1. You want to emerge
2. Non judgment of self for wanting a different life
3. Accept the yearning as a soul whisper
4. See your challenges as messages that got you to this place
5. Learn to say a soft NO without anger to people who try to block your exit from the shadows
You have a long list of SHOULDS
You cannot substitute choose for SHOULD
You long for some peace from the SHOULDS
You know what everyone expects of you
Your “EVERYBODY expects me to”…. Voice is very loud
You have forgotten what you used to dream about
You days are filled with everyone else’s priorities
You cry in secret and smile in public…If people knew what you were thinking they would be shocked
You wonder ” if this is all there is”
You are scared that your daughter will have this kind of life
You fear that your son will grow up to disrespect women
The Should feelings keep you from…
– Being present in the now
– Being choosy about what you want for your life
– Being selfish about self care… Everyone else comes first
Isn’t it time to?
– Allow others to step up and grow up
– Allow others their own life lessons
– Allow others to shine
Saying I WANT…. instead of seeking to do what you think others want you to do.
L – Let go of what others expect of you. Make your own rules. Take your power without permission.
E – Engage with the messages from your body… Easy as 123.
1- accept that your body has wisdom.
2- allow your behaviors to first do no harm to your own self.
3- believe that joy and happiness are your birth rights.
A – Allow yourself to feel the discomfort of Fear Regret Hurt Guilt. Feel these and other emotions deeply and freely without judging yourself. New life comes from birthing pain… Allow the pain so your new life can be birthed. What new thing will be birthed in you today.
D – Decide to chart your own course. Find and follow your purpose. We all have a divine purpose and you KNOW what it is. Sit in silence each day for about 10 minutes and allow the whisperings of your purpose to surface. It wants to, but the noise of your everyday life keeps it silent.
Do you sometimes feel that you are caught between two conflicting sets of morals and values?
Do you feel tugged and pulled with having to make simple decisions?
I met someone recently who had to “not invite” her parents to a significant celebration because the parents ” from the old country” would take over the way the party “should be done” and the celebration would then become all about ” what our culture expects” and none of what would create true happiness for the newer generation.
If this sounds even remotely familiar, do I have a solution for you!
What if you could step in both worlds and be happy with both sets of rules? Sound like fantasy world?
It is so very possible. The trick is ( ah you knew there would be a trick) that YOU KNOW WHO YOU WANT TO BE!
Ok, so maybe that’s a little too tricky. How can you know who you want to be, if you have been brought up in a world that has little value for an individual ( think ” I ” ) and huge amounts of value on “WE”. You have to be very vigilant with observing your thoughts.
Ok, so now I see you rolling your eyes, just hear me out. When you are being pulled between, do you feel like you MUST please everybody?
Do you feel like “people” will hate you if you do not do exactly as they wish?
Will you hate yourself if you continue to please everyone at the expense of your own happiness? Do you believe that your happiness is important? Can you accept that there can be balance between what others expect and what you want?
There is a way to straddle both your worlds and still be true o your own values and mores.
The simple answer is to allow yourself to observe yourself and others when you are in the midst of making decisions. Notice what your think, how you hold your body, what tone of voice you use, if you feel attacked?
That does not sound so simple you say, well maybe it’s not always simple, but it is always doable. It is always possible to “step” out of the situation and to become the detached observer.
The detached observer does not have to “believe” all the thoughts that pop into their heads. We think thousands of thoughts every day and most of them we let go, but some thoughts stick around to nag you until you feel like your head will explode.
So, here is a simple challenge for you. The next time you have to choose between two worlds, be it a cultural situation, a religious situation or a social situation, notice what you are thinking and see if you can give yourself a “thinking” break.
A “thinking” break means to try to distance yourself from the words in your head.
Try these simple steps:
1. Take 5 DEEP BREATHS
2. Take five more
3. Pretend that you can see the words forming in your head. What kind of font is it, how big are the words? Do they run together like a jumbled mess or it is like a well structured sentence? Do you also see punctuation marks? The trick here is to help your mind take a break from the thoughts that are all consuming.
4. Notice if you were able to take a “break” from the thoughts that are causing stress.
Try this little exercise for one full week on the thoughts that cause you the most stress. Thoughts like ” I should be a better Mom, Wife, Employee, Friend, Daughter ” etc.
I hope you give it a try and also try to give yourself a well deserved break.
Indrani