One of the beautiful things about the New Year is that it traditionally makes us feel like we can start over, improve on what was not working, and gives us an opportunity of “letting go” of what went wrong during the past year. As 2018 was approaching a few weeks ago, I reflected on all of the things I just mentioned. I listed the people, things, events, and work that served, or didn’t serve me in 2017.
{Amy Jaffe with Saza in Chiangmai, Thailand – 2017}
I made New Year’s resolutions last year, as I do every year, and I had to force myself to recognize that I can’t remember one year that I stuck with my resolutions religiously. I gave many a good try, but I have not been fully committed after the excitement fades. Last year was another one of those years.
Here were a few of my 2017 resolutions:
- Develop better communication skills, and be clearer about my own needs.
- Develop a regular yoga and meditation practice.
- Be more aware of my body weight, diet, and exercise. Plan a diet that fits in with my life and body. Lose weight, and exercise on a regular basis.
Do any of these look familiar to you?
These are some common resolutions that I hear quite often, and I jumped on the bandwagon last year on all of these. At the end of the year I actually celebrated one of the resolutions regarding my weight, diet, and exercise. I lost over 40 pounds last year that had been creeping up on me the past 6 years, and I feel great! I’m on the treadmill at least 5 days a week, and my diet is mostly gluten free, vegetables, a few grains, and vegetarian. I have kept my weight off all year and grateful to feel healthy and whole.
Now, for the “not so celebrated” resolutions….
What kind of feelings do YOU go through when you reflect on your failed commitments? Do you feel like a failure? Do you believe you shouldn’t try again because you just know you’ll fail again? My feelings are similar, AND the feeling of fear rises up when I want to try them again. How can I be better at these commitments? Why are these resolutions so important to me? And how can they become habits? I am sitting with all of these questions and feelings, and ready to stand up and move forward with the desire to keep trying.
Brené Brown is one of my teachers in life, and two of her books, “Daring Greatly” and “Braving the Wilderness” are my new bibles. At the end of every year I beat myself up with guilt because I did NOT stay committed to my New Year’s resolutions. I am a perfectionist at heart and mind, and when I am not perfect …. the guilt and anxiety take a hold of me.
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Where do I go from here?
I am setting my intentions and resolutions again this year! My intention is to follow Brené Brown’s advice and focus on healthy striving in my life. I am one of the hosts of Indrani’s Light Foundation’s “Caring for the Caregivers” podcast. Indrani Goradia, Jeremie Miller and I publish a bi-monthly podcast to support our Caregivers who work as staff members in domestic violence shelters. (Available on iTunes) In our newest episode for 2018, the three of us discussed how we can reflect on our current self-care practices, and plan for new ones as an important step in being intentional about our self-care. We also talked about what practices worked for us in 2017, and which ones need improvement in 2018.
I am excited about starting this New Year free from guilt and shame, and acknowledging that intentions and striving for a healthier life is what my New Year’s Resolution will be!
I would love to know if this blog and our podcast episodes have been helpful for you this first month of 2018. What have you learned so far? Have you freed yourself of guilt, and discovered your New Year’s Resolutions?
With gratitude,
Amy
Amy Jaffe | Director of Education & Outreach
Indrani’s Light Foundation
In 2012, Indrani Goradia hosted her “Unpasteurized Joy” podcast. She had the honor of interviewing her friend, and author, Janine Shepherd, who is an internationally renowned speaker, and inspired over a million people who watched her TED talk, “A Broken Body Isn’t a Broken Person.” She’s was featured on “60 Minutes”, “This is Your Life”, and CNN’s “Turning Points”, with Dr Sanjay Gupta. Since then, Janine has written a book called, “Defiant: A Broken Body is Not A Broken Person.”
Janine is also known as the “walking paraplegic,” after a tragic accident stripped her of her Olympic dreams and changed her life forever. You can watch her TED talk here: https://youtu.be/bX32U_hfri4
Indrani Goradia has just returned from India after continuing her global mission to end violence against women and girls. She visited a different city on this trip, and brought back some lessons from her experience there. Indrani was able to teach our Live A Brighter Life classes to groups of women and men, who did a phenomenal job in participating and learning about boundaries, saying “No,” guilt and shame, and most importantly, self-care.
Conference Dial-In Number:
One of the workshops we teach at Indrani’s Light Foundation is called “Finding Resilience.” We talk about the importance of shame resilience, understanding the attributes of empathy, identifying your shame story, naming your trusted network of people, and lastly, we explore your strengths that help you through your everyday life.
Today’s 3-minute meditation is about giving you permission to experience 5 percent more joy today. Indrani has provided a “Drive Thru” meditation for those of you who need to check in with yourselves during a busy day. There are times when we are unable to sit still for awhile to take care of ourselves. Hopefully this short meditation will give you the time you need to tap into a little more joy.
I lost something the other day (not my mind … I am coming to that).