Category Archives: News & Updates

What to give up for lent….it’s not what you think.

Mother-in-lawThe days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday marks the Lenten season for Christians.

Many people “give up” something for lent. Many stop eating sweets or stop drinking or some other behavior modification.

Few people give up “being nasty” to others.

That maybe be too harsh a thing to say, but it needs to be said.

I recently met a woman whose son was getting married and she “asked” to go to the bridal dress shopping expedition. The future daughter in law was nice enough to take her along. When the bride found the perfect dress, she asked the mother in law what she thought and the response was… “It’s not to my liking.”

The bride went ballistic and shouted at the mother in law that it was NOT her wedding.

As I was listening to this story, I wondered why the mother in law was not giving up something other than sweets for lent.

She was so ferociously attacking the bride-to-be and calling her names to whom ever was listening, like “hoochie” that it was very hard to be sympathetic to her hurt feelings.

Personally, I know what the bride felt like. When I was getting married, none of the saris that I wanted were “good enough” for my future in laws.

Luckily, I was quite stubborn, and with the help of my future husband I got exactly what I wanted.

Parenting is hard at all ages and when kids are grown up enough to start their own families we all get to enter a new stage of parenting. This time we get to try to be nurturing to complete strangers whom our children have chosen.

We have to give up judgments of what they should or should not do.

We have to help the young people to sort through their own lives.

This is the only way forward into a new stage of non aggression with the new family member.

I wished this women would give up bad mouthing her future daughter-in-law for lent instead of cookies and candies.

I believe that I suggested she give up negative thinking instead of sweets and she said that it would be too difficult.

Is that not the idea for lent? To make a sacrifice that smarts a little?

So what have you given up for lent? Let us know in the comment section below.

Make the sacrifice count. Make the sacrifice make you a better person.
Love and light,
Indrani

Choosing to GROW or to SHRINK…..

BalanceRocksSea-e1366181562699-37055_639x375The week was a doozie for me personally.

I started out the week with some disappointments, then got some great news and then some greater news, then was able to witness the pain of another while holding space for them.

And all of a sudden I realized that through all the ups and downs I had lost my roots.

I allowed myself to get SWEPT away by whatever news was floating around me.

I forgot that I was in charge of MY emotional health.

It was quite a shock to me, because I have been more rooted than not these past few years.  Took my rooting for granted. I forgot that I had to continuously strengthen the roots for them to stay strong.

It is like lifting weights and when you stop, the muscles get lazy and you have to start all over again.

I forgot to devote more time to meditation and to yoga and to silence.

I have been ON for weeks in a row and forgot that I needed time away from everything.

I became intoxicated with the numbers on my pedometer and started to believe that the numbers mean more than numbers.

The result was that in a matter of a few weeks I was thrown from emotional pillar to crushing post and I have the bruises to show.

I realized that I was out of alignment.

This misalignment was not a spinal condition, it was a spiritual condition.

The only course of action was to STOP and BE in the moment.

I dug out one of my favorite spiritual reads, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

I began to devote time to inner inquiry and intuitive push-ups.

I began to ALIGN myself with my values again.

I offer you the simple formula below to help you to remember how to regain Alignment.

ALIGN
A… Always
L…lean into your
I…intuitive
G…growth
N…NO to giving your power away.

You can begin to ask yourself what it means to give your power away.

You can give it away in many ways.

You can believe that other people must do certain things to make you happy.

They must have lunch or dinner with you.

They must call you every other day or ask you certain questions that show they really care.

If you can come up with a list of people who have affronted you and it brings up a lot of hurt then there is a good chance you have given some power away. They are still controlling your feelings. You must de tangle from their grasp.

When you are in alignment, you can feel hurt without having the hurt bring you to your emotional knees. You can separate from the event in question and begin to recapture all of you.

The pieces that felt hurt and wounded will begin to heal and bloom.

It may take a few moments to begin the process of healing, it is worth the time you will invest.

If you do not choose to heal, you choose to keep hurting.

Give this a try will you?

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Not even with a flower. Hope for the future of Gender Based Violence.

What do a future fireman, police man, baker, soccer player, and pizza maker have in common?

They all have the same response when asked to slap a young girl.

Watch the video below to see their reaction:

Link: http://youtu.be/b2OcKQ_mbiQ

If this is a typical response by the young boys of today, then what changes between 7 years old and adulthood that results in women experiencing the violence that we know they do on a daily basis?

More importantly: What can we do to help young boys like this grow up into men that truly believe “girls shouldn’t be hit, not even with a flower”?

We all need to start sharing answers about this question.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below: what do we need to do differently to help young boys grow up into men who don’t hit women?

 

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

She Let Go…..

A beautiful poem by Rev. Safire Rose

 

She Let Go

 

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments. 
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, 
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a 
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back. 
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. 
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. 
She didn’t journal about it. 
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. 
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. 
She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go. 
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. 
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. 
She didn’t call the prayer line. 
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. 
There was no applause or congratulations. 
No one thanked her or praised her. 
No one noticed a thing. 
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. 
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. 
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. 
A small smile came over her face. 
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

 

Love & light,

 

Team ILF

Be careful what you ask for….you just might get it.

20100607-laura-berman-gratitude-journal-300x205I am writing this blog on the heels of just having left London.

I had been invited to speak at a United Way Roundtable conference.

My topic as noted in the agenda was: The Empowerment of Women and Girls

HOW does this happen to a woman who was abused as a child and young adult AND who comes from a devolving country which back then was called “third world?”

The answer is both simple and complicated.

The simple answer is “one tentative step at a time.”

The complicated answer is “it does not simply happen, it must be dreamed and planned and worked on and you must never take no for an answer.”

Then, of course, you will be intrigued and we will have a deeper conversation.

Every SINGLE time I accept and complete assignments such as this, I pinch myself to see if it’s really real!

Then I write lists of things that I am grateful for about the event.

I even remember to be grateful that I am grateful.

This event in London made me feel grateful for phases of my life that one usually forgets.

I remember the early abuse because it shows my unique qualification for speaking to an audience eager to more fully comprehend violence against women and girls.

I remember to thank my family for supporting my vision and mission.

This time, however, the post comments made me remember the graduate school years.The two years inside of my now 61 years that I usually gloss over.

“How,” asked one very accomplished Russian businessman, “did you get the audience to totally focus on you? On your words? How did you make us hang on your every word for 20 minutes? How did you make us laugh even as you are talking about violence and telling us firsthand horrific stories? Are you a professor? Can you teach me to speak like this?”

I smiled and told him that I used to teach speech a long time ago.

I had even forgotten that I used to teach speech.

I then realized that I had subconsciously brought all my talents to bear on those 20 minutes.

I spoke to that International audience (French and Russian and Spanish and Mexican and Bulgarian and Korean and Canadian and American and British and Irish) of CEOs and COOs and CMOs and Bankers and Managing Directors as if they were the last audience in the World!

I spoke to their hearts first, with a complying story, then their heads with relevant data and I closed with another compelling story.

I used my notes as a guide not as a script. I tried to remember to make eye contact with as many as I could engage and as I left the stage I continued to make eye contact because I was not done until the next speaker was introduced.

How you do anything is really how you do everything.

What care will you take with your next “small step” so you will be especially ready for a “bigger step?”

I always remind myself that there are no final steps, only another step along the path.

I will take this opportunity to remind you to use all your opportunities to hone your skill sets for the next slew of opportunities.

Then, when you ACE your challenge, you will be sure that it was all your hard work at all those unseen moments.

 

Go forth and conquer your challenges.

Love and light,
Indrani