Category Archives: News & Updates

4 Ways Meditation Can Help You Stay More Balanced

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Studies have found that meditation can help you stay more balanced in many areas of life

Does your to-do list seem twice as long as your days? Are you worn out trying to keep up with all life throws your way? Between work, family obligations, relationship care, and other activities, it can be difficult to squeeze in self-care. Even 10 minutes of meditation a day can help keep you balanced in astounding ways.

Studies have found that meditation can help you stay more balanced in many areas of life.

And if you’re working a high-stress job, juggling home life, and all your other obligations, meditation can help you stay balanced, healthy, and content.

 

The Science of Meditation

How does mediation work? Is it just the latest self-care fad? Johns Hopkins asked the same thing in 2013, and published their research findings in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Their conclusion was yes, studies definitely show some evidence that meditation improved things like anxiety and depression.

 

Meditation Improves Physical Health

Believe it or not, meditation can boost your physical health. In fact, one particular study showed that even folks with brand new meditation skills and only 8 weeks of practice developed more immunity against illness than those without. Additionally, the study showed that those who meditated were scientifically happier and healthier than those who did not. Who doesn’t need that promise at the end of a busy day?

Meditation also helps calm your mind, which allows you to handle stress differently. If you have chronic pain or inflammation, meditation can help decrease these symptoms as well, as much as 57%!

The benefits of meditation include physical health

Meditation Improves Mental Health

Studies show that meditation actively disciplines the mind to focus. Even just a little bit of meditation can help in significant ways. Meditation can improve your working memory and help you organize, plan, and complete tasks more efficiently and effectively. Attention — that discipline of focusing on one thing despite the myriad of other things that continually bombard our minds — can be much improved by meditation as well. Try it for a week and your boss will most likely be thrilled with your improved job performance.

 

Meditation Improves Emotional Health

When you add meditation to your routine, you’ll begin to experience more joy, more satisfaction, more resilience, and more optimism. Meditation helps you connect to the present moment and appreciate what’s going on in the right-here, right-now. It trains your mind to observe rather than react. And because positive emotions compound over time, meditation helps expedite this process.

The benefits of meditation include better emotional health

We all tend to relive moments from the past. This replaying, or ruminating, can often make us feel anxious or depressed. Meditation can help us learn to stop ruminating, thus leading to a happier, more contented outlook. Incredibly, even just 8 weeks of meditation has long term benefits— people continue to feel better years later, experiencing less panic and anxiety!

 

Meditation Improves Relationships

Meditation can build emotional intelligence, which is your ability to perceive, understand, and manage your emotions. It also helps you feel more connected to the people around you. In fact, even just a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation increase feelings of social connection and positivity. The result is an increased ability to see ourselves and others with more empathy and compassion. Can you imagine what would happen if your whole family or work team began meditating together? Our world would be such a positive place!

Many of us know we should give more attention to our self-care routine. Now that we know how meditation works in the body, perhaps we can use that as a springboard to start a meditation habit. Meditation doesn’t need take a lot of your time each day for you to begin experiencing some pretty radical benefits. Most studies confirm that even people who are new to meditation can experience profound benefits on physical, mental, emotional, and relational health.

Meditation improves relationships by helping you manage your emotions

If you’re new to meditation, consider a few of Indrani’s YouTube meditations:

Whatever option you pursue, you, your loved one, and your coworkers will benefit from your increased ability (and desire!) to be present, solve problems, and empathize with whatever they’re going through on any given day. And you’ll appreciate the ability to crawl into bed each night a little less overwhelmed and a little more at peace.

Updates from the Team: Philadelphia Training Recap

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As part of our “Caring for the Caregivers” Program, our team travels to domestic violence-focused organizations and shelters to provide in person support and training around compassion fatigue and burnout. In March, our team was delighted to travel to Philadelphia to train over 50 Caregivers from multiple domestic violence organizations. Our founder, Indrani Goradia, was also able to attend one of the training days, providing more insight and care to our training participants.

Throughout the week we worked with staff in various arenas: medical advocates, hotline staff, legal advocates, administrators, therapists and housing advocates among others. We had lively discussions about the extraordinary situations staff encounter on a day-to-day basis and subsequently, how the pervasive stress leads to burnout and compassion-fatigue. Many of the staff shared that this stress has had an impact on their capacity to take care of the needs of their friends and family.

Our trainers actively listened and validated the Caregivers experience. We taught numerous tools designed to support staff with recognizing and setting boundaries, a fundamental practice of self-care. One staff person who has been in the field for two decades said of the boundary tools, “This has changed the way I look at everything.” We received consistent feedback that the visualization exercises were immensely helpful in preparing for having difficult conversations. An administrator commented “This exercise has helped me both personally and professionally.”

