Category Archives: life

Indrani, the Lexus salesman and my NY bitch…aren’t you curious?

homepage, life, , , ,

Ok How do I begin to tell the story of Me, the Lexus salesman and the emergence of my inner bitch? Sing this line as in the theme from Love Story, (LOL).

Let me set the stage.

My car ( a Lexus) was not behaving well and I took it in this morning for a quick once over. I did not have an appointment. I inquired at the sales desk as to who could help me. As I was speaking, an employee ( don’t know what he was as he did not introduce himself or tell me his name), walked by. He said that he would take a look.

I asked him if he wanted the keys. He did not respond, instead he said ” open the trunk.” I opened the truck and he fiddled around. He closed the trunk and went into the interior of the car and fiddled some more. At this point I sat on a bench at observed. He then held out his hand and I imagined that he meant ” give me the keys” so I gave him the keys. PLEASE note that about 7 minutes have passed and still not a single word spoken to me.

He took the keys and sat in the driver seat, turned on the car and showed that the issue was fixed.

He exited the car and was giving back the keys and I asked ” What was the problem?” He explained the problem and reached into his pocket and extracted what looked like his wallet. He ( with head bent looking at his wallet, not at me) said ” Your salesperson is no longer here so here is…” and he began to extract his card.

If I were you, dear reader, I would be asking

“How does he know Indrani’s sales person?”

“Does he know Indrani?”

Glad you asked, because those were my internal questions exactly.

I stopped him from retrieving the card and said ” I want to speak to the manager, because I would like a female sales person.”

He kept out the wallet and said

” I have been here for 10 years and I can very capable. Would it help if I spoke in a high pitched voice?”

Dear reader, you have read this correctly. I was taken aback for about 30 seconds and then I decided to explain what had transpired over the last 15 minutes or so.

I said ” You have not  told me your name, you did not answer me when I asked you a question and you never shook my hand”

He then TURNED HIS BACK IN A HUFF and walked away saying “I DON’T NEED TO DEAL WITH YOU”

AND THAT’S WHEN SHE APPEARED, THE NY BITCH!!!…

I then ( in a raised voice) said ” This is exactly why I want a female sales person”

I followed him into the dealership, he walked away, I stopped at the desk to ask for a manager. The receptionist took me to the sales manager and the huffy salesman was there telling his story,  ” she said that I…” and I walked on in.

I walked right up to the managers’ desk and raised my voice over Mr Huffy and said ” Yes, this is the SHE and I will also tell you what happened”.

The manager listened and was delightful. He could not believe that Mr Huffy had asked if he could use a ‘high pitched’ voice. I wondered to the manager if he ( Mr Huffy) also wanted to grow breasts. We both howled out loud at my musing.

Ok, so are you divided on how to take this? Do you think I made a mountain out of a mole hill?

Here is my breakdown:

Mr Huffy, even though he helped me fix my problem, never created the beginning of a relationship. He did not introduce himself even after he had fixed the car and had already  stepped into the helper role. The business of sales is to create relationships. He had a perfect platform to do so and instead he treated himself like a non professional.

He clearly expected me to just take his card and give my undying devotion ( I have owned Lexus cars for the past 12 years).

He was disparaging to the way he thinks women speak, as in high pitched voice, even as he knew I wanted to deal with a female. Therefore he was insulting to me!

He could not listen to me as I told him about the manner the past few minutes had transpired, and he very rudely turned his back and walked away as though he could dismiss me.

Here is my unshakable truth:

I expect to give respect and to get respect from each person I encounter.

If someone wants my business ( read money) I expect that person to look me in the eye, introduce himselfherself and ask my name. I expect to create something that is unique before they expect to receive money from me.

If I want to be dismissed, I could get that from my own family, I certainly don’t need to seek it from strangers.

Whether you agree with me or not, I urge you to STAND FOR YOU RIGHTS AND CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT that supports your  right to be respected and not dismissed.

