Brighter Life Bit #4: Going to the Movies

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 33 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here:

If there is one tool you take away from the first Live a Brighter Life class, this is the one to keep close at hand, and use as often as needed. Indrani calls it Going to the Movies:

  1. Choose a person in your life you have not been able to stand up to.
  2. Imagine this person crossing one or more of your personal boundaries.
  3. Do nothing but observe yourself in this situation. Watch as if you are at the movies, watching someone who looks like you and acts like you.
  4. Notice what this character is doing while the boundary is being broken. How are they standing or sitting? What are they doing with their hands, eyes, mouth?
  5. Now notice what the character is thinking and feeling. What thoughts are running through their head? What emotions are they feeling?

Now grab a piece of paper, a word document, or your journal and answer these questions:

  • What are the personal boundaries being crossed?
  • How are you reacting to these boundaries being crossed?
  • What are you communicating non-verbally and verbally? What are you holding inside?
  • You are the director and script writer of your life: after watching your “film”, what new role would you like to play?

Share your answers to these questions in the comments section below and we can work together to find your new role in the next movie

Let 2015 be the year that you Make A Scene…..

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Here at ILF we are proud of all women everywhere who stand up for what is right and JUST.

Today we commend Susan Hyatt for the action she took while on her daily run when she saw a wrong and righted it.

This is #doonething at its finest.

Here are her words…

{Make a fucking scene.} People! I was just on my run, and I passed two teenage girls and an adorable little yellow lab puppy. I stopped to pet the puppy and ran along.

On my way back, I saw them about a tenth of a mile up the road. The girls were facing my direction. The puppy’s leash was wrapped around one of the girl’s legs and was cowering behind her. One teenage boy was in a parked car on the curb, and the other was in one of the girl’s space, yelling at her, moving quickly in her face, and puffing up his chest. She looked terrified and like she was going to fall. The other girl saw me and started waving at me wildly and yelling for help. She was crying.

In a split second, mama bear instinct kicked in and I don’t think I’ve ever ran so fast or yelled so loudly. “Hey! Back the hell up!”

As I approached, the boy (about 19 ish), said, “Oh, what’s Miss Sparkle-Case- iphone gonna do?”

Me, “Well, I just sent a text to my son, and in about 60 seconds, he and about ten of his friends will be getting in line behind me to kick. your. coward. ass.”

Punk, “I’d like to see you try, you crazy bitch.”

Me, “I’ve got nothing to lose today and if I’m going down, it’ll be while beating some sense into you. Try me.”

At this point his friend was yelling at him to get in the car and stop being an idiot.

He muttered something under his breath about me being a nutcase and got in the car.

The girl sat down on the curb crying that she was so embarassed that they had “made a scene.” I told her, “You are worth more than a scene. And, that guy? Not worth it.”

I noticed a Post Man sitting in his van watching the three of us women band together and stand up to this guy (who was about 6’4″ and easily had 100 pounds on me.) I went over to his van and tapped on the window and asked why he didn’t get out and come help. He apologized but didn’t think it was “his business.” If you see someone in danger, make it your fucking business. At least call 911.

As it turns out, this kid was harassing her because she broke up with him. I walked them home and she was going inside to tell her mom and report the incident.

As I think about this, I’ve been the girl. I’ve been the friend. I’ve been the postman. Please let 2015 be the year that you make a scene. Make a loud, messy scene. How often are we afraid because we were taught “Don’t make a scene.” Screw that. Make a scene. In big and bold ways. Speak up. Speak loud. Do not cower.

And with this adrenaline fueled post, I give you some wise words from Nicki Manaj’s “Fly”….

Cause I am not a word, I am not a line
I am not a girl that can ever be defined
I am not fly, I am levitation
I represent an entire generation
I hear the criticism loud and clear
That is how I know that the time is near
So we become alive in a time of fear
And I aint got no muthaf-cking time to spare

And that pic? That’s me. Proud of three girls in the street today.

