Tag Archives: Compassion

Then there were two….

July 22, 2015Uncategorizedbest, child, children, choices, Compassion, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, give love, lead by example, letting go of negative, life lessons, Live a Brighter Life, love, love others, parent, parental guidance, parenting, respect, respond with love, right action, teach, youIndrani Goradia

I was speaking to a very dear friend the other day.

She said that she had 6 beautiful bowls that someone had given to her a long time ago.

The other day she noticed that there were only 3 and she realized that some of them were broken.

She felt happy that she had 3 left.

She began to tell her young daughter who had been helping with her dishes.

She turned away to do something and heard the awful sound…

CRASH!

She froze and realized that something had broken.

She did not know what it was. She turned to the sink full of dishes and saw her sweet daughter, shaking and fearful and she heard these words, “Sorry mom it was an accident, I did not mean it. Sorry mom.”

My dear friend said, “Now there are two.”

And then she smiled.

The worry on the daughter melted away and the mom showed her child how easy it was to show compassion and to to teach her child that mistakes can and will happen.

As my friend was telling me this story I saw the realization on her face that her child had been shaking because she fully expected to be yelled and screamed at.

My friend knew that she had been a teller and she had parented with anger in the past.

She also knew that she had been intentional in the way she had been parenting the past few years and that she had significantly changed the energy in the family.

She had been able to forge a deeper connection with her son and she had been showing her daughter what unconditional love really is.

Here, at this moment, it meant that she loved her daughter MORE than she ever could love those dishes.

She chose to NOT break her child.

She chose to parent with understanding and respect.

I have known this woman for a long time. I know how hard this woman has worked to get to a place of peace and tranquility.

I applaud her willingness to change the way she used to parent and to seek new ways and to know that she was doing the best for her kids.

Most people say, “My parents did it this way and I turned out ok.”

My view is why just settle for OK when we can be wiser and better than OK?

Let us thrive as parents and constantly better ourselves so we can raise a brighter generation. One that will know more than we will ever know and will be in charge of the welfare of our grandchildren.

Love & light,

Indrani

Shareworthy: Calling all teachers…..

June 13, 2015Uncategorizedbest, child, children, choices, Compassion, ending well, gender based violence, gender violence, rant, reflect, release, right action, right speech, right you, self love, Tanya Kelley, teachers, truthful speech, youGuest Blogger

If you are a teacher, you must check out our good friend Tanya Kelley, Ally to Teachers Who Are Burning Out.

Today we are sharing one of Tanya’s posts, called Ending Well, which is a great read for teachers of all kinds. Tanya also offers a free group coaching call called I’m SOOO DONE with that child! Click here to learn more or to sign up.

Happy End of Year to all of our teacher friends! And happy reading!

Ending Well

by Tanya Kelley

Rant

We’ve all had students who get under our skin. We breathe a sign of relief and the shoulders visibly let down when they are absent. We’re exhausted by the turmoil, conflict, strife, and high level of demand they bring to the classroom. We don’t want to feel that way. We maintain our best professional demeanor. But inside, we rail. We rant. “Why does it have to be such a struggle, every day? It’s so unfair!”

Consider a rant-o-rama. Basically a rant fest. Grab some paper and something to write with. Set a timer for 2 – 4 minutes. Rant about this problem child. Use your ugliest handwriting, caps, underlines, exclamation points, and emoticons. Stamp your foot if you want. Have a little tizzy fit now that the pressure is off. Or score your place in Monday’s “The Year’s Over and I’m SOOO Done” call at 10:00! Click here.

Reflect

Later, when you have some time to quietly and calmly reflect, set aside 5 to 10 minutes. Approach this reflective time with a spirit of curious inquiry.

How is it that this child had such an ability to rile me up? What do I wish she could have been or done instead? Besides this child, what other people or situations bring up these same responses for me?

If you sense another rant-o-rama coming on, consider whether it would be beneficial to go back to that step, or it it would be best for you to return to a calm, reflective place of curious inquiry right now. Or, you might decide that now is not a good time to reflect. Remember to be gentle with yourself!

You may think, “Why even go there? The year is over. I never have to deal with her again. It’s not worth my time and energy.”

Here are 2 reasons why you might want to go there:

Because there will be a next time! The universe has a sense of humor, that’s for sure. You’ll get another chance to deal with a similar personality or set of circumstances. Wouldn’t it be nice if the cray-cray is a little less intense next time?
Because going there give you a chance to know and do differently next time. A small shift can make a difference.

Release

Find the smallest thing that you can to admire, appreciate, or like about your mighty little tyrant. Mixed emotions are welcomed:

“Well, she did have this outrageous spunk — totally out of line in the classroom, the little brat — but she would be fabulous as my defense attorney, if I ever needed one!”

