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Brighter Life Bit #7: Creating and improving personal boundaries

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 93 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Time to start improving your current boundaries and create some new ones.

To improve or create a personal boundary:

  1. Get away from what you consider to be danger. Physical, emotional, pyshcological, or energetic: what is dangerous in your life at this moment?
  2. Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable.
  3. Let others know cleanly and simply when they have crossed an unacceptable line with you based on your boundaries. You can say: “That is a personal boundary that you have just crossed. Please – explain how they can act to not cross the boundary”

Now it is time to define some of your personal boundaries:

  1. Pick a personal boundaries you would like to establish for yourself.
  2. Choose one or two people who you have not been able to stand up to, but continuously cross this boundary.
  3. Go to the movies and observe yourself, and create a picture of how you are acting and feeling in the moment dealing with that person.
  4. Identify one or two steps that you can do to make the boundary firmer and clearer.

Remember that you can only control and change yourself in these situations, so focus on steps that you are in control of, no trying to change the other person in order to improve the situation.

Share your personal boundary in the comments below, the list the one or two steps you can take to make that boundary firmer and clearer.

Stopping sexism towards men – A solution for gender based violence?

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Sexism is a term normally associated with women. It affects women in the workplace, on the street, in the media; it affects women in so many different ways, that we often forget an important piece of the sexism puzzle:

Sexism affects everyone: bisexuals, transgender, lesbians, gay men, and yes, even straight men.

Watch Laci Green as she unpacks and explores the idea of sexism against men and the effect it is having on everyone.

Watch and imagine what effect it would have on gender based violence if men no longer felt that they NEEDED to hide emotions, be powerful, and do manly things like fight, fix things, and have lots of sex to prove how masculine they are.

Could part of the solution be as easy as realizing that: there is no man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender. There are humans.

Have you ever been sexist towards a man? If you are one of our male readers, have you ever experienced sexism?

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

 

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Brighter Life Bit #5: Crossed Boundaries, watch for these signs

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 52 minutes and 33 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here

Continuously broken personal boundaries will have wide ranging effects on your entire life, and those you love. “Go to the movies” and watch some of your own footage to see if any of these broken boundary symptoms are showing up for you:

  • Feelings of guilt, depression, and humiliation
  • Feeling confused, unsafe, or fearful
  • A loss of confidence and ability to trust intuition
  • Starting to question your values and beliefs
  • Physical exhaustion and constantly getting sick

Boundary related stress, over time, will also have an effect on everyone around you as they witness your stress and the physical and spiritual toll this stress causes.

Write down the boundaries that are being crossed, and the different ways that these crossed boundaries are effecting the loved ones in your life, then share some of your responses in the comments below.

How long should one girl have to carry the weight of rape?

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*Psst.. Did you know you can highlight any sentence in this post to automatically share it via Twitter or Facebook? Go ahead, give it a try!**

enhanced-4298-1409708626-1This college student has vowed to carry a mattress to class every day until her alleged rapist leaves campus.

Emma Sulkowicz states, “The idea of me carrying a mattress sort of stuck in my head. I guess I decided to unpack why I was so fascinated with that idea. I was raped in my own dorm bed, so I think the idea of carrying the mattress represented, in my mind, carrying the weight of the memories that I have of that night and carrying the weight of how the school dismissed not only me but the other two women who reported against him, and the way the police harassed me when I reported my case.”
 
If we were on campus, we would help her carry the weight of that mattress. 

Read Emma’s full story here.

 

Love & light,

Team ILF

What’s really happening on college campuses….

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**Psst.. Did you know you can highlight any sentence in this post to automatically share it via Twitter or Facebook? Go ahead, give it a try!**

According to The Sexual Victimization of College Women- National Institute of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics:

  • It is estimated that the percentage of completed or attempted rape victimization among women in higher educational institutions may be between 20% and 25% over the course of a college career.
  • Among college women, 9 in 10 victims of rape and sexual assault knew their offender.
  • Almost 12.8% of completed rapes, 35% of attempted rapes, and 22.9% of threatened rapes happened during a date.
  • It is estimated that for every 1,000 women attending a college or university, there are 35 incidents of rape each academic year.

Please share this take on Sexual Violence by The Daily Show:

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Once upon a time….

