Tag Archives: be present

Is it cultural or just bad manners?

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A few weekends ago, I was lucky enough to spend some time with an amazing
group of people that I really like. We do not get together very often so this time was quite precious.

During one of our days together a group had gathered in the kitchen. We discussed topics from real estate to ice-cream and everything in-between. People were listening to each other and taking turns speaking. The conversation was flowing quite well. Then someone else walked into the room and decided to ask one of the group members a question.

This is how she did it:
She stood a good 3 feet away from the group and YELLED as loud as she could to get the other persons attention. He looked up having heard her voice and started conversing with her as loud as he could. He had to shout (or so he thought) because the original conversation was still happening. The woman then walked closer to the table and the new conversation was carried on over the existing one.

This dynamic was so amazing.
I thought it rude and distasteful.
Was it?
Could it be that this is how these people communicate?

I waited for her to leave and the group settled back into our chat.
A few minutes later this same woman approached someone else who was talking directly to me and with her loud voice asked him a question and he immediately turned to answer her.
Now I am upset.
I say in MY LOUDEST voice…”SO DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE FINISHED TALKING TO ME?”
He turns to me and says “Oh, no!”
She seems shocked that I had to interrupt her. The woman then walked away.

Again after a few minutes, this same woman wanted to speak to another member of the group. This time she approached and whispered in the person’s ear.
She got it!
She stopped interrupting the entire room with her loud voice. She stopped hijacking an ongoing conversation because she thought her needs were more important.

All of the above happened without anyone else being mindful. I am sure that if I had asked someone what they thought, they would have said, “Well, that’s just her”.
Does it make it okay to disregard the activities that are already happening?
I do not have the answers to these questions.
I do know, however, that my time is as important as hers and my conversations as scintillating so I will not accept constant interruptions.
That’s just me.
If you find yourself in this situation, do you take charge?
Is it easier to just be quiet?
Is it culture or bad manners?
Would it be okay to interrupt people anywhere or is it situational?

We spend our whole lives engaged in some form of communication. I am at a stage where I want my encounters to be meaningful. I have no time for idle chatter or people who jump in and hijack my moments of encounter. I will try to not be rude but I will say something.

When we choose to spend time with people, let’s really BE with them. Let’s really listen to what they have to say. Let our body language say to the world that something special is happening and that others should wait their turn or ask permission to interrupt.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say if as women we do not speak up in the home to get our points heard, how will we be able to speak up in the board room?

There is ample research that women’s voices are overlooked in the board room and others get credit for ideas that were not theirs.
The time to practice having your voice heard is at the kitchen table.
The loudest mouth in the room is not necessarily the smartest.

So speak up, we need your words and your wisdom.

Love and light,
Indrani

Gratitude, Presence and Self-care…a GPS for life’s twists and turns.

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How many of us now depend on devices that help us to navigate our way to a new destination? The answer is lots of us.

How many of us refuse to tune into our inner GPS to find the way to Peace and Joy? The answer is LOTS of us.

While it is easy to just put an address into your device and get directions, you still must do a few things:

-You must keep the device charged so you can use it.
-You have to learn how to input the address and where to find the app that gives the directions.
-You have to have the presence of mind to closely follow the directions and make the turns that it suggests or you will not get to where you want to go.

This is also true of our internal GPS. Yes, we all have one.
The inner GPS is called intuition. Your intuition will give you hints of Yes and No when you are turning in a direction that is not aligned with the work you were sent here to do. Your work may or may not coincide with the job you have. If it does, you will feel joyful and fulfilled even if there are many struggles in your life. If, however, your job makes you depleted and sad, then your work that you are meant to do is far from what you do daily.

There is a quick fix for this. Yes, a quick fix.

Your intuition wants to steer you into the work you are meant to do and it can if you begin to feel grateful for all the things that you have, even the challenges. Being able to stay present in the midst of challenge and being grateful for the lesson in the challenge is the quickest way to JOY. I promise you, this really does work.

Every night before bed, I write at least 5 things that I am grateful for and I go to bed with gratitude in my head and heart. The “S” in the GPS is for self-care. That means that you put yourself at the TOP of each list you have, and you must be sure you do something for yourself each day. It can be as simple as allowing the answering machine to get the phone calls for a short time while you do a special something. It can be reading a good book, taking a bath, sitting in silence, listening to your favorite music, chatting with a treasured friend, etc. These snippets of self care do not have to look like taking a whole weekend off to go to the spa, although that’s good too!

Waiting for the “right” moment for self-care is a great way to put off self-care. It is a good way to fool yourself into thinking that you have made yourself a priority.

If you are a subscriber to my newsletter, you have received my 5 minutes to Happiness tool that allows you to quickly tap into your positive traits. If you are brave enough to align your behaviors with your positive traits you will have found a quick way to follow your inner GPS.

You can get 5 minutes to Happiness here.

Give this a try for 7 days. I would love to hear how it works for you!

Love and light
Indrani