Tag Archives: courage

Are you living in a cage?

November 27, 2013featured, homepagean empowered no, an empowered yes, be free, be true to you, be truthful, best, cage, choices, courage, fear, free yourself, gender based violence, gender violence, how to say no, letting go of negative, living in a cage, love yourself, right action, right you, self love, start new, use your voice, youAndrea Lee

“Even a golden cage is still a cage.” – Indrani

Are you living in a cage at all in some way, in your life or business?

No matter how good things might seem on the outside, or to others, only you can know if your heart is in a cage.

What is no longer an active “yes”, that you’re not saying “no” to? That is a cage, too.

What “no” are you needing to say and what is the “yes” that gets to pop up if you are brave enough to do that?

And if you look closely, is the cage you’re in really so golden? When you really open your eyes, and discover the cage is actually just a plain metal one, what does that do to release you to fly free?

As fearful as it may be to be bold and do the uncertain thing, if you tell the truth to yourself, you will hear that you are afraid anyway sitting on your perch doing nothing or little.

Which would you prefer – to be free and afraid, or afraid inside a cage?

Fuel enough to burn through gravity!

November 23, 2013featured, homepageabuse, abuser, an empowered no, best, child, children, choices, courage, domestic violence, fear, find you team, find your strength, fuel, gender based violence, gender violence, get help, get professional help, gravitational pull, how to say no, love yourself, respect, self love, self respect, start new, Stop domestic violence, truth, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Have you ever seen a shuttle lift off?

From what I have read, shuttles use over half of their fuel supply to break out of the earth’s gravitational pull.
After the shuttle breaks free, the fuel usage drops significantly.
If there is not enough combustion and the propulsion does not quite allow the shuttle to break out then all that initial work, all that burning will be for naught!
The shuttle will fall back down and shatter.

I like this metaphor for looking at what it takes to leave an abuser.
In order to leave, you have to have some initial fuel. Perhaps it’s a threat that you finally believe. Perhaps it’s yet another physical attack. Something fuels you to run for your life.
If you do not have the reserves of fuel to help you to stay gone (breaking free of the gravitational pull of the abuser) you will fall right back into their pull and burn up, all over again!

What are those reserves of fuel?

Those reserves are LOVE for yourself and your children.
Those reserves are finally realizing that your abuser tells you LIES!

The lies are that you are worthless, that you cannot survive without them, that you will live under a bridge or that NO ONE could ever love you.

Lies… All LIES!

The deeper you dig to find YOUR truths the better chance you have to stay gone to continue to free yourself of the gravitational pull of the abuser.

Abusers, like gravity, like to pull you DOWN.
They do not like you to move and think on your own. If they want you to think, they will TELL you what to think, when to think and how long to think it.
Abusers like to see themselves as mind readers, as purveyors of Truth!
The world revolves around them and the only thing that matters is what they believe to be so.
Read this former blog post, Bricks are for building and get an insight into some real life abuse.

How do you reserve enough fuel so that you can stay gone?
Some of the things you can do are:

TALK to professionals about your abuse.
Gather information on how abuse and abusers work.
Begin to identify the pattern in your abuse. 1. Event 2. Abuse 3. Honeymoon** 4. Apologies

**Note that in this 3rd stage, The Honeymoon Stage, is when the gravitational pull to go back to the abuse is strongest. You WANT to believe that he means it THIS time. You want to believe that he WILL never hit or rape or threaten you again. Oh, how you LONG to believe it. Beware of this gravitational pull.

All abuse follows this formula.
Sometimes the time frame between the stages varies from minutes to hours to days and even months. I have also seen the stages take years, but it still follows this formula. The abuse is still present.

Keep notes (in a VERY safe place) and note how many things you are being accused of. Ask yourself if you are really that powerful as to make those things all happen.
If indeed you WERE that powerful, would you not make the abuser stop hurting you?

You cannot fight this fight alone. It takes a whole team of qualified engineers and staff personnel to safely send that shuttle off into space. You need a team of qualified people to help you to blast away and more importantly, stay away.

Find your team.
Refill your fuel reserves.
Blast away.
Stay away.
Far away, until you love yourself SO much, that you will never again believe the lies.