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tiara via iheartitThose four words have been the beginning of many fairy tales for centuries. Ok, maybe not centuries but a long, long time.

Cinderella, Snow White, Thumbelina, Belle and so many others… all princesses that we read or watch movies about. The birds fly around them and animals come out of the forest to be in their presence.  There are butterflies, zebras and moon beams.  And, of course, there is usually a prince.

These are considered stories of fantasy.  But is it really fantasy?  Can we not be the princess in our own fairy tale?

I recently stopped and noticed how these things that seem to only happen to storybook princesses actually happen in my life.  I stopped to see the moon, and think that it is shining just for me.  Perhaps not, but something made me stop and savor in the moon beams as if it was for my eyes only.  Look around, birds flitting about, bees in the flowers, the shiny outlines of the sun behind the clouds, a rainbow all for you to see.  Look at the people in your life who are dutiful coachman to you, as the mice were to Cinderella.  Could we all be princesses if we take the time to notice the magic that happens every day and think, “Wow, is this just for me?”  Could we all be princesses if we would say to ourselves, “I am worthy, I am loved?”

And like any good tale, there will always be poison apples, wicked witches and trolls under a bridge. These people and things bring gifts to us in the form of a lesson.   Scared of lions, tigers or bears? Dig down and you will find courage.  Evil step sisters full of greed and selfishness teach us about grace.  The ugly beast gives us the opportunity to love unconditionally and look at the heart of another.

Try it!  Take time today to look, I mean really look. Be aware of the simplest of things in your day to day life and think that the fairy god mothers, genies, and wizards put these things in your path just for you.  You are a princess, beautiful and loved in your own light.   I think you will be amazed at the wonderful magic that surrounds each of us every day.

Now if you will excuse me I have to go out and feed my unicorn….

Ms. Know-It-All…..

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images via lizaellenI was at a well known treatment center a few weeks ago and on the last day of my event I decided to eat breakfast on the lawn.

I usually ate in the cafe but on this particular day the weather was glorious and I wanted to savor the fresh air.
I sat at a table that was already occupied by two young women.
I immediately started to engage with them as is my way and we were having a sweet conversation.
Another woman joined us, and the party began.

Within 5 minutes, the new woman had chased away one of the original people and was expounding on how I should fix my life.

THIS woman KNEW that:
1. I was hanging around negative people.
2. I was deliberately choosing to hang around negative people.
3. I was clearly not making the right choices in friends.

Mmmmmm…. I wanted to:
1. Snap at her.
2. Throw my OJ at her.
3. Dig out my inner bitch and have at it.

Instead, I chose to turn my body away from her and engage with the other woman at the table.
Ms. Know-It-All then turned her attention to the woman I was talking to and proceeded to tell her how to fix her life.
This woman was just the most “knowledgeable” person I had met in quite a while.
She then told me to contact her and that she could help with my foundation.
I almost choked.
I smiled at her, and said “Have a good day” and went to class.

I congratulated myself for not losing my cool and for having the courage to be graceful about leaving the table.

Have you ever met people like this?
Some of these people are in our families and it’s not so easy to leave them behind.
There are, however, lots of people we continually choose to be around who are always “in our business.”
They know everything about everything. They are experts at philosophy, history, psychology, social skills etc. You name it, they have the answer!

I don’t know about you, but I am not in the market for any more Know-It-Alls in my life. I have had my fill of them. They were irritating then, and they are irritating now!

The difference in me is now I have the courage to leave and not CARE what they think of me.
I do not care if that woman thinks that she is JUST the thing I need to make my foundation reach one million people.
I will take my time, surround myself with people I admire and respect and LIKE, and I will reach the right amount of people in exactly the right time.
There is a KNOW-IT-ALL lurking around every corner, waiting for us to show the slightest interest in the wealth of knowledge and then…
They latch ON!

It is harder to extricate yourself from their clutches than it is to just leave them alone the first time you meet them.
I hope you meet some of these people soon and you can begin to practice the strength of believing in yourself.
These individuals give us the opportunity to stand firmly in our knowledge and allow them to expound to someone else.
If you meet one of these individuals at a party I recommend faking a bad stomach and getting the hell outta there.

I don’t know about you, but I believe that life is too short to waste precious time on people who just LOVE to hear the sound of their own voice.

Love & light,

Indrani

Sister Rosetta Tharpe….thank you!

