Tag Archives: courage

How one person is changing the lives of millions…..

March 12, 2014featured, homepagebest, changing lives, choices, commitment, Compassion, courage, determination, do your best, execute your dreams, gender based violence, gender violence, perseverance, pursue your goal, self respect, use your voice, women's issuesIndrani Goradia

This is an amazing story and a great example of how one man, a school dropout, would stop at nothing to bring his idea of revolutionizing menstrual health for rural women in developing countries to fruition. An idea that would have a positive effect on women, their families, their health and their livelihood.

Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek. —Mario Andretti

Follow this link to read the article: http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-26260978

Love & light,

Team ILF

What stinks?

March 5, 2014featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, best, child, children, choices, courage, domestic abuse, fear, follow your intuition, gender based violence, gender violence, helplessness, intuition, love others, love yourself, respect, right action, right speech, self respect, Shame, shine brightly, toxins, use your voice, verbal abuse, youIndrani Goradia

Ever walk into a room and instantly notice that something smells? Stale smoke, mold, mildew. A habit like smoking lingers…so even if you are not the smoker and you are breathing the smoke second hand, you can be effected. The toxins stick.

Toxic people and situations stick to stuff.

Abuse not only affects the victim and those who may be witnesses but as a party several degrees removed, you still can sense the anger and fear. Perhaps it is a broken lamp, a noticeable bruise or wound, a torn piece of clothing, a broken window…the violence now affects you. You may feel scared, fearful, and angry at the perpetrator. You find yourself walking on egg shells in a play that has ended but the signs are still there. Now you have the toxins.

The toxins of verbal abuse resonate beyond the fight. A husband and wife argue. The wife saturated with the toxins of her husband’s venom then pushes those toxins out to her children. You are at the playground or school and you see the kids now fighting using the same words they heard at home, the name calling, the demeaning talk. Now those toxins from the original argument have affected those who are unaware of the verbal toxins of the home. Now they have affected innocent people outside of the original dumping ground.

We expose ourselves to third party toxins from events, habits, situations we never knew existed but we walk away changed and not for the good. Some of those toxins may even trigger dormant hurts from our past like shame, fear, and helplessness. We have to rely on our sixth sense, our intuition or our gut to remove ourselves from these poisons so that we do not suffer or get injured.

Have you ever been in a room where you could feel the tension and you know something just happened? Have you felt the shame as someone calls another worthless, and you take on that shame as if it was your own?

We need to listen to our intuition to save us from the ugly toxins that surround us. Do you have the courage to walk away in these situations?

You have permission to be FULL OF SELF….

March 1, 2014featured, homepagebe the best you can be, be you, be your best self, best, choices, courage, gender based violence, gender violence, love yourself, right you, self love, shine brightly, use your gift, use your talent, use your voice, youIndrani Goradia

When I was growing up in Trinidad, I used to hear older people telling younger people (mainly younger girls) that “they were too full of themselves.”

Often times that phrase was followed by a swift beating…a lesson that would serve to “put you back in your place.”

I accepted it as truth, that women should NOT be full of self. That being full of self was boasting and bragging and evil and only the Devil made one do that.

I have CHANGED my mind!

Today, I am FULL OF SELF!

It took a lot of hard work to kick the old beliefs to the curb and watch the bus run over them and kill them in front if my eyes.
I began to change my mind when I began to believe that my gifts and talents were worthy of being shown.
I decided to stop hiding my light under a basket.

Lights and skills and talents need to be placed on high to do the best good.
What good is knowing how to sing and only singing to oneself?
What good is knowing how to lead and never taking the reins as the leader?

In case you were waiting for someone to give you permission to be Full of Self… I’m giving it to you now.

Go forth and be Full of your BEST SELF!

Will people say that you are bragging? Maybe.
Will people say you should be less in their face? Maybe.

The bigger question is…
What will you say to the talents and gifts that have been patiently waiting in the shadows?
Will you ask them to be quiet for another year or two or ten?

What if you ONLY have a few years left?

The truth is this. None of us know how much time we have left so we MUST use all that we have to make this world a better place.
One of my favorite quotes is from Erma Bombeck.