Let me know what you think.

love and light

Indrani

How sweet it IS?… here is how sweet it CAN be.

homepage, life

Is this not a SWEET image. A little girl on her white 18 year old horse… just being a little girl on her horse.  This is not a story about this little princess, it is rather a story about the QUEEN mother in her life. Lets call the mom ELIZABETH… just because it makes sense 🙂

So Elizabeth became a client about 2 months ago. She has been working on STANDING tall in her own energy, especially during stressful times within her 13 year old marriage. She is very educated, highly successful and has a huge heart that has supported all her friends, family, hubby… but not so much herself.

Elizabeth, like so many of us women, believed that if she did just ONE more favor, sucked up her pain just ONE more time, gave more than she had just ONE more day, then all would be well. Her knight in shining armor would lean down from his white shiny horse and say something like

” I am so sorry that I have taken you for granted, called you horrible names, kicked you when you were down blah blah blah” Guess what?

Lizzie finally had to come to terms with the fact that THOSE words were NEVER going to be spoken!

She was as low as she could get, slithering on her belly, and still there was a leaded foot on her back still pushing her down. Still, there were demands being made that were inexplicable and she still was consumed by sadness and LOSS for the person she once was. Where was that feisty 20 something year old who took the business world by storm and was managing gobs of professional folks and loving it? Where was that grown up woman who carried herself with grace and aplomb who took on life’s challenges and never lost sight of her own goals?

When had she become the person who begged for love, attention and care?

When did she decide to trade her self respect for ” ok, I- will -do -whatever you- want- and- then -you’ll-love- me -right?”- ness.

So we began to work. She is a firecracker. She puts my energy to shame. She is also a DREAM client because she LOVES homework!

So here is a piece of homework that I gave to her.

To write a letter to each of her kids telling them how PROUD she is of them.

That’s it.

Just to get out of her head how much she loves her babies.

She made this exercise so much more meaningful for herself and her daughter.

She took her princess riding and Queen Elizabeth sat in the middle of the ring and wrote her letter. WOW… I told ya she was awesome. She immersed herself in the energy of her happy baby girl and she immersed herself in the love that she has for her daughter.

She is healing her soul by taking small but meaningful steps every day and I have no doubt that one day soon she will say

“Indrani, I do not need you to coach me anymore, I am in perfect alignment with my truth and my fully functioning adult self.”

What will I say? I will say ” My dear Queen Elizabeth, it has been an honor watching your emerge. Keep in touch. I truly love ya”

So how about a piece of homework for each of you?

Here it is… write a LOVE letter to yourself. Tell your self how PROUD you are of YOU for having endured all that you have endured. Tell yourself that you wouldn’t trade you for all the tea in china, all the coffee at Starbucks, all the… oh you get the point!

If you cannot do this, why not? Now there’s another letter that needs to be written!

ARE YOU ALONE even when you’re not?… 5 tips to get to “alone is not lonely”

homepage, life

This may strike a raw nerve with some of you. Yesterday I went to a very busy lunch hour cafe in my town and as I waited for my friend, I began to look around.

There they were… let me set the stage

She looking down as though she was reading the fine print on the salt shaker.

He, body completely turned away from her, absorbed in a local newspaper that is nothing more than picture ads for local business.

After he finished reading every riveting line of the advertorial publication, he got up, folded the paper and replaced it in the tray.

He walked back to the table and sat down.

She has not moved her body, except for her eyes, every now and then they would dart from down to up then side ways. They both played a great game of ” I will not look at you”. They were so versed in their technique that it was a flawless performance.

He got restless ( maybe he faced her for about 2 minutes) and got up to check on their food. This action was completely uncalled for since they had the beeper right there on the table that would’ve alerted them about the order.

There was another curious “missing” piece. They did not have cell phones. I have noticed that “cell phone praying” is the new way to be lonely with someone but pretend that you are not. They did not have cell phones to pray to/on/over. They only had themselves and their darting, hungry eyes.

Their bellies were hungry for food and their eyes hungry for… I do not know…. but the hunger was palpable.

If you have ever been in this situation try this.

1. Sit up straight and tall and begin to breathe deeply. This will give your brain some more oxygen.

2.If you want to make a connection with the other person give a compliment on the shirt/shoes/belt… get it?… just something to break the ice.

3. If you do not want to connect with them, find something about yourself that you LOVE. Your toes, your fingers, your eyes, they way you carry yourself in the world.

