Us stay-at-home moms often feel we work a payless job.
Last Friday at about 5:30pm as my 6 year old and 3 year old were working on painting and drawing I was reading some of my Facebook friends’ posts about it being payday Friday and I was enviously thinking “I remember when…”
Then out of the blue my 3 year old presents me with this:
THIS is my paycheck. Unfortunately, I can’t buy a new pair of shoes with it… but it’s priceless!
By: Alanzo Moreno and Jonathan Bout, Damien High School, La Verne, CA - Winners of The Search For Peace Art Exhibit in Los Angeles
The title of this blog may sound a little dark. I don’t mean it to be. I am taking 100% responsibility for the sentiments expressed here.
First a confession:
I have done harm.
I have dome harm to myself, to those I love and to those I don’t love.
There was a time when I did not care about the harm I had done and I happily continued to do more. Of this I am not proud.
I have learned to bring compassion to the person I was then and I know that I was doing the best I could.
Oprah said “when you know better, you do better”
I believe. I Believe.
On this side of 50, I know better.
I have tried to temper my words, my thoughts, my actions and my intentions, in such a way as to show respect for all things and people.
I am not always successful. Sometimes I recognize when I fail and other times I do not.
I am still in training; I will always be a student.
My mantra for 2012 is to
DO NO MORE HARM, at least to try.
In order to walk this talk I must be PRESENT.
PRESENT TO MYSELF, MY THOUGHTS AND TO THE WORLD.
I know that this will not be easy. It is actually harder than getting a PhD.
There are no set guidelines or rules or schools to help me get there.
There are however, guides, living and dead who in my opinion, have tried to live without doing harm.
I can learn from them, read about them and emulate them.
Some which come to mind are:
The Dalai Lama
Mother Theresa
Pema Chodron
Nelson Mandela
Jesus Christ
Buddha
Children
I will be a student of these and others who cross my life. I will start today.
Will you join me?
Who are some of your models for DO NO MORE HARM?
Love and light
Welcome to a new Monday blog on IndranisLight.org! This blog will be written for Moms by Moms. As always, we would love to hear what you think. Enjoy!
The fabulous Ms. Oprah writes an article in the back of each O Magazine titled What I Know For Sure. This reminds me of when I was younger and was given a task, I used to drive my parents crazy with this rant of “I don’t know what this assignment is!”, “I don’t know where my pencil is!”, and “I don’t know what page to read!” and my dad would respond “what DO you know?” Not in an ugly way, but in a way to remind me to calm down and take the task one step at a time.
Fast forward to this week…my 5-year-old started Kindergarten and we were BOTH nervous. In my head were the same rants “I don’t know this new routine!”, “I don’t know if he is going to be comfortable in his new school!”, “I don’t know if I should send a drink with lunch or if he can buy it!” and the list goes on…
So with my dad’s voice always in my head I ask myself “what DO I know?” What I know is this: my love for my boys is unshakeable; my love for myself is a confident one. I know I have figured out many more difficult and complex issues than this one, and I DO know that we will figure this out together along the way. Will it be easy? Of course not. But nobody said parenting is easy.
So I tied my sneakers and then I tied my son’s and we walked hand-in-hand into this new adventure.
I was in a store the other day and overheard this: “Sit down and be quiet, you cannot disturb your mother while she shops” said a male voice. Then I saw that mom was about 8 months pregnant and sent her some silent blessings and good energy. It was hot, her belly was heavy and she needed nursing bras. Been there…it’s not so much fun!
As I was leaving the store, I saw the father happily playing on the telephone as the 2-1/2 or 3 year old just SAT alone, STARING into space. I opened the door…and then changed my mind. I went over to the sweet little boy and gave him a magazine from the shelf with these LOUD words, “Here honey, it’s not a KIDS magazine but there are some pretty pictures”. Dad smiled at me and then I said, still looking and smiling at the little one “Dad, give your son the telephone so he can play games and you sit and stare into space” and I left.
PEOPLE what are we doing? I see moms pushing babies in strollers and talking on cell phones. What is so damned important? Is EVERYONE a brain surgeon?
I hear parents complaining that their teenagers sit at the dinner table texting and ignore the family. Where are they learning it? What are we modeling for this generation?
It is the ADULTS who are modeling how, when, and where to use cell phones. The kids are SIMPLY following our leads.
I have a challenge for my readers:
If we all just shake our heads and say “who’s minding the kids while we chat away?” then NOTHING will change.
Maybe these parents were themselves ignored. So let’s save a generation. Let’s speak up for the little ones so that they get as much parent time as they get free minutes.
Here’s a great guide to the time you spend with your kids:
Guess what? If you are on the phone, you are not engaged with your kids.
I hope that is a wake-up call for this generation of parents. If you do not change, please do not complain that your kids are ignoring you when they are all grown up. After all, you must ask yourself “where did they learn to ignore their families so brilliantly?”
Maybe we should all just be looking in the mirrors.
Love and light from Indrani
I am visiting my child in Philly and went to see a beautiful ORCHID show at LONGWOOD GARDENS.
As I was waiting for my car service to pick me up I saw a Mom SLAP her little girl ( age 5 or 6) because she threw a small snow ball and it landed on a stranger. The little child JUST wanted to have a snow ball fight. The Mom, reacted so violently, BUT she NEVER GOT OFF HER PRECIOUS TELEPHONE CALL!
The little child looked so sad, and seemed so embarrassed!
The woman, dragged the child away and NEVER got off the frickin’ phone!!!
People, Parents PLEASE, please GET OFF your telephones.
Take it from me, a new empty nester. These precious birds do fly off. These children do leave us and what will they remember? Are we teaching them to IGNORE us when we grow into our second childhood?
Please HANG UP! PLEASE do it NOW! Please take the time to look into the eyes of your precious children. Please take the time to SEE them.
Remember why YOU brought them into this world.
Was it to IGNORE them in public? If you are ignoring them in public, what are you doing in private?
If you do not know HOW to parent, get thee to a local class or to a teleclass probably being advertised right now in your in box. Get a coach to guide you into being the good parent that you truly want to be.
When you honor your precious children, you honor yourself!
You honor humanity and you are nurturing the people to which we are entrusting the world!