Tag Archives: choices

Do you love yourself enough to get healthy?

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Wowzers, half the year is over!

Where did the time go?

I had such great plans for this year.

After my knee surgery in January, I planned to walk about 5 miles per week for three weeks and then get into gear to do some serious mileage.

I have done NOTHING.

Sure from time to time I get out and do a few miles, but that searing drive that I used to have when I was training for my triathlon and my marathons have disappeared.

I feel sad that I have allowed myself to fall off the fitness wagon.

I KNOW how to get back on.

It really is just a decision, a daily decision.

It really is just a promise to myself that my health is more important than anything else.

Just that simple.

So, this past week I again make this promise.

Now I make it in front of you, my dear friend.

I promise to take up my walking again five days of the week and I promise to find a great marathon to train for.

I ask you… What health gifts will you give to you?

I know that it will be difficult, it always is. I also know that it is well worth it.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I must do this if I truly love myself.

Do you love yourself enough to get healthy? I hope so.

Love and light from Indrani

Frustration

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The most frustrating situations occur when hard decisions have to be made. The decision is obvious, yet it is of the anticipated reactions by others that causes the frustration and pain.

Perhaps if we did not pre-determine the reactions in our heads, we could make the right decision easily, and then have the clear mind and heart to deal with the repercussions, if they occur at all.

The definition of divorce is….

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Emotional divorce as defined by me is:
Disengaging one’s energy from being entangled with the energy of another.
A shorter way to put this is:
Their business is none of yours!
Yes, I know it sounds crass and abrupt and even a little bitchy.

Bear with me a while and read the following story:
I just met a delightful woman walking her equally delightful dogs and we stopped to chat. I started to tell her about the joy event (if you missed it, send me an email and we will send you a taste of what you missed). Anyway, the conversation quickly turned to her feeling really taken advantage of by a very close family member. This person insists on smoking in her house, even though she has been repeatedly told not to. She engages in harmful drug behaviors and has people scrambling to always save her from herself. She even intentionally ruins the good fortunes of others with every trick at her disposal.
This person is an excellent teacher…. Do you have any such teachers in your life?

For example…
People who constantly borrow money?
People who continually dump their emotional bilge all over you?
People who are always complaining about their job but won’t make any changes?
People who must have all the attention on themselves because their life is the only thing worthwhile?

WHAT EXACTLY DO these people teach us? What could we possible learn from emotionally draining situations such as this?
Well the answer to this question is both simple and complicated.
The simple answer is this: They are here to teach us to mind our own business and live our own lives.
The complicated answer is this: What kind of life do you want and do you have the courage to step completely into it?

Let’s take the complicated answer first.

Take some time to answer these questions.

What would your LIFE look like if this person were NOT in your life?

How would you live differently?

What actions would you not have to take?
How would your emotional state of health look like?
Would you be happier if you did not have to constantly care take the emotional abuser?
Do you know what emotional abuse is?
Are there others in your life that you take emotional abuse from?
What wonderful projects would you invest the emotional energy that you are saving?

Now, the simple answer….
All the above answers are YOUR business.
All the above answers are the WAY YOU WANT to LIVE your own life.
NOW DO IT!
There is no time to waste.
Life is shorter than you think.
If not now, when?
If you won’t take responsibility for your happiness who will or more importantly who should?

Love and light, Indrani.

Man’s best friend is my best teacher.

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I recently got a chihuahua.

This little dog with a giant personality has become one of my best teachers ever. Each morning she runs around chasing her tail, delivering morning kisses. It is another great day to be a dog! Reminding me it is another great day to be a person!

She grins with that doggie smile not stressing over the issues of the day before. The puddle on the floor and the scolding is forgotten, its another new day. Reminding me that my mistakes of yesterday are passed and I should let go of them and be happy to move on.

She gives me constant looks as she tries to comprehend my words. Reminding me to listen try to be understanding to others.

She brings me back to moment at hand as she paws my leg. Reminding me to be here, now.

She is so happy and excited when I walk through the door after I have been gone. No judgement of where I have been, what I have done. Reminding me I should look at others with love in my heart and non judgement.

She stretches in downward facing dog, and upward facing dog, reminding me I better do some yoga.

How wonderful to get all of these lessons daily, in exchange for food, water and love.

Vulnerability is not a bottomless pit…

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Rather it is a very shallow pool of very cold water…. Means you are in discomfort for only a short while. If you stay with the feeling of being vulnerable long enough, your body temp begins to warm up your surroundings.  Pretty  soon you are back to your normal level of courage BUT you have grown from the challenge,  instead of pushing the feeling away and always living under the thought

“OH  NO what if this happens again, what will I do?”

If it happens again, you will know what to do because you did not run from the lesson the last time around.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say someone asks you a question about an element of your work or expertise and you do not know the answer.

You can BS your way thru and you can make up some good theory and say “PHEW that’s over ”

OR

You can say…

” Let me get back to you about this because I do not have that answer at the tip of my fingers…” and show that even YOU an expert in your field can admit to not have all the answers.

If I choose the BS route and avoid the vulnerable feeling THEN I have to remember exactly what BS I used the next time this same thing comes up or I run the risk of not only being vulnerable but being inauthentic and flaky.

Showing vulnerability in one area does not make you devoid of smarts in all other areas.  If you have thoughts like, what if I admit to not knowing, will they think I am ignorant in all other areas? They will not UNLESS you first broadcast that kind of energy.

Nothing erodes self confidence quicker than inauthenticity.

How would you take one step into your vulnerability?

You really have to KNOW what vulnerability feels like to you.

Where in your body do you feel the stirrings or the bashing over the head of vulnerability?

Being aware of what your body does in the midst of feeling vulnerable is the very first step towards making vulnerability your friend.