4. Think of 5 things that you are grateful for in your life at the moment, a child’s smile, a new job, an old job and great friends get it? This simple list will flood your brain with some feel good chemicals.

5. Ask yourself what you’d like to do differently next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you can get ridiculous and offer to sit in the restaurant across the street? Sometimes it is better to shine a light on what’s happening than to pretend that “nothing” is better than knowing that “something” needs to be addressed.

Just something to think about.

Baby Elephants, Bottles and Blankets…one woman can change the world!

homepage, life, , ,

I recently was in Kenya and had the great fortune to visit The Elephant Orphanage in Nairobi. The babies were saved from certain death when their mothers were either poached or otherwise could not care for their babies.

When the program first started, the mortality rate was very high and no one knew why.

The babies were being fed regularly and the formula was nutritious and correct. But they would not drink the milk and died within a few days.

One day ( so the story goes) the laundry was drying on the lines on the compound and one of the babies wandered under the laundry and for some reason the keeper/caretaker followed the baby with the bottle and the baby drank it all! It seemed to be a miracle. Long story short, the caretakers surmised that the babies were not drinking because they did not feel protected because they would normally be covered by the mothers body and therefore felt safe.

From that day, the babies were covered with blankets when they were being fed and they began to thrive and grow and were successfully reintroduced into the wild at 2 years of age. The story is one of fortitude and passion that one woman felt for these majestic creatures.

This was but one of the miracles that I witnessed in Africa. Every day, the miracles were all around me:

How the Zebra could communicate to the wildebeests that it was “time” to embark on the Mara River crossing?  How did all the rest of the herd know that the first Zebra had decided it was “time” to make the journey?

How did the animals in the way back of the line know it was time to start running like crazy to make the journey?

How did the Zebra mom, who had made it all the way across, know that her baby was stuck on the other side and was brave enough to go back, find the baby and cross again! That mom, made 3 crossings. She knew no fear for her own safety when she KNEW that her baby was still on the other shore.

The miracle that the 2 large crocs in the water did not kill any of the animals on the crossing we saw.

What did I learn from Africa?

Life is meant to be lived every single day.

We only have the present, lets stop wishing it away. We cannot “fix” the past and the future is an illusion.

The animals were always present, they were not in “yesterdays’ lost opportunities” or “tomorrow’s buried treasure.”

I invite you to create some space in your hurried lives to experience the PRESENT, regardless of of the pain/enjoyment factor.

Make some miracles of your own

love and light

Indrani

NO is not a curse word… use it as often as you need to!

homepage, life

Use the word NO as often as you need.

As a woman, I was taught that “NO” meant that I was selfish/mean/uncaring/ungrateful… the list goes on.

When I say “YES” to whatever others want, I say “NO” to all of my dreams and personal goals.

Is it better to seem ungrateful to the whole world and to be kind to myself, or to be unkind to myself and treat everyone else in a “socially acceptable way?”

You have my permission… try on the word NO’

Love and light

Indrani remember to inhale life and exhale joy.

The Shadow of ” You’re only supposed to …”

homepage, life, , ,

This weekend I happened upon one of my favorite movies.

It is YENTL. If you have never seen it… please rectify this immediately!

The story is about a Jewish woman who pretends to be a boy so that she can go to school and study the TORAH.

Barbara Streisand plays the woman who tricks the whole village. The question that Yentl asks over and over is simply this

”  Why do I have a mind if not to question why”

Some of the powerful lyrics in the song called “Where is it written” are

” where do I belong in the scheme of things…why have a mind if not to question why? what is it that I am meant to be? that I can dare to have the chance to pick the fruit of every tree”

I first saw this movie when I was just a few years in this country. I realize now that I had been asking these very questions all my life.

Why are we pigeon-holed?

Why are we told that we can be this thing and not that thing?

I came to this country in 1974 and women were asking these very questions. Why are we still asking them now? Why do we not have the RIGHTS to be all that we can be?

Can we give ourselves the permission to have UNMITIGATED GALL  in asking for what we want? Or must we play the game of using “mitigated speech” ( when we down play what we want or use hints not daring to ask directly) to get what we desire at a deep level.

When we beat around the bush and not give ourselves  permission to ask directly, without anger, or fear for what we want, who are we placating, hurting,putting on a pedestal or back burner?

