Tag Archives: ask questions

Asking the right questions may get you better answers….

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question-yourselfI have just started to read The 7 Powers of Questions by Dorothy Leeds.

When I reached for this book in the store, I rolled my eyes at my own self!

Part of me KNEW that I needed help with finding better questions to address Gender Violence, and the other part of me wanted someone else to read the book and think up the better questions.

Can you guess which part won?

Yep, the Inquirer won….she almost always does!

The questioner in me has gotten me into more trouble than I can recall.

So, as I devour this amazing book I came across this…

“Self – questioning is essential to our growth, because it helps us examine ourselves. Self-questioning cannot only help us determine our successes and our failures, but it can help us understand the reasons behind those outcomes.”

Every time a child does something that they are not supposed to do we ask, “Why did you do that?”

As parents and caretakers, we hope that we can help the child to discover the reasons for their actions.

When politicians do crazy things like tweet their private parts to random strangers and do it over and over and THEN still try to run for office, we ask, “Why? Why on earth did you do that?”

Often times we have the best questions but the perp has pitiful answers.

We cannot, however, allow our own self questions to be met with pitiful self answers.

WE (if we want to keep growing) must keep searching for better answers to the WHY questions that we ask ourselves.

Why did we allow that person to yell at us and why do we keep going back for more abuse?

Why do we persist in hitting our innocent children when WE hated that we were hit as children?

Why do we accept less than what we deserve either at work, at home or at school?

No one can give us the answers but ourselves.

We must be relentless in figuring out the answers.

I invite you to read this book, and then begin to form better questions so you can create better answers.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Who pushes your buttons?

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push-to-add-drama via viraluploadWe all have people like this in our lives. They just seem to get under our skin. They know just what to say and when to say it and before you know it you are upset, crying or yelling and it feels like they have won….again.

This used to happen to me all the time. It used to feel like I walked into the trap and stayed in the trap even as I saw they were springing it on me….again!

The one BIG mistake that I used to make was this… I used to think that the people who did this to me cared about me.

When I began to realize that these people only liked to hear themselves talk, it was easier for me to untangle myself from their traps. I began to really listen to their words, the ACTUAL words, and I began to ASK them what they meant?

For instance…
When a family member says, “Well that’s just how you are.”
I now say, “What exactly do you mean?”
I noticed that the speaker would do a double take and would begin to trip over their words.
They began to say things like, “Oh, nothing really.” Or “Well I was just making a joke.”
Then I could say, “What was the joke?” Or “Was the joke at MY expense?”

I chose to react in this way until I felt that I broke the other person of their behaviors with me.
I chose to uninstall the buttons that used to be pushed all the time.
I must tell you, it takes time and patience but it was well worth my time an attention.

It was worth the time investment because it showed that I respected myself and that I expected others to respect me as well.

Just to reiterate my strategy:
I. I would ask for clarity.
2. I would ask for further clarity.
3. I would then pin point the “dig” and ask for even more clarity.

Please note that I was NOT concerned on who would like me, or who would judge me. I only focused on standing up for myself.
Love and light,
Indrani (Reminding you to stand up for yourself in the face of verbal bullies.)