We take great joy in knowing our trainings are supporting Caregivers as they continue to do their work. For more information about our resources and support, visit our Caregiver Resources. We’re looking forward to our next training!

What a Career in Domestic Violence Really Looks Like

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what a career in domestic violence really looks like

There are many roads that can lead to a career that works to end domestic violence.

Some pursing a career to end domestic violence grew up in homes that openly and actively supported human rights. Others were influenced by situations in the home or the community that highlighted the need for greater social justice. And some working to end domestic violence are survivors themselves who want to help others trapped in abuse. No matter what the impetus, most want to help others get to a place of greater freedom and confidence.

You can advocate for and support survivors in a myriad of ways.

A career to end domestic violence could range from case manager to shelter worker, social worker to strategic planner, law enforcement officer to legislator. The opportunities are endless. Additionally, work is greatly needed, deeply meaningful, and intensely rewarding. But working a career to end domestic violence is not easy.

 

Consider the following truths when pursuing a career to end domestic violence:

Days can be long.

No matter what type of job you pursue, some days are long. When you work with those affected by domestic violence, your emotions get pulled in a million different directions. Your heart can break and then become elated At the end of the day, it’s hard to leave your work at the office. If you’re a case manager or shelter worker, every single day looks different than the day before. Most of the time you’re in a reactionary mode rather than working as instigator. All this can wear down your body, your mind, and your heart. It’s difficult to remember that you get a fresh start tomorrow.

Days can be long when pursuing a career to end domestic violence

Circumstances can be difficult.

You’ll need fortitude and creativity to navigate effective solutions. There are times you’ll wish you could sweep away all hurt and trauma. People will make decisions you don’t agree with. Lawyers will find loopholes for perpetrators. You’ll want to take people home with you and let them sleep on your couch. Kids will cry. Shelters will run out of extra space. Much will be out of your control. As such, it’s difficult to remember that your job is to take the next best step forward.

 

We’ve found that a few simple practices can help you avoid burnout when working against domestic violence.

Most individuals working a career to end domestic violence find the task to be all-consuming. If you’re not careful, after a few years into your career, you can easily find yourself experiencing burnout. To avoid this, we recommend a few simple practices:

Boundaries need to be enforced.

While we can’t always leave work at work, time on the clock after hours should be the exception, not the norm. When you’re with friends and family, be fully present with them. Be intentional about what fills that time and space. Remember that working with survivors is your profession. This means you get to conduct yourself as a professional, not a charity. Emotional intimacy with clients is tempting, but maintaining a professional boundary allows you to sustain yourself and your career for years to come.

selfcare is vital when pursuing a career to end domestic violence

Self-care is essential.

Working in a career to end domestic violence generally affects every piece of your heart. Most who pursue this career have deep passion and feel every setback personally. But passionate work must stem from the overflow. When you keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally, you’ll be much more effective in your work. Exercise. Eat good food. Drink lots of water. Pursue hobbies. Schedule down time. Build your relationships with friends and family. These habits will fuel your work and help make you more buoyant and flexible on a daily basis.

Gratitude must be daily.

When you’re working with survivors, you see a lot of evil. You’re daily in the trenches with trauma, and studies show that second hand trauma can have long-term consequences. The good news is that you get to choose your perspective and focus. A daily gratitude practice can keep you positive and enthusiastic. Start a gratitude journal. Make it a dinner-time discussion. Keep the good things at the forefront of your mind and you’ll find much more satisfaction with life in general, not just in your career choice.

 

Whatever path you follow to pursue a career to end domestic violence, the choice means being part of positive change.

This career choice means you get to be part of the solution. And you get to witness survivors bravely moving forward towards thriving. With healthy boundaries, consistent self-care, and a daily gratitude practice, you’ll truly be able to thrive.

Recognizing Triggers and Learning How to Manage Them

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Removing yourself from a violent relationship doesn’t mean you’re suddenly better.

The road to recovery is long, and along the way survivors often experience what experts call “triggers.” These triggers can cause anxiety, depression, sadness, and panic.

Learn to cope with your emotional triggers

What are Triggers?

A trigger is anything that consciously or subconsciously reminds you of your past abuse. It’s almost like a sudden flashback, or a recording playing in a survivor’s head. These traumatic triggers put a survivor right back in the middle of terror. Triggers are terrifying, and survivors are unable to control their emotional and physical responses in the midst of such fear.