The next time you want something that you know is right for you and you feel fear when you think about asking for it, try asking yourself these questions.

1. Who do I fear?

2.What do I fear may happen? ( if this answer involves physical/ emotional abuse call a shelter IMMEDIATELY)

3. What could happen if I do this thing without permission?

4. Where did I learn that I need permission and how do I know that those messages were right?

5. What am I willing to sacrifice to live life on my own terms?

6. How old do I have to be to take my rights as a human being?

7. Who determines the kind of life I must lead?

8. If I do not respect my own dreams who can I expect to respect them?

9. Do I love myself?

10. Do I absolutely love myself?

Do now worry if you cannot answer all these questions. Just the fact that you are willing to to even think about them is growth. Give yourself some space to think and to grow. Allow yourself to dare to dream and “the dare to question” time will come, when you are ready and not a moment before!

love and light

Indrani

A tip from BP and the Gulf Disaster… talking is not enough…

homepage, life, , , , , , ,

In the newspaper this morning, I was reading about the BP exec who will step down on OCT 1st as a direct result of how he handled the oil spill in the Gulf. I am not any sort of engineer nor do I like science very much so I did not really expect to get any “personal lessons” from the article. THEN, bingo, there it was. ” We had endless conversations about safety but not a lot about execution.”

WOW, what a great lesson for all of us, not about safety but about dreams, goals, personal investments… and this is how it looks.

I met someone last week so said, ” I would love to travel and see the world but I do not ever have any money.” My mind flashed back to a conversation with this same person just a few weeks ago who had spent ” thousands on fireworks for 4th of July” and a few years ago who said ” I go to Las Vegas about twice per year and spend a minimum of $5,000.00.”

Ok, lets do the very simple math. In just one year, $10,000 PLUS $2,000… ummm $12,000!  This is not counting airfare and hotel room or food!

I was curious about costs to travel to lets say Paris this year so I checked on line. Air about $8000.00/ hotels were all over the map on pricing. From previous trips to France I know that the “metro”, the subway is dirt cheap. I also know that people watching at a little sidewalk cafe is free except for the price of a ” cafe au lait and an exquisite croissant.”

How can we all learn a lesson from that simple sentence in the paper about BP? Here is how!

Stop talking about what your plans are and start making concrete plans to EXECUTE! Yea, you heard me, stop blowing smoke or oil or whatever you want to call it and take responsibility for making your dreams come true….

If you have no clue how to stop the endless cycle of “talk” and start the new ” get it done” behaviors, here is a place to start.

GO PUBLIC. Tell a whole bunch of people that you want to be held accountable for doing something different with your life. Tell them to STOP you when you begin to blow smoke and ask you this simple question.

“So what ARE you going to do about it?”

It is a big leap from “just talk” to “personal responsibility”. It’s got to start somewhere right? Start TODAY.

Taking positive steps to your better life is the best way to LOVE YOURSELF!

love and light

Indrani

Caught betweeen two worlds?… be happy with both!

homepage, life, women,

Do you sometimes feel that you are caught between two conflicting sets of morals and values?

Do you feel tugged and pulled with having to make simple decisions?

I met someone recently who had to “not invite” her parents to a significant celebration because the parents ” from the old country” would take over the way the party “should be done” and the celebration would then become all about ” what our culture expects” and none of what would create true happiness for the newer generation.

If this sounds even remotely familiar, do I have a solution for you!

What if you could step in both worlds and be happy with both sets of rules? Sound like fantasy world?

It is so very possible. The trick is ( ah you knew there would be a trick) that YOU KNOW WHO YOU WANT TO BE!

Ok, so maybe that’s a little too tricky. How can you know who you want to be, if you have been brought up in a world that has little value for an individual ( think ” I ” ) and huge amounts of value on “WE”. You have to be very vigilant with observing your thoughts.

Ok, so now I see you rolling your eyes, just hear me out. When you are being pulled between, do you feel like you MUST please everybody?

Do you feel like “people” will hate you if you do not do exactly as they wish?

Will you hate yourself if you continue to please everyone at the expense of your own happiness? Do you believe that your happiness is important? Can you accept that there can be balance between what others expect and what you want?

