (Atman) or the underlying Reality of all things (Brahman).

Deepavali marks the end of the harvest season in most of India. Farmers give thanks for the bounty of the year gone by, and pray for a good harvest for the year to come. Traditionally this marked the closing of accounts for businesses dependent on the agrarian cycle, and is the last major celebration before winter. Lakshmi symbolizes wealth and prosperity, and her blessings are invoked for a good year ahead.

As per spiritual references, on this day “Lakshmi-panchayatan” enters the Universe. Vishnu, Indra, Kubera, Gajendra and Lakshmi are elements of this “panchayatan” (a group of five). The tasks of these elements are:

  • Lakshmi:        Divine Energy (Shakti) which provides energy to all the above activities.
  • Vishnu:            Happiness (happiness and satisfaction)
  • Kubera:            Wealth (generosity; one who shares wealth)
  • Indra:                Opulence (satisfaction due to wealth)
  • Gajendra:        Carries the wealth

Diwali commemorates the return of Lord Rama along with Sita and Lakshman from his fourteen year long exile and vanquishing the demon-king Ravana. In joyous celebration of the return of their king, the people of Ayodhya, the Capital of Rama, illuminated the kingdom with earthen diyas (oil lamps) and burst crackers.

If you are as amazed with the symbolism as I am here are some practical steps to make the symbolic real.

1. Know that WEALTH first means emotional and spiritual wealth. To make ourselves vulnerable enough to admit that at times we are emotionally and spiritually bankrupt is no easy thing.

2. Be courageous enough to wipe the slate clean of old hurts and toxicities in your life. This does not mean to go back to being abused or back into the path of destructive people, but to learn the lessons and allow yourself to make better decisions the next time. The holiday season is upon us, make different decisions for your self this year ones that will not drain you emotionally, spiritually or financially.

3.FORGIVE YOURSELF for everything you think you have done wrong.

4. Set an intention… a clear intention, to attract new wealth into your life. What elements in your life do you want to be different? Into what parts of your life are you inviting more abundance?

5. CLEAR out the cobwebs in your thinking so you will recognize abundance when you see it. I had an epiphany about my physical abundance during the summer when I was fussing about my fat upper arms and saw a woman who had been burnt on 70 percent of her body and she was happy to wear short sleeves. What a wake up call to me!

NAMASTE… The Light in me sees and respects the Light in YOU.

When PERFECTION bites you on the butt… kick it to the curb!

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Recently I had the great fortune to be a speaker at a woman’s day of wellness. I wanted to say a big Thank you to the women in the audience by giving away a month of coaching. I did not want a big production about the give away so as I was attaching my business cards to my hand outs I decided to place one on upside down and the person who got that handout would be the winner of the coaching sessions.

The woman who won was so happy and she can hardly wait to start… but the story does not end here. As I was chatting and being social another woman approached me and said

” You know, I got that hand out but did not want it because the card was upside down, so I put it back and took one off the bottom of the pile.” She was clearly upset. She continued ” This is going to bother me for a long time.”

Talk about letting the search for perfection bite you on the butt!

You know what, it would bother me too if I allowed an such opportunity to pass me by.

Then I started to wonder, how many of us MISS OUT on life by searching for perfection? What does perfection look like? Would we even recognize it if we came face to face with it?

If I want perfect legs, would I recognize that legs with cellulite that work well and carry me through my day IS as perfect as it gets?

I remember one day in the summer, I was fussing about my fat arms and did not want to wear a sleeve less shirt, so in 100 degree weather I put on long sleeves.. then I saw a woman in shorts and short sleeves who had clearly survived a bad fire and she was so happy to be free to walk and shop and be independent!

If I want perfect children, will I recognize when they are trying their best and being their perfect selves?

If I want a perfect marriage, will I understand that when my spouse comes home every night, hugs and kisses me and watches some mundane TV show with me and listens to my day… that that is indeed perfection?

