Category Archives: women

Are You Trying to Intentionally Hurt Me?… Because When You Speak those Words, You Touch Shame

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Two Saturdays ago, I was immersed in Dr. Brene Brown’s work on Shame on Shame and Resilience.  From that point forward, I knew I would be fundamentally changed but I had no earthly idea just how much. This whole week I have been observing my own shame reactions. I had actually thought that I had worked through most of my shame issues. As IF!

Have you ever felt shamed by someone’s else’s words? Do you know what shame feels like in your body? It is really beneficial to each of us to observe our physical reactions to shame. Personally, my throat closes up, my brain freezes, my upper body gets hot, and I feel life RUNNING!

Shame hates to be named, much like Lord Voldermort in Harry Potter. Shame makes us feel so small that we just want to disappear, fight back or flee.  The area of the brain where shame is felt does not have access to language. Our access to language resides in the pre-frontal cortex.

When you are faced with shame and feel confused you are not losing your mind, only your words. The only way to find words to describe what you are feeling is to be able to step out of shame and have the ability to access the descriptive words.

There is no way I can do justice to Dr Brene Brown’s work in this short blog piece. Nor will I even try.  Her work is based on more than 11,000 interviews and decades of analysis.

Suffice to know the next time you cannot find your words, just remember that you have not lost your mind, only your words.

If someone says,
“Are you out of your mind?”
Simply say,
“No, just out of words!”

Want to know more? Read I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame, by Dr. Brown, and come to my Chat & Chai on November 14th, 11am Central, when Dr. Brown will be my guest. You may even have a chance to ask some questions.

Have a wonderful week ahead!
Love and light,
Indrani

National Women’s Equality Day.

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I know that this applies to more than suffrage. But I cannot help but
wonder how courageous the suffragists were to have stepped out from
the shadows of  ” women are not smart enough to vote”.
I think that for every overt suffragist there must have been 100
covert suffragists.

Yes I did pull that statistic out of my head, but it’s as good a guess as any.
Why do I say that?
I say this because I KNOW many women in 2011 who are still afraid to speak their truth.
They say things like ” Oh, I could never say that! At least not out loud!”  and other women
laugh and shake their heads in camaraderie.

Why are we still afraid to speak our truth? What EXACTLY will happen
if we do DECIDE to speak, and make NO mistake, this is a decision.
How many things in your life are you just accepting because it’s tradition?
The suffragists did not accept tradition as acceptable.
What is no longer acceptable in your life but you are ” waiting for the right time” to speak.

Guess what?
The right time is NOW. The first time you feel pain, or a twinge of
injustice, is THE EXACT RIGHT TIME.

Martin Luther King Jr said ” Our lives begin to end, the moment we become silent about things that matter”.

Gandhi said ” First they ignore you
Then they laugh at you
Then they fight you
Then you win.

I say then the victory is that much sweeter because you decided to speak up and be noticed.

I invite you to speak up today about an injustice in your home or life or church or community.

Use any one of the above quotes as you banner statement or find one you like… But take action.
Unless WE WOMEN do something about gender inequality, NOTHING will be done.

Is that acceptable to us?

What can we change by this day 2013.
Let’s do it, if not for us for our daughters!
Please, the time is now.

Love and light
Indrani

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

It is not you, it’s me

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It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.

The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.

It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.

We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!

A lesson in Truth vs Honesty

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Have you seen the recent television ad with Abe Lincoln and his wife? She asks him if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat. Honest Abe timidly with his hands indicates “a little”, and she storms off.

Is honest Abe really being honest or is he being truthful?

Truth is, as true or actual state of a matter.
Honesty is being honourable in principles, intentions and actions. One can be truthful in what they say, but not honest in their intent.

For example:
“Do these jeans make me look fat?”
“No, the jeans don’t make you look fat!”

(The responder is telling the truth, it’s not the jeans that make the wearer look fat. But if they were being honest they would have replied, “No, the jeans don’t make you look fat – it’s just you that’s fat!”)

So good ole Honest Abe, was not being so honest, he was being truthful.

You can’t handle the truth…

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Spoken by Colonel Jessop in A Few Good Men

Can YOU handle the TRUTH?

Want to know the truth about your very special gifts?
Head on over to www.indranislight.org and sign up for Chat n Chai and you will get a great coaching tool called 5 minutes to happiness and you will uncover all those character traits you have been hiding under a rock.

This rock is called You Are Not Good Enough!

Can you handle the truth of how very special and wonderful you are?

I believe you can

So click

www.indranislight.org and go chat and chai to get your special coaching tool.

Love & Light

I LIKE it

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I have been following the events in Japan with teary eyes and a sad heart. The catastrophe is much greater than expected. The effects of radiation will be seen in generations ahead. Then I noodle on iodine pills and how the intake of “good” iodine can stave off the uptake of the radioactive iodine, to prevent thyroid cancers.

That simple statement had me thinking about what we humans have to do to stave off negativity from people who “vomit their radioactive energy” all over us… at any damn time they feel like it.

And there she was… a beautifully negative woman… sitting right in front of me and smiling like she meant it.

I mentioned the Flash Mob and she immediately said, “Forgive me for not being joyful but I have been around dancing all my life”…

I was quite taken aback, but if you know me, I do not give up that easily

so I said….

Did you see all the women our age who had fun?

She replied, “Well you had 200 people and I spent the day with 5000 dancing queens (meaning drill team)”

I said, “NO I will not accept that, The Flash Mob was awesome and you missed out” and I turned away and began another conversation.

She did not infect me!!!

WHY?

Becauese I had my uptake of the good iodine… I was full of pure unpasteurised JOY.!

TRY it… Keep JOY in your lives… it will protect you from folks who “vomit their negative vibes” all over your sweet life.

The Meaning of Love & Other Stuff…

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Love by jmscottlMD, on flickrA few days ago I started a FB thread with a simple question – What do you consider the first day of the week?

25 People answered:

1.  21 said Monday 0.84%

2.  2 said Sunday 0.08%

3.  1 said Saturday 0.04%

4.  1 said None  0.04%

I would like for you to extrapolate those percentages to the numbers of people you have in your life and come up with some realistic numbers for yourself.

Now I would like you to ask this question: what does LOVE mean?

February 14 is a day when we are swamped with the Meaning of LOVE.

Red flowers… But only roses.

Diamonds… and if there are in a heart shape, well is that not just the cutest?

It can also mean surprising your lover with notes or rose petals on the bed or two people who probably hate baths to take a romantic bubble bath and hear violins and a Barry White voice in the background.

Now, when you take the time to realize that a certain percentage of those lovers will all have different answers…

Is there any wonder that “February 14th” is one of the MOST confusing days of the year?

What if your lover is the one to say “Saturday” and you have never heard of Saturday as the first day of the week, might you assume that they are crazy but certainly not crazy for you? Or maybe you can accept their “Saturday”, but damn it, you will have them saying “Monday” in no time because that was your answer.

This Valentine’s Day, try this one for size: try figuring out what it means to LOVE yourself and start to practice unconditional self love. It really is the only hope we have to understand why we do what we do and why we expect what we expect from others.

Would it not be so great if you could declare every day a day of self acceptance and then maybe we can accept others for their Mondays or Sundays or Saturdays and we would never question the veracity of their responses.

We would just celebrate differences and maybe then we would really understand about LOVE.

Just my two cents.