“When I stand before God at the end of my days, I want to say, I have nothing left I used it all.”

I want this to be my utterance also.

I invite you to use all your gifts and talents, start TODAY!

Love and light,

Indrani

Some suitcases look just like yours….

February 19, 2014featured, homepageabuse, abusive marriage, an empowered no, ask for help, be brave, be strong, best, choices, courage, domestic violence, end gender based violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, how to say no, internal power, letting go of negative, life lessons, look into the darkness to see the light, marriage, self love, self respect, standing your ground, violence, youIndrani Goradia

…and some lives look just like what you thought you wanted. Open carefully and give back when necessary.

Recently, on a domestic trip, I grabbed the wrong suitcase from the luggage carousel and went to my hotel room.
The suitcase looked exactly like mine until I gave a closer look.

When I tried to open it, I saw that a zip tie had been used to secure the zippers.
Odd, I thought, but I just called down to Guest Services and they sent someone with a pair of scissors.

When the hotel staff member arrived he offered to also cut off the luggage tag and I told him, “Sure, go ahead.” How nice of him.

So now, I did not have the tag to check the name on the suitcase.

I laid the suitcase on the floor and then saw the “heavy” tag which, again, I thought was odd….I did not think it was that heavy. Perhaps I am just really strong!

Then I saw that the outer lining that protected the zipper was torn but I knew that my lining was perfect when I left home.

I opened the suitcase, MY suitcase, and WHOA……
A man’s belt and men’s shoes.
I slammed the suitcase SHUT and immediately called the airline.
I admitted my error, jumped into a taxi and WHEW, my suitcase was patiently waiting and I made the exchange.

The only question I asked was this, “Was the owner of this bag coming home? Did he at least get to go to a home stocked with lots of extra clothes?” She said, “Yes, this is home for him.” The airline person DID NOT even ask for my ID! It was clear to her from the whole story that the suitcase was indeed mine!

How can I turn this into a life lesson?

It took a night’s sleep for the lesson to form. Here goes!
Suppose that the suitcase represented a LIFE that I knowingly signed up for.
So let’s suppose marriage and being a married woman was the lot that was chosen.
How would I know IF the type of marriage (suitcase) was the kind that I signed up for?
I would have to live with the marriage for a while and see how it suited my values and desires.
I would do my best and be my best and respect my husband as I would hope he would respect me.

Suppose that I began to see signs of “Umm, this seems ODD.”
Much like the few times I thought ODD when I further inspected the luggage that was not mine.
I might begin to see that the “fabric” of my soul was being torn and ripped; much like the lining of the bag that I noticed was torn.
I might say, “Whoa, I came into this union whole and complete with good values and morals but now I see things that I did not see before.”
Perhaps, my spouse begins to cheat and get drunk and come home being belligerent. Perhaps, I keep making excuses and deny what I am seeing….a sign that things need to be addressed.

Next, I might be told that “women in this family do not __________.” This could be anything from talking to people outside the family or having to wear certain clothing, to not even showing your face when visitors arrive at your home.

I may continue to think… ODD, this is not the kind of restricted life for which I entered into legal contract!
Like the zip tie that I saw on the zippers that I did not put there, I may have again, not paid in depth attention to the first signs of a shrinking and bound life.

How about the “Heavy” sticker that I saw on the suitcase that was not mine? I may not realize that my feelings of self worth seem to be gone and my heart is heavy with grief. I may again, decide to ignore the signs that things are not what I want for my life.

Until, I take the time to actually OPEN the marriage and LOOK inside, I may NOT realize that what I am seeing is NOT what I want to have in my life.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes in “Women Who Run with Wolves” tells us that women who must break from a life that is not what they envisioned must “be able to see and STAND what they see.”

Able to See and Stand what you see!

What a powerful thought.

As far as the suitcase goes, I saw and I clearly understood that IT was not mine and I returned it.

In an abusive marriage, the woman MUST be able to open up her eyes and SEE very clearly that THIS ABUSE is NOT what she had agreed to and that she has been fooled.

Can she STAND to see the truth to save herself?