“Dang, if he wasn’t stubborn! Once he made a decision, he followed it through — too bad he missed out on what I could have taught him this year — but man, was he committed!”

And finally, allow yourself a touch of what you’re admiring, appreciating, or liking about the child. In your own adult, grown up, wise and beneficial way, bring some of the child’s spirit into your world. Because maybe what she was trying to show you all along was that a little outrageous spunk every once in a while is not such a bad thing.

Written by Tanya Kelley.

Visit Tanya’s blog here.

LABL 014: Shame and Shame Resilience with Brene Brown

April 2, 2015PodcastBrene Brown, Compassion, Empathy, gender based violence, Indrani Goradia, Live a Brighter Life Podcast, Podcast, shame resilienceJeremie Miller

Welcome to Episode #14 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Brené Brown discuss:

Shame and shame resilience
the difference between empathy and compassion
why relieving suffering can protect you
why it is important to model a healthy life to your children
why incongruent living is so exhausting
the link between expectations and shame
and so much more…

You can learn more about Brene Brown at www.brenebrown.com

Podcast Recording

[powerpress]

What would you do if you witnessed this incident?

March 14, 2015featured, homepageabuse, choices, Compassion, courage, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, right action, stand up for others, stand up for yourself, take action, use your voiceIndrani Goradia

A young lady in her mid-twenties is being beaten black and blue by a strong, well-built man as 50+ people stand by and watch.

What would you do?

How would you react?

Visit the following link to read the entire story and let us know what you would do in the comments below if you found yourself in this awful situation.

https://www.facebook.com/indrani.goradia.5/posts/792430934181717?notif_t=mention

Love & light,
Team ILF

What to give up for lent….it’s not what you think.

February 28, 2015featured, homepage, News & Updatesbest, choices, Compassion, gender based violence, gender violence, lent, letting go of negative, love, love others, respect, right action, right speech, sacrifice, youIndrani Goradia

The days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday marks the Lenten season for Christians.

Many people “give up” something for lent. Many stop eating sweets or stop drinking or some other behavior modification.

Few people give up “being nasty” to others.

That maybe be too harsh a thing to say, but it needs to be said.

I recently met a woman whose son was getting married and she “asked” to go to the bridal dress shopping expedition. The future daughter in law was nice enough to take her along. When the bride found the perfect dress, she asked the mother in law what she thought and the response was… “It’s not to my liking.”

The bride went ballistic and shouted at the mother in law that it was NOT her wedding.

As I was listening to this story, I wondered why the mother in law was not giving up something other than sweets for lent.

She was so ferociously attacking the bride-to-be and calling her names to whom ever was listening, like “hoochie” that it was very hard to be sympathetic to her hurt feelings.

Personally, I know what the bride felt like. When I was getting married, none of the saris that I wanted were “good enough” for my future in laws.

Luckily, I was quite stubborn, and with the help of my future husband I got exactly what I wanted.

Parenting is hard at all ages and when kids are grown up enough to start their own families we all get to enter a new stage of parenting. This time we get to try to be nurturing to complete strangers whom our children have chosen.

We have to give up judgments of what they should or should not do.

We have to help the young people to sort through their own lives.

This is the only way forward into a new stage of non aggression with the new family member.

I wished this women would give up bad mouthing her future daughter-in-law for lent instead of cookies and candies.

I believe that I suggested she give up negative thinking instead of sweets and she said that it would be too difficult.

Is that not the idea for lent? To make a sacrifice that smarts a little?

So what have you given up for lent? Let us know in the comment section below.

Make the sacrifice count. Make the sacrifice make you a better person.
Love and light,
Indrani

Steps to prevent rape…..

February 7, 2015featured, homepagechoices, Compassion, end GBV, end rape culture, gender based violence, gender violence, rape, respect, right action, teach our childrean, teach our children, violence, youIndrani Goradia

1. DON’T RAPE

2. See step #1

Check out this article from The Washington Post about things that are being done around the globe to cure this pandemic that women everywhere face.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-to-cure-the-pandemic-that-women-face/2015/01/02/c6052fd0-913a-11e4-a900-9960214d4cd7_story.html

My friend Ray and the lesson of black tape…..

February 4, 2015featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, ask for help, be vulnerable, best, child, children, choices, Compassion, courage, domestic violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, life lessons, look at your truth, self love, self respect, speak your truth, standing your ground, stop hiding, truth, truthful speech, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Recently, I had the great fortune to be in Trinidad with my only brother, his lovely wife and our childhood friend, Ray.

We were all headed to the store to purchase a 60th birthday gift for another friend.