Will I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that using all my gifts and talents in service and gratitude is as a perfect life as anyone can create?

No, I do not always recognize these perfect moments, but I want to, I really do!

Today, I invite you to recognize all the perfection around you and to accept that you are perfect also.

Today, my wish for you is to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that life is sweet, perfect and ever changing… tomorrow you will create a new perfect!

Now, go forth and create some glorious imperfect perfection!

Indrani, the Lexus salesman and my NY bitch…aren’t you curious?

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Ok How do I begin to tell the story of Me, the Lexus salesman and the emergence of my inner bitch? Sing this line as in the theme from Love Story, (LOL).

Let me set the stage.

My car ( a Lexus) was not behaving well and I took it in this morning for a quick once over. I did not have an appointment. I inquired at the sales desk as to who could help me. As I was speaking, an employee ( don’t know what he was as he did not introduce himself or tell me his name), walked by. He said that he would take a look.

I asked him if he wanted the keys. He did not respond, instead he said ” open the trunk.” I opened the truck and he fiddled around. He closed the trunk and went into the interior of the car and fiddled some more. At this point I sat on a bench at observed. He then held out his hand and I imagined that he meant ” give me the keys” so I gave him the keys. PLEASE note that about 7 minutes have passed and still not a single word spoken to me.

He took the keys and sat in the driver seat, turned on the car and showed that the issue was fixed.

He exited the car and was giving back the keys and I asked ” What was the problem?” He explained the problem and reached into his pocket and extracted what looked like his wallet. He ( with head bent looking at his wallet, not at me) said ” Your salesperson is no longer here so here is…” and he began to extract his card.

If I were you, dear reader, I would be asking

“How does he know Indrani’s sales person?”

“Does he know Indrani?”

Glad you asked, because those were my internal questions exactly.

I stopped him from retrieving the card and said ” I want to speak to the manager, because I would like a female sales person.”

He kept out the wallet and said

” I have been here for 10 years and I can very capable. Would it help if I spoke in a high pitched voice?”

Dear reader, you have read this correctly. I was taken aback for about 30 seconds and then I decided to explain what had transpired over the last 15 minutes or so.

I said ” You have not  told me your name, you did not answer me when I asked you a question and you never shook my hand”

He then TURNED HIS BACK IN A HUFF and walked away saying “I DON’T NEED TO DEAL WITH YOU”

AND THAT’S WHEN SHE APPEARED, THE NY BITCH!!!…

I then ( in a raised voice) said ” This is exactly why I want a female sales person”

I followed him into the dealership, he walked away, I stopped at the desk to ask for a manager. The receptionist took me to the sales manager and the huffy salesman was there telling his story,  ” she said that I…” and I walked on in.

I walked right up to the managers’ desk and raised my voice over Mr Huffy and said ” Yes, this is the SHE and I will also tell you what happened”.

The manager listened and was delightful. He could not believe that Mr Huffy had asked if he could use a ‘high pitched’ voice. I wondered to the manager if he ( Mr Huffy) also wanted to grow breasts. We both howled out loud at my musing.

Ok, so are you divided on how to take this? Do you think I made a mountain out of a mole hill?

Here is my breakdown:

Mr Huffy, even though he helped me fix my problem, never created the beginning of a relationship. He did not introduce himself even after he had fixed the car and had already  stepped into the helper role. The business of sales is to create relationships. He had a perfect platform to do so and instead he treated himself like a non professional.

He clearly expected me to just take his card and give my undying devotion ( I have owned Lexus cars for the past 12 years).

He was disparaging to the way he thinks women speak, as in high pitched voice, even as he knew I wanted to deal with a female. Therefore he was insulting to me!

He could not listen to me as I told him about the manner the past few minutes had transpired, and he very rudely turned his back and walked away as though he could dismiss me.

Here is my unshakable truth:

I expect to give respect and to get respect from each person I encounter.

If someone wants my business ( read money) I expect that person to look me in the eye, introduce himselfherself and ask my name. I expect to create something that is unique before they expect to receive money from me.