Please do not think that I am equating an abusive marriage with as simple a thing as a suitcase, I am not. I am only trying to tell you a story that would open up a few new windows in your soul, should you have to make a hard decision about your marriage or any relationship.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes also tells us that a woman MUST be able to answer a few questions and be ok with the responses.
One of these questions is, “What do I know deep in my ovarios that I wished I did not know?”
She refers to ovarios as the mythological part of the women that carries deep wisdom, where the seeds of knowledge are stored.

Life is not as easy as returning a suitcase that belongs to someone else.
It does not have to be as horrific as living with an abuser or predator either.
The choice is that of the one being abused.
The abused MUST be able to stand what she is seeing and make plans to save her life.
The abuser is NOT the one with the internal power.
The ABUSED has the internal power and she has to be willing to look into the darkness and see what only SHE can see.

Be brave and be strong and ASK for help.
Love and light,
Indrani

Inspiring Women Wednesday….

February 12, 2014featured, homepagebest, child, children, choices, courage, encourage others, encourage women, gender based violence, gender violence, inspirational, inspiring womenIndrani Goradia

Meet an amazing woman who was NOT afraid of her skills in Math and Science.

Encourage the girls in your life to excel at the fields that they show interest and talent in….even if the fields are those that we tend to reserve for the boys.

We need women to step into the hard sciences.

Women need to take their place alongside their male counterparts.

Love & light,

Indrani

When the invisible is finally seen… It can never again be hidden.

February 5, 2014featured, homepagebe patient, be present, child, children, choices, Compassion, courage, gender based violence, gender violence, honor your emotions, honor yourself, love others, love yourself, patience, start newIndrani Goradia

Try to think of something important, significant and poignant that you know now, but to which you used to be ignorant.

For me, it is the fragility of teenagers.

There was a time, before I had children, that I did not know the in credibility of teenage-hood.
I used to think that they were just younger versions of adults, that it was just a chronological thing for them.

I did not know that their brains were barely baked, or that their executive functioning skills were sorely lacking, or that they had the capacity to think of others.

Let me make a side note here. There ARE some teenagers who are incredibly mature and make ALL the “right” decisions….the kind of decisions that make adults proud and secure in their parenting skills. Yes, there are many of these beings.

If you know one of those beings… run, do not walk and hug them. Give the permission to make mistakes and to break some rules.

Give them permission to be one of the “other” kinds of teenagers.

Now that I know a few more things about the way teenagers behave, and that as parents, we should not take it personally, I can never not know.

This knowing, gives me the gift of compassion for teenagers and their witless parents.
The kind of witless parent I used to be.

In the words of Mark Nepo, ” …what has become visible and true will not become invisible again.”
Mark Nepo tells us that honoring ourselves means that “we will not pretend to be ignorant to what we know to be true…”

When we allow our knowing to inform our living, we live in honor of spirit of all things. We especially live in honor of ourselves.

Can we be patient enough to hold honor for all the “future KNOWINGS” that we will receive in the exact right time?

That is indeed a hard task.

Try to think of something you desperately want to know now…something that is bothering you in a deep and confusing way.

Can you give yourself the gift of patience and time to allow the knowing to appear to you?

If the answer is “no way,” then you have chosen a path very fraught with brambles and sticker bushes and cacti.

Yes, you will be caught on the many branches in the way as you barge thru the unknown.

If, however, the answer is a soft “maybe,” then you stand a chance of less pain and less regret. You will allow yourself to step over the brambles and sticker bushes. You will be more discerning with your steps.

If your answer is a resounding “yes,” then you, my friend, will be still enough to see the different path, the one clear from the brambles and sticker bushes and cacti.

I do not know which decision you will make but know this, YOU can always start again and make a different decision.

Remember to learn from the hasty decisions though, lest you trip yourself up again.

Wait…wait for the path to be clear. Wait for the clearer path to show itself.

Wait.

It may be the best thing you have ever done for yourself.
Love and light,
Indrani

Striking a match… it’s important to know which end is which

January 18, 2014featured, homepagebest, choices, courage, find your own path, follow your own path, gender based violence, gender violence, letting go of negative, love yourself, right action, right you, shine brightly, use your gift, use your gifts, use your talent, use your talents, you, you are uniqueIndrani Goradia

The other night, I was trying to light a candle and was furiously striking the match but nothing was happening. Lamenting at how matches are so poorly made these days, I carried the candle into a lit room to try to find some different matches ONLY to realize that I was not striking the flint end if the match!