My brother was riding in the passenger seat up front while Ray drove and in the midst of recanting an old and funny story, he said very casually,
“Hey brother, what’s that red light on your dash?”

Ray, quite nonchalantly said, “Doh worry ’bout dat man, I put a piece of black tape over it, I don’t want to know what it is.”

And in typical Ray style, he started to laugh.

My sister in law, sitting next to me in the back then says, “So why is there tape over the locks in the back?”

Ray says, “Oh the locks are broken and I just don’t want people messing with them.”

We all start howling with laughter and start teasing Ray about his ability to block out the everyday annoyances of life.

I immediately say, “You know that I am going to have to write a blog about this, right?”

The thing about using black tape to cover up warning lights and broken bits of a machine made me think of the hoops we jump through to hide our shameful abuse from others.

Women will use any amount of makeup to try to hide the black eye.

Teenagers will lie to their friends and wear long sleeves to try and hide the cutting they started as a result of the incest they are suffering in their homes.

Young children know that they dare not tell about the knock down drag outs that their parents engage in and they instead begin to create a fairy tale family that they trot out to mask their pain.

Recently, during a Train the Trainer, one of the participants told the group that he never knew his parents because the state had taken him away due to abuse. He then explained that he made up a fairy tale of benevolent parents and used to tell fairy tale stories about the imagined family.

We use black tape in our everyday lives so effectively that we often forget the tape is there.

We begin to see the tape as the reality and we fight for the right to deny the reality of our pain.

What parts of your life have you taped over?

What is the tape hiding?

What would happen if you pulled the tape off and allowed yourself to face the truth?

I pull the tape off my own bruises every time I tell an audience that my abuse began in my childhood. When I am honest with my listeners and when they are able to receive the truth of what I am saying, they witness the absence of black tape.

I let them see my scars.

I let them in on my pain.

As a result of my being vulnerable, they give themselves permission to do the same.

Will you remove some black tape from your life today?

I give you permission to look at your truth.

Love and light,
Indrani

One simple act…..

January 21, 2015featured, homepagebully, bullying, child, children, choices, Compassion, courage, do one thing, end violence in our schools, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, life lessons, love others, love yourself, no more bullying, respect, right action, shine brightly, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Change the world with ONE simple act….like opening a door consistently.

What a guy!

Can we all be more like him?
http://www.wimp.com/simplething/

Sledge hammers, rubber mallets, nail guns…what’s your tool of choice?

January 17, 2015featured, homepagebe present, best, child, children, choices, Compassion, domestic violence, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, respect, right actionIndrani Goradia

You must have heard the adage, “if the only tool you have is a hammer then everything looks like a nail.”

If you have not heard it, now you have.

I was thinking about expanding on this… what if you only have nails and you need a hammer? Then you have to determine what kind of hammer you need, right?

For instance, if you need to put a small nail in the wall to hold a small painting it would not help to use a sledge hammer because you would not have any wall left.

If you needed to put together some delicate furniture that needed some good pressure, you better use a rubber mallet and that too, very gingerly.

If we can expand this metaphor into the challenges that life gives, we must determine exactly what king of challenge is at hand and what kind of hammer we need.

If a child makes a mistake, say spills milk or pushes a sibling, then using a switch to beat the living daylights out of him, a la Adrian Peterson, is akin to using a sledge hammer. Your aim will be to inflict the most pain for the smallest injury.

Why would anyone choose to do that?

In my experience, sledge hammers and rubber mallets are NEVER needed, nor are nail guns. Instead what we usually need is to take a time out and to discover what other tools we have in our tool belt.

When you have a challenge, take a time out instead of taking out the sledgehammers.

Everyone will be happier.

Love and light,
Indrani.

Stopping sexism towards men – A solution for gender based violence?

January 14, 2015featured, homepage, Uncategorizedbest, choices, Compassion, courage, domestic violence, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, Laci Green, love others, respect, right action, right speech, sexism, Sexism affects everyone, sexism and guys, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, violence, youJeremie Miller

Sexism is a term normally associated with women. It affects women in the workplace, on the street, in the media; it affects women in so many different ways, that we often forget an important piece of the sexism puzzle:

Sexism affects everyone: bisexuals, transgender, lesbians, gay men, and yes, even straight men.

Watch Laci Green as she unpacks and explores the idea of sexism against men and the effect it is having on everyone.

Watch and imagine what effect it would have on gender based violence if men no longer felt that they NEEDED to hide emotions, be powerful, and do manly things like fight, fix things, and have lots of sex to prove how masculine they are.

Could part of the solution be as easy as realizing that: there is no man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender. There are humans.

Have you ever been sexist towards a man? If you are one of our male readers, have you ever experienced sexism?

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.