Tag Archives: communication

Who are you having a conversation with?

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Think about who you have to listen to each day and have a conversation with, or communicate with daily:listen to yourself via dailyworth

  •         Spouse
  •         Kids
  •         Your boss
  •         Employees
  •         Friends
  •         The people sitting next to you
  •         The check out person at the store

The list can go on and on….

With all of phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face conversations that go on during the course of a day we could be listening to 10’s and for some 100’s of people a day.

Let’s imagine a conversation with our best friend.

ME: Hi! How ya doing?  How’s your day?
FRIEND: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really? I am sorry to hear that. Why?
FRIEND: Yes. I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh, are you getting enough sleep?  Eating well?  Are you sick?
FRIEND: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: What can I do to help? Why don’t you turn the phone off and take a nap. Your work/laundry/cleaning/ will still be there when you wake up.  But you’ll feel better.   Oh, I know, finish up what you have to get done and call it a day. Take a bath and just start fresh tomorrow.

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Notice that nowhere in the list of people we listen to everyday, who we talk with, do we take the time to have a quiet conversation with ourselves.  Let’s take that same conversation and switch roles of our best friend with ourselves, our bodies.

ME: Hi how ya doing?  How’s your day?
MYSELF: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really why?  Come on shake it off, it’s a work day you know…
MYSELF: I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh you had four, almost five hours sleep. It’s almost the weekend, toughen up.  Maybe a Starbucks or a Coke will pick you up…the day will be over soon.
MYSELF: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: Listen, just push through the day, let’s get our work/laundry/cleaning done and cross it off the list.  We’ll try to go to bed early. Hey the weekend is coming and maybe we can take a nap then.  Snap to it!

The first conversation with our friends is a kind, warm and compassionate conversation. The second is cold, uncaring and demanding.
Why is it that we are the hardest on ourselves?

Take some time to listen to your heart, mind and body.  Show it the same warmth, caring and compassion as you would your best friend or even your child.

We should always take time to have a conversation with ourselves and listen closely to what we need.

May I have some change for the bus?

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It happened so quickly.change via leadchangegroup

I did not feel like walking down the subway steps to take the train and the bus stop was right there. I also did not want to waste money on a taxi.

I walked into the yogurt shop and said, “Do you have change for the bus?”
I then saw the smile fade from his face.

At first I was confused…but then I realized what he was thinking.
So I quickly said, “Oh, do you think I am begging for bus fare?”
He nodded his head and I said, “No, I would like to trade you dollars for quarters.”

He was visibly relieved.
I knew I had a blog post.
What a gift to have seen on his face what he was thinking.

Here are some of the possible thoughts:
Oh no, not another pan handler!
Lady, get outta here!
I don’t have time for this!

It really made me realize that we humans open our mouth and speak…but we have NO CLUE what the listener hears.
THIS time, I was able to SEE it plain and simple.
I was able to address his concern and speak different words so he understood what I was saying.
I traded the dollars for quarters and left the shop.

The next time you say something and someone responds in a way that you don’t understand, take a step back and look for signs that something is already awry. It may be that the conversation just began but there is already miscommunication and nothing good can happen there.

It is best to try to get to the heart as soon as possible.

It is best to try to get back on track as soon as possible.

Is it easy?
No!
There is no formula to fix it, but a simple “What did you understand from what I said?” may help.

Know what I can’t shake though?
The fact that there are thousands of folks out there who really need bus fare but they are faced with more rejection than they can handle.
But that’s another post isn’t it?
Love and light,
Indrani

Is it cultural or just bad manners?

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A few weekends ago, I was lucky enough to spend some time with an amazing
group of people that I really like. We do not get together very often so this time was quite precious.

During one of our days together a group had gathered in the kitchen. We discussed topics from real estate to ice-cream and everything in-between. People were listening to each other and taking turns speaking. The conversation was flowing quite well. Then someone else walked into the room and decided to ask one of the group members a question.

This is how she did it:
She stood a good 3 feet away from the group and YELLED as loud as she could to get the other persons attention. He looked up having heard her voice and started conversing with her as loud as he could. He had to shout (or so he thought) because the original conversation was still happening. The woman then walked closer to the table and the new conversation was carried on over the existing one.

This dynamic was so amazing.
I thought it rude and distasteful.
Was it?
Could it be that this is how these people communicate?

I waited for her to leave and the group settled back into our chat.
A few minutes later this same woman approached someone else who was talking directly to me and with her loud voice asked him a question and he immediately turned to answer her.
Now I am upset.
I say in MY LOUDEST voice…”SO DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE FINISHED TALKING TO ME?”
He turns to me and says “Oh, no!”
She seems shocked that I had to interrupt her. The woman then walked away.

Again after a few minutes, this same woman wanted to speak to another member of the group. This time she approached and whispered in the person’s ear.
She got it!
She stopped interrupting the entire room with her loud voice. She stopped hijacking an ongoing conversation because she thought her needs were more important.

All of the above happened without anyone else being mindful. I am sure that if I had asked someone what they thought, they would have said, “Well, that’s just her”.
Does it make it okay to disregard the activities that are already happening?
I do not have the answers to these questions.
I do know, however, that my time is as important as hers and my conversations as scintillating so I will not accept constant interruptions.
That’s just me.
If you find yourself in this situation, do you take charge?
Is it easier to just be quiet?
Is it culture or bad manners?
Would it be okay to interrupt people anywhere or is it situational?

We spend our whole lives engaged in some form of communication. I am at a stage where I want my encounters to be meaningful. I have no time for idle chatter or people who jump in and hijack my moments of encounter. I will try to not be rude but I will say something.

When we choose to spend time with people, let’s really BE with them. Let’s really listen to what they have to say. Let our body language say to the world that something special is happening and that others should wait their turn or ask permission to interrupt.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say if as women we do not speak up in the home to get our points heard, how will we be able to speak up in the board room?

There is ample research that women’s voices are overlooked in the board room and others get credit for ideas that were not theirs.
The time to practice having your voice heard is at the kitchen table.
The loudest mouth in the room is not necessarily the smartest.

So speak up, we need your words and your wisdom.

Love and light,
Indrani

He said, she said…

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This age old story gets us nowhere fast!

Want to hear about another story that’s just like a dog trying to
catch his tail?

It goes like this:
Person A says, “You said you hated me!”
Person B says “I meant when you make fun of me. You make me feel stupid!”
Person A “If you say you hate me, you must mean it or you are stupid!”
Person B “God, if only you would just listen, but you always jump down my throat!”

Get it?

I am sure you have been here at some time or another.
This fight is not going anywhere good. Someone will get hurt…either
emotionally, physically or both.

What is this fight about?
It could be about frustration or desperation or lack of any emotion.

I know people who never speak when things are “good” so the only time
they communicate is when they are angry.

If this is you…
STOP
STOP NOW!
You are going nowhere fast.
Someone is looking to place blame and someone is looking to be rescued.
Both brains are in screech mode and what’s more, both adults have left the room.
The people screaming at each other are two tantrum-throwing 5 year olds.
You need to find a way to “tap out” like wrestlers.

If this is a diagnosis of your relationship, get some help. Get some
clarity for yourself.
Go to a minister or a therapist or a VERY trusted friend.
You need a neutral person.

BTW, when you do decide to get help, remember to work on YOU!
You are the only person you can change.
Yep, that sucks, but that’s a fact.

Change the face in the mirror.