Tag Archives: choices

What did I step in?

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No, I did not have to look at the bottom of my shoes for dog poop.  

I unknowingly walked into a 12-step program last Friday.

Dis-ease wrapped around me like an itchy blanket.  I was very uncomfortable, but walking out would had been just as uncomfortable and embarrassing.  Hands folded in my lap, picking my fingers.  My leg shaking up and down nervously… “Grant me the serenity to accept…. to change the things I can…. and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Light bulb goes off in my head.

Accept the things I cannot change!
I had been saying these exact words throughout the week so I would stop beating myself up over things I could not change like the economy and other people’s attitudes and actions!

Change the things I can… Whoa I had been thinking about all the things that are within my power to change, work, situations, relationships with myself, others.

The wisdom to know the difference. YES, I have had to stop and think when I am angry, upset, frustrated… “Is this something I can change, yes or no?  If yes, then decide what I want to change it into. If no, then let it go and accept it as it is”.

I listened to the women in the circle as they said their name and shared.  As I listened I thought some women had the same challenges as me!

Hi, my name is Kay, and I actually stepped into the right place.

P.S. As a post script I want to say that there is a stigma, I think, attached to 12-step programs probably because it is so closely associated with AA.   But the 12-step program can be used for so many types of hang-ups, hurts and habits.  With life for many people riddled with frustrations, challenges, anger and not knowing, I think programs like this are an opportunity to see we are not “the only ones” with issues. It is an opportunity to speak our minds and our hearts without judgment.  And it is a time to listen to others and practice compassion. You may want to take a step and find out.

What’s your kryptonite?

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Do you all remember superman?

It used to make me cry when he was tricked into coming into contact
with kryptonite. Of course, back then I was but a mere child.
Why then, do I feel like a mere child when I get close to some of my
kryptonite substances?
Please allow me to explain.

I would say that most of the time, I am strong, confident and
secure. THEN, something happens and I want to fall to my knees and
stay in a fetal position.
These “things” that happen can be as simple as:
Someone giving me the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. I
immediately go into a tsunami of thoughts about what I HAVE DONE
WRONG.

When I am in this “I am such a loser” phase, I almost want to jump
out of my skin to make amends.
Make amends for what?

I stitch together instances of when I think I may have wronged them
and I try to find behaviors that would absolve me of these sins.
A lot of the time, it just looks like begging for forgiveness for the
errors of my ways, or completely forgetting my life’s dreams in favor
of whatever they want.

Recently, I had plans with a friend to do something fun. The day
before the event, I asked for timing details and was
promptly told, with a look of sheer frustration that the event was the
next week. I said “no, it can’t be! I will be out of town”.
I was stunned. I had this on my calendar since OCT 2011.
The person then turned and left the room without a single word. I was
surrounded by kryptonite.

I screwed up, I am a bad friend and I can never get dates right…

Then I rushed to my computer, found the email with the date that I
had saved and rushed to show it to my friend. They looked at it and
said NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not even an “oh boy, I should check this out”.

Of course I thought: I should cancel my trip and I should apologize to
the other parties involved. Until I screamed at myself, “YOU DID
NOTHING WRONG. YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. PEOPLE SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING
TO YOU, DAMMIT!”

I had to walk away from my stinking thinking and hope that the
kryptonite didn’t creep up on me when I was asleep.

So, what’s your kryptonite?

Love and light,

Indrani

A Stay-at-Home Mom’s Paycheck

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Us stay-at-home moms often feel we work a payless job.

Last Friday at about 5:30pm as my 6 year old and 3 year old were working on painting and drawing I was reading some of my Facebook friends’ posts about it being payday Friday and I was enviously thinking “I remember when…”

Then out of the blue my 3 year old presents me with this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS is my paycheck. Unfortunately, I can’t buy a new pair of shoes with it… but it’s priceless!

You can buy a tiger but you can’t buy common sense!

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I have right to have whatever I want in my home.
I have a right to be safe from my crazy neighbors.
The city has a right to protect the larger community.
First responders put themselves in danger when things go wrong.

I was really enthralled in the conversation when one of the first responders said:

“You can buy a tiger, but you can’t buy common sense”

At first I chuckled, but began to see this statement as wiser than it
first seems.