Triggers can be internal or external. Internal triggers occur in our minds and promote the urge to relive a particular moment. External triggers are environmental factors that accost us suddenly and often without warning.

 

What Causes Triggers?

Triggers can be caused by a multitude of sounds, smells, sensations, and environments. As each abuse situation is different, so is a survivor’s particular traumatic triggers. Below are a few more common triggers:

  • Seeing a fabric pattern, familiar shirt, or passing a familiar location
  • Hearing the sound of breaking glass, revving of a car engine, a balloon pop, or particular quality of voice
  • Smelling a particular cologne or food
  • Experiencing a particular holiday event or celebration
  • Feeling a hug, a friendly pat on the back, or a gentle hand on the arm

As you can see, triggers can come as the result of good things, not just scary things. In all these instances, a survivor may be physically safe, but mentally and emotionally returns to a moment of danger. It may take some time for survivors to identify their triggers. And it may take even longer for them to confide in those around them. The sooner these two things happen, the sooner a survivor and all supporters can learn to cope with these triggers in a healthy manner.

 

Coping with Triggers

Domestic violence survivors are strong individuals. Many go on to advocate for those still trapped in abusive situations. Even in the midst of helping others, these survivors are in the healing process themselves. Many find themselves working in domestic violence shelters. Whatever path they choose, chances are they’re still dealing with triggers.

Sometimes we can avoid triggers. We can choose to refrain from driving by a particular location. We can remove items from our homes that remind us abusive situations. Here are a few tips to help cope with the traumatic triggers we can’t control:

Learn to Recognize Your Triggers

When you can learn to identify your triggers, you’ll be able to start working towards a means to cope with them. In the process, don’t disparage yourself for them. They’re aren’t foolish, dumb, or inconsequential. If seeing your abuser at your children’s school events causes you to freeze inside, have friends save a seat for you. Tell them what’s going on so they can help you through it.

Catch Triggers Early

The more you know what your triggers are, the better chance you have of catching yourself early in your response to them. When you’re able to catch your response early, before your emotions snowball into a big scary manner, you can manage it more easily.

Don’t Run Away

The natural instinct when we’re experiencing a traumatic memory is to run. To get away from what’s causing the pain. When we do this in the middle of a traumatic trigger, we don’t learn to make it through. We don’t learn to overcome. When we choose to stand with ourselves in the middle of the panic, we can begin to assure ourselves that we can make it through. That we aren’t in danger like we were before. That we are built to be survivors.

Talk It Out

Find a trusted friend to talk through your triggers. When you talk about your thoughts and feelings, you can actually gain more mastery over them. Additionally, you can develop a mantra or two to help you with your particular triggers. That way, when you’re at the beginning of a traumatic trigger episode, you can talk yourself back down onto solid footing.

Find a Positive Sensory Experience

Finally, consider a comforting smell or texture that you can keep in your purse or pocket. One that makes you feel like you’re wrapped in safety. It may be an essential oil (smell), a smooth stone (touch), or a favorite song (sound). Any of these can serve as a grounding for you when you feel your panic start to rise.

However you choose to cope, be gentle with yourself. Seek support from trusted people around you.

It is a big deal: It happened to me

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orange-the-world-w-ilf-logoThe unusual topic of conversation seems to follow me.  At business meetings, dinner parties, and coffee dates, people keep talking to me about their childhood abuse.  It makes sense:  my story of abuse motivates my work, and I don’t stop talking about my mission to end violence in every home {TEDTalk}.  Because I share my vulnerable story, people open up to me; some tell of severe cases, others of the occasional slap or scream.  It must be human nature to diffuse pain and suffering because most say that they deserved the abuse.

Let me tell you this… I did not deserve it.

I did not deserve to be beaten because the baby pooped in his diaper and smeared it on the wall.  The baby was one years old and I was five.  I was told to watch the baby, and I was watching the baby.  Regardless, I did not deserve to be hit.  Nothing a child does merits physical pain and emotional suffering – even if it’s to “teach a lesson.”

This is but one incident of parental anger and rage that was not right.  My life of violence was a big deal to me as a child, but it became even bigger when it reared its ugly head after I became a mother.  In my TEDxTalk , I describe how I had to fight the beast inside me for the sake of my own innocent child. I believed, and still do, that “if we do not claim our abuse, we will repeat it.”  It was a big deal to my son that I never beat him. It was a big deal to me that I saved a new generation from violence.