You have to become aware of your own self and your own reactions.This takes a little time to do some SELF research.

S…specificity…with the feelings awhile. Take notes about the feelings, keep a vulnerability journal, but write in it as a court reporter would, be a CSI of your own body.

E…examine…what your body is doing. As you journal, be very specific with all the physical feelings that you are experiencing and try not to judge them. Try not to call any of the feelings STUPID or try not to say “I Should Know Better”.

L…letting the feelings be investigated with real curiosity. Bring infinite curiosity to your physical feelings. Unpack them as eagerly and as slowly as you would open a gift from Tiffanys.

F…firm up your resolve to NOT run away from the moment. Just like you would not think of throwing that lovely piece of jewelry from Tiffanys into the discard pile, do not discard the intense level of KNOWING that you are feeling.

Then stand in your authentic vulnerability instead of the inauthenticity of feeling invulnerable to the trials and tribulations of this very human existence.

If you can befriend vulnerability, the world is your oyster and the pearls are the incidents that you used to stump your toe upon.

It is not you, it’s me

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It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.

The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.

It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.

We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!

“Joy is not in things; it is in us” – Robert Wagner

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As a kid growing up, I remember us having a boat, an airplane (I thought all kids flew somewhere for pancakes on Sunday), a couple cars, a nice house…. and yet I never saw joy in my father’s face.   As an adult I vowed to myself I would not make those same mistakes in acquiring material goods knowing they would not make me happy.  But lo and behold as I stand here today, I see that I did not escape the trap.

And what a trap it is.   The stuff we buy to try to fulfill a void, fulfill the ego, to fulfill what society tells us we should do/be/have.   When in actuality what we are seeking does not require financing, an American Express, or a drive to the mall.  It may take time to find joy which is in all of us, but it is free.

It is the joy within us that can fill us until we are overflowing.   Instead of being weighed down by possessions, with joy we are as light as a feather dancing on the breeze.

iamjoy Oh Joy I Am!

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Oh the Places You'll Go.

Kay Walten is a dear friend and a contributor to this site. Kay has authored this inspiring blog and we hope you enjoy it as much as we do!  Love & Light, Indrani.

This past week we have been talking about the upcoming Virtual JOY Event: INHALE LIFE, EXHALE JOY .  It is exciting as we get the bios of all the people who will be sharing their joy at the event.  In one of the emails going back and forth as we brain stormed, some one put in the subject line:  iamjoy OH JOY I AM!  and she laughed maybe she could write a Dr. Seuss book.

I started to look… about if I could,  about if I should, do it this week, write in a way that Dr. Seuss would speak! Then I read some things great and small, and found something he wrote that applies to us all.

 

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

I’m sorry to say so
But, sadly it’s true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.

On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

I read these lines with a smile on my face, & thought of how joy can bring us to the same place.  I invite you to be there, where ever you are, it makes no difference how close or how far.  So if we INHALE LIFE we are sure to see, we will EXHALE JOY its got to be!

If you want to be there and there without fail, you can sign up right here and you’ll get an email.

And lastly I invite you, go take a look, click right here we’re on facebook.

 

Caught betweeen two worlds?… be happy with both!

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Do you sometimes feel that you are caught between two conflicting sets of morals and values?

Do you feel tugged and pulled with having to make simple decisions?

I met someone recently who had to “not invite” her parents to a significant celebration because the parents ” from the old country” would take over the way the party “should be done” and the celebration would then become all about ” what our culture expects” and none of what would create true happiness for the newer generation.

If this sounds even remotely familiar, do I have a solution for you!

What if you could step in both worlds and be happy with both sets of rules? Sound like fantasy world?

It is so very possible. The trick is ( ah you knew there would be a trick) that YOU KNOW WHO YOU WANT TO BE!

Ok, so maybe that’s a little too tricky. How can you know who you want to be, if you have been brought up in a world that has little value for an individual ( think ” I ” ) and huge amounts of value on “WE”. You have to be very vigilant with observing your thoughts.

Ok, so now I see you rolling your eyes, just hear me out. When you are being pulled between, do you feel like you MUST please everybody?

Do you feel like “people” will hate you if you do not do exactly as they wish?

Will you hate yourself if you continue to please everyone at the expense of your own happiness? Do you believe that your happiness is important? Can you accept that there can be balance between what others expect and what you want?

There is a way to straddle both your worlds and still be true o your own values and mores.

The simple answer is to allow yourself to observe yourself and others when you are in the midst of making decisions. Notice what your think, how you hold your body, what tone of voice you use, if you feel attacked?

That does not sound so simple you say, well maybe it’s not always simple, but it is always doable. It is always possible to “step” out of the situation and to become the detached observer.

The detached observer does not have to “believe” all the thoughts that pop into their heads. We think thousands of thoughts every day and most of them we let go, but some thoughts stick around to nag you until you feel like your head will explode.

So, here is a simple challenge for you. The next time you have to choose between two worlds, be it a cultural situation, a religious situation or a social situation, notice what you are thinking and see if you can give yourself a “thinking” break.

A “thinking” break means to try to distance yourself from the words in your head.

Try these simple steps:

1. Take 5 DEEP BREATHS

2. Take five more

3. Pretend that you can see the words forming in your head. What kind of font is it, how big are the words? Do they run together like a jumbled mess or it is like a well structured sentence? Do you also see punctuation marks? The trick here is to help your mind take a break from the thoughts that are all consuming.

4. Notice if you were able to take a “break” from the thoughts that are causing stress.

Try this little exercise for one full week on the thoughts that cause you the most stress. Thoughts like ” I should be a better Mom, Wife, Employee, Friend, Daughter ” etc.

I hope you give it a try and also try to give yourself a well deserved break.

Indrani