Tag Archives: courage

I forgive myself….

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I forgive myself for holding a grudge against you.

I forgive myself for allowing the past hurt to etch new wounds on old scars.

I have been holding on to a deep grudge for over 20 years. Yes, 20 years and I am quite ashamed to admit it. Even as I express to myself and all who would listen that I have changed, this grudge I will not let go of.

Let’s get it out there. Shall we?

20 plus years ago I was at a funeral and I approached someone with whom I had been feuding. We actually had been feuding together, and doing a great job. A jab here, a sarcastic comment there, a nasty look when we thought no one was paying attention, and so on. We were great adversaries.

At the funeral, I wanted to call it quits and I approached this person and said something to the effect of life being short and we never know when…blah, blah, blah.

I asked if we could drop the past and start over.

They said NO.

They said that I would have to prove myself and my intentions TO THEIR SATISFACTION.

Oh Really?

GAME ON!!!

From that day on, they were my sworn enemy. Every time I got a chance, I was distant and cold and unfriendly and I enjoyed the game. BTW, my opponent was quite formidable.

We would pretend to hug and kiss each other in front of others, but if we saw each other at the store, we would look straight thru each other.

People from far and wide could see the great divide. Neither of us cared!

Fast forward 20 plus years, and I am TIRED OF THE GAME!

If I die tomorrow, I do NOT want to take this well played game to my grave.

I do not want the rules of this game etched onto my heart any more.

What once gave me great joy and guilty pleasure now makes me sad and makes me feel less than human.

YOU WIN… I GIVE UP.

YOU MAY PLAY ALONE.

I AM DONE.

I HAVE NO MORE ENERGY TO INVEST IN HATING/DISLIKING OR MALIGNING YOU.

There, I’ve said it.

It feels good not to have to dig for the hurtful memories and to relay to people the how and whys I am still at war.

I am putting down my weapons.

I will still keep on my armor, especially over my heart, but I will no longer throw offensive or defensive moves.

I will move out of the way of jabs and insults.

I may even say something like, “I am tired of this exhausting game so you win”

 

Now how do I move forward?

I must find the courage to forget all the history. I must find the courage to see God in that person.

I must focus on that person’s good qualities, the ones I admire.

As I focus on their strengths, I will heal myself of all the rancor of the past and hopefully expel the pent up toxicity and enable my heart to be free of past pain.

If I am truthful, they have not been on my radar for quite a while, and it’s only when I am going to be in their presence that my claws want to come out.

So, I will keep my claws nicely manicured and polished and use them as a decorative feature not a hidden weapon.

 

I forgive me.

Such a small sentence.

Such a powerful sentiment.

Congrats to me, I am a courageous being.

 

You all know the lesson here.

Will you step into the courageous act of forgiving yourself for something/s you have done?

Good luck, it may take a while, but it’s worth the journey.

 

Love and light

Indrani

To laugh, or not to laugh? That is the question…

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I just got home from the MBI Summit (Martha Beck Coach Conference)
and I am ready to REST.

BUT before I rest I must tell you something really funny.

The first morning of the Summit started off with a delicious welcome by Jessica Steward, Alexis Robin and Gretchen Pisano. They were organized, energized and actualized ready to lead some 320 plus coaches on a three day adventure. We would learn to write better blogs or books, grow our businesses in new and amazing ways, listen to Martha’s wisdom and buy sumptuous market place products made by our compadres as well as loads of other stuff!
We were ready!

BUT first we would LAUGH… At least that was the hope.

Yours truly got the head nod from Jessica and I let my biggest and
boldest belly laugh burst forth from my throat. I even surprised
myself as to how loud my laugh sounded.
I realized that people did not immediately understand what was
happening so I leapt upon my chair and started waving my hands wildly
trying to encourage my fellow coaches to rip the roof off with the
loudest laughter we could muster.
Some took the hint and I began to hear the laughing all around me.
I was really surprised however that it was not louder. We had about
320 mouths in that room that had to be hushed just a few minutes prior
and now some were being… SHY?

The laughter soon died down and we got around to the more serious business.

Then the MOST curious thing started to happen.
People started coming up to me and offering their thoughts on the
whole laughter thing.

Here are a few of the offerings:

You made me jump up and laugh, thanks.

Seeing you standing on the chair laughing was too funny.

Was that laughter yoga?

Are you certified in laughter yoga?

Why didn’t we know that we were supposed to laugh?…. Wait what???

Why didn’t you put many people around the room to show people how to do it?

Some of these offerings were easy to understand, some required a
simple response like, “no I am not laughter yoga certified, and I was just laughing not
doing laughter yoga”.

Others were really confusing, and that too from a group of coaches who
are trained to question the thoughts.

How far have we come from doing what is natural?
If the room was on fire would you have to be told to RUN?
If you we suddenly cold because of the air conditioner, would you need
permission to put on a sweater?
If you were thirsty do you need permission to take a sip of water?

I am betting the answer is NO to all of the above.

Some people were waiting for a cue, or a specific leader, or an
instruction that may sound like “laugh now”.

I remain amused and bemused by the variety of responses to my laughter outburst.
I can take heart in one thing however, no one told me that my voice
hurt their ears or to shut up, as has happened on some occasions.
So for that I am grateful.
I am also grateful that I had the courage to look silly and sound
silly and allowed others to find their “silly” because I tell you
what, there is much too much “unsilly”
going around.

So laugh your butts off and here is a short recording of laughter to
get you started.

Laughter IS the best medicine!

Keep laughing, just for the health of it. It really is the best
medicine, but only if you really want to be healed.

Love, light and LAUGHTER,
Indrani

No laughing matter

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If you have never been to a 12 step meeting (as I am certainly new to it all), the last thing you would expect is laughing. 

To the unknowing you would expect tears, sobbing, dismay, anger, sadness, frustration or anguish.  The last thing you would think to expect is laughing.  You would think that addiction, codependency, habits, hurts and hang-ups are no laughing matter and they are something serious that should not be joked about.  But there is laughter….

Laughter is not just for happiness.

Laughter can be a great coping mechanism. Laughter can be a sign of nervousness or stress.

 

In the meeting we laugh. We make gentle jokes about ourselves or our challenges to lessen the weight of the issue.

We laugh at sometimes the ridiculousness of our behaviors when we take a moment to look at them for what they are.

We laugh at the circumstance.

We laugh at ourselves.

We laugh with each other, not at each other.

We laugh in knowing we have done the same damn thing as the person sharing her story.

We laugh because we have let similar circumstances bring out the same feelings.

 

Laughter makes the unbearable bearable.

I think laughter is a sign of courage.