Man…did I feel dumb. I had to take back all the horrible things I was thinking about the match box manufacturer.

This, of course, had me thinking about other ways I had been wasting my energy and not putting my talents and gifts to best use.

Like the time I’ve wasted wondering why I did not get a gig that I wanted or whether my talents were good enough.

Every time a missed opportunities happened it was because I was barking up the wrong tree…not striking the proper end of the match.

I was not following my own unique gifts and purposes.

Every time I missed “a chance” I was given the space to dig deeper for my truer purpose.

One really good example of this happened about 9 years ago. I was working alongside some people who had invited me to be with them at an O Event where O Magazine was putting on a conference. I was supposed to get a behind the scenes pass to help my mentor who was presenting from the stage. I had to buy my own tickets and pay for my own hotel room but I would have the opportunity to talk to others about my coaching.

ONE day before I was supposed to be in Boston for the event, I got a call from one of my “colleagues” (the one who invited me in the first place) and she says, “I’m not sure how you thought you were invited. We never said that.”

I was devastated but I went anyway since it was my own money on the line.
I nursed my feelings of displacement and tried not to show anger when I saw my “colleagues”.

I am grateful now that those people showed me their true colors.
It forced me to figure out my own path and to strike out on my own.

I can see now that I was striking the wrong end of the match. As hard as I tried to make that opportunity work for me, there was NO FLINT to engage. There was just a lot of nothing. I could not make something from nothing.

I was forced to “make my own flint” and follow my own path.

So the next time you see a missed opportunity, ask yourself if there was any flint there in the first place.
Perhaps you are being asked to look elsewhere, to use your talents elsewhere and to strike out on your own in another place.

Love and light,
Indrani

The Department of Emotions….

December 21, 2013featured, homepageanger, balance, be present, best, bliss, choices, courage, ecstasy, emotions, find joy, gender based violence, gender violence, Gratitude, gratitude practice, happiness, hatred, Joy, love, love others, love yourself, miracles, passion, rage, respect, right action, start new, Stress, use your voice, youIndrani Goradia

If you should see a sign above a beautiful doorway in a lovely building that reads Department of Emotions, you may be curious.
You may enter cautiously, with glee or maybe with anxiety. Let’s assume that you do enter and begin to look around.

Within this department, you may find floor upon floor of beautiful offices with open doors and nicely dressed people working away.
These employees have the job of dispensing emotions to the whole world. They actually love their jobs.
The way they do it is that they get telegraphic requests and they dispatch emotions at the speed of light.

You want Joy? Done.
Gratitude? Yes, lots being dispensed these days.

You look around some more and realize that some employees are sitting still, making no movement with no work to do.
You look at their titles and there seems to be a theme….Bliss, Ecstasy, Passion and you wonder why.

Then you wander some more and see some employees over-burdened, just dragging and stressed and you glance at their titles.
You see another theme…
Anger
Rage
Hatred

You ask them why they are so exhausted and they don’t even have time to look up or answer you.
One of the other employees, the one called Ecstasy, tells you that some emotions are overused and the guys dispensing them cannot catch a break. No time for rest or sleep. No one seems to be taking breaks from fits of anger, rants full if rage or blinding hatred.

Then you begin to realize that you too have overused some emotions and woefully underused others.
You cannot remember the last time you telegraphed for Bliss or Passion and forget about Ecstasy.

Dear reader,

I know that this blog is way out there. I hope that it gives you pause to consider which emotions you over use and which others you ignore.
I encourage you to use less anger and rage and use more of joy, bliss and passion.
Find something to be passionate about…a hobby or a cause.
Find Joy in the everyday stuff, even little things like the gift of sight or the ability to still climb stairs.
I believe it was Albert Einstein who said we can behave as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle.
Let’s live the miracles that are all around us.
Love and light,
Indrani

Arrivals and departures…..