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rosetta sharpe via prwebShe was married off at 19 to a preacher who just wanted her to make him money. He used her in his churches and he treated her badly in the privacy in their home.

She found the courage to leave the marriage and she and her Mom made their way to NYC. She soon found a way to make a life for herself and her Mom by singing in the many clubs.

By 25, she was one of the most popular musicians of the day. She established herself in less than 5 years in a male dominated industry.

What can we learn from Ms. Rosetta Tharpe?

We can learn the following:

If you are being abused…leave and take someone you love.

When you need to support yourself, find ways to use your divine gifts and use them often.

If tradition tells you NOT to do something, defy it and do it anyway. Trust your talent.

The young African American performers of today have much to thank Ms. Rosetta Tharpe for and are standing on her shoulders.

All of us are standing on the shoulders of Ms. Rosetta Tharpe….let us make her proud of how far we have come as women.

Let us use our skills and stand on our own feet.

Let us trust ourselves and live with life and love in our hearts.

Let us not allow the traditional mores to rule our lives. Let the mores guide us instead.

Let us use our lives to make the world as we want it to be.

Sing your songs, in prose, poetry, with or without instruments, in blogs and in pod casts and do it with flair. We need your voices.

 

In 2008, January 11th was declared Sister Rosetta Tharpe Day in Pennsylvania.

She would never have guessed that such an honor would be awarded after her death….she was too busy just living and using her talents.

If we all use our gifts, what honors may be awarded posthumously? How may we make future generations proud?

Simple…

Sing.

Dance.

Live.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Cultivate LOVE…..

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plant love via interactioninstitute.orgWhat is the meaning of Cultivation?

The dictionary says it is the process of trying to acquire or develop a quality or skill.

When you read the title “Cultivate Love”, what did you think?

Take just a few moments now to meditate on the words, CULTIVATE LOVE.

This is very much an action phrase, it implies activity and intention.

How can you cultivate SELF love?

Here are a few ways to increase the bounty of your SELF love:

1. Reduce self-judgment. Tell yourself you REALLY are doing the best you can.
2. Have a designated STOPPER…someone who will say “Hey, STOP that negative self-talk.” This means you have to have a conversation with a trusted person and tell them your game plan. In my own life, I am a STOPPER for many even though they don’t know it. I hear their negative self talk and I remind them of something that is great about them.
3. Plant a small, living plant and take excellent care of it. Research the right amount of sun and water it needs and devote yourself to its care. Be a good steward of a living thing.
4. Stand for a few breaths in the mirror every morning and tell yourself a few good things about you.
5. Look at my video called “What’s right with you?”.

Try these easy steps for a few days, then for a few more. Keep a journal of your thoughts around Cultivating Self Love and if you feel inclined, we would love for you to share your experience by leaving a comment below.

Love and light,
Indrani

Two WRONGS don’t make a RIGHT….

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Parents-Yelling-At-Teen via mothernews.comThis was a saying that I used to hear while growing up in Trinidad, in The West Indies.

It was usually lobbed at me from a very angry parent, (read rageful) and it was usually because someone hit me and I hit them back.

I never understood why I should not defend myself.

Recently I visited my childhood home and as someone was telling a story about a child making a mistake, the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right” popped into my head.

The storyteller was relaying that a teenager had taken a dish into their kitchen and showed that the dish was still dirty.

A family member of the teenager then said, “Get the HELL out of the kitchen and put the damn cup down!”

The teller of the story was chuckling, gleefully, because the teenager had been “put in their place.”

In a flash, I was filled with anger and disgust and said, “Was it really necessary to curse and embarrass the teenager?”

The story teller was not at all pleased with the way their story landed on my psyche.

The storyteller did not see that yelling at children and publicly embarrassing them was not the way to teach.

It constantly amazes me that “mature” people still think screaming at children is the way to their hearts and minds.

Children need love, care, feeding and watering.

Parents, if you are still screaming, embarrassing and denigrating your children, please take as long as you need to look at your destructive behaviors.

You are destroying the next generation.

Please sign up for some parenting classes and I do not mean any of the “spare the rod, spoil the child” kind of classes.

I mean the class that shows you, the parent, that children are gifts from a divine source and that they are given to us to cherish and protect.

 

Love and light,

Indrani