We all have a Moral Imperative to end violence in the world, the majority of which is done towards women and children.  November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and we must all use our voices to make the issue of Gender-Based Violence a big deal.  I will be using my voice in my home country, Trinidad, during the 16 days of Gender Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, to ensure that the issue of violence is not ignored as part of my work with  Maverick Collective and Population Services International (PSI).  I am Trinidadian and am proud to be.  I am, however, not proud that violence is so pervasive and normalized.  Many Trinidadians are of the opinion that violence is needed to “discipline.”  This is not so.

There is much research that shows children who receive violence suffer not only in the present moment but also long into the future.  According to the Centers of Disease Control  abused children are plagued with a long list of repercussions from depression and suicides, to inability to maintain healthy intimate relationships, to becoming abusers themselves.  So if childhood abuse is so common in Trinidad, no wonder 1 in 3 Trinidadians have experienced physical violence from their most recent intimate partner, according to a PSI-Caribbean study.

Reports of crimes related to sexual assault and domestic violence increased by nearly 50% between 2013 and 2014 according to the UN in the Universal Periodic Review of Trinidad and Tobago.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.  Abuse doesn’t have to keep happening to children.  Relationships don’t have to be plagued with violence.  It starts with you. Determine your Adverse Childhood Experiences Score to understand how your childhood may have affected your physical and emotional growth.  If violence happened to you, it is a big deal.  But you also have the power to end it, in your own home, starting today.

Let’s #orangetheworld together, because TOGETHER WE ARE MIGHTY!

With Love & Light,

Indrani Goradia | Founder
Indrani’s Light Foundation

Fall Virtual Live A Brighter Life Evening Class

Blog, Domestic Violence, life, News & Updates, women

We have officially launched our fall LIVE virtual Live a Brighter Life Night Classes, taught by our Director of Education & Training, Amy Jaffe, and some of our certified LABL Trainers.  As we near the holiday season, we felt this was a wonderful opportunity to teach you the tools to start practicing your boundaries, and saying “No” to your friends, family, and others in your life.  It’s also a great time of the year to take care of yourself, and practice more self-care. We’ll work on some tools to move through some guilt and shame feelings as well.

fall-2016-labl-imageFor the first time ever, we will be teaching the Live a Brighter Life curriculum in the evening so that more people can attend after work, cooking dinner, getting the kids ready for bed.  Classes will be taught from 6pm – 7:30pm PT starting Thursday October 27th. These classes will be held every Thursday evening for the next six weeks (excluding Thanksgiving in the U.S.).

(We realize this time will be quite late for our East Coast community members, hopefully you can still make it live)

If you join us for this free 6-Class series you will learn the tools you need to change your life by:

  • October 27th – Setting boundaries that will protect you and help create healthy relationships during the upcoming holidays
  • November 3rd – Delivering a “Positive No” that will open up your time and energy so you can say “Yes” to what is important (A strong “No” leads to amazing “holiday yeses!)
  • November 10th – Building resilience to feeling shame in your life (let’s face it, time with family can bring up a lot of….stuff)
  • November 17th – Ending the habit of putting everyone else first, and taking care of yourself (holidays can be exhausting, let us help you take care of yourself)
  • December 1st –  Creating a more positive and meaningful day, every day (make this one of your best holidays ever!)
  • December 8th – Being present, and reclaiming yourself!

(Completing this 6-Class series is also the first step in becoming a Live a Brighter Life Trainer.  If you are looking for a way to make an impact with your volunteer work, we would love to add you to our growing list of trainers!)

We made it very simple to sign up.  Just click on THIS LINK and fill out the short form. You’re done! If you need to miss a class …. It’s okay!  We are recording every class so you can listen to it later and catch up for the following week.  I will give you a little homework after every class … but you’ll love this kind of homework!

I hope to see you THIS Thursday at 6pm!

SOCIAL MEDIA SHARING

We could also use your support in spreading the word about our Live A Brighter Life Class. You can use the following text on Facebook, twitter, or your social media platform of choice to get your friends and family involved in stopping the silence:

Facebook: Hey friends! I’m signed up for the FREE Live A Brighter Life online class with Indrani’s Light Foundation starting this THURSDAY at 6pm PT. Will you join me?  We can support each other through this holiday season! Here’s the link for details: http://indranislight.org/labl-2016/

For twitter: @indranis_light is offering their FREE virtual Live A Brighter Life 6-week class starting on Thurs, Oct 27th http://indranislight.org/labl-2016/

With love & light,

 

Team ILF

 

 

Meditate with Indrani – *Being Present*

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Meditate with Indrani image

Indrani would love to share some of her meditations with you, so keep an eye on the ILF blog for our ongoing meditation series, which begins with today’s meditation.  Her desire is to assist the members of the Indrani’s Light Foundation family a way to begin a meditation practice, if you do not have one at this time.  If you have a meditation practice, these weekly meditations will help you to work on living a brighter life.