If I want to be dismissed, I could get that from my own family, I certainly don’t need to seek it from strangers.

Whether you agree with me or not, I urge you to STAND FOR YOU RIGHTS AND CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT that supports your  right to be respected and not dismissed.

Let me know what you think.

love and light

Indrani

How sweet it IS?… here is how sweet it CAN be.

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Is this not a SWEET image. A little girl on her white 18 year old horse… just being a little girl on her horse.  This is not a story about this little princess, it is rather a story about the QUEEN mother in her life. Lets call the mom ELIZABETH… just because it makes sense 🙂

So Elizabeth became a client about 2 months ago. She has been working on STANDING tall in her own energy, especially during stressful times within her 13 year old marriage. She is very educated, highly successful and has a huge heart that has supported all her friends, family, hubby… but not so much herself.

Elizabeth, like so many of us women, believed that if she did just ONE more favor, sucked up her pain just ONE more time, gave more than she had just ONE more day, then all would be well. Her knight in shining armor would lean down from his white shiny horse and say something like

” I am so sorry that I have taken you for granted, called you horrible names, kicked you when you were down blah blah blah” Guess what?

Lizzie finally had to come to terms with the fact that THOSE words were NEVER going to be spoken!

She was as low as she could get, slithering on her belly, and still there was a leaded foot on her back still pushing her down. Still, there were demands being made that were inexplicable and she still was consumed by sadness and LOSS for the person she once was. Where was that feisty 20 something year old who took the business world by storm and was managing gobs of professional folks and loving it? Where was that grown up woman who carried herself with grace and aplomb who took on life’s challenges and never lost sight of her own goals?

When had she become the person who begged for love, attention and care?

When did she decide to trade her self respect for ” ok, I- will -do -whatever you- want- and- then -you’ll-love- me -right?”- ness.

So we began to work. She is a firecracker. She puts my energy to shame. She is also a DREAM client because she LOVES homework!

So here is a piece of homework that I gave to her.

To write a letter to each of her kids telling them how PROUD she is of them.

That’s it.

Just to get out of her head how much she loves her babies.

She made this exercise so much more meaningful for herself and her daughter.

She took her princess riding and Queen Elizabeth sat in the middle of the ring and wrote her letter. WOW… I told ya she was awesome. She immersed herself in the energy of her happy baby girl and she immersed herself in the love that she has for her daughter.

She is healing her soul by taking small but meaningful steps every day and I have no doubt that one day soon she will say

“Indrani, I do not need you to coach me anymore, I am in perfect alignment with my truth and my fully functioning adult self.”

What will I say? I will say ” My dear Queen Elizabeth, it has been an honor watching your emerge. Keep in touch. I truly love ya”

So how about a piece of homework for each of you?

Here it is… write a LOVE letter to yourself. Tell your self how PROUD you are of YOU for having endured all that you have endured. Tell yourself that you wouldn’t trade you for all the tea in china, all the coffee at Starbucks, all the… oh you get the point!

If you cannot do this, why not? Now there’s another letter that needs to be written!

ARE YOU ALONE even when you’re not?… 5 tips to get to “alone is not lonely”

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This may strike a raw nerve with some of you. Yesterday I went to a very busy lunch hour cafe in my town and as I waited for my friend, I began to look around.

There they were… let me set the stage

She looking down as though she was reading the fine print on the salt shaker.

He, body completely turned away from her, absorbed in a local newspaper that is nothing more than picture ads for local business.

After he finished reading every riveting line of the advertorial publication, he got up, folded the paper and replaced it in the tray.

He walked back to the table and sat down.

She has not moved her body, except for her eyes, every now and then they would dart from down to up then side ways. They both played a great game of ” I will not look at you”. They were so versed in their technique that it was a flawless performance.

He got restless ( maybe he faced her for about 2 minutes) and got up to check on their food. This action was completely uncalled for since they had the beeper right there on the table that would’ve alerted them about the order.