There is a way to straddle both your worlds and still be true o your own values and mores.

The simple answer is to allow yourself to observe yourself and others when you are in the midst of making decisions. Notice what your think, how you hold your body, what tone of voice you use, if you feel attacked?

That does not sound so simple you say, well maybe it’s not always simple, but it is always doable. It is always possible to “step” out of the situation and to become the detached observer.

The detached observer does not have to “believe” all the thoughts that pop into their heads. We think thousands of thoughts every day and most of them we let go, but some thoughts stick around to nag you until you feel like your head will explode.

So, here is a simple challenge for you. The next time you have to choose between two worlds, be it a cultural situation, a religious situation or a social situation, notice what you are thinking and see if you can give yourself a “thinking” break.

A “thinking” break means to try to distance yourself from the words in your head.

Try these simple steps:

1. Take 5 DEEP BREATHS

2. Take five more

3. Pretend that you can see the words forming in your head. What kind of font is it, how big are the words? Do they run together like a jumbled mess or it is like a well structured sentence? Do you also see punctuation marks? The trick here is to help your mind take a break from the thoughts that are all consuming.

4. Notice if you were able to take a “break” from the thoughts that are causing stress.

Try this little exercise for one full week on the thoughts that cause you the most stress. Thoughts like ” I should be a better Mom, Wife, Employee, Friend, Daughter ” etc.

I hope you give it a try and also try to give yourself a well deserved break.

Indrani

Willingness to investigate the cultural shadow and invest in the present…

homepage, life

We all have CULTURE.

If you are alive (and you are because you are reading this post) you have been raised in some culture. You have been taught that you do somethings and not others. For instance, if you are Hindu you probably are taught to not eat beef. If you are Jewish or Muslim you probably do not eat pork.

These are the easy things to identify. These are easy to follow or not follow. If you choose to not follow them you probably do so knowingly and are prepared for the social backlash from family and friends if you decide to break the “rules.”

BUT what about those rules/norms that are not so easily identified?

Like maybe who you should or should not date?

What about the kinds of work you should do. Perhaps it sounds like this ” Boys in this family do NOT become ballet dancers!”

Or Girls in this family marry by the age of 22 and do not work outside the home and have 12 children and cater to every whim and fancy of everyone … ok so you get the idea.

Actually this last part is probably not so explicit. It may sound like:

“Well you know you are getting older, who will marry you after 23,or 33 or 50!”

Being willing to investigate the cultural shadow means consciously looking at our collective history even if its 5000 years worth of it.

If any of these questions grab your attention, allow yourself to be present with whatever it brings up. Try not not push it (the emotions, feelings) away. Know that these feelings will pass and you can go on with your day.

Being present (to whatever is happening in your life) is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

In the Shadow of VALENTINES day… stay in your own light

homepage, life

There is little doubt that February 14th gives us all some level of expectation. We may have significant others who play the game, or we may have significant others who hate the game, or we not have anyone to play the game with.

When I first came to this country so many years ago, this Valentines Day phenomenon was so new, I was really baffled.

Was it true that if someone gave you flowers or chocolates on one special day that it made up for heartache or missteps from all the other days?

And why is it that the onus is on the man/boy to do the giving?

I did buy into the program after not too long but it still sorta kinda bothered me. Then the day after was always some kind of boasting marathon thing at the office. Invariably one woman was always pissed off and others were telling her “how useless he was” but ( as I recall) she never really dropped him because as one woman put it  “he was better than nothing”.

That phrase has stayed with me all these many (37 plus) years later… “better than nothing”

If you say it out loud and slowly it is the saddest thing you probably have ever said.

On this Valentines day, I ask you this question… are you hanging out with someone who is “better than nothing?”

If so I want you to know this…

you are worthy

you are special

you are exquisite

I want you to stand in your TRUE worth and see the worth in all others around you. Perhaps, just perhaps you will give yourself permission to be BIG and BRIGHT and BEAUTIFUL and in so doing you will give the significant others in your life to be their biggest and brightest and best(est) and you can celebrate the human spirit everyday and not just hang all your love expectations on one day.

The love hand

Oh, just one more thing, Give yourself some extra attention this week… you so deserve it.