Love and light,
Indrani

Feeling like a puppet? CUT the strings, one at a time…

November 16, 2013featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, choices, counseling, courage, create a new life, domestic violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, Houston Galveston Institute, how to say no, inner strength, letting go of negative, love yourself, make the change, respect yourself, right action, right you, self love, self respect, shine brightly, standing your ground, start new, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, vulnerability, women's shelters, you, you are worthyIndrani Goradia

When I was in Russia a few years ago on a clown trip, I went to an hour long puppet show.
I really enjoyed that show. The puppets were exquisitely made and the puppeteer had finely honed his craft over 20 years.
This week, as I listen to some of my clients tell me about things they MUST do to make their husbands happy, I felt that I was right back at the puppet show. I could see their husbands pull the strings making them do a dance that made them feel ill, uncomfortable and compromised.

One particular story stands out:
A wife is “made” to be a voyeur while her husband engages in various sexual behaviors with other women.
She is told that at least he is respecting her by not asking her to “do it” with other men.
She feels relieved that she does not have to take other lovers, and she feels violently ill when she has to be the observer. She also feels love for her husband.

This is NOT an easy situation. She is in a sad and painful place.
It seems to me that she is the chief and most important puppet in his puppet show.
If the wife really wants to change the extra circular activities that happen in her life, she can ONLY change her OWN behaviors.
But she loves him.

I can hear you say, “What will he do?”

The short answer is he will do whatever he wants to do.
He has life exactly as he wants it.
She, on the other hand, has a life that has become disgusting to her.
She can only change her actions.
One of the first things she can do is decide which parts of her married life she can still stomach.
She then HAS to get some professional counseling for breaking the news to her husband.
She can find FREE help at various women’s shelters in her local area. In the Houston area, there is an organization called Houston Galveston Institute and they even offer FREE counseling help on Saturdays. No appointment necessary.

She can create a new life. She can even create a new marriage. But it must begin with creating a new sense of self respect.
She can kick start the whole process by making a short list of all the good things she sees in herself.
She can keep adding some positives to her list every day.
She is going to have to remind herself on a daily basis that she is worthy of respect from others and respect from herself.

If you know someone who can use some of the small steps in this blog, please pass it on to her.
You can also tell her to sign up for 5 minutes to happiness, and she will get an e-course that will help her to discover the inner strengths that she has.
Love and light,
Indrani

P.S. As she gets stronger, she will be able to CUT the strings in her mind and she will find freedom.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 31

October 31, 2013featured, homepagebalance, be present, best, choices, courage, execute your dreams, FUN, gender based violence, gender violence, happiness, have some fun, Joy, lighten up, love, love others, love yourself, make life fun, right you, self love, shine brightly, youIndrani Goradia

Make some fun in your life….HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 30

October 30, 2013featured, homepagebe present, best, Brene Brown, children, choices, courage, Dr. Brene Brown, gender based violence, gender violence, how will you show up in the world, life choices, love, love others, love yourself, right action, right you, self love, self respect, shine brightly, show up for others, show up for your children, show up for yourself, youIndrani Goradia

Do you have the courage to show up?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 29

October 29, 2013featured, homepagebalance, best, Brene Brown, choices, courage, Daring Greatly, Dealing with shame, Dr. Brene Brown, gender based violence, gender violence, human resilience, letting go of negative, love yourself, resilience, right action, right you, self love, self respect, Shame, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Don’t let shame eat you out of house and home…..

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 28 Video

October 28, 2013featured, homepagebe present, best, Brene Brown, bridge the gap, choices, courage, Dr. Brene Brown, gender based violence, gender violence, Gratitude, gratitude practice, happiness, Joy, love, love others, love yourself, mind the gap, shine brightly, values, youIndrani Goradia

Mind the gap….

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 28

October 28, 2013featured, homepagecourage, domestic violence, gang rape, gender based violence, gender violence, mumbai gang rape, rape, Stop domestic violence, violenceIndrani Goradia

This group of men committed gang rape numerous times with little fear of the law or the consequences. This is unacceptable and awareness is key. It took great courage for these victims to come forward and most definitely saved many woman from future assaults. Please read and share.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/27/world/asia/gang-rape-in-india-routine-and-invisible.html?_r=0

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 26

October 26, 2013featured, homepagebe present, best, choices, chose you path, courage, direction, do you know where you are going, execute your dreams, gender based violence, gender violence, path, rest, right action, youIndrani Goradia

Do you know where you are going to?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 24

October 24, 2013featured, homepagebest, choices, courage, gender based violence, gender violence, gratitude practice, happiness, Inner light, Joy, letting go of negative, love, love others, love yourself, one up yourself, right action, right speech, right you, self love, truth, truthful speech, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Tell yourself a better story…..

Indrani’s Light Foundation

Supporting Advocates to Support Others