There was another curious “missing” piece. They did not have cell phones. I have noticed that “cell phone praying” is the new way to be lonely with someone but pretend that you are not. They did not have cell phones to pray to/on/over. They only had themselves and their darting, hungry eyes.

Their bellies were hungry for food and their eyes hungry for… I do not know…. but the hunger was palpable.

If you have ever been in this situation try this.

1. Sit up straight and tall and begin to breathe deeply. This will give your brain some more oxygen.

2.If you want to make a connection with the other person give a compliment on the shirt/shoes/belt… get it?… just something to break the ice.

3. If you do not want to connect with them, find something about yourself that you LOVE. Your toes, your fingers, your eyes, they way you carry yourself in the world.

4. Think of 5 things that you are grateful for in your life at the moment, a child’s smile, a new job, an old job and great friends get it? This simple list will flood your brain with some feel good chemicals.

5. Ask yourself what you’d like to do differently next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you can get ridiculous and offer to sit in the restaurant across the street? Sometimes it is better to shine a light on what’s happening than to pretend that “nothing” is better than knowing that “something” needs to be addressed.

Just something to think about.

Baby Elephants, Bottles and Blankets…one woman can change the world!

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I recently was in Kenya and had the great fortune to visit The Elephant Orphanage in Nairobi. The babies were saved from certain death when their mothers were either poached or otherwise could not care for their babies.

When the program first started, the mortality rate was very high and no one knew why.

The babies were being fed regularly and the formula was nutritious and correct. But they would not drink the milk and died within a few days.

One day ( so the story goes) the laundry was drying on the lines on the compound and one of the babies wandered under the laundry and for some reason the keeper/caretaker followed the baby with the bottle and the baby drank it all! It seemed to be a miracle. Long story short, the caretakers surmised that the babies were not drinking because they did not feel protected because they would normally be covered by the mothers body and therefore felt safe.

From that day, the babies were covered with blankets when they were being fed and they began to thrive and grow and were successfully reintroduced into the wild at 2 years of age. The story is one of fortitude and passion that one woman felt for these majestic creatures.

This was but one of the miracles that I witnessed in Africa. Every day, the miracles were all around me:

How the Zebra could communicate to the wildebeests that it was “time” to embark on the Mara River crossing?  How did all the rest of the herd know that the first Zebra had decided it was “time” to make the journey?

How did the animals in the way back of the line know it was time to start running like crazy to make the journey?

How did the Zebra mom, who had made it all the way across, know that her baby was stuck on the other side and was brave enough to go back, find the baby and cross again! That mom, made 3 crossings. She knew no fear for her own safety when she KNEW that her baby was still on the other shore.

The miracle that the 2 large crocs in the water did not kill any of the animals on the crossing we saw.

What did I learn from Africa?

Life is meant to be lived every single day.

We only have the present, lets stop wishing it away. We cannot “fix” the past and the future is an illusion.

The animals were always present, they were not in “yesterdays’ lost opportunities” or “tomorrow’s buried treasure.”

I invite you to create some space in your hurried lives to experience the PRESENT, regardless of of the pain/enjoyment factor.

Make some miracles of your own

love and light

Indrani

NO is not a curse word… use it as often as you need to!

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Use the word NO as often as you need.

As a woman, I was taught that “NO” meant that I was selfish/mean/uncaring/ungrateful… the list goes on.

When I say “YES” to whatever others want, I say “NO” to all of my dreams and personal goals.

Is it better to seem ungrateful to the whole world and to be kind to myself, or to be unkind to myself and treat everyone else in a “socially acceptable way?”

You have my permission… try on the word NO’

Love and light

Indrani remember to inhale life and exhale joy.

The Shadow of ” You’re only supposed to …”

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This weekend I happened upon one of my favorite movies.

It is YENTL. If you have never seen it… please rectify this immediately!

The story is about a Jewish woman who pretends to be a boy so that she can go to school and study the TORAH.