I can buy a tiger without any currency exchange.
I can summon up that tiger in me at the drop of a hat.
I can jump out of a perfectly smooth day into rage and fierce anger
when I DECIDE that someone is infringing on my rights.
We see this behavior in teenagers all the time.

A teenager might say “I have the right to my own life, just leave me alone”
and the very next minute they need money or your car.

A grown person might say
“I have the right to a satisfying relationship and my
partner is too boring. I deserve to have that affair, or to just dump
my partner”
We see and read about this behavior all the time.

The next time you decide to inhabit the fierce animal within, act as
if it would be easier to purchase some common sense instead.
It’s a lot harder than grabbing hold of the raging beast but in the
long run, it is much easier on you, your family and the community at
large.

Let’s think LONG term solutions, let’s think common sense.
Let the raging animal slink back into its well furnished cave. Don’t
worry; it’s never really that far away.
I guarantee it will poke its head out in a few minutes.
Beware the beast within!

Love and light,

Indrani

How large is your Grudge box?

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How large is your Grudge box?

First what IS a Grudge Box? It’s the place in your head where you keep
track of all your past grudges.

You know…

The kid in high school who stole your ONE true love
The woman in the grocery line who flirted with your “ever-so-handsome-and-everyone-wants-him” husband
The mother-in-law who never respects any of your ideas and loves the other one better

Yep, all these and more.

So be honest, how large is your grudge box?

I am working on reducing mine in the following ways:

1. Forgiving myself for holding on to the past.
2. Creating an even larger Gratitude box.
3. Maintaining protective distance from people whom I fear may hurt me.
4. Explaining to my close family that I am no longer in the grudge
business and that I will attempt to clear the air if I feel a grudge
surge coming on.

You may borrow my strategies, or make some of your own. I would love to hear from you.

Love and light
Indrani

Angry, humorless or just plain bitchy

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“… strong professional women of all races are at risk of being classified as angry or humorless or just plain bitchy. Studies have shown that men who get angry are often rewarded in their career, while women who express anger tend to be penalized.” -Ilyse Hogue.

This quote hardly needs any more explanation… except for HOW to handle this in our lives and in the work place. The way we treat anger personally and professionally is directly related to HOW we were taught to react by our parents or guardians. I remember very clearly that shouting and screaming were par for the course in my family of origin, but only for the adults, we kids would get slapped if we said a word.

As I grew up, every time someone yelled at me, even though I was an adult I felt childlike and immediately clamped up. I evolved into being the shouter and the yeller until I realized that I was only harming myself.

It is quite easier to “control” ourselves at work, as the social norm is to go along to get along.

What happens if you do let loose and people start labeling you? Can you open the conversation with them about the labels?

Not really, BUT you can open the conversation about the labels they put on others. This way you are just creating a small crack in the social façade and your wisdom can shine a light thru the crack.

So try standing up for others and you will feel a lot better even if you don’t have anyone to stand up for you.

 

Love and light

Indrani

P.S. I did notice that people brought their problems to me to solve because I was that Bitch who wouldn’t take crap. Interesting, don’t ya think?

 

Maya Angelou says…

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Maya Angelou

When a person shows you who they are, believe it the first time.
Truer words were never spoken but are they ever hard to remember.
I was teaching a class called Live a Brighter Life this week to a group who had the courage to step out of abusive relationships. All around the room I see bright eyes and beautiful smiles and brilliant minds and women who believe Dr. Angelou’s quote.
The first time someone disrespects you BELIEVE IT!
Do not judge yourself for “not being good enough”. Know that their actions reflect their thoughts and are a reflection on them.
Your job is to find a safe way to get out of harm’s way and find solace.
Take small steps into your Brighter Life.
Love and light
Indrani

Blessed out

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zimbio.comzimbio.com

On 12/24 I was involved in something that will make this Holiday really memorable.

Let me tell you what it was NOT.

It was not something that I have to store.

It will not clutter my life.

It does not sparkle in the usual way.

It did not cost me an arm and a leg.

I did not incur any credit card debt.

Everyone who heard about it loved it and some were even jealous that they did not do it.