‪#‎whorunsthismutha‬ ‪#‎noassholepolicy‬

Let’s all do more of these in the New Year…..

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Smile more.

Speak with compassion.

Help a stranger.

Take more steps and move your body.

Tell yourself you ARE good enough.

Eat 5% more healthy.

Complete this sentence:
If I were to follow my purpose I would be brave enough to ________________.

Now find a way to begin that journey.

A very happy 2015!

 

Love & light,

TEAM ILF

Brighter Life Bit #3: Unhealthy Personal Boundaries

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 21 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here, or from the ILF website here.

A great place to start when defining and building your personal boundaries is to look at the unhealthy personal boundaries you may have in your life. Things like:

  • Going against a personal value or right in order to please others
  • Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving
  • Letting others define you

Here is a great exercise to use to help you identify the boundaries you need to start working on:

List the ten people in your life that annoy you the most and explore the boundary that is being broken in each situation. Write that boundary down and post it in the comments below.

The Science behind Spanking……

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BadBehavior-532x800-881x499Let’s face it….parenting is the toughest job on the planet. Everyone does it a little differently but I like to think that all parents have the same goal in mind and that is to raise a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child into adulthood.

This article shows the science and facts behind Corporal Punishment, aka Spanking.

One of the long term negative effects? Increased risk of spousal abuse or child abuse as an adult. (And that’s just one.)

http://www.upworthy.com/the-science-of-spanking-what-happens-to-spanked-kids-when-they-grow-up?c=ufb1

Let’s discuss in the comment section below.  Where do you stand on this topic? What type of disciplinary actions do you use (or have you used) as a parent?

 

Love & light,

Team ILF

Thankful for a great 2014….

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nwlrbb50b76a9dc4871As we prepare to join loved ones this holiday season, let us take just a few moments to sit in silence and speak softly the things that pop into our heads that we are thankful for.

For me, it always starts with the simplest things:

  • My health
  • My family
  • The deep love of my children and husband
  • The warmth of my home.

Some of the more significant events are:

  • Visits to India and Trinidad to start global programs.
  • The first Train-the-Trainer in Austin.
  • Train-the-Trainer in Trinidad and how well we all formed community.
  • The ILF Team.
  • The love, support and brilliance of Andrea J Lee.
  • The new knowledge that Kate Roberts has spied about the way I teach and the way it can impact behavior change.
  • My ongoing partnership with PSI and being on the WIN team with Melinda Gates and The Princess of Norway and a group of female philanthropists who are ready to change our world.

What does your list look like?

Please let us know in the comment section below.

May you be at Peace.

Love and light,

Indrani

Brighter Life Bit #2: What is your definition of a personal boundary?

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 10 minutes and 55 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.)

Indrani has an incredible definition for personal boundaries:

“Guidelines, rules, or limits created by a person for herself that are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to treat her, as well as how she will respond when someone steps outside those limits”

Using this new definition of a personal boundary write out some of the physical, mental, and spiritual boundaries that you have created (and are enforcing) in your life.

Now, write out some physical, mental, and spiritual boundaries that you have NOT created in your life that may be causing problems for you and your relationships.

We would love it if you shared your responses below so we can all learn from each other’s responses.

A2A….Awareness to Action

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listen-to-your-bodyI went to an AA meeting many years ago with a friend. AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous.

There are meetings all over the world many times a day where people who are struggling with addiction have a safe place to speak about their struggles.

The meetings do require people who wish to speak to say their name and to say, “I am an Alcoholic.”

The simple power of this introduction leaves no room in the mind of the speaker or the listener about the challenges being faced.

I would like to borrow this concept but I want to call it A2A.

What would Awareness to Action look like?

It would begin with the uneasy feeling that something might be wrong.

How do I know that something may be wrong?

That’s the easy part.

We would be on edge, scared and not able to identify the fear, sick to our stomach, etc.