December 11, 2013featured, homepagean empowered no, awareness, balance, be present, best, choices, courage, energy, gender based violence, gender violence, give to others, give to yourself, how to say no, inner peace, invest your energy, journey, letting go of negative, love, love others, love yourself, respect, right action, right you, saying no, self love, self respect, standing your ground, travel, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

I have JUST returned from a LONG journey.

I have been on the road for almost 18 days and my body felt the effects of always being UP and AWARE and OPEN.

I need some time to be DOWN and INTROSPECTIVE and CLOSED.

I need to be closed to the outer world and open to me.

What happens when we to give too much to others?

We have less to keep for ourselves.

We must strike a never ending balance to the outer and the inner world.

This Holiday season makes giving the norm.

I ask you to save some of the giving for yourself.

Save some of the awareness of what others need for being aware of what you need.

It may mean saying a NO to yet another gathering.

It may mean saying YES to being still and listening to the aches and pains of your body.

ONLY you can decide this.

Take some time to sort out where you are investing your precious energy.

Love and light,

Indrani

Total recall…or false memories

December 4, 2013featured, homepageabuse, be present, being judged, best, child abuse, choices, courage, do not judge, domestic violence, doubt, false memories, gender based violence, gender violence, Joy, letting go of negative, memories, respect, right action, right speech, right you, self doubt, self respect, standing your ground, truth, truthful speech, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

There is a new movie out called Total Recall. I have not seen it and this is not a commentary on that movie.

Rather, this is about what we remember and what we choose to forget.

I know for a fact that three people will have three different interpretations for any particular event. They may get the facts right, like who married whom, but their memories of the service and wedding will be different.

I am wondering if what I remember is really what happened or could I have been convinced that I remembered wrongly?
People are quick to interrupt us and tell us how “it really happened.” I have been witness to many a marital fight that was based on who remembered “correctly.”

How have my memories been changed/affected by what others tell me?

When a child reports abuse and is told that it did not take place, how do they reconcile the feedback vs. the facts. When someone tells you that you were “rude” such and such a time and you don’t remember it that way, what do you do with the information? When an abused woman tells her mother-in-law that she is being beaten, will the mother-in-law believe? And how will that change the intensity of the woman’s memory in the moment?

Do you ever doubt your own memories?
Have you ever been challenged on your memories and have you felt like you are losing your mind?
By this I mean, you really, with absolute clarity, recall some event, only to be set upon by others, hell bent on changing your mind.

I don’t mean the give and take that happens between good friends, or people teasing you. I mean the mean-spirited verbiage that can erupt when you least expect it. I believe that people attack our memories when the memory makes them uncomfortable. Of course, I have no empirical proof of this statement…it is simply an intuition that I have having lived for more than 58 years.

Will they try to talk us out of our memory if it was a favorable memory to them?

Do you ever talk people out of a memory they have of you?
What would you hear if you asked a TRUSTED friend about something you both experienced together?
Would you be surprised at what they remembered? Would you be happy or upset?

Would you think that they judged you?

Would you judge them or yourself based on their recollection?

I have found that memories are like water….they slip away quietly but leave evidence of having been there.
I am oftentimes surprised by the amount of time I waste trying to wrestle a memory from its hiding place.
When this happens, it usually means that I am trying to “build a case” to prove something in the present.
I have come to loathe “case building.”
I hate when I do it and I despise when someone does it to me.

So, the next time you remember something, ask yourself these helpful questions:

Will this help me to navigate what’s happening in the present?
Why do I feel the need to unearth this memory now? Will it be a joyful experience?
If it will bring me pain, what can I learn from the pain that I haven’t already learned?

Life is but a series of memories…make sweet ones.

Love & light,

Indrani

Indrani’s Light Foundation

Supporting Advocates to Support Others

Tag Archives: courage

How one person is changing the lives of millions…..

What stinks?

You have permission to be FULL OF SELF….

Some suitcases look just like yours….

Inspiring Women Wednesday….

When the invisible is finally seen… It can never again be hidden.

Striking a match… it’s important to know which end is which

The Department of Emotions….

Arrivals and departures…..

Total recall…or false memories

Give to Indrani’s Light Foundation