Barbara Streisand plays the woman who tricks the whole village. The question that Yentl asks over and over is simply this

”  Why do I have a mind if not to question why”

Some of the powerful lyrics in the song called “Where is it written” are

” where do I belong in the scheme of things…why have a mind if not to question why? what is it that I am meant to be? that I can dare to have the chance to pick the fruit of every tree”

I first saw this movie when I was just a few years in this country. I realize now that I had been asking these very questions all my life.

Why are we pigeon-holed?

Why are we told that we can be this thing and not that thing?

I came to this country in 1974 and women were asking these very questions. Why are we still asking them now? Why do we not have the RIGHTS to be all that we can be?

Can we give ourselves the permission to have UNMITIGATED GALL  in asking for what we want? Or must we play the game of using “mitigated speech” ( when we down play what we want or use hints not daring to ask directly) to get what we desire at a deep level.

When we beat around the bush and not give ourselves  permission to ask directly, without anger, or fear for what we want, who are we placating, hurting,putting on a pedestal or back burner?

The next time you want something that you know is right for you and you feel fear when you think about asking for it, try asking yourself these questions.

1. Who do I fear?

2.What do I fear may happen? ( if this answer involves physical/ emotional abuse call a shelter IMMEDIATELY)

3. What could happen if I do this thing without permission?

4. Where did I learn that I need permission and how do I know that those messages were right?

5. What am I willing to sacrifice to live life on my own terms?

6. How old do I have to be to take my rights as a human being?

7. Who determines the kind of life I must lead?

8. If I do not respect my own dreams who can I expect to respect them?

9. Do I love myself?

10. Do I absolutely love myself?

Do now worry if you cannot answer all these questions. Just the fact that you are willing to to even think about them is growth. Give yourself some space to think and to grow. Allow yourself to dare to dream and “the dare to question” time will come, when you are ready and not a moment before!

love and light

Indrani

A tip from BP and the Gulf Disaster… talking is not enough…

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In the newspaper this morning, I was reading about the BP exec who will step down on OCT 1st as a direct result of how he handled the oil spill in the Gulf. I am not any sort of engineer nor do I like science very much so I did not really expect to get any “personal lessons” from the article. THEN, bingo, there it was. ” We had endless conversations about safety but not a lot about execution.”

WOW, what a great lesson for all of us, not about safety but about dreams, goals, personal investments… and this is how it looks.

I met someone last week so said, ” I would love to travel and see the world but I do not ever have any money.” My mind flashed back to a conversation with this same person just a few weeks ago who had spent ” thousands on fireworks for 4th of July” and a few years ago who said ” I go to Las Vegas about twice per year and spend a minimum of $5,000.00.”

Ok, lets do the very simple math. In just one year, $10,000 PLUS $2,000… ummm $12,000!  This is not counting airfare and hotel room or food!

I was curious about costs to travel to lets say Paris this year so I checked on line. Air about $8000.00/ hotels were all over the map on pricing. From previous trips to France I know that the “metro”, the subway is dirt cheap. I also know that people watching at a little sidewalk cafe is free except for the price of a ” cafe au lait and an exquisite croissant.”

How can we all learn a lesson from that simple sentence in the paper about BP? Here is how!

Stop talking about what your plans are and start making concrete plans to EXECUTE! Yea, you heard me, stop blowing smoke or oil or whatever you want to call it and take responsibility for making your dreams come true….

If you have no clue how to stop the endless cycle of “talk” and start the new ” get it done” behaviors, here is a place to start.

GO PUBLIC. Tell a whole bunch of people that you want to be held accountable for doing something different with your life. Tell them to STOP you when you begin to blow smoke and ask you this simple question.

“So what ARE you going to do about it?”

It is a big leap from “just talk” to “personal responsibility”. It’s got to start somewhere right? Start TODAY.

Taking positive steps to your better life is the best way to LOVE YOURSELF!

love and light

Indrani