 

This is what I did…

I was part of a group that hosted a Christmas Party for a group of homeless folk. I was a part of a team of people who provided gifts and food. I did something a little extra. I created a Book Store background and I set up an author signing table and signed books for anyone who wanted one. The party was magical. It was a blessing to be able to spend part of my holiday with these guys. They showed up with a smile. They relished their food and their gifts and some of them sat down and began to read. One beautiful woman said, “I ain’t never meet me a real author before”. I gave her a huge hug and said I was so glad to meet her.

 

When folks live on the streets or in the woods, their possessions have to be functional. Nothing too heavy, or requires too much care. So books may not be so practical. They can get wet or be too bulky for a bag that is already crammed. My hope is that they read as much as they need and then repurpose it as needed. It may end up as kindling for a fire on a cold night. Some of the pages may become a napkin. It may even be a pillow. The book will disappear at some point in their lives. It will be with them for exactly the amount of time they need it and they will forget it and move on.

 

I will not forget the memories I made giving it to them and the feeling I had in my heart.

I am grateful that they came and shared part of their day with me.

I hope that 2012 will be better for them than 2011.

That is my prayer.

 

Doing something for folks in need is one of the quickest ways to get blessed out.

 

I wish you a blessed out New Year. Dream Large in 2012. The world needs us all to show up to the fullest extent of our capacities.

 

Love and light

Indrani

If you build it… Will they really come?

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What if you build something, or create something or plan something and
people say they will attend. Yes, they are sure that they will come.

So you invest time, money, energy, etc, and you are pumped, and you
are energized and you are ready.

The day has finally arrived, with all the planning, all the reminders. You get into your car and drive to the venue. You check all the
systems that need to be checked. You wait and wait and wait. The time of performance is here, the music starts and you realize that
only a handful of people have shown up. You keep calm and carry on all the while wondering how could it be that it all fell apart?

This, dear friend, is what happened on 12/18/2011.

I had been asked by several people to plan a Christmas flash mob. So I did.
I kept asking people are you sure that you are coming. I could still cancel, if there was no interest. But, I was constantly reminded that
there was interest.

How does it feel to put time and love and attention into something that fizzles at the last moment?

Here’s what NOT to do!

Do Not Take It Personally!
It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with every individual who did not show. I am sure that they all wanted to be there, but life happens, and in their lives things happened that kept them away.

Was I sad?
YES, I was sad!

Was I confused?
YES, I was confused.

Did I wonder if I had somehow screwed up?
YES, I thought that I had screwed up.

How could I have screwed up?
Did I not do enough reminders on FB?
Was the planning lacking?

I do not have answers to any of those questions.
I only know that I tried my best.
At the end of the day, that is all any of us can do.
Do our best.
If it’s not good enough for anyone, well that’s just too bad.

Easy to say, harder to believe.
I encourage you this holiday, to just do YOUR best.

THEN LET IT GO.
Happiness, joy and peace this the holiday season of 2011
Love and light
Indrani

Snowflakes and days

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www.its.caltech.edu

Winter is here and recently I came to the conclusion that days are like snowflakes.

No two ice crystals are alike yet they are all called snowflakes.
We know flakes are white, they have six little crystals reaching out from the center, but from there the design, shape, texture of that snowflake is unique.

Days are the same way. We all have a 24 hour period that is called a “day”. But no two days are alike even though we generalize and say that they are.
Each day is a gift from God and each day really is different than the last.
Your today and my today are totally unique, as are our yesterdays.

Snowflakes can be be packed together and thrown as a snow ball, and we can have fun with it.
Snowflakes can be slushy, slippery and we may find ourself delayed in where we are going.
Snowflakes can be used to create building snowmen and igloos.
Lots of snowflakes and we want to curl up with the ones we love for warmth.
We get to decide what we would like to do with the snow, or just let it sit in the yard.

So each day, just like the snowflakes we can decide:
if we want to have fun with it,
if something in the day is going to delay us or slow us down
if we want to create something with it
if we want to get closer to the ones we love
or if we are going to do nothing with it.

Remember snowflakes melt fast!

What are you going to do with each day, that unique gift you are given every 24 hours before it melts away?