These would be signs that our body is giving us that STUFF is awry!

The easy thing to do here is to ignore the feelings of dis-ease and discomfort. That is what most people do. They push down all the whisperings that the body sends our way. The headache? A whisper! The nausea? A whisper? The inability to speak? A whisper.

Whispers are manifesting in our bodies everyday.

My idea of A2A, Awareness 2 Action, is to listen to the whispers. To allow the self to feel the discomfort.

If you allow the feeling to continue to whisper and to give up the wisdom you will be able to find a path through the challenge.

So the next time you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, ask yourself these simple questions:

What’s happening in my body?

What are my thoughts about what I am feeling?

If you can take your blood pressure to see if it’s elevated that will be a sign that something internal is off.

Use all the whispers of the body to inform how you will navigate the challenges.

The challenges will always come and its up to you to be aware of them and to take informed action.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Female Avatars – Helping teach about gender equality?

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Untitled“Why are you playing as a girl?”

“I’m not, it is just a boy with long hair.”

“Oh, ok. Can I watch?”

This conversation between me and my son seems innocent enough, and, a few months ago, before starting to work with Indrani’s Light Foundation, it probably would have remained in my brain filed away as “not a big deal.”

But, through my work with the Live a Brighter Life training, corresponding with the ILF Team, and the research I have done for articles and blog posts, this was no longer a casual comment by my son. It worried me.

Why at the age of seven was he cautious when he thought my character’s avatar was a girl, but excited to watch me play when he discovered I was playing the game as a boy?

My mind quickly returned to another conversation we had also had about Tamora Pierce’s “Song of the Lioness Quartet”, a series of books we were thinking of reading, until my son found out the protagonist was a girl.

This was now the start of a pattern and it worried me even more.

So, I did the only thing I could think of to, hopefully, change my son’s view and start some conversation:

I deleted my character and made a new one, this time a female character.

It didn’t take long for my son to notice. The next time he came to the basement while I was playing the game we had another conversation.

“Where’s your other character?”

“I got rid of him and made this one.”

“Is that a GIRL?”

“Yes it is a girl”

“Why are you playing as a girl?”

“Because I think she is way cooler than my first character. She is a warrior and uses this big sword and charges into the bad guys to fight”

Long pause.

“Can I watch?”

 

Will my playing a female, instead of male, character make a huge difference in how my son perceives gender roles and stereotypes? I have no idea. But I figure it can’t hurt and we are at least talking about it now and can continue to talk about it when he watches me play.

Equally important, this video game and conversation has me realizing areas in my life where I am modeling behavior that is supporting gender stereotypes and inequality and I need to change that.

Asasha Veil, my female character, is at least one step in the right direction.

 

Does making a small change like this help? What seemingly small changes could you make to help model gender equality? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

 

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Brighter Life Bit #1: Focusing on the positives

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyThe Live a Brighter Life curriculum is filled with so much rich content, Team ILF decided it would be a great idea to start sharing smaller, digestible, “bits” of the curriculum with all of you.

Let’s get started right now with a little activity from the first LABL class. You can listen to Indrani teaching this exercise by downloading or listening to the LABL Class One recording and fast forwarding to the 10 minute and 55 second mark. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Take a moment right now and do the following:

  1. Write your name, date, and time on a piece of paper, in a word document, or in a journal.
  2. Write three positive adjectives that describe you in this moment.
  3. Pick a time of day.
  4. For the next seven days (or longer, of course) at the time you picked, return to your paper, document, or journal, and write the three positive adjectives that describe you.
  5. At the end of the seven days (or end of each week if you continue doing this) review your adjectives for the week, then write. Write whatever comes up for you after reading those adjectives.

We tend to focus on the negatives in our life and beat ourselves up far too much. This exercise helps stop our “internal abuser” and start to focus on our positive traits.

Now, share the first three positive adjectives you wrote down and any thoughts on this exercise in the comments section here. We would love to read your responses!