Tag Archives: Compassion

Who are you having a conversation with?

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Think about who you have to listen to each day and have a conversation with, or communicate with daily:listen to yourself via dailyworth

  •         Spouse
  •         Kids
  •         Your boss
  •         Employees
  •         Friends
  •         The people sitting next to you
  •         The check out person at the store

The list can go on and on….

With all of phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face conversations that go on during the course of a day we could be listening to 10’s and for some 100’s of people a day.

Let’s imagine a conversation with our best friend.

ME: Hi! How ya doing?  How’s your day?
FRIEND: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really? I am sorry to hear that. Why?
FRIEND: Yes. I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh, are you getting enough sleep?  Eating well?  Are you sick?
FRIEND: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: What can I do to help? Why don’t you turn the phone off and take a nap. Your work/laundry/cleaning/ will still be there when you wake up.  But you’ll feel better.   Oh, I know, finish up what you have to get done and call it a day. Take a bath and just start fresh tomorrow.

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Notice that nowhere in the list of people we listen to everyday, who we talk with, do we take the time to have a quiet conversation with ourselves.  Let’s take that same conversation and switch roles of our best friend with ourselves, our bodies.

ME: Hi how ya doing?  How’s your day?
MYSELF: Well, today I am tired and I just don’t have any energy.

ME: Oh really why?  Come on shake it off, it’s a work day you know…
MYSELF: I am really dragging, I am a little down.

ME: Oh you had four, almost five hours sleep. It’s almost the weekend, toughen up.  Maybe a Starbucks or a Coke will pick you up…the day will be over soon.
MYSELF: No, I did not get enough sleep.  I’m not sick. Maybe I am not eating enough veggies and I’m eating too much junk food, maybe that is it….

ME: Listen, just push through the day, let’s get our work/laundry/cleaning done and cross it off the list.  We’ll try to go to bed early. Hey the weekend is coming and maybe we can take a nap then.  Snap to it!

The first conversation with our friends is a kind, warm and compassionate conversation. The second is cold, uncaring and demanding.
Why is it that we are the hardest on ourselves?

Take some time to listen to your heart, mind and body.  Show it the same warmth, caring and compassion as you would your best friend or even your child.

We should always take time to have a conversation with ourselves and listen closely to what we need.

OBEY….

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Such a small word….yet, so many hidden consequences.

I do not know if modern wedding vows still tell a woman to obey her husband…this always bothered me.
Who decided that “certain” groups should OBEY certain other groups?
Children should obey their parents, even when the parent says to NOT tell the truth about sexual abuse within the family?
Wives should obey husbands, even when they are being instructed to do demeaning and sub-human activities? Or being treated like a slave, not receiving any respect or shown any kindness?

When abuse is taking place within a family system, this concept of OBEY becomes extremely problematic.
Should we obey to the point of emotional death?
Should atrocious acts against our person be allowed to continue because our Holy texts admonish us to OBEY?
Should we continue to accept the truck loads of blame dumped on to us because standing up to the in-house bullies will be seen as treason and disobedience?
Is keeping the family secrets more important than treating ourselves with love and kindness?

These are questions we must all answer for ourselves.

I hope you chose to treat yourself with kindness and respect even if those with whom you live refuse to give you the time of day except when they yell, shout and berate you.

It takes great courage to look at your tear stained face in the mirror and say to yourself, “No more will I accept this treatment, these hateful words and this constant barrage upon my soul.”

May you be blessed with courage, vast and strong.
May you be blessed with compassion for yourself.
May you be filled with self empathy and self resilience.
May your heart be free of all past burdens.

Love and light,
Indrani

The extended hand…

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My daughter and I were just about to embark on a shopping adventure. She was excited to find what she wanted and I was elated to spend time with her. Almost 6 hours with her…my best gift of 2012.

We pulled up to a stop sign and I caught a glimpse of the pan handler out of the corner of my eye. I nodded to her and she approached our car. She came to the passenger side and I motioned for my daughter to give her something.

When we passed her the money she reached her hand into the car for the comfort of the human touch. I reached over and we connected.
She smiled and we blessed each other.

As I drove away, I realized how far I had come. There was a time when I would not have even looked at the pan handler.
Back then, I looked but in judgment.
Back then, I looked and gave a little change.
And then, I began to work with the homeless and saw them as people like me and began to soften to their plight.
Now, I can roll down the window and reach back to grasp an outstretched hand.
We are all good people, and we can learn to be better citizens.

One of my favorite quotes is,

“There is too much good in the worst of us and too much bad in the best of us that it does not behoove any of us to judge the rest of us.”

I cannot remember where I heard it but it is a great anthem by which to love and live.

Happy 2013 and my wish for you is that you suspend judgment and just try to be a better citizen.

Happy New Year!

 

Love & light,

Indrani

What does it take to make you to stop?

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What does it take to make you to stop?