Today’s meditation is called, “Being Present.”  This is a meditation that will enable you to be present with whatever comes up.  Are you experiencing feelings that are stopping you in your tracks?

Indrani wants you to just NOTICE and be aware of your emotions and behavior, without judgment.  This can help you be PROactive in your life, and not REactive.  This is only a 3-minute meditation to get you present with your current emotions….. try it.  It’s only 3 minutes.

“Being Present” Meditation Recording

[powerpress]

 

The importance of mentoring our young people.

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Portrait of Young Woman Holding Blank PlacardI recently attended a conference which was populated with amazing, young social entrepreneurs and people ready to make significant change in their world.

Young people concerned with food security for the most vulnerable on the planet, those concerned with helping adolescents with HIV Aids to live a full life and others still who were just looking for a cause.

Here is what I know for sure…

They all need a mentor, a guide who can listen to their thoughts, their visions and their big dreams.

I know this because I so desperately needed mentors through the various stages of my life.

I had great and supportive teachers in high school, in college and graduate school. Then I was in the work world and had no one to turn to for help with my career.

I did not even know what my skills were.

I had no idea what questions to ask or who to turn to for guidance.

As I was wrapping up my presentation from the stage at this conference I said, “I am 61 and I know what it’s like to be working in the dark. I know what it’s like to have a vision that no one else can understand and how easy it is to begin the toxic process of self doubt.”

I offered to be a mentor to those who needed one.

A few young women came up during the course of the weekend and asked me to mentor them and with each request my heart grew wider and warmer and I know what an honor it is to be the attentive ears for these future leaders.

My ask for you is to offer yourself to mentor others.

It does not matter how old or young you are, someone needs what you have.

When I was that small and beaten child in Trinidad, what I would have given to someone to have seen my pain and acknowledged it and given me some soft ears to speak my pain.

I know that it would have made my pain sting less.

Speak up.

Listen well.

Share your strengths.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Men need to become better leaders…and as a man this is terrifying

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I am sitting with a bunch of guys in a dressing room at the local hockey arena. Everyone is taking a break from a game of men’s floor hockey, drinking a few beers, and telling tall tales.

Then it begins…comments about the wives and women in our lives:

“I came home the other day and the house wasn’t even clean. What the hell is she doing all day while I am at work? Sitting around growing her ass or what”

“I told her I was coming here and it was blah blah blah, you never spend time with me. Of course I don’t, all you do is nag”

“Did you see that girl in the bar Thursday night….she had huge guns, they were amazing”

“I totally took her home, banged her, and showed her the door…”

And so it goes. Degenerating into inappropriate jokes and comments that no one in that room would say in public or outside of a room of a bunch of men drinking beer and kidding around.

Now, with my new realizations around Gender Based Violence, and the treatment of women, I need to stand up and say:

“Ummm….hey guys…this isn’t cool, you know. Aaaahhh…talking about your wives this way isn’t helping how your son sees women. That, ah.. that girl in the bar is someone’s daughter. Do you want someone talking about your daughter that way?”

Silence.

Dumbfounded silence mixed with shock, and looks of “who the hell invited this guy?”

 

Jackson Katz, in the Ted Talk below, clearly explains why focusing on women when talking about gender based violence is wrong, and why this focus needs to shift to men, and what men are doing (and not doing about it). He also clearly explains that men need to become leaders around this topic, and that the true battle will be won, not in public, when we are openly defending women, but within the small groups of men where so much of this harmful talk continues in a “safe zone”.

I hear what Jackson is saying, and it terrifies me. I want to be this leader. I want to make sure my son’s view of women is healthy. I want to protect all the daughters out there. I want to help eliminate violence against women.

Writing for Indrani’s Light Foundation – check.

Helping train others to help women in shelters – check.

Speaking out about gender based violence in social media – check.

Share the message with local schools and other people – check.

Stand up, in the moment, in a group of guys, and call them on their bullshit statements.

Gulp.

That one I NEED to work on, and it isn’t going to be easy.

But I am going to try.

If you are a man, or have men in your life who could use help developing this leadership, and taking this plunge, share Jackson Katz’s video and let’s get started.

Link: http://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?language=en#t-284753

Kids on Mindfulness…..Just Breathe

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We could all learn a thing or two from these kids.

 

Watch as they describe what happens when they start to feel angry and then what they do to control the emotion.

 

Our future is so bright. 

 

 

Love & light,

 

Team ILF