Recently, I was walking in Nice, France, the acclaimed French Riviera.  It was all I imagined…the fantasy of open air markets with fresh flowers, fruits and vegetables and artists on the sidewalks painting. This beautiful place was once home of the famous artist, Henry Matisse.  Shops and galleries lined the streets…the surrounding architecture a remembrance of eras gone by.  Tourist were snapping photos, locals were buying their baguettes…the scene was so easy to be swept up in.  As I walked the cobblestone sidewalks, some homeless people sat on the curb dressed in drab colors that blended into the tones of the walkway barely noticeable against the colors of the city around them.

In negotiating the crowds of people, the sights and sounds it is easy for a passer-by to overlook, or avoid the destitute people looking forlorn.  Suddenly I noticed a little boy on the sidewalk and next to him a young girl which I had to stop and look twice to determine if this girl was his mother or his sister.  They had a dirty paper cup in front of them.  These urchins were not begging outwardly.  I was following a friend through the streets and he did not see them.  I walked past the children but I had to stop.  I shouted to my friend to wait for me.  I slipped my hand into my purse and pulled out a ten-dollar bill.  I walked back, knelt down and handed it to the eldest child.  I held her hands as I gave her the money, I stroked her hair to let her know someone cared and to give her a sign that there was compassion in the world for her.  She muttered to me in French.  As I touched her, I felt so connected with this person as our two different worlds collided. I vividly remember the softness and warmth of her small hands and the fineness of her hair.  I wanted to kiss her forehead.  All of this occurred in mere moments.

I continued to where I was going and wondered how so many people could not see these children who were aged not by years but by experience.

I ask you, what does it take to get you to stop and reach out to someone?  Now I am not talking about walking around handing out money to every impoverished person.  Every day there are people in our lives that need a sign of compassion and caring.  A smile is free to give and can make all the difference in someone’s day.

Take a look at the stop signs you are missing…they are signals where you can take that moment to make a difference in someone’s day, even their life. And you will see…it will make a difference in yours as well.

We are THEY…

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In the book I Thought It Was Just Me…(but it isn’t), Dr. Brene Brown cautions us to not divide the world into US and THEY.

We have all experienced loss, addictions, failures, etc. To draw a random line around the mistakes that THEY make VS the mistakes the WE make makes no sense.
The only thing it does is keep us separated from seeing the other as being human and needing empathy and compassion just as much as we do.

How many groups of THEY do you recognize in your own life?
Different religions?
Different cultures?
Different side of the tracks?
Different skin color?
Different accents?
Different sexual orientations?

The list of THEY is endless, isn’t it?

Does the list make you feel safe?
Does the list allow you to stereotype more easily?
Does the list allow you to be a better bully?

Can you ever be SURE that the beliefs you hold about all the groups of THEY are true?
If you cannot prove it, why continue to believe it?

Perhaps this week you can stick your toe into a shallow pool of a THEY group, perhaps you will find something quite surprising. Perhaps you will find someone who feels quite like you.
Someone who has fears like you.
Someone who loves and wants the best for their kids, much like you.
Someone who reads bedtime stories to their kids at night, like you.
Someone who has been betrayed by life, like you.
Someone who just wants to be understood, like you.

I hope you take a chance. I hope you are sweetly surprised.

Love and light,
Indrani

Compassion fatigue…when caregivers are too tired to care!

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What happens to ME when I get sick from doing too much for YOU?
What happens to YOU when I can no longer hold you in my heart with love and respect because I am tired of your pain?
What happens to MY PAIN when I cannot find a way to see through your pain and into your soul?
What happens to all of us when we begin to shut down our hearts and rely on formulaic “fixes”?

These are very important questions if you are in the healing worlds of:
Mothering
Fathering
Sistering
Brothering
Coaching
Counseling
Ministering
Wife-ing
Husband-ing

You must have a place to go that is safe…a place where you will NOT be judged for being tired of caring or care taking.
A place where it’s okay to say “I am tired, I am sick AND tired.”

You are human. Humans get tired.
Fatigue does not last forever. When you are fatigued you need rest. You need physical rest, mental rest and emotional rest.
Allowing yourself to rest will give you a chance to be clear. Clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.

Here are a few things that may help on a weekly or monthly basis:

A massage- There are many massage schools that charge very little so their students can practice.

A support group- find one where members have issues in common with yours. You will see that you are not alone. If you have an addiction, then try a 12 step group.
Read this blog by Kay Walten to see how much healing she is receiving from the 12 step group she stumbled into.

A yoga or meditation class- Many studios offer scholarship money for needy students. Ask and you probably will receive.

Plan a Gratitude party for your friends- Tell them who is coming and ask them to write an anonymous note to each person and focus on that person’s greatness. Ask each person to bring a small dish to share. Do not overindulge in alcohol, it dulls the senses.

Beware of compassion fatigue. It makes the sanest among us crazy…and when the brain is crazy you are not your best self.

Love and light,

Indrani